The scorpio cop affair

I read this and shed a tear. I can tell that you truly feel for this man. I would say put yourself in the girlfriend's position. Your boyfriend meeting up with an ex that he used to sleep with. And even though he says he wants to be just friends scorp_chick is right. Scorps dont do anything halfway. It is all or nothing. I personally would just let it go. Maybe one day everything will come around full circle. Good luck.

i struggled but i read it all. i'm sorry to hear about what you had to suffer with your 2nd husband and YES! your warning is so true. if a man begins professing himself to you in a short span, if he proposes marriage soon thereafter, he's not wrapped too tight. i almost got caught up myself. i was vulnerable as you were and for a short period, found myself wanting to believe in the fantasy. luckily, i came to my senses without having to suffer as you have. i'm glad to hear that you're physically ok though.

i think you should stop focusing on the scorp or any man for that matter in the short-term. i didn't get the full details of your time line but it seems your rekindling with the scorp began after the incident with hubby 2 as he was the one to aid you during that time frame. i was going to say "rescue" you as that's what it sounds like it may feel like to you. scorp isn't a knight in shining armor. your relationship with him was tumultuous at best. yes, you two have a history but it wasn't a beautiful, romanticized one now was it? you described increasing distance between the two of you at the end of each head to head.

you need to be alone. sit in silence with you. deal with the loneliness, the frustration, the sadness. take time to reflect on hubby 1 and 2 and ask yourself, WHY those relationships were entered into...why did they fail? what was your role, what did you learn, what will you do again, never do again?

you said you fell for hubby 2 because you were dating the cancer and realized, he wasn't marriage material. thus, you opted for a man you knew little about because he was ready, easy and he physically reminded you of the scorp...the scorp whom with you argued quite a bit. you have a history of failures and before you think of developing a friendship or more with scorp, you have to be honest with your short-comings and fix them first.

you're clearly vulnerable and you attract and invite drama into your life. why push the scorp away when he was holding you only to text him again. you are toxic to yourself right now. work on you. until then, the rest is moot.

east - you sound as if you know what you need to be doing but your actions seems so disconnected from it. it's only been six months and what you're pondering with the scorp...i get it, i get "why him" but you are soooo not healthy right now. friendship/relationship you'd just sour it.

the scorp may indeed be damaged and if he lost his mom during your courtship, it's a really good chance that impacted how he related to you. he may have grown somewhat since then, he may not have. regardless, everyone comes into a relationship with some baggage. hopefully, they partner with someone that will help them unpack the bags and have a nice lil bonfire with its contents. but sometimes you end up with someone who unpacks your bags only to put some of their shit in it! right now, you're the second one. also...

HE'S DATING SOMEONE! regardless of your history together, he is with another woman so by default, you're not entitled to ponder "what if." by default, he's off limits until he's free and clear. friend or no, a healthy woman wouldn't dare disrespect anther woman this way. not to mention, karma is a bitch...

you need some time and you're right, concentrate on you. if he's single in a year or so, consider it then but first, learn how to be all up in you before looking for a man to plug up holes (more e-cliches).

learn to date yourself. rediscover what makes you happy sans a man. commit yourself to a relationship with you for the next year. don't worry about men. don't worry about clocks ticking. don't fret over the one who might get away because guaranteed, you'll just drive him away or worse, he's hubby #2 reincarnated. if you want a healthy relationship going forward, you gotta get healthy yourself.

