AslanMane
@AslanMane
17 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 93 · Topics: 8
Lion's 2nd Chance with Scorpion Lady?
(CONTINUED)
MY QUESTIONS:
1) It always bugged me why she let me go the first time. I've been wanting to ask her about it but the dating wisdom from experience, friends, and advice columns say I should drop it, not bring up the past, and stay positive. ****I wouldn't pitch it in any aggressive way, maybe just be like, "Hey, I just wanted to get something off my chest. A year ago, I felt we had a wonderful date and great chemistry. I was just wondering what happened and if I maybe moved too fast for you?"
I only had 2 theories on the "radio silence" from a year ago:
She either was waiting on another guy that she really liked and suddenly became available (her friend was commenting on her blog a few days later, "Hey are you gonna ask out that guy you really like?" OR I just messed up and maybe we got too physical on the first date (if she wasn't comfortable with it, she needed to let me know, because there weren't any signs).
2) I need some advice on chasing after this scorpio, because I know it's extremely rare to get a 2nd chance from this sign and I care about her a lot. What are some do's and don'ts about the Leo male/Scorpio female combo that I should be aware of?
MY QUESTIONS:
1) It always bugged me why she let me go the first time. I've been wanting to ask her about it but the dating wisdom from experience, friends, and advice columns say I should drop it, not bring up the past, and stay positive. ****I wouldn't pitch it in any aggressive way, maybe just be like, "Hey, I just wanted to get something off my chest. A year ago, I felt we had a wonderful date and great chemistry. I was just wondering what happened and if I maybe moved too fast for you?"
I only had 2 theories on the "radio silence" from a year ago:
She either was waiting on another guy that she really liked and suddenly became available (her friend was commenting on her blog a few days later, "Hey are you gonna ask out that guy you really like?" OR I just messed up and maybe we got too physical on the first date (if she wasn't comfortable with it, she needed to let me know, because there weren't any signs).
2) I need some advice on chasing after this scorpio, because I know it's extremely rare to get a 2nd chance from this sign and I care about her a lot. What are some do's and don'ts about the Leo male/Scorpio female combo that I should be aware of?
Aslan! the great lion...
I used to get influenced by these 'dating rules' myself. When I didn't know where I did wrong or what to do, those dating rules were a lead to understanding my situation, but they are not the answer for Everyone and Every situation, honey. My first rule today is, be *yourself*! Not your psycho self, but your common self...
[1] I believe, your SCORP lady may have ran into someone from her past, who she felt for. Because you were just the recent guy, she probably decided that a sudden stop would not matter much to you. We women believe that guys can get over these things faster than us.
[2] If you want to find out what the reason was to her 'radio silence', the only way of finding out is ASK HER! In all sincerety, tell her what you thought of her at the time. If you don't ask her and pretend everything is all nice and dandy, she will think you are superficial. She will think you are one of the guys, who just bounces back, just because he feels lonely and has nothing better to do with himself, but you are also easy to let go. One year of wait, is a long wait.
Scorps appreciate what comes from deep down. We are no small talk people by any means. We prefer silence over superficial talk. Yes we can boost a party into high gears, but that is not our natural state. It is rather the perfectionist in us giving a situation what it deserves. A party HAS to be entertaining... A relationship is something to be taken seriously... so speaking from the heart will make you win those extra points into her heart.
Do not worry about being honest to her. However, listen carefully to her response, Aslan.
[3] I would not consider this a *second chance*. You have done nothing wrong. You just want it to continue this time ... 🙂
I used to get influenced by these 'dating rules' myself. When I didn't know where I did wrong or what to do, those dating rules were a lead to understanding my situation, but they are not the answer for Everyone and Every situation, honey. My first rule today is, be *yourself*! Not your psycho self, but your common self...
[1] I believe, your SCORP lady may have ran into someone from her past, who she felt for. Because you were just the recent guy, she probably decided that a sudden stop would not matter much to you. We women believe that guys can get over these things faster than us.
[2] If you want to find out what the reason was to her 'radio silence', the only way of finding out is ASK HER! In all sincerety, tell her what you thought of her at the time. If you don't ask her and pretend everything is all nice and dandy, she will think you are superficial. She will think you are one of the guys, who just bounces back, just because he feels lonely and has nothing better to do with himself, but you are also easy to let go. One year of wait, is a long wait.
