krysrenee7
@krysrenee7
17 Years5,000+ Posts
Comments: 0 · Posts: 8735 · Topics: 522
If she was doing her job...
And ladies stop falling for the 'If I had done my job, he wouldn't have cheated," line.
I'm all for forgiveness and for the "We all make mistakes" creed, but don't allow someone to use that line, not b/c it makes sense or is true, but instead b/c it's their way of trying to guilt you to deflect away from the real issue (them).
You'll know when a man takes responsibility for his actions when he stops blaming you, the other woman or anyone else other than himself. Expect that the 'mistake' will happen again until he can 1st acknowledge that HE was the reason he cheated. Why? B/c people never change what they don't acknowledge. He might get rid of the woman you caught him with, but if he keeps the same cheater mentality, it's only a matter of time before another captain save-a-man comes along, that he feels he needs to use & sex to fill a void.
It's always honorable when a woman wants to showcase her forgiving spirit in the name of saving her relationship with the man she loves deeply, but for goodness sakes, the LEAST you can do for the both of you (I say 'BOTH' of you b/c a man will never respect a woman who doesn't respect herself or demand that he respect her), is demand that certain things are acknowledged before he's allowed re-entrance into your emotions, body and life again.
Even if you were the worst girlfriend/wife ever, that still doesn't justify your man sticking his peen in another woman. If he's unhappy, he should tell you, thus giving you the chance to fix it. He should be intelligent enough to know that sex with the next one won't change YOU as his partner, nor correct the problems he's got with YOU. He's got to be creative, honest, & intelligent enough to come up with solutions other than condoms and sweet talk with another woman to solve his problems in his relationship.
If he's not creative, smart or caring enough to do that, give yourself permission to love yourself enough to walk away until HE can meet YOUR needs...the need of 'honesty' and 'loyalty.' It always kills me when I hear men b*tching about how important needs being in a relationship is, while completely overlooking the fact that the minute he becomes selfish, it's almost always the case that his woman is no longer getting her needs met.
I'm all for forgiveness and for the "We all make mistakes" creed, but don't allow someone to use that line, not b/c it makes sense or is true, but instead b/c it's their way of trying to guilt you to deflect away from the real issue (them).
You'll know when a man takes responsibility for his actions when he stops blaming you, the other woman or anyone else other than himself. Expect that the 'mistake' will happen again until he can 1st acknowledge that HE was the reason he cheated. Why? B/c people never change what they don't acknowledge. He might get rid of the woman you caught him with, but if he keeps the same cheater mentality, it's only a matter of time before another captain save-a-man comes along, that he feels he needs to use & sex to fill a void.
It's always honorable when a woman wants to showcase her forgiving spirit in the name of saving her relationship with the man she loves deeply, but for goodness sakes, the LEAST you can do for the both of you (I say 'BOTH' of you b/c a man will never respect a woman who doesn't respect herself or demand that he respect her), is demand that certain things are acknowledged before he's allowed re-entrance into your emotions, body and life again.
Even if you were the worst girlfriend/wife ever, that still doesn't justify your man sticking his peen in another woman. If he's unhappy, he should tell you, thus giving you the chance to fix it. He should be intelligent enough to know that sex with the next one won't change YOU as his partner, nor correct the problems he's got with YOU. He's got to be creative, honest, & intelligent enough to come up with solutions other than condoms and sweet talk with another woman to solve his problems in his relationship.
If he's not creative, smart or caring enough to do that, give yourself permission to love yourself enough to walk away until HE can meet YOUR needs...the need of 'honesty' and 'loyalty.' It always kills me when I hear men b*tching about how important needs being in a relationship is, while completely overlooking the fact that the minute he becomes selfish, it's almost always the case that his woman is no longer getting her needs met.
No matter what though, don't take his cheating as an opportunity to compete with the other woman. It doesn't matter that she may or may not look better than you.
It doesn't matter how often she texted or sexed him. It doesn't matter what he may have seen in her, b/c her being a good or bad catch still doesn't change the big picture that he betrayed you. Her looking better, worse or being a better/bad catch than you still doesn't justify the betrayal you were served.
Don't fall for the trap that the cheating was ever about her. Doing that deflects away from the real problem and reasoning behind his actions: Him. If you're already pissed that she was relevant in the 1st place, the worst thing you can do is continue to make her a relevant fixture after you've caught him with her.
