My Best Friend Scorpio

I am a Libra female who is in love with a Scorpio male that happens to be my best friend. We met online 2 1/2 years ago and we are very close!! (I don't think that is normal for a Libra and a Scorpio) Well, I just recently told him that I'm in love with him and his response was that he didn't think that he was ready to give me what I'm looking for and deserve. Of course I was crushed!! He considers me his "closest friend" and that I'm "very important" to him. We have a connection between us that is extremely strong! The other night he told me that he tends to freak out when things start to get serious in a relationship and that he runs away. I don't understand. I feel in my heart that he loves me but he never says it. We are planning on meeting for the first time in April. He wants to meet somewhere romantic, for instance a nice cabin in the mountains. Romantic? If he doesn't love me, why would he want to spend a "romantic week" together??
Could you please help me? I need advice. What did he mean by the statement he gave me when I told him that I am in love with him? Is he saying that his feelings aren't mutual? Or is he really just terrified of the fact that he loves me??
Sunshine3

Hi Sunshine - It is wonderful to be so close to your "best friend" Mr. Scorp and to be able to experience those feelings of warm cozies...BUT! what concerns me Sunshine is his response to your telling him your feelings. Hmmmm...now I am not by any means a qualified expert on relationships or men and each one of us are different therefore so will our experiences be. We cannot go back and change anything here but we can prepare for the future. I would avoid telling a man that you love him...I would let HIM make the first move...men are HUNTERS....they do NOT want easy prey - they enjoy the hunt...it is in their blood and if any man says it isn't well, then...okay (I don't buy it) Regardless...he was probably caught off guard and may feel that there are expectations for him to meet and he may not be ready for that...LOVE is a very scary word for many people.

Your next question..."If he doesn't love me, why would he want to spend a "romantic week" together??" Men are designed and equipped and to think SEX...this is the MO..if they can find "fuel" for the equiptment to work, they will use it. In other words, me thinks he wants just sex and he really isn't that into you. Do you really want to "make love" to a man who says that his feelings are not mutual? Always believe what a man says...he just gave you his truth. What is so very common with women is they tend to find "excuses" for the man's behaviour because they do not want to see the truth.

If a man loves a woman..he is not terrified..he will go after her and nothing will stop him.

Perhaps you can change YOU and not meet him. Let him make the first move, let him come after you...my advice, do not meet him but you truly must follow your own heart Sunshine...because this is your life that you are creating for you....and you need to be happy with your choice. We can only advise but it is up to you to make that final decision...

Best wishes,
Freebird

No need for anymore comments here FB hit it right on the head. I strongly stand behind her statement. Follw your heart, but use your mind....

Much Love
DSL

hi freebird.....
this is what makes me so sad about the way the male and female gender live in this world....why is it that we must sit and let men love...we must let them make all the choices...what about our capacity to love men?....i have had this happen so many times....when you love a man with all your heart and tell him so, it is like you are not allowed to do that. men are the only ones who can love with all their hearts? we cannot pursue the man who makes us tremble with happiness?...we must "be the prey" as you say and have to settle for the man who will kill us with their devotion. see....that's just it...when a man loves us to death...we find it boring too! we want to love just as much as a man. we want to pursue and be a part of the hunt as well. but most of all, we just want to be able to express what we feel without being "put in our place" because we love. sometimes it is so painful. so degrading. why are we whores when we pursue...men are studs? these concepts must change or we, as women, will always be manipulated. i feel if a man cannot accept that you love him in a mature manner, and be happy about it, he is not worthy of your love. for to be loved is a grand thing.

Hi to you Pato...good to see you back here...I have missed you!

I so agree with you - "for to be loved is a grand thing" if you don't mind me adding a bit to that...for to be loved - unconditionally - is a grand thing and oh...what a feeling that is to be accepted for who and what you are 🙂

Pato, I am not so sure that we must sit and let men love or let them make all the choices. We must live our lives for ourselves - do what makes our heart sing, enjoy who we are, live life with or without a man. Women have an emotional capacity to love and boy can we love..it is our nature to give as it is for the men to hunt. I believe that we have the choice to do whatever we want...if one desires to express their feelings of love to a man she should do so. I do not know why men need to be the ones to pursue (maybe one of our awesome men will share their view on this for us).

