Question to Scorpios: About Libra

Hail, fellow Scorpios! I've found a LIBRA:

Yes, yes, I know. I've read all about how it can never work long term. But there's more to a person than a sun sign. This Libra is traditional in that he rationalizes at face value and doesn't go very deep into the psyche, but he is so very sensitive, yet extremely adaptable and forgiving, which draws me deeply.

A bit of a backstory:

I am afraid of my own passion. My energy, when I possess it, scares people away! I don't like too many connections with too many people, as it drains me, but I do ache for at least some. But once I get a few nice connections, I tend to become too self-centered and something will come up, some difference, and I will drive it in, as is my nature, until it hurts the other person and they leave me. I am a sign of transformation but without the wisdom to wield it properly.

At some point in late high school I recognized this shortcoming of mine, and tried to suppress it. I failed. In college I took up two, yes TWO psychology courses in order to better understand and relate to my fellow human beings. I learned through the Myers-Briggs test that I am equally INFP and INTP, both considered roughly 1% of the population, and that equal crosses between two categories are in themselves somewhat rare. Yay, so I'll never find someone quite like me, is what that said. It was a lonely revelation. I further researched PEOPLE through extensive reading, watching, and analyzing. I was a waitress for four years and have worked retail for another five, so I've had plenty of observation. I eventually taught myself to blend in perfectly and to be popular, to be adaptable; to be well-liked. But I was not myself. I was suppressing myself. My adaptability is to the extent that I can near-perfectly mimic accents after only a little listening, and I will 'like' and 'hate' whatever you 'like' and 'hate' within moments of conversation. If I had the drive to manipulate, I could sell honey to bees.

I've formed many connections, but each of them superficial. Superficial grates on my nerves, as it should, but somehow I preferred it to loneliness. Although I had never felt so alone. And the relations I form will drop me as soon as I'm no longer beneficial to them. It's a wasteful, callous world. I began to live day by day, never expecting much, never engaging much. My energy flagged. I had no zest. Everything was boring. Nothing had depth. I was dying inside, slowly, and didn't even know.

Now the LIBRA:

Yes, the sparks do fly immediately, between Scorpio and Libra! No one's managed to get me to come out of my shell so quickly as this sensitive, caring, ultra-forgiving man. I find myself wanting to tell him absolutely everything. He energizes me. He makes me come alive! I have a bit of an OCD problem, and so does he. I over-analyze MORE than he does, so it was so cute to hear him admit and apologize to over-analyzing things. We have no secrets. He is an open book and appreciates direct communication. This appeals to my anti-facade nature. After only a few weeks with him I began to wonder WHY he was making me feel the way I feel now, basically why I could feel AT ALL... and this is when I finally realized that before, the 'me' inside me had been slipping away. I just wanted to cry. My core was so weak that if I allowed myself to become emotional at all, which would mostly happen in arguments, what I would do is mirror the emotions of the person I'm arguing with. So if they're angry I'm angry too, and it spins out of control. If they're calm I calm down too, and it is resolved quickly. I had therefore taught myself to never become emotional. I became rational. If a customer berated me I could tolerate them better than most of my co-workers and I was a shining example of how to behave. But I could not even take pride in that because I could not feel.

I love his humor. I GET IT. He's DANGED FUNNY! He's attractive and I adore him. He's patient with me and my nuttiness. Yes, I'm not so ordinary... I'm quite happy to pick up a cicada and pet its head because it's cute. Call me a tomboy. Call me weird. Just don't call me "too weird". When I'm feeling needy and want a kiss, all I have to do is tell him. He WILL forget all about me and my wanting him for a time. He will forget that makes me sad. But all I have to do is tell him and he's there. He wants balance and peace and harmony. I know that part of what makes me hide myself from the world is that when I allow myself to feel, I feel DEEPLY. I am all or none. I do not become only a little happy, or a little sad, or a little... angry. If I (or mine) feel threatened, my immediate gut reaction is to strike hard and fast. This actually has done very little for me and so I seek to lessen this reaction. When I give myself time to think before acting, I am much more diplomatic.

You could possibly categorize me today as a Wolf Scorpio seeking the Eagle stage. I'm not there and I don't think I can get there on my own. I need solid support. This balancing Libra could do that for me. With him, I could ascend. I am only in my late twenties. This is a good rate of progress. It might be due to my withdrawing, observing, and analyzing without emotion for so long. He would be excellent for me. I only hope to not scare him away on this journey. He keeps me from feeling upset but occasionally, I will feel sick or otherwise more prone to anger, and someone will attack me, and I will strike with a snide remark, or by talking loudly (rudely). This bothers him greatly. Curbing this while allowing myself to feel things would be a long journey indeed. If he will keep me, I will improve more quickly.

