Need Serious Scorpio Help

I don't know how the hell to deal with this situation. My Scorp husband is a wonderful and very kind man, and we get along perfectly, except for one thing: when he gets a couple of drinks in him he starts to FULLY believe that I'm cheating on him (which says to me that he always believes it, but alcohol gives him a loose enough tongue to express it aloud).

He'll ask me straight up if I'm cheating, and then ask me again...and again. It's obvious there's only one right answer, because he's already certain that I am. It doesn't help that he has excellent intuition- that makes him think that ALL of his intuition is always right.

He'll check out my text messages, find correspondence that seems odd to him, and then decide I've lied about where I've been. He'll ask me who called from certain numbers. I've sarcastically invited him to call one (knowing it was from a Kirby vacuum salesman), and he DID! I know that SOME jealousy is standard Scorp stuff, but I feel that with him it's over the top. When I give him the logical explanation, he NEVER apologizes for his accusations, which says to me that he doesn't believe me. This has been going on for years.

I used to try to be very loving and reassuring with him when he would get into these states. I've also tried ignoring him (he'll pester me all day). Lately, though, I just get very angry and harsh with him because I've had enough. I've never cheated on a partner and don't intend to start now.

I'm aware this stems from his insecurity. His last fiance was sleeping around and told him he was terrible in bed. I'm not as sexually assertive as past women he's been with, so he thinks there's something wrong and that he might not be good enough to keep me, just like he thinks he wasn't good enough to keep her. Even understanding what's going on doesn't mean I know how to properly deal with it. How do I do it? This is our one and only big relationship issue. It's very offensive and I want it to stop.

Him: Scorpio sun and moon, Gemini rising

You aren't going to change him ... this is apparantly deeply seeded in him and as you said, you've tried many different tactics to no avail. Bling is right that he needs therapy, you know that you will likely never get him to go because if he realized that he is being unreasonable enough to need therapy, then he'd want to be healed.

It sounds to me like he truly believes himself and yes, you are correct, the fact that he brings this up intoxicated is a clear indication that it's always there, he's just learned to suppress it when sober.

How hard have you put your foot down?

Have you tried telling him that he will STOP drinking if he cannot control himself, and that this isn't an option? If he drinks, you're out.

The guy sounds like he has a serious underlying issue other than what happened to him in the past and one you may not be able to fix. Maybe he needs to go get some counseling or he needs to stop drinking.

My scorpio ex of 5 years was alcoholic. He wouldn't quit, even with a good deal of therapy. I hope you have better luck, but needless to say it didn't work for me. He had other issues also.

1. I'm glad you recognize & acknowledge that his jealous tendencies & insecures really have NOTHING to do with you. This is all coming from the inside out, not the outside in.

2. You're right. Even if he stops drinking, he'll still harbor distrust for you. Laying off the alcohol is always a plus, but in your situation it won't help the REAL issue: that he has deep trust issues

3. We've all been hurt, cheated on and/or betrayed. Perhaps he should've stayed with his ex wife OR remained single until he was ready to sort out all his baggage & give the next girl some credit & a chance. It's not fair that he's treating you as if you were his ex wife. If he sees so much of her in you, why didn't he just stay with her, or better yet do himself a favor & leave you alone? (I bet he won't b/c even HE knows that his insecurities are coming from a place within)

4. He needs counseling. He needs help with his issues.

5. You going through all the motions to "prove yourself" to him is actually encouraging & enabling him to not trust you. He's gets a "fix" & adrenaline rush every time he sees that you actually fall for it & give him all this proof that truthfully won't make a difference in his stubborn thinking. Stop giving into him & make him understand that you shouldn't have to surrender all your privacy just to make HIM more comfortable or be at peace. And if he disagrees with that, then are you sure he's so "wonderful" after all? No, he'd instead be considered a very selfish, stubborn, controlling & insensitive little (bleep) that just so happens to be "wonderful" every blue moon. There's a difference.

6. Whenever he gets drunk, leave. If you know his "tantrum" is coming, escort yourself out instead of sitting there & taking it. You leaving won't stop/heal/fix his jealousy BUT atleast he'll be cussing out the couch & the walls instead of you.

I can't thank you all enough for your input and opinions! They mean a lot! Thank you for taking the time to try to help.

I have an update. It was one of his "episodes" that originally prompted me to write this thread. I think because of that he was feeling ashamed of himself and so he was pretty open when I spoke with him yesterday about getting a handle on his drinking. I've approached this subject over and over from all different angles (calmly asking, using logic, using emotion, pleading, getting angry, threatening to leave), but he has never before admitted that he can't quit by himself...until now. Progress!

I asked him to go to AA (because we're poor and it's free). He is strongly resistant because of the religious aspects. He has agreed that psychotherapy is the way to go, though, so that he can tackle not only his addiction, but also his unresolved issues from the past. Hoorah! The problem is money, so I'm trying to figure out some way to make this happen (suggestions appreciated). We will see if I can actually get him through the door into a therapist's office. A Scorp won't do what a Scorp won't do.

I'm also going to make an effort to be more sexually assertive. I'm not sure this will help, because he might figure out some way to be insecure regardless, but it certainly won't hurt anything!

QuietStorn, I want to answer you directly because you asked some questions. His Lilith is in Aquarius. I don't know what that means! No, I've never compared him to an ex. I did make a rookie mistake, though, by speaking too freely about my exes at the beginning of our relationship. He never forgets a single word I say, so he remembers everything about my exes, watches my behavior, and points out to me the ways in which my behavior with him differs from my behavior with them in some way that that proves he's inferior. He compares HIMSELF to my exes! Just about drives me nuts! If any of those guys were so great, I'd still be with them.

I would really like to hear more from you, since you said you can relate.

Embarrassing as it is, if my cap is really sexually frisky, more so than usual, I will wonder if he saw a sexy girl that day, or if he was thinking about someone else.

Yeah...something like that is something he would do! The thing about sexuality is this: I am several years older than he is. We started dating before his 21st birthday. He's had two other major relationships in his life, and the timeline puts those relationships in his teen years. So, his measure of how a woman behaves sexually is his experience with hormonal teenagers! I mean, come on. I can be more assertive, but there are limits.

Sadly, no one here is qualified to help you. This is left up to him. Then again, this is typical of drunks, they say what's in their hearts Rather right wrong or in different.