cleopatra
@cleopatra
16 YearsAries
Comments: 0 · Posts: 101 · Topics: 34
Love & struggle - what would you do?
For men (not all of course) but for some a job is who he is as a person, it's his identity and if the job is lousy then he's not going to be happy. Not all men handle stress the same way, I'm not sure if it's just the job, typically if a man is stressed but loves and is in love with his partner he won't push her away, I think something else is going on with him.
I definitely wouldn't suggest waiting, give him some space to figure things out for himself, most likely he's been thinking about the future of the relationship and most likely felt the relationship was adding more stress and has his doubts about you, NOTHING you can do fix any of that except give him some space and time to figure things out for himself, he'll be back once he figures the stress isn't you, it's just the job because sometimes a man will ASSOCIATE his suffering with the woman in his life and if there is stress and arguments well that's adding to his stress and he'll just figure he has to get a new job and a new girlfriend too.
Let him come to you because when he's initiating he's more open to CONNECTING with you, he's less stressed, attentive and open to communicating but if you're the one initiating most of the contact then that's just more stress on him.
Be patient, if he loves you and is still in love with you he'll be back to his old self until then focus on your own life, don't worry about him, he's an adult he'll find a new job and he'll be okay again.
I definitely wouldn't suggest waiting, give him some space to figure things out for himself, most likely he's been thinking about the future of the relationship and most likely felt the relationship was adding more stress and has his doubts about you, NOTHING you can do fix any of that except give him some space and time to figure things out for himself, he'll be back once he figures the stress isn't you, it's just the job because sometimes a man will ASSOCIATE his suffering with the woman in his life and if there is stress and arguments well that's adding to his stress and he'll just figure he has to get a new job and a new girlfriend too.
Let him come to you because when he's initiating he's more open to CONNECTING with you, he's less stressed, attentive and open to communicating but if you're the one initiating most of the contact then that's just more stress on him.
Be patient, if he loves you and is still in love with you he'll be back to his old self until then focus on your own life, don't worry about him, he's an adult he'll find a new job and he'll be okay again.
25thDecan summed it up well I think... I just have a small contribution:
My impression is that you are making him responsible for your happiness. I am not sure what your arguments have been about, but I am quite certain they have more to do with your feeling neglected, than anything else. Perhaps you are wanting to go see a show when he is finished with work ? Maybe you want to go to a restaurant ? Let me guess... he is always just too tired right ? I see no reason for you not to be able to stick this out... but you are going to have to not expect so much from him for the time being. Expectations are relationship killers. So... get some friends to go out and do things with for awhile... take up a new pass-time... do some things for YOU.
Zen !
My impression is that you are making him responsible for your happiness. I am not sure what your arguments have been about, but I am quite certain they have more to do with your feeling neglected, than anything else. Perhaps you are wanting to go see a show when he is finished with work ? Maybe you want to go to a restaurant ? Let me guess... he is always just too tired right ? I see no reason for you not to be able to stick this out... but you are going to have to not expect so much from him for the time being. Expectations are relationship killers. So... get some friends to go out and do things with for awhile... take up a new pass-time... do some things for YOU.
Zen !
I think a lot depends on some details that have been left out (or maybe I just missed them?)
1. What were most of the arguments about? Who initiated them? How did most of them end? Were you usually able to reach a solution in theory but found it hard to actually apply it in real life? Or were they simply destructive, this-is-not-going-anywhere arguments?
2. Who initiated the break up and how did the other partner respond? If you were the one to initiate it, what were your actual reasons for that? If he did, what were his arguments?
As far as your choices are concerned, I'll say this. DON'T wait for him to change his job. Decide whether or not YOU want to be in a relationship with him (in general, not just now). Find out if he wants to be in a relationship with you. Then, if you both want to work on this relationship, put on your big girl pants and be there for him, physically and emotionally, for as long as it takes. Even if it means sacrificing your personal happiness for a while. Remember that this is a stormy period, not what your regular, day to day relationship will look like once you both get back to a healthy point in your lives.
One last thing: I don't believe people ever go back to their "old selves" after such an experience. Any struggle is a growing and learning experience and people usually come out different. For better or worse. So, if you want this guy and you want to be with him, work on improving your own strength and try to support him and be there for him... and then be prepared for whatever might come next.
