torn between two lovers

Hey guys,
I am in need of your advice. Torn between two lovers-one cancer and the other scorpio. I am pisces (asc cancer, moon taurus), so there you go with a full-blown drama. The water triplicity together.

A word of explanation-had a three month, very intense relationship with the cancer guy, but there were issues that were pretty hard for him to deal with, so he decided that it would be easier for him to break up with me. The biggest issue is that at 48 he is still a classic mama's boy and it was difficult for me to accept a second to his mom place. So, he broke up with me and I went immediately NC (no communication) with him. Didn't hear anything from him for some 46 days. I kept my distance and didn't contact him even for his birthday. And now he starts texting me again...

Just after the BU I've met a lovely scorpio, still do not know him very well (you know how misterious they can be), but I cannot say anything negative on him. I noticed that he was interested in me and one day he asked me flat out if I was with somebody. I explained that I am just out of an intense relationship and still heal a broken heart. He proposed with a gleeful smile to help me heal my broken heart. I somewhat snapped at him that I do not intend to heal a broken heart with sex, so he needed to be patient with me, because I am not interested in rebound things. At that point I really did not care if he would stick to me, or he would leave me, as obviously I was not in the right emotional place for anything meaningful. But he did stick to me, offered flowers, chocolates, we went out to dinner a cpl of times, and as surprising as it may sound for a double scorpio (sun scorpio, asc scorpio) he did not touch me, saying it is up to me to decide when I am ready. The only thing he wanted me to promise is that I am not going back to the cancer guy or any other man.

I am confused. I realise with my brain that the scorpio guy treats me real well. This cancer guy is texting, but ok it doesn't seem like he is doing any effort to resolve the issues that broke us up. I think some time very soon I have to decide if cut all contact with him, by not replying to his texts, or I give him a second chance, but then I will have to leave that lovely scopio. I do not want to string anyone of them along, so please, help me make up my mind ASAP. Thanks to all who read and replied.

Posted by everevolvingepithet

Fwiw, would you have your Scorpio keeping in contact with his exes, be honest now lol ?

🙂🙂

Yes, it is a shame and I feel guilty for still texting back to the cancer guy. This cancer guy is an only child and after his father's death some 12 years ago, his mom attached herself to him an awful lot. She doesn't have any separate life and she insists that he spends his week ends with her. He does her shopping (she is quite old 89 y.o.) and he told me he feels uncomfortable when she discusses with him some gynecological problems she has. At the same time she does not want to see a doctor, saying that at her old age she would not pass an operation. She refuses to communicate with any other people, but his son. I told him squarely that his attitude to his mother is unhealthy and they appear to me like two partners in relationship, rather than a mother and a son. It seems that my words touched his sensitive spot, we had a huge fight because of that and he told me he would never introduce me to his mother, in fears that I might hurt her! All in all over 3 months we spent 2 weekends together, "thankfully" to his mother permission-he spoke to his mother about my complaints that we do not spend any weekends together, so she benevolently "allowed" me 2 week ends with her son.

Well, you see in the given circustances the relationship was doomed to fail.

Question is why I still reply to his texts?

The honest answer is that it is my lame attempt for revenge. Everytime he wants to hung out with me, I tell him that I can only see him in the week end...and he replies sheepishly "But you know I am with my motherin the weekend.." So, I would like to see if he would want me bad enough to transgress his mom's rules.

While I am putting this on the board I see how stupid my little revenge is. You are right I would just leave him be, his mother will take care of the rest-she does her best so that her son remains alone, as I do not think there is any normal woman to accept their weird ways, despite all of the cancer guy's positive qualities.

Thanks everevolving for having put the things out clear for me to see.

WOT, justmeh, thanks for your input, much appreciated. Yeah, I must be really an idiot to keep comms with this cancer guy, i am sorry for him, but i think he will never change.

As for my reaction to keep being interested in a man, who "abandons" me ( in a way the cancer guy abondoned me to be with his mother), I realise I have my own issues there. My father left us when I was a toddler, and I am convinced that I am running all my life after various sorts of "unavailable" man, attempting to win them to be mine, so that in reverse I could "fix" the trauma of my childhood caused by my father walking out on me. Sort to speak if a win an unavailable man to be mine, it will be like UNDO the abandoment by my father. Took me quite some time to realise I am doing the wrong choice. But no more.

justmeh and all, thanks for the quick therapy :-)
Got a huge burden off my chest, guys, really appreciated.