Scorps appreciate what comes from deep down. We are no small talk people by any means. We prefer silence over superficial talk. Yes we can boost a party into high gears, but that is not our natural state. It is rather the perfectionist in us giving a situation what it deserves. A party HAS to be entertaining... A relationship is something to be taken seriously... so speaking from the heart will make you win those extra points into her heart.
Do not worry about being honest to her. However, listen carefully to her response, Aslan.
[3] I would not consider this a *second chance*. You have done nothing wrong. You just want it to continue this time ... 🙂
Thank you so much for your encouraging words Red! I don't think I've heard the scorpio mind laid out that clearly before. At 24 (she's the same age as well), I'm at the point where I am tired of wandering from partner to partner for just a fix. I've had 3 relationships lasting about 6 months each, but I know I can do better, and this Scorpio seems like quite a catch.
I guess I'm just apprehensive about bringing up the past. How do I bring up a matter of the heart like that without it sounding: NEEDY, A GUILT TRIP, INTERROGATING, and killing the mood?
I've only dated one scorpio woman and that was back in highschool. It was short lived and I just remember everything always being MY fault, and things would get turned back on me. In short, she hated being held accountable for her actions, and if it was about her F-up's, then it just made her angry....
I guess I'm just apprehensive about bringing up the past. How do I bring up a matter of the heart like that without it sounding: NEEDY, A GUILT TRIP, INTERROGATING, and killing the mood?
I've only dated one scorpio woman and that was back in highschool. It was short lived and I just remember everything always being MY fault, and things would get turned back on me. In short, she hated being held accountable for her actions, and if it was about her F-up's, then it just made her angry....
You can be just straightforward. As you wrote above, use your line...
*"Hey, I just wanted to get something off my chest. A year ago, I felt we had a wonderful date and great chemistry. I was just wondering what happened and if I maybe moved too fast for you?"
Remember, you first want to know each other.
I dated LEO men. I know they are pretty fast in announcing *Love* and *You are It✨, but then they seem to change their mind as if it wasn't them announcing all trust and love in you. Scorps are more cautious. 24 is quite young, so I think a Scorp woman at that age might be more shy and not very open with how she feels for you. It takes us longer to love and announce our love for you. Also... when we do fall in love, we don't take a break-up lightheartedly.
*"Hey, I just wanted to get something off my chest. A year ago, I felt we had a wonderful date and great chemistry. I was just wondering what happened and if I maybe moved too fast for you?"
Remember, you first want to know each other.
I dated LEO men. I know they are pretty fast in announcing *Love* and *You are It✨, but then they seem to change their mind as if it wasn't them announcing all trust and love in you. Scorps are more cautious. 24 is quite young, so I think a Scorp woman at that age might be more shy and not very open with how she feels for you. It takes us longer to love and announce our love for you. Also... when we do fall in love, we don't take a break-up lightheartedly.
about your ex, short-lived relation with the scorpio girl, what type of actions annoyed you most about her?
In order of how much I dislike my scorp ex's (the one from way back in highschool) negative traits:
1) Guilt tripping and other forms of manipulation
2) Ungrateful for things I did for her
3) Trust issues
4) Always siding with her friends over me
5) Not being very physical (She would only let me kiss her and then after awhile she stopped that too) - However, that's probably because she was hardcore Catholic - F-U-C-K that!
I was lucky enough to grow up with and meet enough water signs in my life to get a better idea on how to deal with them. I think you are absolutely right about breaking up with them. It is messy at best and a living hell normally. Pisces > Cancer > Scorpio in order of least icky to most icky LOL.
Leos have a quicker turn-around time and sometimes I think that pisses off other signs. I just hate how Scorpios are so evil and methodical about everything, haha. Like they never make a move without their own best interest in mind first. *shrugs* I don't know, maybe it's like Cancer's self-preservation mechanism of not wanting to get burned.
Like take my old band for instance....Way back we had a new bass player join. Now me and this scorpio bandmate were pretty much running the show. Everyone in the band, including the scorpio loved this bassist, but just DAYS after he joined, my scorp takes me aside and is already saying shit like "...just in case he leaves, or we want to kick him out" blah blah. Like it was kind of a kill-joy LOL.
