I'm a scorp, he's a scorp....can I win him over?

Long story short, I'm in a fwb relationship with a scorpio man and I am also a scorpio. Best sex I have ever had in my life. I've known him since January and I have developed feelings. Back in March when my feelings were less but I was interested, I asked if he would like to pursue a relationship and he said no. We continued fwb and I attempted to distance myself from the emotional aspect. However, in April we had what I thought was a breakthrough moment and things have slowly spiraled down from there. Prior to this breakthrough moment, we had contact every day via text. Good morning, how are you, etc. And we would see each other once every week or two. It was not the typical fwb who only contact each other when they want sex. I quickly learned that he was turned off if I asked him to come over so I left the ball in his court on that. Anyway, the breakthrough moment came one night after I had given him a nice back massage after he'd had a rough day at work and he had been venting about work and life in general. He told me it was nice venting to me. And then he just caught my gaze and held it. He holds my gaze during sex all the time but that's different. He held it so long and my heart was doing flips. I ended up saying "what?" to which he replied "nothing, nothing" in sort of a defeated tone. Since then, this was April he has pulled back BIG TIME. We no longer text every day and I see him every 3-4 weeks. I hear from him 1-2 times a week if that to say how are you, etc. He told me a couple weeks ago that he's been in a bad mood for about a month and that is why he has been quiet, but he would not elaborate on his reason for the bad mood. Anyway, I saw him last about 10 days ago. As soon as he came in he gave me this big hug, rubbing my back and burying his head in my shoulder. He hasn't hugged me in months. The whole experience seemed different to me, even more intense and connected than usual. I really felt like he was happy to see me and that he had missed me. After he left, my feelings were just so intense that I knew I had to tell him and I did the next day. He told me "I do not have the same feelings as you. I am just a genuinely nice guy. I do care for you but not the way you want me to and the way you deserve."

I am just confused. I really feel he does have feelings but he is scared and I know Scorpio men are like this. I have done my research albeit a little too late. I have definitely been too forward for a S

Posted by nahla1204
I've known him since January and I have developed feelings. Back in March when my feelings were less but I was interested, I asked if he would like to pursue a relationship and he said no. We continued fwb and I attempted to distance myself from the emotional aspect.
S

'Relationship' is a big thing for a scorp and they seldom jump into one even if the like a person.So in the begining,when he said no to the 'relationship' but continued to see you nevertheless,it meant 'Stick by me but lets take it slow'.

You distanced yourself emotionally thereafter assuming he is not interested in the relationship, he got the vibe you turned cold and he has been guarded thereafter.

He does like you but does not trust you sufficiently to enter the relationship phase just yet.If you like him,be there for him,let him know you care and demonstrate it via words and actions other than sex as well and give it time.

He will come around when he is ready.You need to be patient and non-pushy yet there for him.

At that point he had told me he was not looking for a relationship because he looked for one for a year and had no success so he gave up. Maybe distanced myself is the wrong word because if anything, I have probably been overbearing with him. I meant more that I put up a wall, but honestly I did not do a very good job of it. I actually just this past week told him that I am open to doing things outside of sex to get his mind off of whatever is bothering him lately and that I would listen if he needed to talk. I left it at that, I'm not going to push. I am going to put more effort into being his friend first. It is really hard not to chase him however. Going from texting every day to maybe 1-2 times a week is rough and makes no sense to me. But I am going to let him come to me now. I'm just not sure if I should reject his request to come over the next time he does because I almost always say yes to him, if it is possible. I know they like to chase though.

Posted by nahla1204
At that point he had told me he was not looking for a relationship because he looked for one for a year and had no success so he gave up.I'm just not sure if I should reject his request to come over the next time he does because I almost always say yes to him, if it is possible. I know they like to chase though.

"I am not looking for a relationship"=Lets take it slowly,i'm not sure about you just yet.

Trying to be friends first seems like a great idea,go ahead with it.

Scorpio men need their space so 1-2 times a week is also fine.The idea should be to stay connected without smothering.

Don't play the game of pulling away and letting him come to you and don't reject him either.A relationship between two scorpios can turn into a dangerous power game and end in a disaster so both of you need to keep your ego's in check,communicate clearly and not be ashamed of stating your emotional needs.

Take ^^ seriously if you want to have a good relationship with your scorp.

How old are you guys?

