What's next—?

Quick recap:
We've been talking to each other for about 3 mths...
Went out on a date...
Things got awkward...
Things got back to normal...

After things got awkward I decided to back off...

At first, when I thought he lived on his own...I just wondered why he wouldn't take me out and stuff...

Now that I KNOW he still lives with his parents it makes sense why he stopped things dry!

Our walk to the mountain didn't commit him to anything..there was no way we would have had to drop by his place after...not like after a dinner date or something similar...anyways!

Funny enough he has started telling me a bit more about his past times...He tells me about his family gatherings, what he did for his mom's bday...restaurants he would strongly recommend...or random stuff such as the fact that he went to buy razor blades on the week-end...it's as if I would mention that I had bought Deo or Wax...so endearing!!!!

Anyhow...I am letting him go and will see where it takes me...I am not in a hurry...but he is 38 and still lives at his parents's gigantic house (mansion style ). Both his brother and sister are married and have kids.

****

Today I saw him at the gym...and we got to talking and than I blabbed something like: You must think this girl always has crazy stuff happening to her...lol

and he said something along: No no...I find you interesting...it's just that I'm not interesting.

At the end of his workout he came to see me and asked me if I was almost done...I was like yeah but I've gotta stretch...and then he said: ok...catch you later!

****
So short recap:

He is Chinese, born in Canada, 38 yrs old, Libra with Cancer or Gemini moon.
He is single (100% )
He lives with his parents (Who go to China pretty often through the year)
He claims that he doesn't take his workouts too seriously...mehhh I don't really buy that.


I am canadian, 24yrs old, scorpio with saggi moon.

Well one, it seems that you're not too sure about this guy & all that he's told you so far. So before you start trying to ponder on what's next, make sure you clear any "airs" that you have NOW, before trying to take a step into the next level with him.

If you feel that you have valid questions/concerns, find a way to get them on the table so that when you finally do figure out what's next, you'll be comfortable in taking that next step with him.

Of course, him still living at his parents house when he's nearing 40 isn't probably the best sign but then again, hey everybody's got a "Story" and/or their own reasons. I guess it'd be fair to not judge a book by it's cover. BUT if you feel that this guy is flat out lying to you or sugar coating things then you have every right to wonder what's going on and/or try to get the answers you deserve.

Posted by Beetleguese
Asians are very family oriented, not unusual for them to stay home until they marry.

The age gap will never work.

What does his workout seriousness have to do with anything?

Sounds like you're either desperate or gold digging.

@ BEETLEQUESE

For one I'm not desperate...I see him about 2-3 times a week at the gym...and I know for a fact that he goes everyday...had I been desperate I would probably be showing up every single day!

As for the goldigging part...is it because I mentioned that his parents had a mansion...I mean over the whole text that's the only detail you picked up— I was justifying why he still lived at his parents...they are rarely there and even when they are, the house is pretty big for them to not feel like they are crowding each others' space.

Now as far as the age gap goes...I'd have to say that it worries me a bit...not because I think he is old...but rather because he would be the type of man I would see myself settling with and that it would sadden me to lose someone earlier because he was much older than me to begin with!!!

Posted by krysrenee7
Well one, it seems that you're not too sure about this guy & all that he's told you so far. So before you start trying to ponder on what's next, make sure you clear any "airs" that you have NOW, before trying to take a step into the next level with him.

If you feel that you have valid questions/concerns, find a way to get them on the table so that when you finally do figure out what's next, you'll be comfortable in taking that next step with him.

Of course, him still living at his parents house when he's nearing 40 isn't probably the best sign but then again, hey everybody's got a "Story" and/or their own reasons. I guess it'd be fair to not judge a book by it's cover. BUT if you feel that this guy is flat out lying to you or sugar coating things then you have every right to wonder what's going on and/or try to get the answers you deserve.

@krysrenee7

You are partially right...

It isn't so much that I'm unsure about him. It just seems hard...I mean we've been talking for a bit more than 3 months now. And the whole thing has been like a never ending rollercoaster. I mean I can't say that he is being a jerk or anything like that. It's not like he is leading me on. He remains very respectful and polite at all times.

It's actually cute when he makes a joke, he is always afraid that I will not get it and get upset, so he says to me, btw I was joking...lol!

I mean, as it is, I feel anxious (positively) around him. Like I have butterflies in my stomach and I stutter. Which I don't when I am talking with my other guy friends. Also something very funny...is that I don't seem to hear well when he talks to me...I mean I make him repeat words like I don't know how many times...and than I blame it(jokingly) on my old age.