Do you guys always have to have an exit strategy? 😉
1) Guilt tripping and other forms of manipulation
2) Ungrateful for things I did for her
3) Trust issues
4) Always siding with her friends over me
5) Not being very physical (She would only let me kiss her and then after awhile she stopped that too) - However, that's probably because she was hardcore Catholic - F-U-C-K that!
I was lucky enough to grow up with and meet enough water signs in my life to get a better idea on how to deal with them. I think you are absolutely right about breaking up with them. It is messy at best and a living hell normally. Pisces > Cancer > Scorpio in order of least icky to most icky LOL.
Leos have a quicker turn-around time and sometimes I think that pisses off other signs. I just hate how Scorpios are so evil and methodical about everything, haha. Like they never make a move without their own best interest in mind first. *shrugs* I don't know, maybe it's like Cancer's self-preservation mechanism of not wanting to get burned.
Like take my old band for instance....Way back we had a new bass player join. Now me and this scorpio bandmate were pretty much running the show. Everyone in the band, including the scorpio loved this bassist, but just DAYS after he joined, my scorp takes me aside and is already saying shit like "...just in case he leaves, or we want to kick him out" blah blah. Like it was kind of a kill-joy LOL.
Do you guys always have to have an exit strategy? 😉
Tonight is my date with the scorpio lady ~_^ Wish me luck everyone!
::::UPDATE::::
First off, FUMRedFairy_Tales, thanks for the great advice!
Lady scorpio and I went on our date last night! Unfortunately, it was raining hard and the gloomiest evening possible. I called her before our date and she said she was very tired because she had been up since 2am that morning and had to work a double shift. I asked her if she wanted to reschedule, but she said she was still up for seeing me. If she was still up for it in her state, I figure driving the 40 miles or so in the rain was justified - I'm pretty determined I guess =).
I took her to a nice, fancy restaurant she hadn't been to in a while (she works fastfood as a shift manager, doesn't get much vacation or pay, so I thought I would treat). I always have this fear of running out of things to talk about, so I will come mentally prepared with interesting topics in mind. Well, that fear was put to rest when we started talking about her singing career and my band. I gave her some genuine complements, the best music advice I could, and encouraged her to keep chasing it. She said she might even have me play on her album. She is such a good listener and I always felt I had her full attention, which is a huge thing for me =)
Well, when the mood seemed right and I figured we were both comfortable enough, I asked her about what happened a year ago. I put it as candidly as I could without sounding angry/whiny about it. She told me that she wasn't in the right "mental state" at the time for a relationship. I took it as she just wasn't "ready" - a line I use sometimes, but she sounded honest. She reassured me that yes, we DID "move too fast", but that it wasn't my fault. Take it or leave it, at least I got an answer and I won't bother bringing it up again.
As for the future, she told me straight up, she's not sure if she has time for a relationship. She works all kinds of weird hours at her fastfood job because they're short on managers, and the rest of her time is usually devoted to working with her team in the studio.
The bright side of this was she said she really wants to get to know me, and just because she may not have the time right now to start DATING, doesn't mean we need to stop spending time with eachother until she's ready. I sensed a bit of conflict in her - like she wanted to start dating, but did not want to lead me on or potentially lose me if she could not devote the effort.
Unfortunately, we couldn't go back to her place and "hangou
First off, FUMRedFairy_Tales, thanks for the great advice!
Lady scorpio and I went on our date last night! Unfortunately, it was raining hard and the gloomiest evening possible. I called her before our date and she said she was very tired because she had been up since 2am that morning and had to work a double shift. I asked her if she wanted to reschedule, but she said she was still up for seeing me. If she was still up for it in her state, I figure driving the 40 miles or so in the rain was justified - I'm pretty determined I guess =).
I took her to a nice, fancy restaurant she hadn't been to in a while (she works fastfood as a shift manager, doesn't get much vacation or pay, so I thought I would treat). I always have this fear of running out of things to talk about, so I will come mentally prepared with interesting topics in mind. Well, that fear was put to rest when we started talking about her singing career and my band. I gave her some genuine complements, the best music advice I could, and encouraged her to keep chasing it. She said she might even have me play on her album. She is such a good listener and I always felt I had her full attention, which is a huge thing for me =)
Well, when the mood seemed right and I figured we were both comfortable enough, I asked her about what happened a year ago. I put it as candidly as I could without sounding angry/whiny about it. She told me that she wasn't in the right "mental state" at the time for a relationship. I took it as she just wasn't "ready" - a line I use sometimes, but she sounded honest. She reassured me that yes, we DID "move too fast", but that it wasn't my fault. Take it or leave it, at least I got an answer and I won't bother bringing it up again.