I'm 36 and he is 42. Both divorced. I know at my age I should not be coming to a forum for advice but he is a very confusing creature. Thanks for the advice. I guess be welcoming but not as eager as I have been? I wonder if I should still invite him over. Seems like almost every time I do, he says no for one reason or another.

And what is his rationale behind the statement "I dont have the same feelings as you. I do care for you but not how you want me to care." I surely dont want to put effort into winning him over if there is no chance...

Invite him if you want to spend time,no problem.If he turns you down,its his problem,not yours.

Have a life outside of him as well and be independent despite being there for him.

The statement means "I am not sure if I am good enough to fulfill your emotional needs.Do you still like me and accept me for the way I am?".

I feel there is a chance,so be patient.

Relationship dynamics depend on age and maturity besides other factors so had wanted to know how old you both are.Coming to a forum and seeking advise has nothing to do with age,so relax,its fine.

You are most welcome,happy to help.

All the best.

Posted by nahla1204
And what is his rationale behind the statement "I dont have the same feelings as you. I do care for you but not how you want me to care." I surely dont want to put effort into winning him over if there is no chance...

That is a wall, and a warning and a hook. Well constructed wall that will stop you in your tracks, make you analyse and then over analyse and a teaser to keep you there- Just in case.

You know that; as it is our MO. We do not like closed doors, and yet are honest and genuine so we invent these wonderfully terrible situations.

I have been wary of the scorp-scorp combo after my one of my earlier bf's (that I actually shared the same birthday with). We were instantly 'together' spent every night together and it was so easy, because of course we understood each other so implicitly! The communication/ intimacy/ friendship everything worked. Then he stopped it. Abruptly. He was interested in someone else although I don't think he said that at the time. He was lovely about the break up- he is still a nice guy, but of course I was devastated and I think I would've entertained the FWB idea if that was on the table except he is one of those guys who can never be single and quickly moved on.
That was blooming lucky for me- it saved me a bit of heartache!

Unfortunately I am a slow learner and am currently in a FWB arrangement with a Leo. Again, not a good idea. These guys (scorp and leo) are mostly decent/ loving/ loyal and can be easily swayed and as it seems like he does care about you. But as I am discovering with my situation it is not really about him- it is about you.

What do you want? A relationship? Then don't settle for less!
It is super hard as we fixed signs fixate! And if you are already attached (darn oxytocin!) walking away is a nightmare. Cue: sleepless nights.
After a week without hearing from my leo he left a message to apologise for vanishing. My heart was racing and I am pretty sure I had an idiotic smile on my face, but this is not a triumph the situation is still the same.

I am letting go of the benefits and will try to be a friend to him, his situation is pretty horrid and I think he needs a friend rather than a lover. If the situation ever magically reverses and we get back into a relationship I will be astounded! And that is not what I am holding out hope for. I am moving on and living my life as I want

I want him. And I want him to be mine. I was not looking for anything serious when I met him but a connection like this I cannot pass up. I wonder if he'll break down though. Problem is I am not a patient person.

I guess the question is do I feel he is worth waiting for and possibly never winning him over....he is def worth waiting for. He's the whole package IMO.

Well tonight he called me to talk and I learned what has been bothering him for the last 6 weeks. He is apparently in love with someone he was dating before he met me. They broke up but the hope was they'd get back together but he has lost that hope and has been sad. He obviously values me a friend to confide in me but it was like a dagger in my heart. I want him, he wants her. FML. The worst part is I don't feel like I can walk away from him now and there's still that hope that once he's over her he'll want me. I swear I give up on relationships already. I always get hurt.

Aww, that is pretty horrid news to hear. I know I've been in exactly the same spot twice in a year!

But grieve, scream, cry... then get out and enjoy your friends, family, and life! DO NOT wait for this man, no matter how much you want him right now. You deserve better!!! You are obviously a lovely, caring person that he is leaning on- heavily- but do not forget that the most important person in your life is YOU.

He will never be head over heels in love with you, and even if he settles for now with you out of his own need to be loved/ consoled/ held you will torment yourself that he'll never truly be yours. This is never going to work out in your favour, but try not to get anymore involved, therefore hurt.

Wish him the best then - No contact - put a plan in place to reward yourself... New shoes is my absolute best treat.

*Hugs*

He was rebounding with you😢.

It is a good thing that he finally let out what was bothering him before you got even more involved.

Being his friend and expecting him to eventually become yours would be pointless since he is hung up on his last love still.

I suggest you distance yourself from him and as time passes,the pain and hurt will reduce.

Take care.Hugs.