Sure, tubby, getting healthy is what I am trying to do at the moment. As for the disconnection between knowing what to do and doing- that's also true. But we've all been there, we've all read "self-help" books with marvelous advices, but often it enters one ear and get off from the other one. So, I am in this initial stage of mentally realising what I have to do. Fortunatelly I am moving onto the second stage-doing it. The proof is that I am single and I enjoy it, this has never been the case before. As for the scorp-things are under control, I've met him only once to go eat puncakes with chocolate and we were discussing work all the time. I do not obssess over him anymore. I do not worry that a woman will steal it from me, because firstly he is not mine and secondly a commitment-phobe like him is hard to be stolen-he would always keep a woman at an arm distance, even if she's a godess, so why worry.
For the time being I am enjoying the beautiful spring, the trees in blossom after a cold and long winter...this last phrase is a methaphore too.

vous ?tes une femme d?sesp?r?e

Bonjour,
J??ai certaines difficult?s, mais je ne crois pas que je suis d?sesp?r?e. Pourriez-vous m??explique mieux votre opinion, en anglais ou fran?ais, comme vous voulez.

i think she just wanted to speak french.

She asks for French, she gets French.

C'est avec respect que je fais mon observation. Vous semblent avoir besoin d'un homme ?? vous de valider, c'est tout.

^^^well that i agree with. you did get your nose broken 6 months ago so i'm not sure why you would even want to be in a relationship or "snuggling" friendship with a man right now. you also stated that you got with your neighbor/2nd husband very quickly and where you posted this as advice/warning to women to not be vulnerable/desperate, you're mimicking past behavior by so quickly seeking comfort with the scorp. if you don't learn from your story, i'm not sure how a woman in a similar position would either. i recognize you're trying but uhm...

so i guess there's truth in both tongues.

ok, i need to do some work...somethin...

c'est vrai. i wasn't being mean. east needs to meet east before she meets her west 🙂

HA! 🙂

j'allais r?pondre en fran?ais mais...pfff! i need more practice and right now would sound like an 8 year old.

if either of you is proficient and willing to mentor a penpal, PM me please.

Posted by orgasmatron
c'est vrai. i wasn't being mean. east needs to meet east before she meets her west 🙂

Nice!

Hello ladies,
Ok, enough French, let's go back to English.

Even if East tries to avoid meeting East, I am afraid this is not possible. And I am not paying a fortune to a shrink and investing my time to just go back to my old ways. There should be some —return to investment —. The thing is that the old thinking patterns were destroyed, the new —healthy?? patterns are not yet build and I find myself in a middle with a blank sheet of paper-there will be new script written on it and of course I have to take my time to write a good one.
A radical change of mentality does not happen over night, so I do not expect a —revelation?? and waking up as a new person, this is not serious. For a change to be sustainable it has to come slowly, in tiny little steps every day. This is my programme. Sorry, if I disappointed you by not coming up with a new dramatic story, but it is what it is.
As for the validation-yes, it is a debris from the past, and not the least it is infiltrated by the society I live in. I do not know how it is in the US, but where I live there is unspoken social stigma on single people. Well, hell to it. Better be stigmatized, than in a bad relationship. The validation comes through many different channels, because there are many different facets to the personality-I am a mother, a career-maker, a friend, a daughter, not just a romantic partner. So, when I look at all these other areas of life, I see the good things I have achieved-my sonny is a happy sunny child and a good student, I am well respected at work, my family supports me, next week a friend invited me to his birthday party.

Enough blessings to count.

I am not from the US and I've never been there. My origins are in Eastern Europe also. This stigma you speak of was the very reason I too made bad relationship choices and like you, I eventually reached the conclusion that it is better to wear stigma than sacrifice your happiness. It took a long time to trust a man again but I eventually found him. We found each other.

I respect that you count your blessings. This attitude will take you far. People generally take for granted what they have while they obsess about what they don't have. When you count your blessings, you will be even more blessed. This is nature's way.

Don't mean to be a harsh scorp, but you guys were more "friends with benefits" than a couple and he told you he didn't want to marry you or have children with you from the beginning. Just because you thought you were pregnant doesn't change the dynamics of things. I don't think women should sleep with men who clearly explains they aren't interested in anything serious, when you are. It complicates things on an emotional aspects for the woman when the man hasn't really done anythigng different than what he told you his intentions were or were not in the beginning.