Karma still biting my ass

I'm having to remember all those times I had emotional affairs when I was with my now ex-wife. I remember how happy I was when in-love with someone new, and how the joy and affection would bubble out of me, and how the only one I had to share that affection with was my primary partner (aka, the wife I felt stuck with). It's terrible, I know.

This morning my Aqua came to bed about 3 am, and when she did, she moved her cool soft hands over my body in a way I can hardly remember because it has been so long since she cuddled me like that. Then she wrapped her arms around mine, nuzzled her head into me, and fell asleep. So, I knew she had been talking with her new love. She can't be with him, and she's stuck with me for the time being. I know how she's feeling all too well.

She promised me two days ago that she would stop texting him, so I tried to check her phone again but the passcode was different. I went back to bed and starting talking to her. I was pretty honest and just let her know that I knew she had been in contact with him and that it is all easier to deal with if she just talks to me about it. She opened up. It's funny, I remember wanting to share my feelings of love with my ex, but of course i didn't. So, I figured correctly that my Aqua would want to talk about it too. She sent him a friend request on FB and they IM'd so she could technically keep her promise to not text him ... *eye roll*

My aqua is mad at the universe too because he likes all the same kind of music as her, but she can't be with him. She has always said how important music is to her. We don't share that interest so passionately.

I'm struggling now with the thought of settling down. Now I feel how hurtful it is when the person you are with is either in-love with or having sex with someone else. I don't want to cause that pain in anyone else, but oh how I love the chase, and falling in love every once in a while. I also love having someone to always come home to, someone for all the family stuff, and holidays ... someone to be an anchor in life. How am I going to find someone open minded and secure enough to have these cakes and eat them too?

lol @ the tatoo

most of the drama around me and Aqua is her freaking out whenever I take a nibble, and then she takes a giant bite of cake ... I am ok with giving the other person freedom but it does hurt ... not easy.

good points on the void thing. for me its not even really about the sexual desires so much as not feeling trapped. I doubt I would even partake very often, but I have this weird need to feel like I'm free to if I want to.

one thing about that void feeling is that I really haven't ever dated anyone that I even thought for a second was "the one". I just haven't met anyone that gets me. I guess it's because I'm so fucked up 😉

The Aries is the closest person to that ideal, but she's taken.

jru,

The real reason behind all of this is her elusiveness. You still want what she once provided you. That's in the past. You keep hanging around hoping to revive what has long since been buried. Even if she were to cut off the other guy, it would never be the same. Honestly, this is definitely not love.

For her, she needs to learn the love lesson for Aquarius: that love is oneness. This is the main problem I've had with dealing with them. They're too detached. That cake you're eating is her recipe and its bitter. Of course you know you'd be better off alone, but you keep washing away her "sins" and have convinced yourself that you can't find anyone else to treat you right. How so? There are 6 billion people on the planet. Turn off the Sag optimism and patience and stop settling for less than half of the picture. Don't get me wrong. I know how you feel. My heart still longs for my Libra ex, but I have moved forward and have left it up to fate concerning her or anybody else. You have to because all you're doing is driving yourself insane and that Karma you're talking is driving away that right person. Let her go and find out how fucked up the dating world is and come back to you humbled and in the right frame of mind.

thanks for the pep talk beautifulsoul!

When you say 6 billion people, one cute girl did come to mind. She's much younger than me and pretty, but looks at me with enough sparkle in her eyes to make me think it's worth a try.

+1 on aquas are detached ... and she says i'm the one who fears intimacy

This week I'm on egg shells trying to make peace and help my aqua prepare for this test she has to take ... the same damn test she's been studying for the whole damn time I've known her (1 year). She failed it last spring and is worried she's gonna fail it again. Pass or fail, there will be new rules in my house come November. I'm going to have to make it difficult for her or she really will never leave ... not that I want her to leave, I just want her to be freaking responsible.

I've been spoiling her like fuck this week and she really responds to that. She knows she's got a good deal here with me! On the down side, I am a critical person and she's said I make her always feel like she can never be good enough for me. I'm just thinking, "well, how about give it a try ... like do your work before you waste a weekend with some other dude."

Posted by jru2
thanks for the pep talk beautifulsoul!

When you say 6 billion people, one cute girl did come to mind. She's much younger than me and pretty, but looks at me with enough sparkle in her eyes to make me think it's worth a try.

+1 on aquas are detached ... and she says i'm the one who fears intimacy

This week I'm on egg shells trying to make peace and help my aqua prepare for this test she has to take ... the same damn test she's been studying for the whole damn time I've known her (1 year). She failed it last spring and is worried she's gonna fail it again. Pass or fail, there will be new rules in my house come November. I'm going to have to make it difficult for her or she really will never leave ... not that I want her to leave, I just want her to be freaking responsible.