If she wants him, let her have him. Let her take him off your hands. That's a helluva lot better and less draining then listening to the hate and criticism of a woman who doesn't know you or the full truth about your relationship beforehand. Don't ever make the side piece more relevant that she needs to be. When you pick the fight with her instead of him, you are letting him off the hook, and therefore prolonging the healing and "I demand respect" process that's necessary for either staying together OR moving on.
And if you want/decide to stay, don't stay b/c you don't want her to 'win.' If you lost by trusting him, then so will she, thus making the "she won" mentality irrational & illogical
It doesn't matter how often she texted or sexed him. It doesn't matter what he may have seen in her, b/c her being a good or bad catch still doesn't change the big picture that he betrayed you. Her looking better, worse or being a better/bad catch than you still doesn't justify the betrayal you were served.
Don't fall for the trap that the cheating was ever about her. Doing that deflects away from the real problem and reasoning behind his actions: Him. If you're already pissed that she was relevant in the 1st place, the worst thing you can do is continue to make her a relevant fixture after you've caught him with her.
If she wants him, let her have him. Let her take him off your hands. That's a helluva lot better and less draining then listening to the hate and criticism of a woman who doesn't know you or the full truth about your relationship beforehand. Don't ever make the side piece more relevant that she needs to be. When you pick the fight with her instead of him, you are letting him off the hook, and therefore prolonging the healing and "I demand respect" process that's necessary for either staying together OR moving on.
And if you want/decide to stay, don't stay b/c you don't want her to 'win.' If you lost by trusting him, then so will she, thus making the "she won" mentality irrational & illogical
Posted by size zero superhero
the moronic haus frau that says things like that, should be paid no mind. an iVillage is missing an idiot. for this breed is undoubtedly low-functioning versus their better-competent counterparts & destined to lead unfulfilled existences limited to obsessing over celebrity gossip, binging on sugary treats, self-loathing, pumpkin spice lattes & preachy bumper stickers all over the minivan(which, BTW, reeks of stale chicken McNuggets inside), unflattering haircuts, and cheating on diets.
extra-basic broads. LOL
😄 😄 😄
Well damn lol
Posted by size zero superhero
the moronic haus frau that says things like that, should be paid no mind. an iVillage is missing an idiot. for this breed is undoubtedly low-functioning versus their better-competent counterparts & destined to lead unfulfilled existences limited to obsessing over celebrity gossip, binging on sugary treats, self-loathing, pumpkin spice lattes & preachy bumper stickers all over the minivan(which, BTW, reeks of stale chicken McNuggets inside), unflattering haircuts, and cheating on diets.
extra-basic broads. LOL
😄 😄 😄
Well damn lol
Puh-reach!
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1. So what are you like the relationship therapist/hotel for emotionally broken men? Are you sure you should be broadcasting out loud and proud of the fact that broken men pick YOU? lol If you're attracting unhappy men, if anything, that speaks volumes about YOU
2. You've got a lot of nerve grading another woman's report card. There's a lot that goes on behind closed doors in every relationship. Not that it should be any of your business, but there's always 2 sides to every story.
3. Let's say the man was never happy b/c his woman wasn't meeting his needs. Under what theory does it make sense for YOU to support and enable him to believe that the answer to relationship problems is to hold someone's heart hostage by not leaving them, and instead betraying them? Be careful when standing by certain mentalities, especially one you wouldn't want your man having against you during tough times
4. And yes, some men will still cheat even though their woman is attempting everything to make him happy. Plenty of women who have 'done their job' have still fallen prey to selfish cheating men. Don't ever forget that the 1 thing all cheaters have in common is selfishness. Selfishness isn't something you can force on someone. I can't make you selfish. You can't make me a selfish person. If they're selfish, it's b/c they made that decision alllll on their own.
5. If you want to be a man's therapist, don't do it for free. Go to school for it and go get paid for it. Otherwise, stop being a self-righteous side piece e.i. captain save-a-hoe. Stop being the 'cake' that a man wants to have and eat too (not flattering to you as a woman, by the way). Stop being his mother, and go get a man who doesn't need to be cuddled and babied all b/c he doesn't have the balls to walk away from his 'oh so horrible' wife/girlfriend.
6. Last but not least, KARMA. Nuff said =)
Sorry for the rant. I saw this debate on a blog and I couldn't believe how naive, ignorant, hateful women can be in judging another woman's relationship...and side pieces are the same women who would be the 1st to cry like babies or slash a man's tires if she, herself ever got played lol So many men were laughing at the 'side piece mentality' b/c only a cheater endorses such a mentality. A man with his sh*t together stopped blaming others for his actions long ago.