Top Dog?

Hey all! Just a couple quick questions for you...My guy, as most of you fab people know, is a little bit scarred, had a rough past few years, and has had his pretty little Scorpio heart broken a couple times. We've been together for about a year and I know it's real now. (I always feel like I have to give a background) My questions to you Scorps...

Do you always have to be the best at something? Does it frustrate you when you feel out of control of a situation? Is it hard for you to be in a 'partnership" situation? By that I mean collaborating on a project, etc.

My guy has some big decisions coming up and his stress level is increasing. He GETS me, he understands me, and in reality, is very much like my protector and partner. He shows his care for me by helping me with everything I need help with (house stuff, etc) He doesn't smother me, we live "well" together, and there's much harmony and passion. We may take a step back, but then it's 3 steps forward, in our dance to know each other.

His past included a car accident that left some of his reading skills a little lackluster. He's in college online and often needs help comprehending ideas/concepts. I am very English/grammar/vocabulary oriented. So, often he will come to me for help on his work - I don't DO IT for him, but I challenge and help him understand. Lately he seems resentful. Pressuring himself to do it alone, etc. I see it as a chance to work together on something.

Another question - Does the noise in your heads called "stress, emotion, etc", really make so much noise that you shut down to process them? I guess I still don't get the shutting down and ignoring to clear your head only to come back and be full of good words and heartfelt conversations. I don't want to ignore him when he's "caving it", I certainly think he needs his time alone. I think he needs MORE time alone, yet he always seems to come around like he needs to be with me, then he gets frustrated that he didn't get something of his own done at his house.

I'm afraid if I tell him that I need a night to myself he'll be hurt and think I'm playing games, even with a loving explanation. When he's silent and brooding, I leave him alone, but it often takes a "Hello" from me to snap him out of it. If I didn't say hello, would he assume I'm ignoring him on purpose and mirror that?

I guess I'm looking for a little pep talk, insight, whatever. You all have been great at that!

HA HA! You are too funny - Thanks Jynja! That's what I wanted. A different perspective. Not so much a touchy feely blah blah blah I'm sure things will be fine, etc response! I often fail to see the forest for the trees. I don't NEED him to be there every moment of every day, or every day for that matter. I do love my alone time as well, whether I'm in a bad frame of mind or not. It just so happens that when I am stressed, it HELPS me to have family, girlfriends or him around to keep me from thinking something to death. Then, after that, when I am alone, I often am able to refocus and see things differently. I have read so much about Scorpio tricks and games - and after all this time, I really don't think he's one of those - but I am always on the lookout for ways to handle his moods and introspective thoughts and darkness - sometimes it's like he doesn't fully trust me yet and I am the most loyal trustworthy Cancer you'll ever meet! ARGH!

Being trusted by him has little to do with how trustworthy you are, but how willing he is to stretch and trust. It's not about you. But him.

Thanks BGP! He does get a little insecure from time to time. He's had a rough go of things in the past few years, whereas I've kept my life relatively sane and made very few life alternig mistakes, in comparison. (this is his view, not mine), he feels he doesn't deserve a woman like me (this came out over the weekend and it has in the past). I think sometimes he feels like I'll give up on him BGP, because of his past, etc. That ain't gonna happen but that's where the trust factor comes in. Intrigued, I don't often need a bunch of space. I don't solitarily brood. Like I mentioned to Jynja, being around loved ones when I am brooding or stressed helps me separate things, etc. Basically, I'm pretty even tempered and can be around him, or my roomie, or my mom, under any emotional state. Most often, it's him and the roomie, so my point is that BECAUSE of the amount of time we do spend together, if I were to say, "Hey, I want a night alone," (in order to MAKE HIM HAVE SOME SPACE OF HIS OWN) I can see him with red flags up all over, wondering what I mean, am I going out with someone else, losing interest - the protective, jealous Scorp would come out! Yet, I know he wants his space, but he doesn't take much. But when he does get overwhelmed and want his space, he's SILENT toward me. Not even a "goodnight" or 'goodmorning' text or anything.

