My Sag's cancer moon is driving us apart. Advice??

I'm an Aries (Sun, moon, venus, north node...LOTS OF FIRE); He's a Sag with a cancer moon; and man sometimes he can be so sensitive and hard to talk to. There are days I don't know if I'm going to get his outgoing blunt sag traits or his emotional moody cancer traits.

I do love that he can be really in tune to other's feelings and is a very caring and nurturing type of guy; but the difficulty lies in my Aries talking to his Cancer side. I realize that I can be blunt and rather in your face with stuff, but why do I feel like I have to be the one to adapt to his sensitive/moody side? I don't mind meeting someone half way if they are willing to do the same; but it just seems like he's not - he can be very stubborn and unwilling to listen to my side if I have hurt his feelings with the WAY I've said something - nevermind the content - as soon as my tone gets edgy he goes in to his shell (yes a sag with a cancer shell, rather odd) - and it's frustrating to someone who would rather put all the cards on the table and discuss those things that are causing problems and then move on. He has taught me to be more patient (a hard task for an aries). As well, our age has mellowed us both out (me 40, him 49); but damn, his cancer moon can be a bear to deal with sometimes.

Any advice? Is this just something I have to deal with? Like I said above, if so, then if feels as though I have to change for him and it's not an equal "thing". (make sense?)

Thanks for any advice in advance.

Ok, I know love isn't always easy, and you have to put in some serious time to make relationships work...
but should they really be like jobs/duties? Should we really feel like we need to change our partner or change ourselves?

Well, Cancers are usually more intuitive than other signs on average. Regarding the tone thing, you probably don't even pay attention to it, putting all the emphasis on the words. But Cancers try to read between the lines. That's why just your tone alone can have such a huge impact on your man and cause him to hide in his shell. Best advice is to try and be mindful of the way you say things, even more than what you are even saying. When he does get all moody, give him some space to cool off, and try to get him talking about his feelings when he comes out of his shell. Don't try getting him to talk about his feelings right away. This will get you the stubborn silent treatment. He will come out when he is ready, and when he does, make sure you talk about things then. Don't let him bottle it up and save the moodiness for later.

Both of best friends are sags with cancer moons and either one acts like that. Hmm...

Thanks for the replies. By no means do I want to change him - in fact, I'm really trying to understand his cancer side more and be mindful of my "ariesness" (if that's a word). I just find it at times, frustrating.

I love the guy - he's just the best and 90% of the time we are on the same page - but when we get off the same page - it's tough. I feel like he uses the Sag bluntness and honesty to suit him but then retreats to his shell when I respond to his comments; which may at times be different from his opinion. Makes it hard to have an honest discussion (sag trait) when I have to be mindful of the WAY I say things (cancer moon). BUT, I realize I have a LOT, no, a TON of Aries influence that needs some taming.

Eh, guess I'm just venting today.

He and I are currently not on the same page, but we're getting back on the same page slowly this week. I said something a week ago, he took it wrong and then it just went downhill from there - he's been in his shell all week and is just now starting to come out. I'll be making his favorite dinner tonight and have a little gift for him as well. I took some of his Costa Rica surfing pics - he just got back - and put some in a nice frame for him. We'll see how it all goes.

Try a boyfriend with a scorpio moon.
That's fun. 😄 Lol....................

I wish someone would beat him up sometimes.

Scorpio moon? Hmmmm....that's an entire different set of issues I imagine. My boyfriend's venus is in Scorpio and he's intense.

Well the fact that your moon is fire and his is water is what makes him seem so confusing.
But that makes him more all the more interesting/intriguing to you. 🙂

I totally understand.

Maybe the problem is not his sensitivity but the problem is that you are laying all your cards on the table and "insist" upon "talking" about it. Men don't usually respond to talking, they respond to actions. I actually had a very similar problem with my Sag ex and he would close up even more every time I wanted to talk about it.

Obviously, him being closed shell occasionally is not going to change, and I know you realize that. So you are going to have to work together to make it work.

I suggest when something like that happens again and he pulls into his shell, you pull back as well and give the both of you time to think about what happened. Let him come to you as opposed to you talking it out of him.

You shouldn't have to change yourself just pull back on the reigns a little. Just go do your own thing and leave him in his shell and see if he won't come to you.

Lets face it you're not going to get the talk that you want right away, guys (even Cancer men) hate talking about their feelings... so if you keep pushing him to "talk" about something he's only going to see it as nagging and he's going to want to get into his comfortable shell even more.

Just give him space, and if he finally confronts you about, make it short and sweet and to the point.

Good Luck.