1. What were most of the arguments about? Who initiated them? How did most of them end? Were you usually able to reach a solution in theory but found it hard to actually apply it in real life? Or were they simply destructive, this-is-not-going-anywhere arguments?
2. Who initiated the break up and how did the other partner respond? If you were the one to initiate it, what were your actual reasons for that? If he did, what were his arguments?
As far as your choices are concerned, I'll say this. DON'T wait for him to change his job. Decide whether or not YOU want to be in a relationship with him (in general, not just now). Find out if he wants to be in a relationship with you. Then, if you both want to work on this relationship, put on your big girl pants and be there for him, physically and emotionally, for as long as it takes. Even if it means sacrificing your personal happiness for a while. Remember that this is a stormy period, not what your regular, day to day relationship will look like once you both get back to a healthy point in your lives.
One last thing: I don't believe people ever go back to their "old selves" after such an experience. Any struggle is a growing and learning experience and people usually come out different. For better or worse. So, if you want this guy and you want to be with him, work on improving your own strength and try to support him and be there for him... and then be prepared for whatever might come next.
I think you should give him another chance. Don't give up on love.
This is just one of many challenges.
My sister had this issue. She and her husband are newly weds.
When she was starting out as a Veterinarian she had to deal with a lot of stress at work and would take it out on her husband. She came to me one day and said she has the most wonderful husband. She explained that she was not fair to him and that he stuck by her and was very understanding. So she changed for him, for them. Not only did her relationship change, there were changes at work; the owner sold the business to a corporation. Things got a bit better, less stress on the boss to run a business, so therefore less stress on employees.
I would advise patience and communication. Keep working on it together. Things actually have a way of changing themselves. Believe me your guy is not the only one stressed at work, I'm sure someone is working on changing the situation. Besides, You said he is looking for another job and if you love each other it's worth it.
This is just one of many challenges.
My sister had this issue. She and her husband are newly weds.
When she was starting out as a Veterinarian she had to deal with a lot of stress at work and would take it out on her husband. She came to me one day and said she has the most wonderful husband. She explained that she was not fair to him and that he stuck by her and was very understanding. So she changed for him, for them. Not only did her relationship change, there were changes at work; the owner sold the business to a corporation. Things got a bit better, less stress on the boss to run a business, so therefore less stress on employees.
I would advise patience and communication. Keep working on it together. Things actually have a way of changing themselves. Believe me your guy is not the only one stressed at work, I'm sure someone is working on changing the situation. Besides, You said he is looking for another job and if you love each other it's worth it.
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →Related Topics
I've been dating a Virgo boy for almost a year now. He's younger than me and says he loves that I'm older but he's actin
I've had a terrible 2012. It started out with a divorce that I initiated. After I filed the papers I found out I was p
Where? How? A vast majority of my friends are people I have known since childhood. When I moved to TX I never reall
I came across this rather interesting list in a book that my mum was reading called, Romancing the Ordinary: A Year of
And if it is, what do you do to show you are not interested? I think this will be very helpful to both sexes. This is
Post your view here of what you think of honesty? Do people really want to hear honesty or just what they want to hear?
My current boyfriend is still living with his parents, and his mother is actively trying to split us up. Based on what h
What role do you ideally want to take in a relationship? Do you want a man to treat you like a queen and take care of
Comments on why ladies/women lie almost all the time? I have caught so many ex's in lying to me in a relationship and o
However, for the past 8 months they have been in a job with long and unsociable changable shifts, which leaves very little time to spend together and puts them under a lot of stress, resulting in them losing their temper at small things and unnecessary arguments.
You have recently broken up due to one of these arguments and are reviewing the situation.
You want to be with this person but whilst they are in this job, you will continue to see each other very little and stress may result in the same arguments. Like a vicious circle.
This person you love, wants to change their job and is actively looking for work but there are not many jobs around and it could take weeks or even months to change job!
Do you:
A: Wait for them to change their job before getting back together, but this could take months.
B: Get back with them in the hope that a good job comes along soon
I know that a job isn't everything and you shouldn't base your relationship on someones job but the job has a knock-on effect on many areas of your relationship.
I know that if you love someone you should support them through the hard times, but if you have done that for some considerable time already and it is having a negative affect on the relationship as a whole then how long can you struggle for love?