I've been spoiling her like fuck this week and she really responds to that. She knows she's got a good deal here with me! On the down side, I am a critical person and she's said I make her always feel like she can never be good enough for me. I'm just thinking, "well, how about give it a try ... like do your work before you waste a weekend with some other dude."

No prob jru. I just want to see you happy.

Posted by Ligeia

Posted by beautifulsoul74
jru,

The real reason behind all of this is her elusiveness. You still want what she once provided you. That's in the past. You keep hanging around hoping to revive what has long since been buried. Even if she were to cut off the other guy, it would never be the same. Honestly, this is definitely not love.

For her, she needs to learn the love lesson for Aquarius: that love is oneness. This is the main problem I've had with dealing with them. They're too detached. That cake you're eating is her recipe and its bitter. Of course you know you'd be better off alone, but you keep washing away her "sins" and have convinced yourself that you can't find anyone else to treat you right. How so? There are 6 billion people on the planet. Turn off the Sag optimism and patience and stop settling for less than half of the picture. Don't get me wrong. I know how you feel. My heart still longs for my Libra ex, but I have moved forward and have left it up to fate concerning her or anybody else. You have to because all you're doing is driving yourself insane and that Karma you're talking is driving away that right person. Let her go and find out how fucked up the dating world is and come back to you humbled and in the right frame of mind.

Dude that was brilliant!

click to expand

I do have my moments lol.

^^^lol

I feel so bad for her right now. She is self sabotaging herself. She has already enabled two men, me and the other guy she is infatuated with, to ruin her entire career if either of us wanted. She's worked for years to get her PhD and she's practically throwing it all away. I can't wrap my mind around it. She is borderline going crazy, no jokes aside crazy. She's really worried about herself too because she is now same age as when her mom did go crazy for real.

things are really fucked up right now. Maybe she is doing some master manipulation on me, but just in case I'm going to be there for her for now. She's gonna have to try to get better though, because I'm not perfect for sure, and there is only so much I'm capable of. I will especially loose patience if she doesn't try.

Posted by Ligeia

Posted by beautifulsoul74
jru,

The real reason behind all of this is her elusiveness. You still want what she once provided you. That's in the past. You keep hanging around hoping to revive what has long since been buried. Even if she were to cut off the other guy, it would never be the same. Honestly, this is definitely not love.

For her, she needs to learn the love lesson for Aquarius: that love is oneness. This is the main problem I've had with dealing with them. They're too detached. That cake you're eating is her recipe and its bitter. Of course you know you'd be better off alone, but you keep washing away her "sins" and have convinced yourself that you can't find anyone else to treat you right. How so? There are 6 billion people on the planet. Turn off the Sag optimism and patience and stop settling for less than half of the picture. Don't get me wrong. I know how you feel. My heart still longs for my Libra ex, but I have moved forward and have left it up to fate concerning her or anybody else. You have to because all you're doing is driving yourself insane and that Karma you're talking is driving away that right person. Let her go and find out how fucked up the dating world is and come back to you humbled and in the right frame of mind.

Dude that was brilliant!

click to expand

Thank you Ligeia! There's more where that came from lol.

Posted by jru2
thanks for the pep talk beautifulsoul!

When you say 6 billion people, one cute girl did come to mind. She's much younger than me and pretty, but looks at me with enough sparkle in her eyes to make me think it's worth a try.

+1 on aquas are detached ... and she says i'm the one who fears intimacy

This week I'm on egg shells trying to make peace and help my aqua prepare for this test she has to take ... the same damn test she's been studying for the whole damn time I've known her (1 year). She failed it last spring and is worried she's gonna fail it again. Pass or fail, there will be new rules in my house come November. I'm going to have to make it difficult for her or she really will never leave ... not that I want her to leave, I just want her to be freaking responsible.

I've been spoiling her like fuck this week and she really responds to that. She knows she's got a good deal here with me! On the down side, I am a critical person and she's said I make her always feel like she can never be good enough for me. I'm just thinking, "well, how about give it a try ... like do your work before you waste a weekend with some other dude."

Beautiful! 🙂

May I also point out that you started the headline with "Karma is still biting my ass" when all you do is speak of her? Where is your lesson in all this so "karma" stops biting-CHOMP!

Posted by NikkiMse1978
May I also point out that you started the headline with "Karma is still biting my ass" when all you do is speak of her? Where is your lesson in all this so "karma" stops biting-CHOMP!

the karma is in the fact that all this shit she's been doing to me is all stuff I've done to others in past relationships ... like cheating, just for the sex, and now cheating in the context of an emotional affair. So I'm getting to know what it feels like to be on the other side of the exchange. That's why I called it Karma ... maybe it's the ol' you reap what you sow thing.

