If it's meant to be.....

....it'll be.

Is what my Scorp said to me after a week and a half of silence. I'd text him asking what was going on, was everything ok etc. and got vague replies about him being stressed and not in a good place. So I'm like ok is there anything I can do (thinking even if he asks for some space at least he's communicating his needs) and he just says flatly sorry no. Then he says sorry again, that I'm awesome and that he's no good.

I ask him what that means for us, where do we stand and he then says:

"Just do what you want, please don't wait for me. If it's meant to be it'll be"

I'm confused beyond belief. I mean what does that even mean.

I just do not understand this man. If he's going through a dark time that's fine the problem I have is that he never DIRECTLY communicates what he wants, feels or needs. I just get all this vague crap that I'm supposed to be able to interpret. Is it a roundabout way of telling me to fuck off? Or is it some test to see if I'm committed/loyal enough to wait it out and be there for him when he comes out of his dark phase?

All this after what was probably the best few weeks we've spent during these 8 months; at a point where it's finally felt like I've been allowed in and we've gotten closer.

I just want him to come out and say he's not interested in me anymore or whatever it is and actually physically say it's over instead of weird cryptic messages that don't tell me much either way.

Scorps what do you make of this? I'm guessing I'm missing something, which is why I'm asking here.

Thanks.

I honestly think he's depressed or something. I know he's out drinking a lot with a group of younger guys he kicks about with. He'd said something before about sick of always being skint and wanting to go travel again but not having the money; he spent a couple of years in Thailand/Oz a few years back.

I'm currently saving for Oz next year so I know it's hard but I just want to shake him and say look at the bigger picture! If he cut back on the boozing all the time then maybe he would be able to save. Frustrates the life out of me.

He feels pressured...Stop asking and wanting and focusing all your attention on him...Your turning him off.

He's saying just worry about yourself and stop pressuring him to give you what he's unable to give. Your invading his space, you want to know how he feels, what he thinks, what he means, what he wants, HIM HIM HIM all that attention and focus on one man can drive a man nuts. Try leaving it alone and letting it be. You can't force a man to open up and you damn sure shouldn't be spending an exorbitant amount of time trying to decipher everything he says, your not only driving him bonkers but your driving yourself bonkers.

He's being as straight forward as a man can be...

Just do what you want

please don't wait for me

If it's meant to be it'll be

That's code for it's over and if it's not meant to be over then things will work itself out

So cease contact and let him come to you when he's ready

Ouch.

You have a point though Tiki. I did think that. As for pressuring him I don't think I was, I'm not talking about reams of texts here asking what's going on. I left him for over a week and only asked because I was starting to think something was wrong.

I have already resolved to just get on with things and leave it be. Just this has been a complete turnaround for him and I'm at a loss to understand exactly why.

Ah well.

Posted by everevolvingepithet

Posted by MissPirate
I honestly think he's depressed or something. I know he's out drinking a lot with a group of younger guys he kicks about with. He'd said something before about sick of always being skint and wanting to go travel again but not having the money; he spent a couple of years in Thailand/Oz a few years back.

He could be. I doubt the drinking's helping, and it's frittering away his cash really.
I'm pretty much clean as a whistle these days and it's awesome (like has a couple of beers last night with the broski, but didn't go out raving, don't care for it now and I doubt it'd hold my interest 'til 5-6am anyways 😛)

I'm currently saving for Oz next year so I know it's hard but I just want to shake him and say look at the bigger picture! If he cut back on the boozing all the time then maybe he would be able to save. Frustrates the life out of me.

Yeah I remember you saying, good for you on that one 🙂
Ahh, you answered the same as me.

click to expand

Well I still go out and have fun but I watch the budget and it doesn't affect everything else in my life or my plans for the future. Will be good to get away that's for sure. 🙂

At one point I wondered if it was the whole my going away thing because when I spoke about it before he said he'd love to go back and asked if he could come with me. I said sure. He made a comment before he went silent about not being able to get away at all and that it wasn't looking good for next year either due to finances. I just find it hard someone I care about going through a hard time and not being allowed to help.

Anyway it could be lots of things or as Tiki said maybe he's just done with me. At the end of the day though he's in no rush to tell me so no point obsessing over it which is, I'll admit, what I've been doing.

Thanks guys. 🙂

Posted by MissPirate

I'd text him asking what was going on, was everything ok etc. and got vague replies about him being stressed and not in a good place. So I'm like ok is there anything I can do (thinking even if he asks for some space at least he's communicating his needs) and he just says flatly sorry no. Then he says sorry again, that I'm awesome and that he's no good.