Well, at least subconsciously I must have made the choice to go with the scorpio, since I started this thread on the scorpio board..with an equal chance I might have put it under the cancer heading. It is strange that this comes to my mind now. My best regards to all.

Posted by PurrrrHissss
I say don't date either one.

Well, that's an interesting proposal. In a way this is exactly what will be happening for the next 3 weeks. I am leaving back to my country in Eastern Europe (hence the nick "East") and I am leaving the scorp in the Western Europe where I actually live (moved due to career development). I hope that the separation will bring some additional clarity. I am staying at my mother's house, and the scorp already inquired if he could call me at my mothers place (who knows may be he wants to call the fix number to check if I am staying home or I am going out in the evening).

No, intensity does not scare me, to the contrary, it warms me up. My venus placement in capricorn makes me quite reserved in love matters, so some hot, volcanic scorp eruption would do me well, I can contain that passion, I will not melt, just will get a little warmer. Purrrr, you got me dreaming here...who knows, may be it's time to shake off this "broken heart healing stuff" and feel the heat...

well, i see the scorp tomorrow before i leave, may give him some hints that the healing is at its end.

Posted by justmeh
@ purr i believe east said that the scorp guy said and i quote "The only thing he wanted me to promise is that I am not going back to the cancer guy or any other man"
This is not him saying he doesn`t want her talking to any other man but rather him making himself clear on the fact that he wants to make sure that she is free to date and not hung up on another before he involves himself.
As for him spending time with his mum and family coming first i think there is a huge difference in family coming first and ur family controlling u.
This relationship between the cancer and his mum does not sound like a healthy one from what i have read.

Absolutely.

The scorp knows very well that 80% of my colleagues are men, that we sometimes organise BBQ amongst colleagues, or go for a beer as a team after a heavy day. This is part of team building. He never made any remark on that.

As much as I love dearly my mother I would never allow her to dictate me who I date and how often we see each other. Mind you, my mother is also alone, but she doesn't guilt trip me, like cancer guy's mother does. I remember the first week end together she called to tell him that she's sick with flu...Coincidence?

Choose the Scorpio.

Okay, then. If you're so certain, why did you even ask this question? *confused*

This is a valid question, Puurrrr.

I already mentioned I have some history of being attracted to men that are not available one way or another. So, this is part of the answer.

Secondly, I dwelled too much on the negative and did not touch on the positive cancer's trait, but certainly the cancer guy has a lot of them-he is very attractive, with a good sense of humour, hard working and strong willed , intelligent, charismatic and fantastic in bed. You know, it is normal to give it a second thought before i decide to lose such a package.

Thirdly, and please, do not take me wrong, but I was attracted to him for the fact that socially he is out of my league. I put myself in the middle class, the cancer guy is in the low rich class, but still in the upper class. Not that I am a gold digger, but certainly was interested to get access to this higher circle and see how rich people live. Well, I would say thanks for the interesting experience, but no thanks. I was not impressed by what I saw. I realise I would feel much comfortable with a guy of my social level, you know pisces put true love high up in the priority list, not that money and status are not important to me, but these have never been my driving forces.

The fact that the cancer guy can pay and army of servants to take care of his mom if he chooses to so do, but nevertheless he preffers to give in to her unreasonable demands to be served by him in person, speaks volums of how unhealthy their relation is. I was shocked when I realised what a dual personality he has-for the outer world he is the strong, unshakable, cool big boss, the man that i fell in love with. But that same strong, rock-like man behaves like a little boy when his mother goes. Interesting.

I am somewhat flattered as well that the cancer guy called me again, given that he does have access to many, younger than me and very attractive women. I believe he has developped feelings for me, but obviously not strong enough compared to the feelings he has for his mother.

so, there you have your answer.
I cannot stress enough how helpful it is to put one's thoughts out on paper/post and get independant opinions. When I kept everything in my head, I felt really confused and it is amazing what a clear perspective you, guys, offered in a nick of time. Once again, really appreciated.

Posted by SassyVirgo
Forget about the Cancer, you gave him the opportunity but he didn't take it. Scorpio is keen on you and you have a good time together. Stick with him!

well, if this advice comes from the analytical Virgo, I guess, I'd better listen. 🙂