When Scorpio doesn't want you, survival mode

Oh well. New month, new resolutions. In another topic I wrote how badly things went downhill between me and the Scorpio I was dating when started distancing myself (good reasons I might add, but that's a different story altogether), I truly hoped there would be a chance to talk and fix the situation but...no.

The truth is, he's not into me. I've been trying to patch things up for the last two months, longer than the dating period per se. Time to let go. I've read everything about Scorpio tests, the push and pull game, the mind games, whatever I could find really, but decided that I won't be one of those women posting here in 5 years that Scorpio won't commit BUT he loves them so they put up with his messed up behavior forever. I've made mistakes but I haven't disrespected him, or "cheated" on him, I simply needed to slow down a bit.
In the last few months he's managed to stand me up a few times, to appear out of the blue with meaningless texts then disappear again, then we finally met for coffee, spent some great time together (laughing, discussing works, friendships, future plans, I didn't bring "us" up because it felt pushy and inappropriate) and he invited me out for the following week...in the meantime though we met again together with common friends and guess what, a friend of his with a huge crush on him was invited to join us too.
I found that disrespectful and frankly revolting. I had hopes, no point denying it, but I was trying to accept the friend role. Forcing me to witness his friend being all over him was cruel and unnecessary at this stage. Our hero made sure during our meetings to feed me off his spoon, look at me constantly, text me good morning and good night during the week, send me kisses and then claim I misunderstood everything, that he's just being friendly. I don't think I'm reading too much into signals, he's been flirting but just for the sake of it, this guy is playing and I don't want to fool myself any longer for it's neither healthy nor constructive.
Ladies, let's not excuse every sort of c*ap because "that's what Scorpio does, eventually he'll love me". Perhaps he won't. Perhaps he's not a bad person, but a messed up/insecure/immature one and he won't be able to respect you and he'll string you along for as long as you'll allow it. I would like to be with this man, bury my nose in his neck and hold him close but there's no room for me in his life (on a side note, he keeps saying that he's unable to love, that he's always messed up his previous relationships and that he's feeling numb...if an excuse, it's a way to keep me distant. If the truth, I cannot be his savior and damage myself in the "healing" process), so with a badly hurt pride and a sad heart I told him that I think I fell for him although we haven't known each other long and realized that I hit the point of no return. Time to move on.
I always read about "hopes" and rarely about letting go. At times, that's the only option to keep our sanity.

You're a very intelligent woman. I'm glad you aren't playing his games anymore. I've been in your shoes and I allowed it to go for nearly two years.
Find someone who actually loves you. You'll be A LOT happier.

It hurts, doesn't it? it's hard to accept that the men that swept us off our feet does not want us and probably he never truly did...but you don't get to choose who you fall in love with, it's not a personal defeat, it doesn't make me worthless, or wrong in any way. I'm not the right woman for him, which makes him not the right man for me.
I have groveled, opened my heart, flushed most of my pride down the toilet when I told him that I fell for him and finally felt appeased, you cannot reassure anyone who doesn't want to be in a relationship with YOU (who were perfectly willing to try, btw).

I'm hurt, but hanging in there would hurt much more in the long term. Not going to happen.

Thank you all for the nice words. In fairness, I do not love this man: I haven't seen enough of him and for me love doesn't "happen", it's an achievement. I like him, I'm attracted to him, I admire him BUT he doesn't bring out the best in me, sadly. I found myself watching my back, fearing something nasty and unexpected, doubting my judgement, my reactions...how's any of this healthy? He pursued me like a knight in his shiny armor but I wanted more, for everyone can stick around when things are good, so I asked him to slow down and that's when s*it started to happen. He pushed me away, then sort of circled back, then he stood me up, then he stood me up AGAIN, then we met and he put on the show with his horny friend right before my eyes...erm, no. I'm as patient as it gets, but I don't honestly think there's a pot of gold waiting for me at the end of the rainbow. He took off because clearly he doesn't like me enough to stay. Women often don't pick a man, they pick a PROJECT to work on. I refuse to make that mistake: if he pushes me away but still keep it "foggy" and misleading, then nothing good will ever come out.of it. Wish people realized that we cannot force anyone to fall in love with us, persisting and suffering won't change anything for the better.

By "I don't love this man" I mean the kind of love that lasts, passed the attraction and infatuation stage. I think I fell in love, yes, but luckily my feelings didn't have the chance to develop further. Sorry, not sure I'm making sense here: as you might have guessed I'm not a native English speaker and some concepts for me are difficult to explain the way I'd want to.

Posted by Gemini1979
It hurts, doesn't it? it's hard to accept that the men that swept us off our feet does not want us and probably he never truly did...but you don't get to choose who you fall in love with, it's not a personal defeat, it doesn't make me worthless, or wrong in any way. I'm not the right woman for him, which makes him not the right man for me.
I have groveled, opened my heart, flushed most of my pride down the toilet when I told him that I fell for him and finally felt appeased, you cannot reassure anyone who doesn't want to be in a relationship with YOU (who were perfectly willing to try, btw).

I'm hurt, but hanging in there would hurt much more in the long term. Not going to happen.

The next time a man attempts to sweep you off of your feet, demand that he puts REAL SKIN in the game before allowing yourself to be impressed. I think it's totally ok for a woman to let a man know that she's NOT impressed as long as he's keeping his distance without first making any real investment in her or in the relationship. I'm not saying that you fell for him for no reason, I'm just advising you to allow a man to either pass by you with his game playing...not even hit your radar and ONLY get your affection or investment into the relationship AFTER he's done so.

Posted by MlleFisk
You should go to a hardware store, buy the heaviest spade shovel you can find and crack him on the back of the head with it.

Ah...hence GetMisted's comment on the other board. lol I see, I see.

Posted by Rabbit
Do they make Febreeze that eliminates the smell of anger-estrogen?

*runs out the door*

No, they don't. Just like they don't sell a product that sense male bullshit and shocks the shit out of men for doing this crap.

Wow he sounds like an un evolved Scorpio. That's a shame. It does sound like he's playing with you by being affectionate then saying you miss understood. I've been through that situation with a Scorpio female, she was hot and cold. I think if you hurt their ego in anyway the Imature ones will play all kinds of games. At the end of the day it's really unhealthy to be stuck around someone like that. So good on you for breaking free, it's not easy especially when it's a Scorpio.

well. i had a similar experience. only saw him once because we live in seperate countries but after three months of talking to him over the phone he asked me three strange questions and before i knew it.... we were together. I had to not let his disappearance bother me. just leave him to his thoughts and let him find his way back.

now that we are together, i can't say it has changed. .. however we talk more than before. I am never the one to call to begin with but i will update him and allow him to text me when he is ready.