DaLionessOfLove
@DaLionessOfLove
14 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 113 · Topics: 16
Scorpio destruction..
I'm not a Scorp, but a waterbaby (Cancer)..dunno if it's the same with other people, but I can tell when a hug or a kiss is superficial. When that happens, honestly it grabs my attention right away and I question A) the persons sincerity, and B) yes, if that person cares for me or if I am a significant person in their life. A good example of this was a former boyfriend and I were hugging, just to hug no other reason or comfort, etc. As he was hugging me he patted my back. I laughed and told him he was hugging me and patting my back like he would a buddy. Within a few months we were broken up for the final time. I've never forgotten that, nor the look on his face when I told pointed it out. I don't even think he realized what he was doing, but I did.
So my question to you, do you think subconsiously you may be pulling away from him due to uncertainty or hurt from the things tha he says to you? And when he says he doesn't feel loved, this may be where it's coming through to him?? No matter the amount of love or care we have for someone, eventually we begin to grow leary or distrustful if they continue to outweigh the good with bad behaviour. You maybe are beginning to wonder how stable this relationship is or will be in longevity by his 'poor or bad' behaviour which he knows hurts you, yet he continues to do it. It does begin to play on the psyche.
So my question to you, do you think subconsiously you may be pulling away from him due to uncertainty or hurt from the things tha he says to you? And when he says he doesn't feel loved, this may be where it's coming through to him?? No matter the amount of love or care we have for someone, eventually we begin to grow leary or distrustful if they continue to outweigh the good with bad behaviour. You maybe are beginning to wonder how stable this relationship is or will be in longevity by his 'poor or bad' behaviour which he knows hurts you, yet he continues to do it. It does begin to play on the psyche.
Same old scorpio story, isn't it? Sigh...
You can get your charts here:
http://astro.cafeastrology.com/cgi-bin/astro/natal
You can get your charts here:
http://astro.cafeastrology.com/cgi-bin/astro/natal
From: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090612094805AAcnl9q<BR>
"One thing I have noticed about me is at first in a relationship I am very intense about it and I become obsessive over the new person in my life to the point of smothering then. However after so much time and I have time to learn everything about them I will play disappearing acts on the one I love. Leaving for long periods of solitude then coming back. It is like I have figured out my loved one and gotten all the love I need now I need time to myself so I disappear on them for long bouts of time. It drove my ex totally crazy. I was smothering her to death when we first started dating then after that I would just disappear for days or weeks at a time and she would worry sick about where I went or if I was leaving her.
I am trying to figure out why I do this behavior and if it is a Scorpio trait or just me. I have read online from girls who said their Scorpio guy likes to play disappearing acts so maybe it is a trait."
A reply:
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Oh it's a Trait! Especially if your Venus is in Scorpio (you'd have to do a birth chart to figure that out). Scorpio men come on strong in the beginning (it's almost like you do this in order to trap that person into loving you), and then when you're "comfortable" enough with the idea that they're not going anywhere you disappear. You need time to your self to endure your own intensity and to regroup on things or whatever you do when you're alone. You guys just get into those kinds of moods, for whatever reason and then you come back around and act like nothing has ever happened. If you find a woman who understands your need for alone time and who doesn't take it personally when you do so then you should be fine, but you can't help who you are.
"One thing I have noticed about me is at first in a relationship I am very intense about it and I become obsessive over the new person in my life to the point of smothering then. However after so much time and I have time to learn everything about them I will play disappearing acts on the one I love. Leaving for long periods of solitude then coming back. It is like I have figured out my loved one and gotten all the love I need now I need time to myself so I disappear on them for long bouts of time. It drove my ex totally crazy. I was smothering her to death when we first started dating then after that I would just disappear for days or weeks at a time and she would worry sick about where I went or if I was leaving her.
I am trying to figure out why I do this behavior and if it is a Scorpio trait or just me. I have read online from girls who said their Scorpio guy likes to play disappearing acts so maybe it is a trait."
A reply:
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Oh it's a Trait! Especially if your Venus is in Scorpio (you'd have to do a birth chart to figure that out). Scorpio men come on strong in the beginning (it's almost like you do this in order to trap that person into loving you), and then when you're "comfortable" enough with the idea that they're not going anywhere you disappear. You need time to your self to endure your own intensity and to regroup on things or whatever you do when you're alone. You guys just get into those kinds of moods, for whatever reason and then you come back around and act like nothing has ever happened. If you find a woman who understands your need for alone time and who doesn't take it personally when you do so then you should be fine, but you can't help who you are.
Posted by BigGirlPanties
Same old scorpio story, isn't it? Sigh...
You can get your charts here:
http://astro.cafeastrology.com/cgi-bin/astro/natal
yeah i've looked them up before here..basically there is a lot of emotional stimulation in this relationship for us...not all good all the time...ego and power struggles at times..