I ask him what that means for us, where do we stand and he then says:

"Just do what you want, please don't wait for me. If it's meant to be it'll be"

I'm confused beyond belief. I mean what does that even mean.

I think what tiki was meaning when she said you were invading his space and pressuring him was referencing the above. He wants to blow you off, he isn't wanting to talk about how he feels, Sweet-P, and when you have him on the phone, you keep him on by asking him what it means and you try to get him to convey where you stand .. when he only wanted to just shrug his shoulders at the whole thing and get off the phone.

You might take this the wrong way, but, you know me well enough by now to understand that I say things for your benefit ........ you are too accommodating in your relationships (obviously, I can only base this on what you write in here) .. seems like every man you've talked about in here .. the Aqua, that hot latino, this Scorp, to name a few ... seems like you are willing to just stand there and go .. okie dokie, I'm good with whatever ... and to have that non-chalant attitude makes a guy feel like he's just any ole bloke.

The guy needs something firing at him ... he needs to feel like he's one of a kind and only he possess what you need as a woman. Pisces females definitely have this edge .. but, when you talk about your men, I don't sense you expressing this. Maybe you've been hurt and are at a point where you are pulling back to protect yourself?

I don't know .. I'm just telling you what I see.

Hey P it's cool I get what you're saying.

I'll need to have a think about this.

Posted by everevolvingepithet
He wouldn't communicate with you if the interest wasn't still there.
Stubborn man too 🙂 Probably trying to sort his shizz out himself, maybe it's a learning curve/growing pain for him.
Maybe a bit embarrassed too ?

Yep.

Posted by everevolvingepithet

He wouldn't communicate with you if the interest wasn't still there.

Maybe not .... you know some people have manners and would answer the phone for the sake of curtesy.

The way I read this, I understood it to mean that he isn't contacting her, rather she is contacting him. It appears to me as if he's answering her when she contacts her, and blows her off.

I wouldn't interpret that as interest.

Posted by MissPirate

Is what my Scorp said to me after a week and a half of silence. I'd text him asking what was going on, was everything ok etc. and got vague replies ....

In that ^^^^^^^ I read that he's ignoring her, and when she texts him .. he blows her off.

How is a conclusion made that that means he's interested?

QS I know what you're saying. Part of me wonders if he's met someone else hence the complete turnaround. Because in the days before the silence it was HE who was constantly in touch with me wanting to see me etc. then all of a sudden he's blanking me.

The only thing that annoys me is being being treated with kid gloves. Even if it hurts I'd rather know where I stand that way it's a clean break and I can move on. Don't sugar coat it just because you feel bad. He's done this before though and came back and I have to wonder if he does this whole semi vague rubbish so that he can pick me back up later if he feels the need.

It's fine I'm just going to get on with my own life and leave him be because regardless of what's going on in his head it's clear that's what he wants. The last text I've had from him said he'd like to be friends. Kiss of death right there.

I stand by it though I did NOT push him in any way shape or form.

I'm talking literally about texting him 3 times during all this, mainly out of concern for him - because I had no idea what was going on.

Pisces I may be but I'm not that bloody sensitive. All I expect from people is the truth.

Sometimes 3 text full of what's wrong, are you okay, is it me or is it you can be 3 text too many. You only have to pressure a man one time before he feels pressured and backs away. He's clearly not being vague, he's saying how he feels, you can't see it b/c you communicate differently than he does but yeah he's pretty much broken up with you w/o saying it's over especially if he said let's be friends, that means my penis no longer is turned on and I'm ready to move on. He may come back around but don't let the dude back in so easily, raise your degree of difficulty, make him work for it.

Thanks Tiki I know what you're saying. To be fair though I never once asked if it was me. I just asked if he was alright and if there was anything I could do.

The only text that could have been construed as such was my asking what that meant for us. I don't think that's unreasonable though. OK so in his head it was clear what he meant, given that he's done this before I won't blame myself for asking for a more definitive answer.

In any case though it's clear I have my answer. Thanks to all who posted I do appreciate everyone's comments.

Honestly I'm not so sure I'd let him back. This wanting me one minute and blanking me the next is starting to get tiresome. I've hung in there for 8 months and am of the opinion that he should know by now.

And at this point in time it looks like he does.

Just deleted his number.

No point flogging a dead horse as they say lol.

Onwards and upwards!

Oh he'll be back, just don't be so amiable and easy in letting him back in, don't let him think he can just come in and come out as if you don't care about yourself, make him work for it so he can gain some respect for you and for the relationship he shared with you.

Amiable is who I am unfortunately.

But yeah I get you. Although if he doesn't respect me now he never will.

The point is I can respect myself. 🙂