Mixed Signals

So I am a Cap/Aqua cusp girl and I recently have been seeing a Scorpio man. Our "relationship" started out as a fling and now seems to be progressing to something more, however the mixed signals both of us have given are muddling up the waters making it hard to tell which way is up and which way is down.

To begin, we met at a network meet-up group and he invited me to a date. Unfortunately, I stood him up our first date as I had mixed up the day we were suppose to meet. He was very understandig and found it funny, and we reset our date for the next day. The date went well, but it lead to a sexual encounter which I figured was just a one night stand. He actually asked me to stay the night the first time, but I turned him down and went home. Again he found this amusing as I was "different than most girls". I told him I wasn't looking for a relationship, or even to date and was content with satisfying each others' sexual needs if he was interested in that as well. So for the past two months or so we've done just that. However, it typically goes that I sit down and have dinner with him and his brother, we talk, drink, sing and have fun before having sex. He's asked me a few times to stay the night and most times I've said no, but it's become the norm now for me to stay the night on weekdays and we get dressed and ready for work together and go on about our days. We do not text or talk except for the days we plan ahead to have dinner and such. Often times if I stay the night on weekends he, his brother, and I will grab breakfast and spend the afternoons together. His brother and I are pretty close on a friendship level. Recently though I've grown more interested in him as we have a lot in common. I contemplated telling him I liked him, however he beat me to the punch and after having sex and drinking a bit too much, he confessed to liking me a lot and thought I was "alright". He even spilled his past relationship with me which ended badly and I sympathized with him and eventually took him up to bed to sleep off the alcohol. The thing that is throwing me off is when we aren't together it's cold between him and I. We don't talk, but then when we are together I find us bonding. I suppose I am trying to figure out if I should continue with our current patterns and let him decide where it goes, or if I should express my liking and desire to be in a more exclusive relationship with him (like actually starting to date)?

By the way he is ten years older than me.

Why is it cold when you're not together, can you elaborate?

The better word would probably be distant. We don't talk, but if one of us contacts the other it's very short and to the point. We don't take the time to see how each other is doing or just say hello. The communication is lackluster when we are not physically around one another.

I see, have brought that to his attention before?

No I haven't as I feel we haven't fully connected on a point were I feel comfortable pointing those things out to him. I'm sure it is all in my head that I feel that barrier exists. We have a quiet understand of each other, but we don't tend to speak on emotional terms because of how the "relationship" has started out. Then again, I've told him I'm not an emotional female and thus have probably lead him to believe I don't like interacting that way.

You should definitely tell him. Good communication is important in a relationship and the beginning is the best time to get in sync in that sense, you don't want to start out of sync and let it proceed that way. It's much harder to get back on tract at a later time when damages are done and it gets too late for repair. Since you have a good connection in person, you can start by communicating it to him when meeting in person. I don't think the way you started the relationship matters. It's going to be how he feels about you and what you do.

You make an extremely good point. I am definitely over-thinking everything as I realized where I gave mixed signals and don't want to scare him away because it appears I can't make up my mind. I will let him know how I feel, but should I contact him first or wait until he contacts me later down the line?

If he seriously likes you, he's not going to mind you calling him whenever you feel like. I think you should call each other whenever you feel any kind of confusion, you wouldn't want to proceed with a man who has issues with that. Since I only know about you, I'd tell you to call him.

I think earth and water signs speak their emotions differently. An earth sign is more logical emotionally then a water sign. If you walk a mile with an earth sign, she's going to feel like someone who has walked a mile with you; as for a water sign, you can push to swim only a few meters on water with him and end up a mile away or pushed back on the shore; where the water takes you depends more on how it feels about you and the mood that its in; less about the push on your swim.

That's why I say that communication is important. Just being man and woman, you'll have the usual misunderstanding, when you add the difference in elements it can create problems.

Another thing that is important is that you act according to the part you want to play in his life and not according to a strategy, because I think men mostly look at what you do and not so much what you say. So if you don't want him to see you as "bang" material, it's important that you don't carry yourself that way. You don't have to try to get all mushy on him and stuff but you can share your vision with him. I think he'll appreciate being put in the position to contribute in your future. Just my opinion.

usally the more i like someone, the less i instigate contact mostly cos i worry the 'liking' isn't reciprocal so i kinda want them to show they like me back before i absolutely go for it. someone who displays consistency in their interest will eventually win my trust

Rays Heart: I really appreciate your opinion as I find it very insightful. I will definitely take your advice. Thank you.

QUlETstorm: There is definitely compatibility outside of the bedroom which is why I have such an attraction to him at this point. We have a lot of things in common such as goals, interests, views on life, love, and family, etc. I find that on nearly every level we have a compatibility that may not be totally based on intense passion, but more so based on how we live our lives and conduct ourselves as people.

R1g0rM0rT1s: This makes a lot of sense. After he expressed his liking for me, he also let me know that he was explaining how intense he was emotional so I "knew what I was getting myself into". The next day I went to see him, he seemed quieter with me...much more drained and almost expectant that I would bring up what he had said the night before. I didn't feel the need to discuss his liking for me as he seemed worn out that night anyway and aloud him to sit in quiet company with me by the fire. However after all the advice I've received I've decided to step out of my head and communicate back in a much more consistent manner that I am interested in him and want to see where things could go.

I truly want to be part of his life and prove I'm worth the chance as I feel there is something special that we could share.