Why do I feel guilty?

Hello!

Where to begin??_I'm a Cancer, he's a Scorpio. We went well together before we started dating. I knew him through high school, but we started dating a couple years later. It took him time to talk about his ex girlfriend. Apparently she ruined him by manipulating him and cheating on him. For the four months that we dated, it was mostly online since he's in the military and he was stationed somewhere else. But he visited once before the break up and he was being super distant. He wouldn't even touch me. He held back and when he left the next day he gave me a kiss against my forehead and went off. He didn't call me until three days later. I didn't even know if he made it back safely. He made up bullshit excuses as to why he didn't call. He always appreciated how I could see through him. He blamed me. He knows I have issues with socializing, so he said it was that. He said he had to remove me, since he didn't see our future working out. I accepted this. A week later he wanted to add me to FB. He wanted to watch our TV shows together. He wanted to have long talks and fall asleep on the phone. Every time he was in the area, he came to see me. He always wanted to sleep in bed next to me. He always hugged me. He's always reaching out to me. A year later, the real truth came out as to why he broke up with me. Apparently he cheated on me one night with his ex. He was actually upset that I didn't give a damn. I guess he wanted a reaction? Somehow, considering all the years we've known each other, our friends, and family, I went along with remaining his friend. He starts saying he wants to find a girlfriend exactly like me and that he dates with me in mind. A year later, he has a new girlfriend. All of our friends hate her. She doesn't know me, but she hates me already. He goes against her wishes to speak to me. He would call me for dumb reasons. How to cook a pizza? Just because? He was going to leave for awhile on a tour and his goodbye text was basically a love confession, crediting me for making him the person he is today? He's always sending me text messages, like three pages worth. I sent him an email for his birthday, deciding that if I'm going to write him while he's away, it should be something simple. I don't like talking to him if I don't have to.

But then he starts talking about his girlfriend. How he can only tell me how scary his situation is, what he's seeing, and experiencing during the tour because she??ll cry and get upset. Like, repetitively bringing up his girlfriend and how we should meet. How fun it would be if we all went out together? Then he brings up the past. He tells me that he thinks about what it must??ve been like to be me in that situation, being cheated on and lied to. He sounded selfish, like he wanted to be forgiven. I figured that four years would be long enough to get over it, but apparently not for him. After that last email, I basically lost it. I said some mean things. I even said that he was in control of his own actions. He could have avoided cheating on me. I'm tired of him extending his hand to me, offering to be there, and protect me. What is that shit? After I told him off, he deleted me from FB and Skype. He's back from his tour recently and I feel anxious. A part of me wants to say something, since I feel bad about how I reacted; the other half of me is like good riddance. Any insight on what he's thinking or why he can't let me go? Is this normal Scorpio behavior? Will he be back for another silly attempt at friendship or is he too offended? To even understand a fraction of this person would be fantastic.

hahaha. I hate Scorpio man it's just a mirror of myself but somehow I tried to control myself

to explode. lol.


Any insight on what he's thinking or why he can't let me go? Is this normal Scorpio behavior? Will he be back for another silly attempt at friendship or is he too offended? To even understand a fraction of this person would be fantastic.

Answer: Yes that is Normal behavior of a Scorpio. He sounds young. That is why he is confused.

Scorpio has this drama the ''back & forth thing''. lol

The subject is why do I feel guilty?
Plainly speaking as a sister cancer, you feel guilty because he wants you to. Its all a part of punishing you for not kissing his ass. He wants all the drama of jealous love and devastation yet never making him out to be the villain. All of which you did the opposite of. I'm quite confident he'll come back for another stab at it.

Posted by caster721
Now i understand the power control from scorpios to cancers(or to any other sign) but their manipulation power control games backfires when they meet us coz we see straight through them. If they are not matured and evolved its just a wastage of each others time.

it depends. A cancer can see through the bs but they also nurse the BS.

Is this all scorpios trait? Because I dont see myself as playing mind games or manipulating. I did see this in a Scorpion guy i was seeing and it annoyed me a lot.

Posted by Angeleyes17
Is this all scorpios trait? Because I dont see myself as playing mind games or manipulating. I did see this in a Scorpion guy i was seeing and it annoyed me a lot.

yes, for those who abuse thr scorps ability to evaluate and plan accordingly.

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry

Posted by kim30

Posted by Angeleyes17
Is this all scorpios trait? Because I dont see myself as playing mind games or manipulating. I did see this in a Scorpion guy i was seeing and it annoyed me a lot.

yes, for those who abuse thr scorps ability to evaluate and plan accordingly.

you continue to amaze me.....

*re-evaluates cancer*

click to expand

lol no kidding?

