What do you consider CHEATING?

What do you consider cheating? (Emotionally & physically).

From a PHYSICAL standpoint: Kissing? Overly flirting? Flirting in general/period? Having sex with someone else? Receiving/giving oral sex? Foreplay with someone else? Fondling another person OR being fondled by another person? Etc.

From an EMOTIONAL standpoint: Overly flirting? Flirting in general/period? Sending/receiving nude or innappropriate pictures? Using "muchy" words or terms of endearment with/towards someone else? Talking to someone else about sensitive and/or innappropriate topics (example: sex), Fantasizing about someone else? Watching porn? Etc.

PERSONALLY, my definition of cheating is when someone's partner SAYS OR DOES anything to someone else that they could NOT do if their partner was standing right there. And I say that b/c cheating is a form of lying/deceit, thus if a person is 1 way around me & yet another way around the opposite sex, something is wrong with that picture & is usually a sign that a person is "changing up" for a reason (And how CONVEINANT is it that most people who've been cheated on can now go back & say they've noticed this before & yet never considered that a red flag).

I would consider any form of intimacy that she gives to someone else outside of her family cheating, the problem lies in degrees. To punish kissing and sex equally would be draconian, in my opinion. I could forgive kissing to a degree, but I could never forgive her performing any actual sex act with someone else. At the very least, I draw a hard line on what I could possibly forgive at actual physical sex acts of any kind.

I dumped my Aqua of nearly 4 years because he e-cheated on me. He thought I should forgive him because in his eyes he hadn't actually "done" anything because they hadn't met. Made absolutely no difference to me the intention was there so I turfed his ass.

Anyway I'll answer from the examples you've listed:

"From a PHYSICAL standpoint: Kissing? Overly flirting? Flirting in general/period? Having sex with someone else? Receiving/giving oral sex? Foreplay with someone else? Fondling another person OR being fondled by another person? Etc."

I wouldn't tolerate any of the above, it's just unacceptable to me. Except HARMLESS flirting, which I appreciate can be difficult to guage as people can be on totally different pages as to what is deemed as harmless. I've always been quite upfront with a partner about what I will not put up with and vice versa.

"From an EMOTIONAL standpoint: Overly flirting? Flirting in general/period? Sending/receiving nude or innappropriate pictures? Using "muchy" words or terms of endearment with/towards someone else? Talking to someone else about sensitive and/or innappropriate topics (example: sex), Fantasizing about someone else? Watching porn? Etc."

Pictures dear god no WTF? That's exactly what the Aqua did, exchange indecent pics with this girl and it made me sick to my stomach. I wanted to punch his lights out. Porn I have no problem with, it's a fantasy, besides I watch it too so that would be hypocritical. Fantasies about other women fine, but not someone from our social circle or any of my friends please! If you do keep that shit to yourself thanks. The talking aspect is difficult, it wouldn't bother me if it was from a non sexual point of view - as in you can talk about sex without it being sexual (if that makes sense). For me it would depend on the context and tone of the actual conversation as opposed to the subject matter.

Boom. If you feel you must hide a behavior it is because you know it is wrong. Terms of endearment with long standing friends are alright, depending upon voice inflection. ( We all know what I mean by that ).
Fondling? Absolutely not. Kissing? Cheek only in manner of friend or forget it.
Pictures? Certainly not nude/provocative. Absolutely not. Talking about *inappropriate* topics. Dependant upon line of conversation and intent. i.e. for information or knowledge seeking and someone is honestly talking, fine. To have something to put in the spank bank for a future date with a hand, nope. Porn? No dice. Everyone is visual, and that to me says 'dumb situation'.
And I will straight up admit I am a territorial heifer. But you better believe what I demand I return in spades.

"To have something to put in the spank bank for a future date with a hand, nope"

Lol I love your way with words VB.

😄

True. Hey, they say "ALL PHSYICAL CHEATING STARTED OFF AS EMOTIONAL CHEATING 1st!" I believe this to be true b/c of the amount of thought (even if just for 1 second) that goes into cheating. There is NO such thing as, "1 thing led to the next" or "It just happened." This is only true if someone is literally drugged/unconscious or forced to engage in a sexual act they didn't consent to. As for the average Joe whose EXTREMELY intelligent & not an idiot...if he goes out & screws his secretary or his ex, heck yeah he knew EXACTLY what he was doing!

Alot of people REFUSE to believe that their partners would consider such risks of losing everything persay they cheat, b/c after all, we'd ALL like to believe that if someone actually weighed the options & realized what they'd lose if they got caught, that they'd of course end up changing their minds & deciding NOT to cheat at all. BUT, unfortunately, this is far from the truth.