Posted by BigGirlPanties
From: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090612094805AAcnl9q<BR>
"One thing I have noticed about me is at first in a relationship I am very intense about it and I become obsessive over the new person in my life to the point of smothering then. However after so much time and I have time to learn everything about them I will play disappearing acts on the one I love. Leaving for long periods of solitude then coming back. It is like I have figured out my loved one and gotten all the love I need now I need time to myself so I disappear on them for long bouts of time. It drove my ex totally crazy. I was smothering her to death when we first started dating then after that I would just disappear for days or weeks at a time and she would worry sick about where I went or if I was leaving her.
I am trying to figure out why I do this behavior and if it is a Scorpio trait or just me. I have read online from girls who said their Scorpio guy likes to play disappearing acts so maybe it is a trait."
A reply:
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Oh it's a Trait! Especially if your Venus is in Scorpio (you'd have to do a birth chart to figure that out). Scorpio men come on strong in the beginning (it's almost like you do this in order to trap that person into loving you), and then when you're "comfortable" enough with the idea that they're not going anywhere you disappear. You need time to your self to endure your own intensity and to regroup on things or whatever you do when you're alone. You guys just get into those kinds of moods, for whatever reason and then you come back around and act like nothing has ever happened. If you find a woman who understands your need for alone time and who doesn't take it personally when you do so then you should be fine, but you can't help who you are.
yeah he's done the hot - cold act on me a couple of times now...saying that he feels unappreciate and walks out of the door to go home..several times I run after him to stop him..he never has left..feels like he wants the chase..I feel like if he finally does walk away it will be really over..
just the other day he said that he felt that I needed space out of no where lol..i was shocked...told him that he didnt have to go but he did..came back as if nothing had happened..guess that is typical for Scorps to do ...when I asked him why he came back as if nothing had
Try to understand him more and avoid these ego battles as much as you can. Each of these battles weaken the link of true mutual appreciation and affection so deeply needed in love. If you want this relationship to work, love him and understand him, don't let him leave upset, don't bruise his ego, respect him and cherish him. Listen very carefully to what he says (how he says he feels unappreciated, ask yourself more questions), pay attention to the every signal he gives you, and try to make peace not war since these are stormy souls already, they need the relationships to be their refuge more than a battlefield. My two cents
Posted by sexifulscorpio
Well I'm a Scorpio and I am so intense and passionate and affectionate that I want the same reciprocated from my partner... If I feel like its not, or were not on the same level, I start to put walls up and back away... It's my way of protecting me... We tend to idealize love and what a relationship is supposed to be like... When it doesn't go the way we want or plan we start to wonder if its worth it... I have lost relationships because I'm impatient... True love waits... If every Scorpio can learn that not everything will be perfect all the time, then we may be happier in love.... I always say if I could date a man who's just like me, I'd be in heaven.... Lol... I hope this helps..
everything you just said is exactly how I read him ...but at the same I've asked him what he wanted of me ..he never really answers just tell me to "keep him" or make him feel wanted...my intentions is to make him feel wanted...thought i was doing so ..but to him i guess not..and yes i understand the patience thing..I told him to give me time..he's scared that in time things will get worse and I wont feed into him like I "should" ..whatevea that means..I take that as being selfish ..but he takes it as being unappreciated...he's sweet one minute then cookiemonster the next lol..the more confused I am of the situation he sees that at least I am trying..but he doesnt want me to try just do
I'm betting he's picking up on things with you. You're putting off vibes that has him questioning things about you or your seriousness about him. You're making him edgy, and insecure. My take, he's saying you shouldn't have to try it should be there. Come natural. That's not pointing fingers at you, but meaning if it's there then there should be no trying...almost like you should just know what to do or say to make him happy. But on the flips side when you feed into him and his antics, his anger, his in and out, back and forth it makes him feel wanted. It fuels him, he knows then that you care when you do react. Kind of like a child who acts our or behaves badly and keeps getting in trouble. Even if it's negative attention, it's still attention. But really, moreso that if you keep going back and fighting for it, and getting upset, it shows passion. It shows you care. He's afraid if you have to have time or think about it, maybe that you will realize it isn't what you want.That he isn't what you want. That you don't have it in you to handle him, when in all actuality he probably can't handle himself.
this morning he wakes up in a foul mood..today's his birthday (Nov. 18th). all day were argued about how he feels I'm not trying to show my love. He starts to leave, I talk him out . Very emotional. Hot and cold. Not only that he expressed that he feels that no one really is recognizing that it's his birthday. I ended up leaving the bedroom to cook his birthday dinner after a three hour argument and come back to find him in a chipper mood. Talk about moody lol...gotta love these Scorpio men.