As for the future, she told me straight up, she's not sure if she has time for a relationship. She works all kinds of weird hours at her fastfood job because they're short on managers, and the rest of her time is usually devoted to working with her team in the studio.
The bright side of this was she said she really wants to get to know me, and just because she may not have the time right now to start DATING, doesn't mean we need to stop spending time with eachother until she's ready. I sensed a bit of conflict in her - like she wanted to start dating, but did not want to lead me on or potentially lose me if she could not devote the effort.
Unfortunately, we couldn't go back to her place and "hangou
(stupid forum - CONTINUED)
Unfortunately, we couldn't go back to her place and "hangout" because she had a fight with her roommate, so we decided to go for a drive and sing together in the car. We're both huge Lady Gaga fans, and she sung the leads, while I sung the harmonizing parts. The harmonies sounded so good together. I was really impressed with her voice. She told me she couldn't hangout for very much longer, but asked me to take the long way back to her place =) I think singing together scored some points. I know it sounds silly, but I could tell she really was having a great time and not just being polite. We hugged and said our goodbyes. I hope I made her day better =)
Unfortunately, we couldn't go back to her place and "hangout" because she had a fight with her roommate, so we decided to go for a drive and sing together in the car. We're both huge Lady Gaga fans, and she sung the leads, while I sung the harmonizing parts. The harmonies sounded so good together. I was really impressed with her voice. She told me she couldn't hangout for very much longer, but asked me to take the long way back to her place =) I think singing together scored some points. I know it sounds silly, but I could tell she really was having a great time and not just being polite. We hugged and said our goodbyes. I hope I made her day better =)
Aslan :-)
Sorry for not being very communicative here. I've been pretty busy myself. And THANK YOU.. for the update. I am happy for you that things are looking bright, because in the end, we all want to love and be loved in return. The riskier part is finding the right person who you are compatible with and all the work one puts throughout the establishment of such relationship.
It sounds like she is truly interested in you. I do not believe she has any games in mind. She is just taking it slow.
The restaurant idea was a super great start for you, Aslan. A classy start shows us you do value us enough to make that extra effort. Regardless of female or male friends, or wherever I go, I like dressing up for the occasion. I see it as giving respect by being presentable. Scorpios are like Virgos when it comes to detail. When you put a label like DATING, we think of giving some hours to get ready for that occasion. If you would name a get-together as 'let's just have coffee/ smoothy/ ice cream/ whatever ... I just WANT to SEE you again..." , THEN this will be a casual meeting. The 'I want to see you again' is a passionate invite. Even writing this tickles my senses... All she asks from you is a genuine and simple meeting. Your SCORP lady is busy with her work/life schedule. We are hard workers. You can always charm her with special invites on special days, but for now... the simpler and practical you keep things... the more you will get to see of her.
You can also invite her to some home-cooked meal and DVD to your home. I would find it utterly romantic -- not as a start-up though.
What I do remember about LEO man who had romantic interest in me is that my trust to a LEO man developes much faster than to any of the other signs. Partially it is due to LEO being open. They blab out right away of how they feel. They make themselves vulnerable, and therefore, I trust them faster.
Her telling you that she was 'mentally not in the right state' means she had someone else in mind. Could be a broken relationship. As I said, we don't take break-ups lightly. It takes us a long time to get over someone. I used to do the casual dates too, just to forget. Some worked and some didn't, but I never had anybody long-term in mind when going for the healing dates. You probably were one of them who also happened to leave an impression on her.
Sorry for not being very communicative here. I've been pretty busy myself. And THANK YOU.. for the update. I am happy for you that things are looking bright, because in the end, we all want to love and be loved in return. The riskier part is finding the right person who you are compatible with and all the work one puts throughout the establishment of such relationship.
It sounds like she is truly interested in you. I do not believe she has any games in mind. She is just taking it slow.