Posted by kim30

Posted by Angeleyes17
Is this all scorpios trait? Because I dont see myself as playing mind games or manipulating. I did see this in a Scorpion guy i was seeing and it annoyed me a lot.

yes, for those who abuse thr scorps ability to evaluate and plan accordingly.

click to expand

Interesting.. because I know I can be possessive with the negative trait us Scorpions but never used any kind of manipulation and I cant stand it when I'm being manipulated.. I get very defensive and annoyed at myself lol ..

Posted by Angeleyes17

Posted by kim30

Posted by Angeleyes17
Is this all scorpios trait? Because I dont see myself as playing mind games or manipulating. I did see this in a Scorpion guy i was seeing and it annoyed me a lot.

yes, for those who abuse thr scorps ability to evaluate and plan accordingly.

Interesting.. because I know I can be possessive with the negative trait us Scorpions but never used any kind of manipulation and I cant stand it when I'm being manipulated.. I get very defensive and annoyed at myself lol ..

click to expand

how do you respond when you feel possessive? And when someone is manipulating you?

Posted by Angeleyes17
Is this all scorpios trait? Because I dont see myself as playing mind games or manipulating. I did see this in a Scorpion guy i was seeing and it annoyed me a lot.

Of course u dont see it in yourself...youre a scorpio WOMAN...We r not alike...

Posted by nov13thscorp

Posted by Angeleyes17
Is this all scorpios trait? Because I dont see myself as playing mind games or manipulating. I did see this in a Scorpion guy i was seeing and it annoyed me a lot.

Of course u dont see it in yourself...youre a scorpio WOMAN...We r not alike...

click to expand

oh come on! Some of the most dangerously manipulative Scorpios ice ever met were female!

Posted by kim30

Posted by nov13thscorp

Posted by Angeleyes17
Is this all scorpios trait? Because I dont see myself as playing mind games or manipulating. I did see this in a Scorpion guy i was seeing and it annoyed me a lot.

Of course u dont see it in yourself...youre a scorpio WOMAN...We r not alike...

oh come on! Some of the most dangerously manipulative Scorpios ice ever met were female!

click to expand

lol exactly....I LOVE my scorpio women but us scorp men and women r so freaking different.....just had to put that out there...

Thanks Twirl! Glad to find a redeeming quality. : )

Posted by Nemesis
from what you??ve written he sounds like a very complex person and has narcissistic tendencies. they are masters of the carrot and stick method. it's not really about love, it has to do with control and dominance and you obviously have the characteristics of a narcissits favourite victim.....check out some videos on youtube by a guy called dr. sam vakim on this topic.

Oh yeah..... I know who you're talking about.

Didn't know he had videos. Cool. 🙂


+1




@OP

He has a lot of material/articles, too, if you're interested-- good stuff; very eye-opening.

**LINK**

Thank you for all your feedback.

I'm just tired of not being able to see the underlining. It should be normal for him to move on. Being with someone else for a year, I thought he achieved that, but I guess not. I can do friendship, but sometimes he crosses the line. Though after what I said to him, he's been gone, so maybe it'll stay that way.

I remember one time I made the mistake of calling him short. I'm 4'10 and he's 5'8... He rattled off a list of things that are 'wrong' with me. And I was only kidding. There's no way for that to be true, but I guess he felt insecure about it.

I don't know. I felt he was genuine in his last email. It's really difficult for him to be serious. He's always sarcastic...always joking, and taking nothing serious. We had to come up with a safe word lol Like a 'I'm being serious' word. I feel like he was really comfortable with me, friendship or otherwise, because it was impossible to argue with me. He can admit his feelings easily. The guilt comes in, because the things I said would hurt anyone. I said I was his friend out of charity.

LOL@friend out of charity. That's what happens when crabs go ahead and get pissed. You shouldn't have waited so long to set him straight. It will be awhile but he doesn't sound like the type to let that go. I bet if I read the email for you I could show just how "genuine" he really was.

Posted by Zanbee
Hello!

Where to begin??_I'm a Cancer, he's a Scorpio. We went well together before we started dating.

Maybe he's a better friend than a romantic partner? It happens.

Posted by IrresistableScorp
O.0 This sounds familiar--on these boards. o.O

The narcissist's favourite sadistic cocktail is brutal honesty coupled with "helpful advice" and "concern" for the welfare of the person attacked. The narcissist blurts out - often unprovoked - hurtful observations. These statements are invariably couched in a socially impeccable context. Akin to "anger management", the sadistic narcissist also requires "truth management" to teach him how to contain his impulsive and offensive "honesty" and "directness".

For instance, "Do you know you have a bad breath? You will be much more popular if you treated it", "You are really too fat, you should take care of yourself, you are not young, you know, who knows what this is doing to your heart", "These clothes do not complement you. Let me give you the name of my tailor...", "You are behaving very strangely lately, I think that talk therapy combined with medication may do wonders", and so on.

