confusion continues

Okay, okay, so I've weakened AGAIN!! Thanks for all the pats on the back, but alas, they were undeserved. I did hold out longer this time than last. However, I want to pose an interesting point, something I hadn't mentioned before. My scorpio is an ex-con, and had been locked up for a very long time. Prefer not to go into details, but I'm confident he is reformed, not perfect, just reformed. His niece informed me that I was the first woman he'd seriously dated since he'd gotten out. Any possibility that he's just making up for lost time? I've also observed that he's changed alot since we've been together, as far as the fact that he was very scattered and needed focus. He also had to be reacclimated to the "outside world" as far as simple things like establishing credit, balancing a checkbook, etc., so I've realized he needed someone to help him from baby steps back to a more civilian life style . He has also worked very hard since his release - 2 jobs, 7 days a weeks; gotten his own apartment, which we moved into a year ago, furnished his apartment (very nicely I might add, with my good taste), etc., etc. I think my need to be needed, in addition to the fact that I'm very emotionally and physically attracted to him (not to mention my obsessive tendency toward total devotion, i.e. the 22 year previous marriage), has caused my maternal instincts to override alot of the negative aspects of his 'problem.' Also, just as an aside, I had a friend tell me that Scorpio men also tend to have either a dominating character or one that needs to be dominated. He basically follows my lead whenever he asks my advice about something and he is definitely not domineering.

So, I guess I've posed two questions; 1) is his philandering a fallout of all his years locked away, and could he possibly reform?
2) Does anyone have any experience with the latter type scorpio men who need to be dominated (not domineered! just very receptive to being lead).

Please, anyone with 40 lashes, save it! Please be constructive, and as gentle as possible.

Ex-con?? Two Words: LOSE HIM.

Umm it doesn't matter what sign he is, my question would be don't you think you are worth better than this kind of person in the first place?

Based on what we know I dont think anyone here is qualified to judge what kind of person your guy is. I personally know many people who have been imprisoned due to circumstance. That doesnt automatically make them bad. Since youre the only one who knows all the details , youre going to have
assess your guy based on your values and the facts. Apparently youve known of his incarceration for some time. If it didnt matter then it shouldnt now however I do see your point regarding his need to stray being contingent on being locked up.. Personally I think quality is much more important than quantity but thats just me. Unless youre going to lay all the details on the table , we cant make an informed decision for you. It sounds like you love him and want him but need to justify this to yourself vis-a-vis the approval of others. Life isnt perfect and neither are people. So now were back to you . Its time to be pragmatic and do whats right for you.... regardless

64-12, You are so right!! This guy has already paid his debt to society. He's proving that you can change your life!! So, give the guy a break.

Sloane, your idea is pretty much the same with every relationship and that is to dump them. I bet you are alone and will probably end up that way. Picky and lonely go together.

There are lot of people with a past out there. Without even knowing the guy's story you are judging him. You need to get real and keep you Orange County, white bread, stuck-up world to yourself. Your probably a dike aren't you—

I personally have known alot of really good people that have spent time in prison or jail, and I wouldn't trade their friendships for any.

To the original writer, what is it you want? if this man isn't what you are looking for, then why are you interfering with his life? He doesn't need your problems; he needs to start from jump street with someone that is going to help him not mess with his head. You will probably be responsible for him viloating his probation. He needs someone solid in his life not someone all confused and messed up herself.

By the way, how do you go from one relationship to the next? I never could understand how someone could do that!! Shows what type of person you are.

204, 116--I am not alone at all-I have a very loving boyfriend whom I have known for 5 years now. When the original poster mentioned he was an "ex con"--yes, those were the words used to describe this man, that pretty much sums it up. The original poster is OBVIOUSLY not happy with him.

204.116 and Sloane, there is NO way I can respect anyone who believes in staying with people who abuse them!

Neither can I. I don't respect any abuser period.

To whoever came down on sloane for being "picky":

There is nothing wrong with being picky. It filters out the losers and creeps. If you're into losers and creeps, you're not being picky enough. And obviously, someone who desires chaos, uncertainty, and ex-cons has problems beyond those that can be solved on a message board.

And by the way, picky and lonely don't go together, but easy and screwed-up certainly do.

The person who posted this original message is the one who's easy and screwed-up. Follow the story nitwit. She dumps a 22 year marriage to hook up with a man in prison, without even a pause. She isn't complaining because he works too hard; she's complaining because he isn't dominating enough! Don't crack on a person because they have made mistakes in life. It's not what you've done; it's how you deal with the consequences, and he sounds like he is working it out pretty good; I give him alot of credit.

Before you jump from man to man take a breather and figure out who you are and what it is you want and that way you won't have to write people you don't know looking for advise that even a child wouldn't need!!

Sorry, that may be harsh, but your stories are ghetto and you sound really silly.

206-102 Who are you to call people creeps or losers. You never met the person before, and your going to make a judgement. Who's the real creep/loser. If I were to make a decision, I would say it was you!! You seem to be the real loser. God grow up and stop acting like a stuck up brat!!!

Okay, before you pass judgment on whether or not I'm easy and screwed up, which I won't comment on. The 22 year marriage was pure HELL!!! Both physical and verbal abuse. I divorced him once for five years and then went back after it appeared that he had changed his ways. We had two children and 4 step children. I was into my religion and felt certain that it was the thing to do. Several years after we reunited, he started having an affair with one of the women in our small community!!!! This rocked on for several years. When my friend came along, I was ripe for some attention!! And I did not know at the time that he was an ex-con. So before you pass judgment, ask for more background details, please.

And FYI, ghetto, i'm not. I just got into a situation before I knew all the facts. I don't carry on long term affairs while married. Once I saw I was getting too involved, and realized I didn't want to back out, I had to leave, whether it works out or not. It's an all or nothing thing for me.

Don't be so harsh, you just might find yourself in a situation one day that you'd never believe in a million years that you'd let yourself succumb to. That's the payback for judging. I've been there and done that too and it has invariably boomeranged on me.

Confused,

I was only going on the information you gave us. You asked for advise; I know you probably want to hear something better, but then I wouldn't be acting very sincere.

I am not hear to judge you because everybody makes mistakes, and that includes me. But, I am now old enough to have figured out certain things having gone through them. I will tell you-- No! I would never find myself mysteriously in a similiar type, or even close to it situation. Why, If I ever left a present relationship, especially an abusive one, I would take at least a year by myself to get back in the groove again. You cannot heal emotionally when you give yourself no time to work through all the stuff that went on for the last 22 years. That is alot of baggage to carry from one relationship to the next. And if the person loves you enough they would give you the time you need to sort through it all.
I hope everything works out the way you want it.

From the title of your post 'Confusion Continues' I am picking up that you do need to take some time for yourself. To figure out who you are and what you want from life.

To 206, 102...
Thank you for the kind support! I agree with your response.