Now the problem:

I have never gone all the way, physically, with anyone. I have always been too afraid to surrender myself to someone without the return commitment of 100% . I am saving myself for marriage. At 18 it was easy enough to assign myself this task. Be a good Christian girl and make the relatives happy. After college and before meeting my Libra, it was because I couldn't feel enough of a connection with anyone to WANT to be physical with them. I'm a Scorpio and I do NEED more than physical. I need emotional and spiritual, too. I don't even play with myself because it doesn't get any more empty than that. I have the emotional with this Libra. But I still fear the spiritual without the sign of commitment. The formality of it all: marriage. The getting the relatives and close friends involved to bear witness to our union. The having more of a reason to come back and try again after a heated argument. We've never actually really argued about anything. Being so straight forward and honest with everything, and easy to read, on both sides, helps greatly. His desire for harmony does too. But I am a Scorpio. Hit all my buttons in just the right way, and I am a real spitfire. I'm downright stubborn and I bite. But as soon as things cool down, what I secretly want is for the one I argued with to come back and tell me everything will be alright. Come and hug me. Love me. Allow me to trust you again. I'm a softie and if this can happen without me asking, I'm yours all over again. If all we're doing is dating, is 'trying things out', there may not be enough of a reason for him to come back to me if we ever do get into a heated argument.

It's inevitable that arguments happen to the best of us. Those who last have at least one partner who's willing to come back and try again. I'm stubborn. I'm insecure. I'm overly emotional and not rational in the slightest when I allow my emotions to overtake me. I am not the partner willing to do this. I'm... immature.

So the problem isn't really his inability to commit. We've only known each other for a few months. I understand his need to see all things from all angles before proceeding, and I understand this can take a very, very long time. And I'm willing to wait. The thing is, he's gone all the way, physically, with other women in the past. He says he's willing to date me even though I won't do that. But he doesn't understand why I won't. Why I'm afraid. He can't think as deeply as I do without any trouble. I can't explain this sort of depth to him. He takes facts rationally and doesn't use long-term fears and emotions in his reasonings. He's willing to let me be how I am, though since he doesn't understand why, every now and then he asks again. He has to have learned by now that I am not going to break down, so pushing me can't be why he asks. He is deeply attracted to me, but he wants to make me happy. He wants to understand why, and I have not been able to explain it to him. I have tried. I keep failing. I don't know how to properly, and simply, explain it to him.

Any suggestions?

I'm afraid to say, "You may scare him!". The way you described yourself applies greatly to me. I'm afraid, too, of showing my emotions. Coming out of the box in a raw way is not something people can digest easily. I'd say, Virgos might be able to handle. Although a Virgo may stay, he may start resenting you.

Libra was never my interest. Hey... if he makes you happy, puts the effort of understanding you and you already seem to be 'best friends' and loving, then that accounts for a great start!

I liked the way you described yourself. Also this part applies to me...

*...for the one I argued with to come back and tell me everything will be alright. Come and hug me. Love me. Allow me to trust you again. I'm a softie and if this can happen without me asking, I'm yours all over again.*

I'm very new to the idea of taking astrology seriously. I mean, you KNOW all those crazily varying traits attributed to Scorpios. And I'm stubborn enough to reject the idea of some newspaper column telling me what to do each day! 😉 But when I had some other, simpler questions about HIM and read his "Libra" it just struck me as so full-on! At the very start of our relationship he'd ask for details as to "why" I'd come up with the conclusions about things that I do. I always gather data so quickly, it could be classed as intuitive, and slowing down to find actual, solid reasons was no easy task to start to do. But I've begun to get a good grasp on it. There's nothing psychic about it (I'm not down-putting the idea of psychic phenomena here, just my own methods of reasoning). I just know what to scim for and grab it quickly, then tend to forget where I got it from. He's teaching me to 'source' the 'references' for the 'research paper' of my day. Initially I'd shrugged his slower, yet more detailed, way of gathering info to the Myers-Briggs term of sensory perception. But I digress. Whatever the causes of anything, he DOES represent Libra very very well!

I did find a digital birth chart maker online. 🙂 Apparently my Venus and Mars are both in Libra! His Venus is as well. His Mars is in Virgo. Does this help?

Also, I have a Virgo Moon and he has an Aquarius. Neat! I do like listening to him talk, actually. I love how he analyzes and finds humor in the little things.

But I still wonder how to take that huge, paragraphs-inducing problem of mine and condense it down into something a shorter attention span might listen to. You're the best lot of folks to have a chance at achieving this! Thanks!

