I tried to shut down..but scorp wouldn't let me

Let's just say a lot of bad stuff has happened lately. I've been getting so overwhelmed that my mood is almost always irritated. Main thing tho, I don't share my emotions because I hadn't for 4 years with my ex leo because I didn't want to overwhelm him. Now I'm pulling the same thing with scorpio (shutting down by not showing him my weak side) and he gets upset at me. He hates it.

I feel like I just made my night much worse cus now I've lumped him in with all the other d-bags in my life who I wasn't emotional around. I feel so horrible. But I couldn't help it. I've been conditioned this way for 4 years now and it just happens. But he wants me to let him comfort me.

I feel like while in the process of preventing something I just hurt things instead. 😢

I really like this guy...he said he'd forgive me, but I feel like I've done a horrible thing. What should I say to let him know I don't think of him that way and I can't help it...but would like to?

...ugh. headache. I'm gonna go lay down. I feel like life's just hit me hard lately. Cheers

Change occurs in baby steps. step one: Show him your post here. Tell him you posted it on a support group, (of sorts, we are) and that you are trying. Its a good start.

These are both very helpful answers. Thanks a lot guys for the insight.

@Nights22: Agreed, I'll need to work on reconditioning myself. I want to be able to share everything with him, including how I feel. I just need to realize he doesn't see it as a burden like the other guys in my past did. I'll try to talk to him about it asap and let him know what's up and that I want to work on things together. Good advice.

@Biggirlpanties: I like that idea. I'm gna tweak it a little though. DXP is my safe haven and I'd rather he not be aware of what I talk/have talked about here. So what I'll probably do is say I talked to someone about it and let him know what I talked about aka posted about. Or if I wanted to I could mention I posted on a site and only show him what I wrote, copy and pasted into a word document.

I just know how scorpios are. They like to snoop and find out everything about you. There's just some stuff on here I'd rather he not read, or know about. At least not yet. That and I'd rather he not know when I posted about him cus that could be embarrassing or cause drama. I really like the idea of telling him I went to someone tho. It'll show him I cared enough about the problem to go to someone else for their perspective on how to fix it

^^^ good thinking...and good luck.

Thanks!

Posted by ellybd
Awuh I understand. I'm all kinds of jumpy with my scorp, at least I was a lot when we started dating. My scorp didn't get upset, he knew how to work things better for me. He gave me space, let me come to him. My scorpio also has the most superb emotional control of any human I've ever know. A truly strong scorpio.

That being said, perhaps your scorpio is reading this as something that needs to be dealt with by confronting the problem early. Mature scorps are good at reading an emotional situation and finding the best response.

I hope things work well, i'd recommend the above posters response, to show that this is as important to you as him and you want it for yourself too. It would be so great if between you and sag89, scorpio men could finally get some redemption in sag's and the scorp boards eyes. I think exo and I are the only with consistently good upstanding scorps, and most probably don't count us since we are scorps haha.

Right, I suspect he's had some experience with this in the past too because it really seemed to offend him. He texted me this morning to see how I was doing. I told him I'd been talking it out and he said we should talk about it in person, so I'm suppose to hang with him later tonight to discuss some things.

He told me something today that made me feel like I could relate with him on the problems I'm having, but I still coward a little when he asked me to elaborate on why I could relate. I told him I'd tell him in person and left it at that. I feel like I still have a bit of work to do on my part, but I'm willing to trust him with my emotions like I am in every other level.

Yes, I think it's good to read about the good scorpios among all the terrible muck we have to swim through each day about all the bad scorpios. Hoping tonight will go well so I will have good news to report

Oh good luck kits.

I kind of don't get what your saying though?

HappyKits, I don't know what the issue is, but there must be a reason why you don't want to share with him yet. Please don't let him pressure you into doing/discussing something you are not comfortable with.

Posted by pathfinder
HappyKits, I don't know what the issue is, but there must be a reason why you don't want to share with him yet. Please don't let him pressure you into doing/discussing something you are not comfortable with.

Thanks pathfinder. I think he means well when he tries to get me to open up. I do what to share with him. I just wasn't sure how he's react since other guys in my past haven't reacted the best to me being emotional. Him asking me to come to him when I'm hurt makes me feel like I can trust him with a lot more now.