The misanthropic and schizoid narcissist at once becomes sociable and friendly when he spots an opportunity to hurt or to avenge. He then resorts to humour - black, thwarted, poignant, biting, sharpened and agonizing. Thinly disguises barbs follow thinly disguised threats cloaked in "jokes" or "humorous anecdotes".

Big section on victim blaming, too.


** Link.

Posted by Nemesis

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by Nemesis
from what you??ve written he sounds like a very complex person and has narcissistic tendencies. they are masters of the carrot and stick method. it's not really about love, it has to do with control and dominance and you obviously have the characteristics of a narcissits favourite victim.....check out some videos on youtube by a guy called dr. sam vakim on this topic.

Oh yeah..... I know who you're talking about.

Didn't know he had videos. Cool. 🙂


+1


@OP

He has a lot of material/articles, too, if you're interested-- good stuff; very eye-opening.

**LINK**

i thank you for that extensive link - ummm i misspelled his name - yes, dr. vaknin - he has a difficult accent - you get used to it, but the wood-chopping sound at first is like ughhhh. 😉

yeahhh nuda veritas...

click to expand

You're welcome 🙂


I had to check it out, though... the video, I mean-- and you're right-- it is a little difficult. o.O

geeze This makes Scorps sound vile.. I like 'Zee Scorps' (im surrounded by a few) great to work/play/compete with/or against. Just let em think their boss,..and walk away from ther shiz. Respect or deflect.

Posted by tdL7
geeze This makes Scorps sound vile.. I like 'Zee Scorps' (im surrounded by a few) great to work/play/compete with/or against. Just let em think their boss,..and walk away from ther shiz. Respect or deflect.

I'm familiar with that material (if that is what you were referring to) because of a Leeb.

Narcissists can come from ANY sign.

Posted by IrresistableScorp
O.0 This sounds familiar--on these boards. o.O

The narcissist's favourite sadistic cocktail is brutal honesty coupled with "helpful advice" and "concern" for the welfare of the person attacked. The narcissist blurts out - often unprovoked - hurtful observations. These statements are invariably couched in a socially impeccable context. Akin to "anger management", the sadistic narcissist also requires "truth management" to teach him how to contain his impulsive and offensive "honesty" and "directness".

For instance, "Do you know you have a bad breath? You will be much more popular if you treated it", "You are really too fat, you should take care of yourself, you are not young, you know, who knows what this is doing to your heart", "These clothes do not complement you. Let me give you the name of my tailor...", "You are behaving very strangely lately, I think that talk therapy combined with medication may do wonders", and so on.

The misanthropic and schizoid narcissist at once becomes sociable and friendly when he spots an opportunity to hurt or to avenge. He then resorts to humour - black, thwarted, poignant, biting, sharpened and agonizing. Thinly disguises barbs follow thinly disguised threats cloaked in "jokes" or "humorous anecdotes".

This sounds familiar pertaining to my ex. Blargen de bleep.

Posted by Impulsv
The question is why are u asking what he's thinking about ur reaction n ur not in good riddance mode.
After 4 years why have u stayed as a Freind when cheated on. Not judging but ur playing ur part.

Because he was my friend long before we dated. I'm not interested in dating this person or getting him back. I just want to understand if he's hanging onto me. If he still likes me. Why it's not a normal or natural parting of ways. We should drift apart, but he won't allow it. A part of me wouldn't mind being friends.

Posted by kim30

Posted by Angeleyes17

Posted by kim30

Posted by Angeleyes17
Is this all scorpios trait? Because I dont see myself as playing mind games or manipulating. I did see this in a Scorpion guy i was seeing and it annoyed me a lot.

yes, for those who abuse thr scorps ability to evaluate and plan accordingly.

Interesting.. because I know I can be possessive with the negative trait us Scorpions but never used any kind of manipulation and I cant stand it when I'm being manipulated.. I get very defensive and annoyed at myself lol ..

how do you respond when you feel possessive? And when someone is manipulating you?

click to expand

I'm possessive of my things more than people. When my sisters or friends borrow my stuff and its not given bk or not given bk in the condition it was given, i get angry. lol This Scorpion guy i noticed was playing the mind games and asking me questions indirectly to get an answer for something else and i knew what he was doing. I've had other situations where I've fallen for it and when I realise, I get annoyed at myself because I cant stand fake rude and manipulating people.

Posted by nov13thscorp

Posted by Angeleyes17
Is this all scorpios trait? Because I dont see myself as playing mind games or manipulating. I did see this in a Scorpion guy i was seeing and it annoyed me a lot.

Of course u dont see it in yourself...youre a scorpio WOMAN...We r not alike...

click to expand

I agree with this. Even tho the traits are there, Scorpion Men and Women are different in there own ways.