After a little *ahem* ...umm.. lol...well you know..guess the temper went out the door. Now he's off to school with a smile on his face. I just dont get his ranting and raving. He puts me first a lot .Spends hours playing with my kids. I try to reciprocate the love to him as much as possible, yet he wont tell me what he expects of me which is very hard. I'm trying to understand what's going on in that dark mind of his when he's mad. Guess I'm not really ready to know.
He's brought up strong feelings that he has towards me. Has song me love songs and hinted that they were how he felt about me. The first week we met he was so intense in his feelings he ended up crying in front of me .
I love him with all my heart but the ups and downs are killing me .Im patient with him and I think that is what matters most with him...
After a little *ahem* ...umm.. lol...well you know..guess the temper went out the door. Now he's off to school with a smile on his face. I just dont get his ranting and raving. He puts me first a lot .Spends hours playing with my kids. I try to reciprocate the love to him as much as possible, yet he wont tell me what he expects of me which is very hard. I'm trying to understand what's going on in that dark mind of his when he's mad. Guess I'm not really ready to know.
He's brought up strong feelings that he has towards me. Has song me love songs and hinted that they were how he felt about me. The first week we met he was so intense in his feelings he ended up crying in front of me .
I love him with all my heart but the ups and downs are killing me .Im patient with him and I think that is what matters most with him...
Basically in a nutshell what I've been saying. Time to really think about what he's telling you, and he's dropping hints left and right. You're not getting it, or picking it up, or too stubborn? Anyone of them, and this will continue. Promise.
Posted by DaLionessOfLove
I've just been wondering if you Scorps have ever found yourself destroying a relationship intentionally or not...and if so what was the case.
A little late on this, sorry - but "YES".
It is easier for us to be alone. That way, we
- have responsibility only for our own self
and
- we never need to worry about someone leaving us for no good reason after investing our heart.
To prevent the latter - we drive you away with erratic behavior
which gives you CAUSE to go ... but WE are the one in control
of your decision in that case ... and we EXPECT it.
"To prevent the latter - we drive you away with erratic behavior
which gives you CAUSE to go ... but WE are the one in control
of your decision in that case ... and we EXPECT it."
^ I agree with that. I found myself doing that once before. The reason being that I invested my heart HUGELY into someone, who later became untrustworthy and never could return the love. I needed to control the outcome for the sake of my heart because it was heavily invested.
"Is there a way to catch them doing this? Not as a baseless accusation but something you can point out and corner them with."
^ It's so clever and skillfully done I don't think you would ever realize it. I've done it with words. Knowing exactly what to say to make a person behave in such a way that they will leave me. Not even in an aggressive way, and not saying anything particularly bad.
The person always thinks that they came to that decision on their own, but the truth of the matter is that I subtly went about making it happen. It's less painful to me when I know the result in advance, as opposed to a sudden heartbreak from being abandoned out of nowhere. Less of an emotional blow to absorb.
which gives you CAUSE to go ... but WE are the one in control
of your decision in that case ... and we EXPECT it."
^ I agree with that. I found myself doing that once before. The reason being that I invested my heart HUGELY into someone, who later became untrustworthy and never could return the love. I needed to control the outcome for the sake of my heart because it was heavily invested.
"Is there a way to catch them doing this? Not as a baseless accusation but something you can point out and corner them with."
^ It's so clever and skillfully done I don't think you would ever realize it. I've done it with words. Knowing exactly what to say to make a person behave in such a way that they will leave me. Not even in an aggressive way, and not saying anything particularly bad.
The person always thinks that they came to that decision on their own, but the truth of the matter is that I subtly went about making it happen. It's less painful to me when I know the result in advance, as opposed to a sudden heartbreak from being abandoned out of nowhere. Less of an emotional blow to absorb.
^^^ again, another case of scorpio stinging themselves..and BOTH bring hurt. Sabotaging a relationship based on FEAR of being hurt. And all the while, it couldve been beautiful. How do we, the unsuspecting mates, convince you we really and truly love you so you wont commit both a "love suicide-homicide"?
Posted by BigGirlPanties
^^^ again, another case of scorpio stinging themselves..and BOTH bring hurt. Sabotaging a relationship based on FEAR of being hurt. And all the while, it couldve been beautiful. How do we, the unsuspecting mates, convince you we really and truly love you so you wont commit both a "love suicide-homicide"?
I've only done it once, and only because I was WAAAAAY more invested in this guy then he was in me. I would not have done it if I didn't have good reason, and I wouldn't have done it if I was being cared for in return. It was very one-sided, I cared too much and I was getting myself in way too deep for my own well being. Its almost like I knew what was to eventually come, and I'd rather go out in my own way so that I was emotionally prepared.
"How do we, the unsuspecting mates, convince you we really and truly love you so you wont commit both a "love suicide-homicide"?"