The restaurant idea was a super great start for you, Aslan. A classy start shows us you do value us enough to make that extra effort. Regardless of female or male friends, or wherever I go, I like dressing up for the occasion. I see it as giving respect by being presentable. Scorpios are like Virgos when it comes to detail. When you put a label like DATING, we think of giving some hours to get ready for that occasion. If you would name a get-together as 'let's just have coffee/ smoothy/ ice cream/ whatever ... I just WANT to SEE you again..." , THEN this will be a casual meeting. The 'I want to see you again' is a passionate invite. Even writing this tickles my senses... All she asks from you is a genuine and simple meeting. Your SCORP lady is busy with her work/life schedule. We are hard workers. You can always charm her with special invites on special days, but for now... the simpler and practical you keep things... the more you will get to see of her.
You can also invite her to some home-cooked meal and DVD to your home. I would find it utterly romantic -- not as a start-up though.
What I do remember about LEO man who had romantic interest in me is that my trust to a LEO man developes much faster than to any of the other signs. Partially it is due to LEO being open. They blab out right away of how they feel. They make themselves vulnerable, and therefore, I trust them faster.
Her telling you that she was 'mentally not in the right state' means she had someone else in mind. Could be a broken relationship. As I said, we don't take break-ups lightly. It takes us a long time to get over someone. I used to do the casual dates too, just to forget. Some worked and some didn't, but I never had anybody long-term in mind when going for the healing dates. You probably were one of them who also happened to leave an impression on her.
The compliments you gave her about her voice are great pluses too. We will pick on the fake compliments, but yours was sincere. So far so good, Aslan 😄
you are on the right track!
you are on the right track!
Yeah you're definitely right about the breakup thing. Her last man was 3 years ago!! (which is an eternity for this lion) She said she was burned pretty bad.
It's been a week now and I still can't get her to INITIATE contact, but she *does* respond to my texts and calls me back if I call her first.
I texted on Friday (gave her a few days to miss me since our date was last Monday):
"TGIF (name)!!" -Leo
"lol Not for me! I have to work the next 4 days!" -Scorpio
"Well, then I'll have to help you unwind when you're off" -Leo
No response after that but I think she was busy at work.
PS: Again, RedFairy, thank you so much for being there! I wish I could talk to you over the phone about this, but I don't know how to ask over a forum without sounding like a creeper HAHA!
It's been a week now and I still can't get her to INITIATE contact, but she *does* respond to my texts and calls me back if I call her first.
I texted on Friday (gave her a few days to miss me since our date was last Monday):
"TGIF (name)!!" -Leo
"lol Not for me! I have to work the next 4 days!" -Scorpio
"Well, then I'll have to help you unwind when you're off" -Leo
No response after that but I think she was busy at work.
PS: Again, RedFairy, thank you so much for being there! I wish I could talk to you over the phone about this, but I don't know how to ask over a forum without sounding like a creeper HAHA!
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The progression was something like this:
-Several messages back and forth
-Then long phone calls (sometimes 2 hours long) exchanged
-A great first date that started out with a hug with the chemistry contuining - We felt just as comfortable in-person as on the phone
-She invites me back to her place, we watch a movie, and start cuddling and making out on the couch (I never knew kissing could get that hot/intense!)
-We agree to a second date the following weekend
-She blows it off with what seemed like a valid excuse, then RADIO SILENCE for several weeks which turn into a month or two, then I give up
A year passes > Fast forward to the present
So I finally feel like there's been enough of a gap, that maybe, perhaps I can try contacting her again. I know that one of my friends tried to go on a date with her, but stood her up. He said that she was still single and had some failed dates over the last year, but nothing substantial.
I send a "Long time no see" type message to her on Facebook and kept it friendly. She responded saying "We should totally hangout", "Great to hear from you!", and gave me her phone number. Over the last 2 weeks, we have texted each other, but no phone calls. I caught her in a meeting for her work one time but she continued to text. Said she would call back that night but didn't.
Then, last night, she sent me a couple texts saying:
"How are you?"
"Hope you've been having a good week!"
"We should talk. I'm off tonight, but I'm with some friends till around 9. Do you want to call me or should I call you?"
Finally, we talk on the phone and had a great conversation. It was like no time had passed and the chemistry was still there. I asked her if she was free for the weekend and she said she would let me know tomorrow as soon as she finds out.