They were fighting and he took her phone away. She was trying to get it back and reaching for it - he was seated and eating. Accidentally she grabbed for it (it was under his thigh) and a bit of food spilled on his lap so he pushed her so hard she went across the room and fell on the couch.
Of course a few mins later he was very apologetic and acknowledged he was wrong.
So - he hasn't repeated the physical behavior after apologizing, but after speaking with her further, it appears he often takes her phone away when he doesn't want her to walk out on him or leave or they are fighting (she got so mad she booked a hotel once and left and since then it's been this way). Or he will accuse her of flirting/talking w/guys at bars (pre COVID).
Apparently once they went out with friends to a bar, and while waiting for a dart board to open up, she went to the bar to get a drink and started talking to some people (couples, guys, girls, not just guys) while waiting for her drink, and he came over and berated her in front telling her she needs to be right next to him and that he took her here specifically so she can meet and spend time with his friends - ....wth—?
He doesn't always tell her what to do but he's very critical and tells her that all her guy friends are friends w/her because they want to sleep with her.
They do have good times it seems but those do not seem worth it at all to me!!!
So I spoke w/her this morning:
I told her no matter what she decides, I will be here as her friend.
I explained my concerns about the relationship overall, but most definitely after she told me about the pushing and taking phone away multiple times on difference occasions, that the behavior was alarming and disrespectful in any situation. We are in our 30s....that is unacceptable. It's also disrespectful.
I explained that I don't like his constant criticism towards many things she does (she can't drive so he always has to drive; she can't cook so he has to; that he tells her some of her guy friends just want to sleep w/her). She said it's because he's an old soul and old-fashioned. *sigh* That he doesn't stop her from hanging out with her guy friends, he is not jealous nor possessive of her. I told her that it's not normal for him to make snide comments about how she wants to sleep with them or they and other stranger guys want to sleep with her (admittedly she is very pretty, even girls make comments that she is pretty often). She said he's joking.
I told her that the push itself concerns me. I know he apologized several times and appears to be remorseful, but how can he do that? She's like around 5'2 and he's 6'' at least...she could have gotten hurt if there was a wall, table, anything other than a couch. That was pure luck! If it happened once, it could happen again. Not saying it will, but it could and shows a dark side of his personality. She said they have been together a few years and this is the 1st time it happened. That he is prior military (Marine for nearly 8 years) and she got too close to him and he reacted because of that. **sigh**
I told her I don't like that he has publicly yelled at her. She said it was one time only.
I told her there is a male chauvinist vibe to me that makes me fear that this behavior will eventually result in him over time perhaps becoming possessive/jealous/controlling (he already shows signs of this)...again, old fashioned is the excuse.
I learned that his father was abusive to his mom, and neglectful his brother growing up...that he never in a day got therapy for this. So I told her perhaps he needs to get therapy so he doesn't follow in his footsteps? She said he's very close to his mom so he won't end up like that.
I told her I don't like that he jokes about replacing her birth control with sugar pills and that he tells her they will be married w/in months....none of that is funny to me. The BC thing is not funny one bit; the marriage thing again seems like control...they both should decide this together (not that I think they need to marry!)
I am so frustrated right now this is all I recall...I'm admittedly angry. I didn't show her that though. I told her I will be here as she needs. Nothing will change but at least I tried and will. Thanks for letting me go on and on.
He: Virgo.
She: Cancer.
Thoughts?
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They were fighting and he took her phone away. She was trying to get it back and reaching for it - he was seated and eating. Accidentally she grabbed for it (it was under his thigh) and a bit of food spilled on his lap so he pushed her so hard she went across the room and fell on the couch.
Of course a few mins later he was very apologetic and acknowledged he was wrong.
So - he hasn't repeated the physical behavior after apologizing, but after speaking with her further, it appears he often takes her phone away when he doesn't want her to walk out on him or leave or they are fighting (she got so mad she booked a hotel once and left and since then it's been this way). Or he will accuse her of flirting/talking w/guys at bars (pre COVID).
Apparently once they went out with friends to a bar, and while waiting for a dart board to open up, she went to the bar to get a drink and started talking to some people (couples, guys, girls, not just guys) while waiting for her drink, and he came over and berated her in front telling her she needs to be right next to him and that he took her here specifically so she can meet and spend time with his friends - ....wth—?
He doesn't always tell her what to do but he's very critical and tells her that all her guy friends are friends w/her because they want to sleep with her.
They do have good times it seems but those do not seem worth it at all to me!!!
So I spoke w/her this morning:
I told her no matter what she decides, I will be here as her friend.
I explained my concerns about the relationship overall, but most definitely after she told me about the pushing and taking phone away multiple times on difference occasions, that the behavior was alarming and disrespectful in any situation. We are in our 30s....that is unacceptable. It's also disrespectful.
I explained that I don't like his constant criticism towards many things she does (she can't drive so he always has to drive; she can't cook so he has to; that he tells her some of her guy friends just want to sleep w/her). She said it's because he's an old soul and old-fashioned. *sigh* That he doesn't stop her from hanging out with her guy friends, he is not jealous nor possessive of her. I told her that it's not normal for him to make snide comments about how she wants to sleep with them or they and other stranger guys want to sleep with her (admittedly she is very pretty, even girls make comments that she is pretty often). She said he's joking.
I told her that the push itself concerns me. I know he apologized several times and appears to be remorseful, but how can he do that? She's like around 5'2 and he's 6'' at least...she could have gotten hurt if there was a wall, table, anything other than a couch. That was pure luck! If it happened once, it could happen again. Not saying it will, but it could and shows a dark side of his personality. She said they have been together a few years and this is the 1st time it happened. That he is prior military (Marine for nearly 8 years) and she got too close to him and he reacted because of that. **sigh**
I told her I don't like that he has publicly yelled at her. She said it was one time only.
I told her there is a male chauvinist vibe to me that makes me fear that this behavior will eventually result in him over time perhaps becoming possessive/jealous/controlling (he already shows signs of this)...again, old fashioned is the excuse.
I learned that his father was abusive to his mom, and neglectful his brother growing up...that he never in a day got therapy for this. So I told her perhaps he needs to get therapy so he doesn't follow in his footsteps? She said he's very close to his mom so he won't end up like that.
I told her I don't like that he jokes about replacing her birth control with sugar pills and that he tells her they will be married w/in months....none of that is funny to me. The BC thing is not funny one bit; the marriage thing again seems like control...they both should decide this together (not that I think they need to marry!)
I am so frustrated right now this is all I recall...I'm admittedly angry. I didn't show her that though. I told her I will be here as she needs. Nothing will change but at least I tried and will. Thanks for letting me go on and on.
He: Virgo.
She: Cancer.
Thoughts?