Cheaters THINK about it. They weigh the options of getting caught. And here's how you know they do: They try to hide/avoid getting caught. The minute someone has to put together a scheme to not get caught (erasing evidence, text messages, etc.), that means they've ALREADY thought about WHY they have to hide it in the 1st place. Thus if they know WHY they're hiding something, there's about a 99% chance they've already ACKNOWLEDGED the consequences & risks they were facing, persay they were to get caught. Sad thing is, alot of people STILL Decide to go ahead with the cheating EVEN AFTER weighing all the options/consequences.

So with that being said, THAT is why I will leave ANYONE who cheats on me in a heartbeat. Anyone who would PURPOSELY engage in something that they already KNEW up front would devestate me, the relationship & even possibly our family, is someone who I'd never be able to trust again. Most people are sad they got CAUGHT moreso than regretful that they cheated; this explains why most cheaters have cheated more than once OR atleast cheated in more than 1 relationship.

Sure that person may never cheat again after they get caught, BUT there's only 1 other problem with that: I'd never be able to trust them again. And not only does lack of fidelity ruin a partnership BUT lack of trust does too. Why they cheated, who they cheated with, where they cheated, how they cheated & the little details in b/w wouldn't really matter. the BIG PICTURE is this: The person I love took the chance of devestating AND losing me

And I couldn't be with anyone who'd purposely be willing to take that risk!

What I find amazing is in how so many people want the intimate details once they've caught their partners cheating. A friend of mine recently discovered her husband of 5 years has been having an affair with his secretary at work. She not only wanted to know the WHOS, WHATs, WHEREs, WHYs & HOWs, BUT she also wanted him to confess to every single detail. Her reasoning was that she wanted to test him to see if he'd really be honest & admit everything (In her mind, the more unnecessary details he admits, the more it's likely he's acknowledged his wrongs & won't do it again). Only 1 problem though: Knowing all of those details is only TORTURE for HER! Knowing the small details does NOT in any way shape or form:

1. Decrease the devestation/hurt
2. Change the big picture that hey, guess what? HE CHEATED & willingly took the risk of losing you!
3. Guarantee that it won't happen again.

Hell, I believe half the reason her husband even admitted everything was b/c he had NO way of knowing what she already knew. For all he knew, she could've known everything & was only asking him for the details just to test him. Therefore, him answering all her questions isn't in any way shape or form an indication that he's ready to fix whatever caused him to cheat. It just means that in the moment of interrogation, he didn't want to be caught up again or fail any of her "tests." 2 completely diff. things!

Posted by CappyLuv30
I have a friend that sincerely believes that if a man knew he wouldn't get caught, he would cheat up a storm shamelessly lol

You what...I've heard this before too. And to be honest, THAT frame of mindset is actually VERY common. In fact, ALOT of people would rob a bank if they knew/were guaranteed to never get caught. It sucks & of course we'd all love to believe that people can't really be that downlow BUT that's why there's fantasy land (How we WISH things were) vs. reality (How things REALLY ARE).

The problem with that mindset though is that there is NEVER a 100% guarantee that a man won't ever get caught, even if he thinks he's as slick as they come! There's ALWAYS atleast a 1% chance a man will get caught, even if they are the MOST careful. And half of the reason the men who go to EXTREMES NOT to get caught, actually DO get caught is b/c anyone who goes to certain extremes to hide something usually end up giving themselves away that they are hiding something by:

1. Change in attitude/mood. A woman whose man is THAT paranoid will eventually start to recognize/notice he's paranoid. WHY OR HOW she finds out he's really paranoid and/or 'sneaky lately' is another story!

(Example): A man who normally would NOT delete his text messages & call logs might feel he is erasing evidence by deleting everything. Only 1 problem: If he's got a nosy-enough partner, this will send up a red flag! And ESPECIALLY if it's not like the man to suddenly be so secretive. And once the red flag is launched, women go into INSPECTOR GADGET MODE!

Someone going to great lengths to hide something will eventually be caught or AT LEAST make others suspicious b/c it is almost IMPOSSIBLE for that man to remain his normal self after investing so much time/energy into something that could cost him everything if caught! Isn't that how most thiefs are caught!?!!! They're never caught actually stealing the item. They always get caught b/c "PARANOIA" is automatically & SUBCONSCIOUSLY plastered on their faces & THIS about them is what alerts onlookers & gets them caught!

Men/women get caught NOT b/c they are often caught in the physical act of cheating BUT b/c their SUBCONSCIOUS body language often tells on them. That's why there's always "something" that triggers a woman to start noticing those "red flags," thus only to go on later to actually start looking for the evidence/clues once her intuition bells have already rang.