As far as learning my lesson goes ... there was a time when i slept with someones wife, and the dude begged me not to. They had an "open" marriage, but when it came to marriage but he just wasn't able to handle her being with someone else yet. In light of these recent experiences; I would stay the fuck away if I ever encountered a situation like that again.

I was really tempted to call the Aries today, but I resisted. Her husband is out of town this week. I don't think my "lessons" are sufficient if she had called me, but she didn't so maybe there's some truth in that quote, "ye shall not be tempted above that which ye are able to resist." lol

Posted by jru2

Posted by NikkiMse1978
May I also point out that you started the headline with "Karma is still biting my ass" when all you do is speak of her? Where is your lesson in all this so "karma" stops biting-CHOMP!

the karma is in the fact that all this shit she's been doing to me is all stuff I've done to others in past relationships ... like cheating, just for the sex, and now cheating in the context of an emotional affair. So I'm getting to know what it feels like to be on the other side of the exchange. That's why I called it Karma ... maybe it's the ol' you reap what you sow thing.

click to expand

So you have been cheating, just for the sex, having emotional affairs etc. since even before her? Then yes, universal law states you have not learned your lessons so you will indeed recieve karma. I find it hard to beleive you did not at least learn a little something all the way.

Posted by jru2
As far as learning my lesson goes ... there was a time when i slept with someones wife, and the dude begged me not to. They had an "open" marriage, but when it came to marriage but he just wasn't able to handle her being with someone else yet. In light of these recent experiences; I would stay the fuck away if I ever encountered a situation like that again.

I was really tempted to call the Aries today, but I resisted. Her husband is out of town this week. I don't think my "lessons" are sufficient if she had called me, but she didn't so maybe there's some truth in that quote, "ye shall not be tempted above that which ye are able to resist." lol

That was not your lesson to learn, that was the other guys. And his wifes.

Do you see a pattern with you and married woman? Maybe your lesson is to grow inside and love who YOU are so that you do not need to compensate for a lost feeling (just a guess) by being with a married woman. Your Karma still haunts you bcus of the choices that you are making. It will never change unless you take the steps to do so, and calling the Aries while her hubby is out of town is not one of them.

"ye shall not be tempted above that which ye are able to resist" needs to be your new mantra! 🙂

Hi H99,

when you were the 2ndary ... did you also have another primary relationship just for yourself? I've been the 2ndary before too, and I was fine with it. I was never jealous of her husband either ... lol, but I got jealous thinking of her being with someone else besides me or her husband. Also though, I was married when this 2ndary relationship started, so it was like we were both each other's 2ndary. The issue was that there was no honesty in our primary relationships ... our respective spouses were not allowed in on the affair because we knew they would not have wanted to be a part of that situation.

I've been trying to have a relationship where my primary partner is aware, and where I put my primary partner 1st, and where honesty and loyalty to my primary partner is paramount. This is harder to implement than I imagined ... just being honest with my current gf/ex-gf/up in the air gf ... has been way more difficult than I thought it would be for both of us. Besides that, she absolutely had no tolerance for me doing anything ... lol, but she didn't have a problem sleeping with someone else at one point.

The swinger club thing might be a feasible option for some. We did do that, but my gf didn't really enjoy it much. It was her way of making it up to me after she slept with her ex one night. The main point is that neither one of us felt jealous in the swinger club situation. lol, i was furiously jealous when I found out she slept with her ex on the sly though.

Posted by jru2
Hi H99,

when you were the 2ndary ... did you also have another primary relationship just for yourself? I've been the 2ndary before too, and I was fine with it. I was never jealous of her husband either ... lol, but I got jealous thinking of her being with someone else besides me or her husband. Also though, I was married when this 2ndary relationship started, so it was like we were both each other's 2ndary. The issue was that there was no honesty in our primary relationships ... our respective spouses were not allowed in on the affair because we knew they would not have wanted to be a part of that situation.

I've been trying to have a relationship where my primary partner is aware, and where I put my primary partner 1st, and where honesty and loyalty to my primary partner is paramount. This is harder to implement than I imagined ... just being honest with my current gf/ex-gf/up in the air gf ... has been way more difficult than I thought it would be for both of us. Besides that, she absolutely had no tolerance for me doing anything ... lol, but she didn't have a problem sleeping with someone else at one point.

The swinger club thing might be a feasible option for some. We did do that, but my gf didn't really enjoy it much. It was her way of making it up to me after she slept with her ex one night. The main point is that neither one of us felt jealous in the swinger club situation. lol, i was furiously jealous when I found out she slept with her ex on the sly though.