I have also concluded that he doesn't have the best self-confidence. I compliment him at times but he always redirects the compliments to me. The latest thing was yesterday, when I said that it seemed like I always had a story to tell...and then he went on saying that it was because I was interesting and that he wasn't!! What the hell...and then I said...Here we go again...meh!

I think the vibe that I get from him is that he clearly doesn't dislike me or else he wouldn't bother coming to talk to me and even more so, coming to see me when he is done to say bye!

But two things bother me with him:
1. He seems hot and

How should I...I mean I compliment him as much as I can...although not too often, I wouldn't want him to think that it's too much. The only thing that I haven't made clear was that I thought he was interesting and endearing...

Can you tell a guy that you find him endearing—

I agree with Lovelyscorp..There is the possibility that you're just feeling/experiencing the big cultural gap b/w you 2. And then there's always the chance that culture has nothing to do with this & that as you've said, this guy just might lack in self-esteem or social communication with others.

I agree that perhaps you should start to ask questions. Ask about his culture, about his family & about his goals/aspirations. Get him to open up & get more comfortable; perhaps you not knowing what makes him HIM (the way he is) might explain why there's this hot/cold interactions b/w you two. In their culture, you're right living with elders/family at older ages is considered normal. But in other cultures, it's looked down upon. And I'm pretty sure (if that's his issue) he's fully aware of the cultural differences, thus it might help if you helped to bridge the gap so he can atleast know that you asked & wanted to know with the purpose of trying to understand before judging him/making false assumptions.

Let's say the cultural thing has nothing to do with this guy & that all of what you're experiencing with him (or lack thereof) is moreso b/c of an issue going on inside of him. Maybe he's the kind of guy that takes a while to open up to others, & especially women. Maybe this guy is still trying to "feel you out" & his only way of doing so is to retain some level of emotional distance. There could be 1 million diff. possibilities. Just ask him. You'd be surprised, he might tell you & give you the clarification that you were looking for.

And if his behaviors are b/c of low self-confidence/esteem issues, just keep on doing as you've been doing. Don't over-do it & kiss his azs or try too hard, but then again just continue to make him realize that you wouldn't be investing as much time/energy into him if you weren't mutually interested.

@LovelyScorp

Yes cultural differences can be a big aspect of the relationship. But in his case I doubt he is so into his culture...I mean everytime he talks about restaurants he goes to, they are either mediterranean or italian. Also when I ask him about stuff about his culture because I am intensely interested, he'll tell me about it a bit but he won't know things in details.

Last but not least...something he said that was so cute...He said that his friends called him a Banana...

I didn't get it so when I asked why, he replied: Because I am yellow on the outside, but totally white on the inside..

So that goes to tell you how not too connected he is with his cultural heritage...



@krysrenee

Thank you for your advice, you are right. The cultural differences are apparent but then again, he knows that I still live with my parents and that I would only move if I was to get married one day...so on that extend I think there aren't too many differences.

I have ruled out
- Age
- Race
- Social status...for a bit I thought he cared about how wealthy I would be...but I guess I was wrong..
- Work background

I don't know what else would have to be ruled out or foreseen...

I believe we get along very well...I tend to be optimistic when he is more passive and he tends to be more optimistic when I am a bit tired or just neutral...so it's a nice balance...because in both situations we both end up happy and smiling.

Things that I use to do because I wanted it to work out so much:
- Attended the gym almost everyday...6 days a week. (Now only 2-3 times a week)
- Proposed the walk twice...which he accepted (Now I don't propose because of the restaurant incident)
- Proposed the restaurant...which he didn't refuse but also didn't quite say yes to...it's a if at that time he was on the fence (that was a bit more than 2 months ago).

I think ALL THIS LAYING LOW type of attitude did some good to the friendly relationship we have been building...

And the best part is that I feel much better, I don't feel nearly as stressed up as I used to before when I saw him too often...I felt like I always to find interesting things to say! Now I don't...if I don't have anything interesting to say than too bad...I just say hello and hope that he will have something interesting to say! Which he usually has!

One last thing...like I said before that I thought was cute. The fact that he thought that my talkative-ness meant that I was interesting as opposed to him who said that he wasn't! I mean I wanted to tell him that he was interesting, endearing, charming, respectful, ect but I just couldn't!!! Instead I just said here we go again!

I mean don't forget that all that time we are at the gym amongst other people...it's hard to just have a heartfelt conversation with him...and even so I don't think he would be ready for me to tell him about my feelings...I think he has just started understanding that I valued him much more than any other guy at the gym...I mean I make special effort to say hello and bye to him as well which I don't with other...

I mean even after all this...I feel that we have a different connection than with others...I mean we act differently with each other!!!


Anyways talking with you both is so great and has made my day!!! Thank you for your support and advice!!!