And, yes, it is in Saggitarius. And his is in... Scorpio! I'm liking this site right here: http://www.alwaysastrology.com/

Soooo any ideas today? Unfortunately nothing has changed for me and it is so bothersome. Yes I'm coming to bugger you. I have the day off from work! ^_~

I've just now found my time of birth and entered it in the gimme-results button. So my Midheaven is in Saggitarius. According to astrology, I now have a valid reason to always see life from a what-will-it-be perspective rather than a what-is-it-now. Unfortunately, I can't walk up one day soon and say with an entirely straight face, "Honey, I've been studying astrology this past week. I'm SUPPOSED to see things this way." Or maybe I CAN do it in a straight face, yet not be seen as entirely sane.

Well dang!

Mmmmmm no clearer info to give him. Just more confusion. Yay. I do wish some nice, analytical Scorp on here would have that bright idea. But alas, no one's perfect, right? 😉

He seems to be getting frustrated with me now, actually. He might be deflecting his being upset that I won't 'give in', but what he chose to tell me instead hit rather hard. Yesterday I found out that where I thought we had an almost-psychic repore, I've actually been confusing the heck out of him. In conversation I tend to see relations between subjects that most don't see, and I get great insight from this but usually have no one to share it with. He prefers things (I've now learned) to be discussed in a more linear order, but that loses the entire interrelatedness aspect, which is, well, the whole idea for me. The explanations to how things relate take longer than the revelation itself, because I feel it, but it's not words yet. Words will come with effort but they take time to make sense. I'm willing to give it the time for anyone willing to listen, but it does make it take much longer. A good example of this is the somewhat new concept of East-meets-West medicinal techniques. I AM A HUGE FAN of that!! Although what we talk about is on a much smaller scale, that's still the sort of interconnectedness I see with ease between so many seemingly opposite subjects. And it's truly fun for me, but with most people I just sort of keep it to myself because I'm afraid of bothering them. Yet all this time I thought he was keeping up and even enjoying it, which made me just ecstatic! In fact the second day we met he asked me a simple question about "how do you view religion" and I started going into what most would view a ramble. Instead he just LIT UP!! He said that's how he sees it too but has never been able to put it into words. And he had examples. He wasn't making it up. And I was soooo attracted to that excitement! I'd never felt so good on an intellectual level.

On an interesting note, I'd only finally managed to 'word it up' about a month before meeting him. I've been tinkering with that theory in the backdrop for years. A stained glass window one day and a small verse read in sermon another day finally brought everything together. Dropped ideas are never truly dropped, ha! The finished 'products' of all this analyzing can be pretty cool sometimes. But the makings of it are messy.

But give me happiness (which he certainly was!), and that gives me energy, and energy just makes my mind spin faster. Maybe that's why he can't keep up any more, but it was happiness caused by being with him that drove my mind a-spinning. Oops...

Now basically my response to feeling joy has become his "pet peeve". Yes, those were the words. I hope he's just covering up the no-sex thing, because that would be less hurtful. Whatever it truly is, it's bothering him on a very deep level. I could feel it, yesterday. It churned my stomach. I'd picked up somehow, about a week ago, that he was feeling annoyed with me, but I didn't know by what. And at that time it wasn't so strong. So I came querying into the forums about an older issue (which may or may not be being covered up by this one). But yesterday, before finally saying what it was, every little thing was ticking him off. He invited me to a party and I came, but he was not happy at all, on the drive over or in getting ready to go. One little thing and he even contorted, so frustrated. After he told me WHAT was going on, I was mostly just quiet. I was expecting something like him not liking how I am when I'm angry or sad or bored. But to not like how I am when I'm happy? What? I didn't know what to do with that. He could tell during the party that something was bothering me, but he thought I was just bored. Later I put it to good words in my head but in trying to even explain or apologize, basically talk about it AT ALL, was making it so hard not to cry, instead. And he was upset to find I was still sad about something from before his friend's party and that I would let it ruin my time there. Shouldn't this be a simple thing? I couldn't look him in the eyes because it made that feeling too deep. The only immediate turn-around I can give is to feel less joy and therefore have less energy, and spin my thoughts slower. I've agreed to "try to share less". I'll try. He's worth trying for. But I see this as a battle with myself which will probably be lost.

I am so emo tonight!

Posted by ellessque
LOL

I have venus in libra too and libra sun men grate on my nerves something fierce.

I've not ever been able to figure out why.

They are certainly nice to look at but it's better if they are on mute 😛

LOL

As long as he makes you feel good.

If he starts making you feel bad, then that usually is the time to walk.

Scorpio emo is not good. It gets ugly with me.