I do know that for some reason...when a woman has pursued the man and they have established a relationship...for some reason it does not last. When a man has pursued and gone after and worked for his "prize" he will do whatever he needs to do to honor and cherish her for the prize that she is in his eyes.

You say "when a man loves us to death...we find it boring too!" I believe at times this is how a man may feel when the woman "loves him to death" - it becomes death to the relationship. When the right man comes into your world and loves you with all of his heart...and you love him back..then it is right....IF he loves you (this can happen quite often) and you do not share those same feelings then he is not right for you....no problem, the right one will enter at the right time when both persons have an understanding of what truly makes a relationship work. SETTLE—?? one must NEVER settle in a relationship NEVER - that is not honoring the special person that you are...one must never "settle" for anything...what is the point of that - oh no....for the BEST is yet to come my friend...always believe that.

No one can put us in our place or manipulate us unless we let them...the right man will not do that to the woman he loves.

A man can only accept love and be happy if he loves...same for a woman.

The greatest gift is to learn to love ourselves and once we learn that...we then need to give that love away for it is not for us to keep - it is our gift to share.

Pato - this article is from an interview from the writers of Sex In The City (writers of- He Just Isn't That Into You)...hope you find it interesting..I sure did!




Greg, you advise women never to ask a man out. That seems outdated, this being 2004.
Behrendt: Part of it is just based on my own dating experience, the times that a woman asked me out, things were awkward, and I wasn't that interested in the woman. And when a guy asks you out, you are on solid ground, at least at that point, and you know that he's interested and you get to set the tone.


Liz, are you taking a lot of guff from your girlfriends about this?
Tuccillo: You know, the one girl who hasn't read the book is like ?What are you doing bringing us back into the stone age?? But, I'm older, I've been around, my friends have been around. My peers have seen that the asking out and the scheming and the how-am-I-gonna-meet-him didn't work. So they pretty much get it.

I did a little informal survey among some of the men I know and they said they would be flattered if a woman asked them out. Are they lying?
Behrendt: No! Of course they would be flattered, but does that mean that they would fall in love with you? When women asked me out I was totally flattered by it. It was an ego boost, it was great. But it never lead to anything. Also, my feeling for the people who are like, ?Well that doesn't work for me,? is, well, then it doesn't work for you, don't take the advice.
Tuccillo: Ask a guy out, see how it goes!

I agree to a certain extent, only that I know a few relationships when a woman has went after a man she wanted and got him and the men are totally into them!! Probably because they do not know that they were plotted on..LOL

I took this off of a different posting on the scorpio board
The young lady was asking advice on if she should pursue this guy and this is the advice one guy gave her.... Althou I am a wuss, I personally feel go with what your heart tells you and if it doesn't work out, it wasn't meant to be, but at least you tried....To each its own.



Oh, almost forgot. Ironically enough my first (and in my opinion best) girlfriend got through my defenses and snagged me as her boyfriend. Wanna know how? I'll tell you next week.

Kiddiiiiiing .... (heh. couldn't resist)

Well, she did what I believe you should do if you're still wanting this scorp male of yours. She was PERSISTENT in asking me out. I think she actually asked me out at least 15 times over a 2 month period. Eventually I just gave in. In my mind I figured she earned the chance to have some of my time. Weird, huh? Once the relationship started, I took over and she made it easy by being ecstatically happy with anything I came up with for us to do together.

So, my game plan would be to very matter-of-factly ask him out constantly until he gives in. Make sure it's a no-pressure type of question, as if you don't care either way. Anything else will probably just make him put up his defenses. As far as him initiating anything, I don't feel he's sure enough of himself to be the leader he's destined to be quite yet, though I could be very wrong on this point. It depends largely on how much control you're willing to give up. If you support him, he'd probably take his role as initiator seriously and responsibly. If you nurture and support him without being condescending you'll probably end up with everything you're wanting and more.

take care

I think that is beautiful Candle Girl.