Jru, you know that people are not going to view things the same way you do despite how honest you are. Selfishness in some form or another is always going to be present. Simply put, she's being selfish because you're still accepting it. She has you and him to satisfy her needs and switched up based upon who's giving her what she wants at the time. She's taking advantage of you being in "limbo." My relationship with my Libra ex was similar because she was/is going through a divorce. While I was not jealous of her still communicating with him because they have a child together, I noticed that she wasn't pushing him for the divorce and still isn't till this day. The turmoil in their situation spilled over into ours and plus the felt I wasn't good enough. The ole not seeing the great thing in front of you and looking for something better doomed us in. She would get mad at him and

Got cut off lol

Posted by jru2
^^^lol

I feel so bad for her right now. She is self sabotaging herself. She has already enabled two men, me and the other guy she is infatuated with, to ruin her entire career if either of us wanted. She's worked for years to get her PhD and she's practically throwing it all away. I can't wrap my mind around it. She is borderline going crazy, no jokes aside crazy. She's really worried about herself too because she is now same age as when her mom did go crazy for real.

things are really fucked up right now. Maybe she is doing some master manipulation on me, but just in case I'm going to be there for her for now. She's gonna have to try to get better though, because I'm not perfect for sure, and there is only so much I'm capable of. I will especially loose patience if she doesn't try.

Is she manipulating you? To a certain extent but her actions are overt and tell you exactly what you need to know.

Posted by beautifulsoul74
Got cut off lol

lol, hate it when that happens ... sometimes you can hit the

Posted by ninjafish
OMG what the hell— Is this shit normal in sag-land? *backs away slowly*...

yeah, haven't even told you guys everything ... she's detaching again, but we are maintaining the open communications. Like right now she is on verge of planning a weekend getaway with some guy ... probably the deciding factor will be if she can get her own place between now and then. but, then we have good days still too. she's done with me, but she still loves me, and is sad that the rel. just isn't working out ... and, I can understand completely, she wants to move right into another relationship. I'm on board for that ... rebounds do dull the pain. I'm just pissed she is still living off me and making these plans.

I'm also frustrated because she hasn't really given me the green light to find someone new yet ... and I'm not going on yellow because I'm tired of sweeping up glass on my floor ... think I still have a piece of glass stuck in my toe from the last stuff she threw.

at least she has been acting sane lately!

Posted by jru2

Posted by ninjafish
OMG what the hell— Is this shit normal in sag-land? *backs away slowly*...

yeah, haven't even told you guys everything ... she's detaching again, but we are maintaining the open communications. Like right now she is on verge of planning a weekend getaway with some guy ... probably the deciding factor will be if she can get her own place between now and then. but, then we have good days still too. she's done with me, but she still loves me, and is sad that the rel. just isn't working out ... and, I can understand completely, she wants to move right into another relationship. I'm on board for that ... rebounds do dull the pain. I'm just pissed she is still living off me and making these plans.

I'm also frustrated because she hasn't really given me the green light to find someone new yet ... and I'm not going on yellow because I'm tired of sweeping up glass on my floor ... think I still have a piece of glass stuck in my toe from the last stuff she threw.

at least she has been acting sane lately!

click to expand

why r u waiting on her to give u the green light?

@DMB ... I wasn't joking about the glass on the floor ... etc. If I met someone, I wouldn't hold them off, but there is no reason to go out of my way to meet anyone else right now because that's just gonna start more trouble.

it's just really confusing right now ... just two more days until the test. she's doing a lot better, I actually said the right thing last night, and we've been bonding again. I still can't quite tell what's going on in her head, but she's really been satisfying my needs lately ... lol, in bed.

remember, I don't tell you guys the good stuff in our relationship either ... mostly I come here to vent about the bad stuff.

some of the things we share with each other that are fucked up and/or hurtful, I think maybe some couples just don't share. Most people keep secrets, right? I know I sure have in past relationships. She probably didn't need to tell me about making plans for the weekend ... unless she actually follows through with it, but it's looking like she may not now. I just don't think she will be able to afford to move out between now and then ... haha, and she at least is aware that she can't just do that and expect her stuff to NOT be on front lawn again.

we should have filmed our life together so far ... def. crazier and more dramatic than most tv shows ... in our warped little ways.

challenge to everyone here ... be completely honest with your partner for the next year. give each other access to phones, emails, fb, and if you go see someone else for a HH and accidently discover some attraction you weren't expecting... be upfront about it with your partner when you get home. It's really, really hard. At least it has been for us.

ooops ... @DMV ... that's what 3 beers do to me