ffs pass me the goddamn sick bucket. sorry cc but where exactly do YOU figure in all this? all i see is you talking about HIS needs, HIS issues....blah, blah, blah.

we've all got shit to deal with but i just can't stand people who hide their rudeness and disrespect for others behind this 'burden of pain' they think they carry exclusively through life. you surely must know how men in general like to fucking exaggerate their own suffering. take 'man flu' for example. when you have a cold, you carry on like nothing's wrong...but a MAN—?? are you kidding me?? it's TROPICAL and almost certainly TERMINAL.

it's also grossly immature and ridiculous. what's he looking for in a partner anyway. someone to molly coddle him at times of HIS choosing while the rest of the time ignoring you??

relationships are supposed to be two way exchanges. what is in this for you? i can't see any return on that emotional investment personally. his market's crashed....time to dump your shares imo.

Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
ffs pass me the goddamn sick bucket. sorry cc but where exactly do YOU figure in all this? all i see is you talking about HIS needs, HIS issues....blah, blah, blah.

we've all got shit to deal with but i just can't stand people who hide their rudeness and disrespect for others behind this 'burden of pain' they think they carry exclusively through life. you surely must know how men in general like to fucking exaggerate their own suffering. take 'man flu' for example. when you have a cold, you carry on like nothing's wrong...but a MAN—?? are you kidding me?? it's TROPICAL and almost certainly TERMINAL.

it's also grossly immature and ridiculous. what's he looking for in a partner anyway. someone to molly coddle him at times of HIS choosing while the rest of the time ignoring you??

relationships are supposed to be two way exchanges. what is in this for you? i can't see any return on that emotional investment personally. his market's crashed....time to dump your shares imo.

R1g- I think I love you. Jk. No,I'm not JK. Ok... I'm JK.........Maybe 😉

lol...i lived with a cancerian for four years when i was really young...like 17...proper young (cos anything under 40 is young for me these days, lol)....anyhooooo. i decided spontaneously to go to spain for a few weeks with a band i was the singer for and so i left him a note while he was at work saying i was going to another country for a while and to take care. then i went straight to the airport and POOF! i was gooooone baby!!

he was still crying about it when i got back, lol!!

bad scorpio 😢

Posted by Jynja
I'm trusting my Cancer ascension on this: CC is the needy one here.

I've been on 3 of her threads... If the man stands, she needs a pep talk. If he sits, she needs some insight. If he turns around and unknowingly farts, Gosh!!! Heaven help us.
I really like CC, she's a great woman with good focus in her life and a big heart. BUT she needs to let the man breathe or cut her losses and let him go - which I imagine would be like asking her to start world war 3.

LOL!!

oh it's definitely not personal CC. i love crabs. my bff is one. she just gets over stressed trying to keep her man happy and i just have to administer a short, sharp bitchslap across the face sometimes for HER sake!!!

the day i met her, i was new to a very small village in spain and she said i looked scarey but wanted to make me feel welcome. she came over to me while we were both waiting at the school gates for our kids and asked if i wanted to join her book club. she said i paused for what seemed like an eternity before i scathingly said back...no i don't want to join your fucking book club, LOL. harsh or what!!! anyhow, she looked so upset by my rudeness i couldn't stand it. there's something about seeing a cancerian in pain that's unbearable to watch imo. they take things so deeply to heart and i was only really fucking with her. anyhow. best friend in the world. love the bones of her. cancerian women just need a regular slap that's all, lol.

