new scorpio male here - grey lizard

20 years old, born 8th nov 1992

ive been into astrology recently and picking it up quite fast. its a very good tool to understand other people but especially myself.

scorpio sun - taurus rising
aries moon
merc sag
venus sag

i just want to discuss this grey lizard stage of scorpio, which really fits me. i just want to know if you've ever been in this stage or are in it?

"Some Scorpios find themselves somewhere between the stinging scorpion and the eagle, and they are referred to as grey lizards. Lizards tend to display a neurotic concern with the self, and sometimes withdraw into tangled hatred at perceived injury, wishing destruction on their enemies. For grey lizards, revenge takes the form of bitterness and resentment held inside for centuries. They fail to rise above their circumstances, and often their brilliant potential remains dormant."
from goodman

i find i am in this category, i have the ideals of a soaring eagle subconsciously, a deep understanding of hidden spiritual dynamics of regeneration and transformation but am quite afraid of this transformation to rise above it fully. After I'm hurt I will direct the hurt inside, and sting myself instead of others. Unlike the scorpion, the energy is directed destructively inwards than outwards. As much as I want to get revenge, I can't do it, and i seek fate to bring revenge.
im in this pathetic, depressed mode, i have no passions to live for, i feel like im in standby mode, and the power button doesnt work.

question is if you've ever been in this kind of stage, how did you rise, was it just a matter of growing older?, or did you have to consciously fight to rise above.

I can't really answer much since I'm still learning but your a day older than me in the exact same year! 🙂 Welcome! 😄

After reading your post, I know exactly what you must be feeling, I was in that stage A LOT during my teens and I remember I was so hell bent on revenge for so many reasons that I was really missing out on my own life and to busy focusing on the others around me. Maybe you will grow through experiences or maybe it will happen on it's own but eventually you will get there. In my opinion it's the ultimate quest for a Scorpio to be understood and to rise to there fullest potential, they know who they are and what they can become and for some it can be scary or quite magical. It might be of question of time for yourself so just live for you and seek out your passions but don't go directly chasing them, other things before that will guide you to be stronger person you know you can be. 🙂