Is it possible...

To "love" or be "in love" with someone even though you've hurt them/are hurting them?

Some people can lie to you, cheat on you, & betray you in the worsts of ways & yet through it all, still convince themselves AND others that they "love" the person they put through so much pain

And then there are some old-fashioned people like me who believe that while yes, we're human & make mistakes, there's still certain things you'd NEVER say/do to a person if you truly loved them.

And if you can do those things (whether it hurts you to hurt someone or not) you can't possibly love them

What's your take on this?

I guess the theory that someone can hurt you & yet love you at the same time completely CONTRADICTS modern societal theories about love...or in other words, it contradicts the "Love doesn't hurt" theory

We've all seen it. People saying that if it hurts or makes you cry, it's not only not love, but it should be something/someone you should get away from immediately

But yet I've seen some people who have hurt eachother mutually in some of the worst/unforgivable ways imaginable & yet through it all, still claim that they "love" eachother.

I don't get it. How can a person love you if they're doing the very same things that people who DON'T love you/your enemies do?

How can a person separate the difference b/w when someone loves them vs. when someone doesn't love them at all IF there's never any middle ground or difference?

How can I claim that the man who doesn't hit me loves me & YET claim that the man who actually does hit me loves me too?

Isn't it much easier to calculate your love for another person (or vice versa) based on things they are UNwilling to say/do to you?

Isn't that how we measure the love/loyalty of our friends? We compare what our associates/enemies are NOT willing to say/do for us & compare that to others who ARE willing to do/say certain things for/to us. And from there, that's how we reach the decision/basis for which we measure who our "true friends" are. So why is love any different?

I thought the purpose & REWARD of being loved by someone came from the fact that there were certain things they would NOT do/say to you that others would?

If the person that "loves" me does all of the very same things to me that my own enemies do, why call 1 person my enemy & not the other?

Example...I labeled 1 girl as my "best friend" b/c of all the things she's not only willing to do for me BUT ALSO b/c of the things she's UNwilling to do to me. Whereas no one else answers my phone calls at 4am, she does! Whereas everybody else breaches my trust, she doesn't.

Plus, I'd like to mention that there's clearly a difference b/w intentionally hurting someone vs. unintentionally doing so. I'm not talking about those who accidentally hurt someone or whom do something that they honest to God had no clue would hurt the other person.

I'm talking about the folks who KNOW exactly what they're doing, who know right from wrong & yet still purposely did something they knew (if found out) would destroy the relationship

I think the ones that we love and those who love us are the ones who we can hurt/get hurt by the most. People I dont have that deep emotional bond with do not have the power to hurt me.

As the saying goes " real love is giving somone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to."

I think the ones that we love and those who love us are the ones who we can hurt/get hurt by the most. People I dont have that deep emotional bond with do not have the power to hurt me.

As the saying goes " real love is giving somone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to."

Posted by libra sun
I think the ones that we love and those who love us are the ones who we can hurt/get hurt by the most. People I dont have that deep emotional bond with do not have the power to hurt me.

As the saying goes " real love is giving somone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to."

Very true. The only people who have the ability to hurt us are the very people we gave the key to...

Most of us have been hurt the worst by our families, loved ones, etc...the very people who we're the closest to & whom we expected to be the last ones to hurt us

However, I still think that in order for love to exist, there must be some kind of line that won't ever get crossed.

Example...My mom/dad can make me the maddest sometimes! BUT, there are still somethings I'd NEVER be willing to say/do to them REGARDLESS of the circumstances simply b/c of that love/bond I have with them...

Same goes with parents & their children. B/c the level of love is so high, there are just some things a parent would never do/say to their own children that they very well may be able to say/do to others who mean much less to them

I think it comes down to the question of: How do you know if someone truly loves you? Do you measure someone's loyalty towards you by the things they ARE willing to do to/for you OR by the things they REFUSE to ever say/do to you?

I'm the kind of person that can separate my enemies from my associates simply by the things 1 group isn't willing to do for/to me vs. what the other is absolutely willing to do to/for me.

But hey, everyone is different.

Posted by krysrenee7
To "love" or be "in love" with someone even though you've hurt them/are hurting them?