You are cracking me up! In a totally respectful way, ladies. I came here for a slap, a different perspective, a pep talk - that's what I mean. I know, I know - I'm being my Cancer self and that's why I come to THIS board instead of a Cancer board. Trust me, he's a great guy, and more perceptive, honorable and forthright than I often give him credit for. He has moments of complete asshole-ness, as I have times of total lack of logic and reason. You guys hear of HIM HIM HIM because he is the only aspect of my life subject to the occasional turmoil. He comes across to ME as needy at times too. I don't need him to make my life complete, but he is a currently wonderful feature in it. He works his ass off for me, he's brutally honest with his life, his history and his future. He's brutally honest with me and he'll call me on being too sensitive, etc. Just as I help balance him when temper/emotion get out of control. This goes pretty deep, which is WHAT I NEED TO REMEMBER when he has man issues. Man flu, cave time, etc. As a sensitive Cancer, it bothers me, I feel sympathy, for him when things get stressful for him. I WANT TO HELP - My battle is in realizing and accepting that I can't always help and that only he can make himself smile again. Yep Rigor, he has issues - he lays in bed at night wondering when he's going to see his daughter again, or how he's doing in school, etc. He is enormously sensitive underneath the armor, and as I've said in past posts, it will inevitably "come out" after some time alone lost in thought or reading, or fixing something. What is really hard for me to wrap my mind around, is that for someone SO smart and sensitive, most times mature, and sweet (yes, he is a sweetie) is the fact that he shuts down SO easily! I do take things to heart too easily and I do need to STOP, Jynja! He's practically starting his life over and is analyzing every step of the way. He's working hard to be what I want and expect from him. I don't want or need much at all - and if you're having a shitty day, just TELL me! I have certainly stood up to him many many times and called him on his shit when I feel the "little boy" has come out. I am certainly not WEAK in my sensitivity, but he matters enough for me to want to understand him more. Maybe there's nothing to understand? LOL

"cancerian women just need a regular slap that's all, lol."

thank god for scorps. lol

rig you crack me UP!

Posted by CaringCancer
So, often he will come to me for help on his work - I don't DO IT for him, but I challenge and help him understand. Lately he seems resentful. Pressuring himself to do it alone, etc. I see it as a chance to work together on something.

If he's pressuring himself to do it alone, let him. You said it yourself, he will come to you for help if he needs it - you need to let HIM let you know when he needs your help, otherwise you may as well take away his man card. You might see it as a chance to work together on something, but what you see as "helping" can be emasculating if it's not asked for on his part, or if you assume that he needs it.

I guess I still don't get the shutting down and ignoring to clear your head only to come back and be full of good words and heartfelt conversations. I don't want to ignore him when he's "caving it", I certainly think he needs his time alone. I think he needs MORE time alone, yet he always seems to come around like he needs to be with me, then he gets frustrated that he didn't get something of his own done at his house.

Based on what I've learned here on dxp and my experience with my ex Scorp, you don't have to get it. It just IS. You may not want to ignore him when he's in escape mode, but that's your issue, not his. He just wants you to be there when he's ready to come out. You either go with it or get out now, because from what I understand, it's unlikely to change.

I'm afraid if I tell him that I need a night to myself he'll be hurt and think I'm playing games, even with a loving explanation.

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I think this is unlikely to happen, but if it does, so what? If he gets upset, do you really want to be with someone who doesn't allow you to have time to yourself without getting bent out of shape? I'm guessing he probably won't think much of it, and if he does, he'll probably be glad you're doing something on your own instead of worrying about whatever's going on in his head.

Trust me, I understand a lot of the feelings you're having, and it's hard to break out of those ways of thinking. But you will save yourself a whole lot of stress and heartache if you get out of his head and get into yours. Don't worry about butter that hasn't even happened yet, and may never happen.

i totally identify with the lying awake, mind in turmoil situation. it's become a way for me to get to sleep! if i have no turmoil, i feel lost. what can i obsess about before i fall asleep ffs!!!

seriously though, it can be very draining when there's alot on your mind and the problem with scorps is that we kinda like to wallow in it and don't take kindly to people trying to lighten our mood and distracting us from what we think we HAVE to concentrate on.

i find it's mostly issues where i don't feel like i have total control. i obsess about the things i have absolutely no power to change. i google ways around obstacles til i'm boss-eyed and generally waste a whole lot of energy.

although i LIKE to be left alone, even if i resist initially, i would PREFER to be dragged out of it by someone. fact is...EVERYONE needs a slap now and again.

it's not right to use so much mental focus on stuff beyond our control and yet we can't help ourselves. talking about it, although not a preferential option for scorps, is actually the best remedy and then we can retreat for a while to assimilate any additional information.

a slap's easier though, lol!!