We talked it out tonight and I explained to him that I trust him more than I have with others in the past. I'm able to just be my goofy self around him and not hinder myself. I just need time to allow myself to be conditioned back to trusting someone with my weakness. He was a little concerned about me conditioning myself, but I told him it was moreso allowing myself to trust him with that weakness because I want to trust him, but it's been so long since I have with someone. Crying in front of someone is a hard thing for me. I feel like it's manipulating, and I told him that. But he assured me he was going to be there for me and that he wants to comfort me when I'm in that state. He said he hates it when people shut him out and I understand now it really hurt him. Apparently this isn't the first time I've done it, but I'm going to work towards trusting him to accept who I am, even when I'm hurting and weak.

Posted by Sag89
Oh good luck kits.

I kind of don't get what your saying though?

You don't get what I'm saying about what? About me shutting down?

^ Yes

Posted by Sag89
^ Yes

When I get overwhelmed I feel like I'm at my weakest and I don't like the people I'm close to to see that weakness. In the past with my exes I've been pushed away and not comforted when I've been emotional and even criticized for being weak. So now when someone asks me to share I shut down, or rather, I don't share what I'm feeling.

I shared a lot with him last night tho. It was hard, but I told him what all had happened and he only comforted me. Didn't try to push me away or criticize me. So I think that's a good start so far

Posted by happykitsune

Posted by Sag89
^ Yes

When I get overwhelmed I feel like I'm at my weakest and I don't like the people I'm close to to see that weakness. In the past with my exes I've been pushed away and not comforted when I've been emotional and even criticized for being weak. So now when someone asks me to share I shut down, or rather, I don't share what I'm feeling.

I shared a lot with him last night tho. It was hard, but I told him what all had happened and he only comforted me. Didn't try to push me away or criticize me. So I think that's a good start so far

click to expand

*sighs* that exactly how I wish I was parented. Good kits. yes thats a great start 🙂

Posted by Sag89

Posted by happykitsune

Posted by Sag89
^ Yes

When I get overwhelmed I feel like I'm at my weakest and I don't like the people I'm close to to see that weakness. In the past with my exes I've been pushed away and not comforted when I've been emotional and even criticized for being weak. So now when someone asks me to share I shut down, or rather, I don't share what I'm feeling.

I shared a lot with him last night tho. It was hard, but I told him what all had happened and he only comforted me. Didn't try to push me away or criticize me. So I think that's a good start so far

*sighs* that exactly how I wish I was parented. Good kits. yes thats a great start 🙂

click to expand

Guess it helps having an S.O. who will work with you. Now the only thing is I'm afraid if I open up this much to him that if things were to go south I will have already developed this bond for him. I hope I'm not setting myself up for another heartbreak like I did 4 years ago. Back then all was going well, the only problem was that I'd brought in trust issues from the past relationship. I've moved on from everything now (I can trust this scorpio with most everything) the emotions are just the only thing I have to allow myself to share with him....I just don't want him to take it for granted, because this is really hard for me to do, even with family.

Posted by happykitsune

Posted by Sag89

Posted by happykitsune

Posted by Sag89
^ Yes

When I get overwhelmed I feel like I'm at my weakest and I don't like the people I'm close to to see that weakness. In the past with my exes I've been pushed away and not comforted when I've been emotional and even criticized for being weak. So now when someone asks me to share I shut down, or rather, I don't share what I'm feeling.

I shared a lot with him last night tho. It was hard, but I told him what all had happened and he only comforted me. Didn't try to push me away or criticize me. So I think that's a good start so far

*sighs* that exactly how I wish I was parented. Good kits. yes thats a great start 🙂

Guess it helps having an S.O. who will work with you. Now the only thing is I'm afraid if I open up this much to him that if things were to go south I will have already developed this bond for him. I hope I'm not setting myself up for another heartbreak like I did 4 years ago. Back then all was going well, the only problem was that I'd brought in trust issues from the past relationship. I've moved on from everything now (I can trust this scorpio with most everything) the emotions are just the only thing I have to allow myself to share with him....I just don't want him to take it for granted, because this is really hard for me to do, even with family.

click to expand

I'm sure it'll be fine