Some people can lie to you, cheat on you, & betray you in the worsts of ways & yet through it all, still convince themselves AND others that they "love" the person they put through so much pain

And then there are some old-fashioned people like me who believe that while yes, we're human & make mistakes, there's still certain things you'd NEVER say/do to a person if you truly loved them.

And if you can do those things (whether it hurts you to hurt someone or not) you can't possibly love them

What's your take on this?

Yes. People have their own baggage and tend to work it out through relationships with others. No-one is perfect. There's bound to be hurt somewhere down the line. They may hurt you because they're unaware/ insensitive, or they might want you to go through what they once experienced.

The bottom line is to feel the pain and let go of it. Pain helps one to grow. Most likely, that person attracted the challenges for their own growth this lifetime.

Saying/doing to someone is secondary in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes, things one shouldn't say have been said, you can't take them back. What is important is that there is a real attachment and compatibility. So, go with the flow, and if you cut them out of your life, so be it. If later down the line, you're meant to be, then embrace it and let bygones be bygones.

Love, is not based on how that person makes you feel about yourself, but it's the connection that you have.

Posted by krysrenee7
I guess the theory that someone can hurt you & yet love you at the same time completely CONTRADICTS modern societal theories about love...or in other words, it contradicts the "Love doesn't hurt" theory

We've all seen it. People saying that if it hurts or makes you cry, it's not only not love, but it should be something/someone you should get away from immediately

But yet I've seen some people who have hurt eachother mutually in some of the worst/unforgivable ways imaginable & yet through it all, still claim that they "love" eachother.

I don't get it. How can a person love you if they're doing the very same things that people who DON'T love you/your enemies do?

How can a person separate the difference b/w when someone loves them vs. when someone doesn't love them at all IF there's never any middle ground or difference?

How can I claim that the man who doesn't hit me loves me & YET claim that the man who actually does hit me loves me too?

Isn't it much easier to calculate your love for another person (or vice versa) based on things they are UNwilling to say/do to you?

Isn't that how we measure the love/loyalty of our friends? We compare what our associates/enemies are NOT willing to say/do for us & compare that to others who ARE willing to do/say certain things for/to us. And from there, that's how we reach the decision/basis for which we measure who our "true friends" are. So why is love any different?

Krysrenee, are you asking these questions AFTER marriage? I thought you said you have FULLY solved them before that?

That said, I have never stopped loving/ being in love with my S.O. from the time we got together. I have tried to get rid of him during our bad/ awful times but pretty much impossible, because our connection was way too strong. We have hurt each other, sometimes purposely, but that doesn't mean it detracts from anything.

"Krysrenee, are you asking these questions AFTER marriage? I thought you said you have FULLY solved them before that?"

No! None of my "examples" had anything to do with my marriage. They were just examples that I felt were common & not necessarily an implication of anything I'm particularly going through. Pst! If my husband EVER even thought about putting his hands on me, he'd be in prison, not living in our house lol

In response to others...

I agree. There are different types/kinds of love.

My thing is, in the very beginning, during dating stages, we all have the "Don't ever do this to me" convo with the other person. We imply that we're looking for real love, the "real" thing & that in order for things to progress, we need to make sure that the other person is loyal, faithful & dedicated to treating us right. Once we see that they are being those things, we THEN allow our minds to accept/acknowledge that the other person "loves" us.

So why would a person's definition of love suddenly change just b/c they're in a relationship with someone?

If when you were just dating, they lied to you, hit you or did the unthinkable & you not consider that "love," why would you believe it to be "love" 3 years down the road when the other person does those very same things?

Some people's versions of love baffle me. An ex once told me that even though he cheated on me, he still "loved me." My response: "If that's your version of what love is about, I don't want it!"

People naturally going through road bumps in life that in turn affect your relationship with others is 1 thing. But purposely betraying or hurting another person is completely different.

So yes, all relationship/love bring disappointment simply b/c no one is perfect. BUT, just like there are certain things a person with a high sense of SELF-love wouldn't do to themselves, I find the same to be true when it comes to others.

When we see a girl whose sleeping with 50 guys, we think, oh the poor girl clearly has low self-esteem. And when that girl swears she's got high self-esteem, NO ONE believes her b/c they've acknowledged the theory that if you love something, there are just some things you won't ever say, do or put it through...and this applies to SELF too.