Well... don't build up our feelings and then disappear for weeks without saying anything. TAKE US SERIOUSLY. TAKE US SERIOUSLY. TAKE US SERIOUSLY! That is very important. I would give this guy very good, honest advice and he would laugh at me. I took that very badly internally, because I was being serious. If we are telling you something and we are feeling a bit down, don't ignore us... give us the same consideration that we give you when you are feeling down.
Those are some of the things that crushed my heart. I feel things with such passion, and when I can't even get a simple gesture of care, it's disheartening.
Thanks, TrueScorpio..I understand now why you did it. I took my sweetie seriously, he though just doesnt know what he wants, or is fearful, or hates me or whatever cus he done disappeared 4 weeks ago.
Nothing I can do that I have not already tried. Some say to keep the line open with texts of care etc...but I did that. He has hurt me but amputation. Maybe he is self stinging....if so, why do *I* feel the pain? Sigh....
Nothing I can do that I have not already tried. Some say to keep the line open with texts of care etc...but I did that. He has hurt me but amputation. Maybe he is self stinging....if so, why do *I* feel the pain? Sigh....
It is sort of self-sabotaging.
The results, in my personal situation, I felt would have been the same. I was willing to make things beautiful, but he... was being fairly selfish and taking me for all I had.
Decisions to do self-sabotaging things aren't taken lightly. I truly had to think it over good before I came to that decision.
It seems that Scorpio control is often very subtle. The other person is allowed to think they have the control, but our busy Scorpio minds are always very aware and secretly running things. I suppose that sounds bad. But control does not always have to be used in a bad way. Sometimes we really want to bring out the best in a person, and an aggressive approach is not the way to do it. Control in the hands of good people can lead to great things. It's a delicate thing though.
The results, in my personal situation, I felt would have been the same. I was willing to make things beautiful, but he... was being fairly selfish and taking me for all I had.
Decisions to do self-sabotaging things aren't taken lightly. I truly had to think it over good before I came to that decision.
It seems that Scorpio control is often very subtle. The other person is allowed to think they have the control, but our busy Scorpio minds are always very aware and secretly running things. I suppose that sounds bad. But control does not always have to be used in a bad way. Sometimes we really want to bring out the best in a person, and an aggressive approach is not the way to do it. Control in the hands of good people can lead to great things. It's a delicate thing though.
"I took my sweetie seriously, he though just doesnt know what he wants, or is fearful, or hates me or whatever cus he done disappeared 4 weeks ago."
This sounds like a general guy thing to me. Not knowing what he wants leads to that type of behavior. I've been through it with an Aqua guy. Disappear, reappear, disappear, reappear. Up down up down. My feelings ran consistent, his were anything but consistent. Very frustrating.
"why do *I* feel the pain? Sigh...."
Because you care the most. The person that cares the least has the upper hand (unless they are a Scorpio, lol, we always have the upper hand - I kid, I kid!). Clearly, you are putting in more effort, investing more of your feelings and you have a lot more to lose. He is able to disappear knowing that he has still has control. It's sort of sick, but has some truth. When a guy starts doing that disappearing stuff... better start thinking twice about things.
This sounds like a general guy thing to me. Not knowing what he wants leads to that type of behavior. I've been through it with an Aqua guy. Disappear, reappear, disappear, reappear. Up down up down. My feelings ran consistent, his were anything but consistent. Very frustrating.
"why do *I* feel the pain? Sigh...."
Because you care the most. The person that cares the least has the upper hand (unless they are a Scorpio, lol, we always have the upper hand - I kid, I kid!). Clearly, you are putting in more effort, investing more of your feelings and you have a lot more to lose. He is able to disappear knowing that he has still has control. It's sort of sick, but has some truth. When a guy starts doing that disappearing stuff... better start thinking twice about things.
"unless they are a Scorpio" .....(should have been)..... "unless they are WITH a Scorpio"
Posted by YourSunshinePosted by scorpiopicsPosted by DaLionessOfLove
I've just been wondering if you Scorps have ever found yourself destroying a relationship intentionally or not...and if so what was the case.
A little late on this, sorry - but "YES".
It is easier for us to be alone. That way, we
- have responsibility only for our own self
and
- we never need to worry about someone leaving us for no good reason after investing our heart.
To prevent the latter - we drive you away with erratic behavior
which gives you CAUSE to go ... but WE are the one in control
of your decision in that case ... and we EXPECT it.
Is there a way to catch them doing this? Not as a baseless accusation but something you can point out and corner them with.click to expand
Lol
^This is well put, Satori. It doesn't pertain to the charts, that's simply what everyone needs before they're capable of giving themselves- they must know/love themselves to know what they're sharing. If we put the responsibility of our self-worth in our partner's hands, they're going to throw it back at us and run. FAST. Especially you Scorps, requiring severe self-confidence in your partners, since you have so much to give.
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