Hello Sunshine 3, Kennyg (I am a Libra also) and softy, nice to meet you-twinflame2 here. Good to see you back pato, I havent seen many posts lately from you. and freebird will be back soon (she is working on a big project) per Parallax.
Sunshine3 sorry to hear about the difficultys you are having with your relationship. Not sure what to say except from my experience it tends to scare a guy off if a woman says the I Love You thing first. It throws them off somehow it seems.

Let me share with you something I learned thorough reading.

When a woman says I love you, it means I am yours heart body mind and soul. I want to marry you have your children, and stay with you forever.

When a man says I love you, it means the above things but more. They are committing to being responsible for your welfare and support. This is not something they take lightly and that is part of the reason it takes longer for them to declair their love.

Even though we live in modern times if you think about it we still have hidden structural beliefs. We still see the man in our world as our protector and provider (in a shared sense now though). Men have not strayed that far from believing that they are not fully a man if they can not take care of what is theirs.

A woman is just in love for loves sake mostly, but it means something a little different to a man. Keep that in mind ladies when you are waiting for his love to be professed. If he says it then most times he has thought it through and you are his choice. That is why men say they love completely, do you understand. Men dont fair as well during a break up as we do either. The scars run deep, and they sometimes do not fully recover.

I read this in an article written by two prominant relationship experts some years ago. Dont remember their names now. But it made sense to me. I know I have not helped with your particular situation sunshine3, but maybe that is the reason he has been the way he has (I cant be sure).

But for some men (or most) saying those three words first just scares them off. Also the fact that you have never met and you are professing your love, the chance is even greater that I may be right on target.

A man does not want to committ until he sees the person he is committing to. Think about it, ask yourself why you told him you love him. Arent you in love with the person you imagine him to be, what if he is different than you thought he was in ways. I would have at any cost waited to say anything like that before meeting. And meeting for a romantic weekend should have told you there were possibilities for you, that he was interested in finding out more about you. But I would have found out the details of the meeting, that would have told you more. And I would have had an understanding that if this was just for fun that you were not interested.

If you had approched things this way you would have found out what you wanted to know about his intensions. And he would not have felt pressured, feeling that you are expecting a guaranteed relationship to come from the meeting. Maybe he just doesnt know for sure how it may go, but wanted to find out. Writing no matter how long online without meeting will never be the same as being around that person to know how they truly are. Or is there is true compatibility there between you. By saying you love him before hand it kind of puts the horse before the cart thing. I mean he is a man, he wants to look you over, kick the tires kind of thing, and see if you are the hotrod for him. I hope this helps-maybe you can salvage things I dont know. Its kind of hard to take something like that back once it is out in the open..

Freebird a thousand appologies, I have done it again. Darn me. I got you and Phoenix Rising mixed up. I know you are not her, and she is not you. Its just that she was posting frequently for awhile on the places I go. And I did not see you much. Then she has stopped due to the project she is working on and I started to see your posts alot. It is just a slip of the mind. No harm intended, please forgive me. It will not happen again. Man I gotta get it together, this thing with my mom is taking its toll on my poor mind I think. Forgive me my friend please. TW2

Dearest TW2 no apologies are needed and forgiven you are ...I am honored to be mistaken for Phoenix as she is such a gem and oh so very wise...I take it as a compliment - do not worry if it happens again...it's all good 😉

Please forgive me now as I am not sure what it is that is bothering you with your mom...I do hope that you soon are feeling better along with your mom. If you don't mind, could you share with me what is happening?

My love and prayers are sent to you-
Freebird

Thas is so sweet Freebird! Thank you for asking about my mom and I. As I have posted a couple of months back I am caring for my mother as she is very ill. I dont mind being there for her, its just that it is hard on me emotionally.

And bless her little heart she can be a somewhat difficult and demanding patient sometimes. I never realized she had such a strong will before. Its like I missed it, or she just did not show it that much. She gets stubborn and wants to do things for herself. But some of the things she wants to try and do are not safe for her. And she has injured herself because of that fact.

Its kind of funny sometimes, she gets cranky and lets you know just how she wants someting done! That's when I say "hey better watch your step now missy". Then I get the pouty face, and we both laugh.