There has to be something there that is even triggering her intuition bells to go off in the 1st place! And what usually triggers those bells are a man's SUBCONSCIOUS changes in body language that he cannot control! A man can hide the evidence all day b/c those are the things he can control. BUT he can't see his own face & body language unless he's looking in a mirror, thus he's often completely OBLIVIOUS to what others are noticing about his change in tone/body language.

Men are so busy trying to hide the physical evidence that they forget the SUBCONSCIOUS evidence/changes/body language is often what a woman notices FIRST. Men forget to make sure they're not "acting weird lately" b/c they're often so concerned with erasing the proof that will seal the deal. They can argue with a woman who accuses him of cheating just off of suspicion alone; they can simply call her "insecure," walk away & be done with it. BUT, if a woman finds the physical evidence (on his body, computer, phone, clothes, etc.) that man is in trouble!

I agree with the anything you would not do in front of your partner statements. I am a flirt and i will always be that way, if the guy im with calls that cheating then he might aswell end the relationship because im not going to compromise my personality for anyone. I would flirt in front of my partner because its harmless, obviously im not gonna start grinding on some guy in a club but i would dance (non sexually) with another guy whether my partner was there or not.

I would have to be with someone who accepted this behaviour, and i would be fine with them doing the same. But they would have to actually accept it and not just pretend they were ok with it like my ex who would then try and make me jealous with other women and get annoyed when i didnt care!

Also i have cheated and did not even try to cover it up, i didnt delete messages and left my phone around so my ex could read it, not proud of the way i acted but i was young and wanted to get caught, as i wanted my ex to leave me.

Ive grown up a lot since then and would never cheat now.

@Libra: Understandable. Atleast your honest & up front about this. If you came into a relationship looking down on flirting of any kind BUT YET started acting "Brand new" all of the sudden, no one would believe your "I'm just naturally a flirt" line b/c technically, anything that is NATURALLY a part of a person's personality should be SEEN/NOTICED immediately & up front.

I'm talking about the people who use the "I'm naturally a flirt" line to their advantage. The people who CONVEINANTLY only flirt with the people they're most likely to sleep with/be attracted to anyways.

Here's my thing: If a person is a NATURAL flirt, their partner should see them flirting with men/women from all walks of life! NOT just attractive people! My ex was a natural flirt & b/c I'm not, of course this made me suspicious & VERY uncomfortable. BUT after a while, I noticed that not only was he a flirt with attractive women, he was also a big flirt to old, skinny, fat, ugly (etc.) women too. After I saw that his flirting was a consistent pattern AND that he didn't hide the fact when I was standing right next to him, it eased my suspicions alot!

Let's be honest here though: While I do understand that some people are a tad bit more "Friendly" than others, I think even those who are supposed "natural flirters" should still know their limits/boundaries.

It's not necessarily about changing who you are to make your partner happy; it's about making sure you're not fighting for a cause that you're not even gaining anything from all for the sake of proving a point. (Example: If it means THAT much to a man to flirt with a girl, then maybe we aren't good for eachother.) Every relationship will involve 2 people who will eventually have to TWEAK or put a bit of a pause on certain behaviors! It's not worth losing a good relationship all so that you can flirt with an old man. I mean come on now!

Funny thing is, when "natural flirters" are confronted they always act like they're going to DIE if they're NOT allowed to flirt with someone else! If you think about it, that sounds really silly!

True. That is exactly why I get so FRUSTRATED when I hear women say, "I can't believe he cheated on me with a girl whose not even prettier than me!" OMG I cannot STAND when women say this! They think that when men are looking to cheat that they are naturally seeking beauty, thus this false perception women have is part in reason why men don't even try anymore to explain why they REALLY cheat. If a man has a wife he considers "beautiful" on the outside, I doubt he'd go cheat with someone just for the sake of sleeping with someone else he considers "beautiful." WHY the man wanted to cheat in the 1st place will tell the true story of WHO he ends up cheating with.

If a woman finds out that her man cheated on her w/ a woman whose considered unnattractive, it's probably b/c he saw something ELSE in her she provides/fulfills that he feels he lacks. (Example): If a man is tired of being nagged all day long, he's going to seek out the women who are good listeners and/or whom seem to be less "verbal" when unsatisfied. The minute a man whose tired of being nagged at home, finds another woman who represents the qualities he feels his partner is lacking, he could probably care LESS about how that new woman looks. Sure, of course the "mistress" being attractive is the ICING on top of the cake, BUT if he was lacking communication, he's going to go SEARCH for someone who can give him exactly that: communication.

IF a man lacks self-esteem, thus needs an ego boost, he may go seek a woman who will pay him more attention. And if that woman just so HAPPENS to be his "type," so be it.