Actually in truth the one thing that makes her care difficult at times is that she will ask you to do something, and before you are even halfway done with that request she has requested two more. Or she has to get her little hands into what you are trying to do for her. Like you are still her little girl and are not capable of completing the task without her guidence. Its all ok, and I handle things fine. Its just that by the time I leave to go home I am so exhausted mentally and physically. It seems to affect my thought processess, and functioning abilities at times. That is all I meant by my statement earlier.

But thank you! It was so kind of you to ask and show concern, it is much appreciated. TW2

Hi
This all makes very interesting reading. I was in a similar position with a scorpio, told him i loved him, scared the pants off him. We still talk. Sometimes he says the most beautiful things to me, enough to make me think he must feel something, then immediately afterwards nothing. He acts like a stranger and i feel like the woman out of single, white female! This has been going on for a while...i should really get a life no? Oh can any Scopios out there tell me if they have many libran friends. I have recently worked out that most of my close friends are scoprio. is that common?

Hiya Libralite....

I met up with a Libra man once... We clicked immediately. I thought he was funny and refreshingly intelligent. We held the greatest conversations and they lasted for hours. He literally made me laugh my butt off. Unfortunately for me, he was a bit too superficial and that is something I don't handle well. To him, life was about money and how much of it he could make... and what he could buy with it. He sent me money, sent me flowers (a different color every week), and would have literally set the moon in any position I asked for... but I couldn't get past the superficiality. He was also very flirty with other women, something I'm sure everyone in here knows a Scorpio just cannot tolerate (especially this Scorpio lol) So, I decided that, for me, if this was an indication of most Libras (not stereotyping guys - just going by this experience), then my soulmate wouldn't end up being a Libra lol. Hope this helps...

Angel

BTW, I don't really have a comment about the Scorpio getting scared when you told him I love you, except that sometimes we are overly skeptical of people and maybe too cautious.. He may not have been ready ... or he may not have believed you were sincere... Just guessing off the cuff since I don't really know the person or the situation. Not much help, am I? lol

Hi everyone.

I guess I'm a day late and a dollar short, but, here's my take.

Taking astrology out this, it could've just freaked him out. He could've been genuine when he said he tends to spaz out when things get serious. Relationships are complicated by nature, throwing the Ace of hearts on the table winks to the dealer to up the stakes. You two are friends, maybe he doesn't want to screw up the relationship with "love." Of course this could be an intellectual restraint, he could be feeling something completely different, hence, the romantic weekend. You could analyze, but, just asking would probably be better. If I'm understanding, you're friends first. Communication has to be a part of this.

There maybe even a simpler answer. Feelings aren't always defined. They aren't always clear cut. Sometimes they stand there staring are you chickeneyed wearing mismatch socks with their shoes on the wrong foot, and you have no idea why. For myself, my brain goes blind and deaf to hear someone tell me that. I could hear the electrical impulses screech to a grinding halt leaving skid marks on neurons and synapses. That can't be healthy LOL!

I tend to define everything I feel, and yet, I don't know why I have this response to it. It's ingrained. If this guy is the same, you may just have to take what he says by the hand and go with it.

Now, in expressing it. I can get across what I feel for another quite well. However, the word "love" itself is the running monkey; the cat in the tree with no fireman in sight. I don't know what it is about that word. Granted, like every other word, it's the representative of a sentiment, but, for some reason, even if I feel it, that word would cling, and scrape, and dig it's fingernails into the bottom of my lungs and refuse to budge. It's child going on a tantrum kicking and screaming not leave home lol.

Listen to words, but trust action. You've known him for 2 and a half years. You say you have a fierce connection. You have to know him by now. If he's right though, you may want to proceed with caution. You don't want to throw your heart out there any more than it is and get it trampled as he pulls a Road Runner (Bugs Bunny reference) in a freaked out state because he's seeing things getting serious.

I guess all the long windiness is just to say, talk to him. Try to understand him, in absence of either, proceed with caution until he shows his hand. You've definitely shown yours. You need to be sure of where each of stand.

If this still applies, I hope something in it helped.

VirgoSquared

I'm like that sometimes.
Can't explain it though...