New Taurus on board

Hey guys... I have been reading the Cancer and Taurus boards for quite a while and found lots of topics to be very helpful, so I decided to register and also contribute. While searching for answers with how to make a successful relationship with my very crabby Cancer guy, I found answers and explanations from the posts of Cancer Lady, who intelligently gives great advise on the traits of Cancer and SweetestFatale who is in a very similar battle like myself with a Cancer; along with many others. You ladies most definitely know your signs very well. So I am very excited to share my story and thoughts.

Hi there Lady Taurus, you'll def have to share your story with us, always interesting to see how fellow bulls handle personal relationships!

I've never dated a cancer, although I'm currently dating a Pisces so I can relate to the overly emotional reactions you can sometimes get!

My story? I thought I was really good with relationships until I meant this Cancer. I used to go out with a Capricorn for 3 years and the relationship was great when it came to material things and the finer things in life, he was a great provider but a very absent boyfriend. This got under my skin because I loved spending time with my mate and doing things together. I actually left the relationship... it took my awhile to make that decision because I hate change and I thought that we had put too many time in the relationship and to start over again would be a pain. But I met this Cancer at work and we started out by just having fun... clubbing and dining. He swept me off my feet. I thought he was perfect for me. He spent time, loved to do things with me and he likes to chill at home and just lazy around. I loved that! and he cooked for me lol. The other guy did nothing like that. But one day the Cancer dropped me. He stopped answering my calls and didn't want to see me. I searched within myself to see what I did wrong. But I wasn't sure and he didn't want to speak to me to tell me what I did. Eventually I saw him after a month of no communication. Usually I am very reserved and find it hard to show how I really feel, but that night I put all pride aside and just grabbed him and held him so tight. Telling him over and over I missed him and loved him. He was shocked. We rekindled and he later told me that he cut me off because he felt that I didn't really like him. So from there after I spent months trying to prove to him how much I loved him. I did everything... I am such a strong person and I usually don't bend for people.... but for this guy I broke my back. He got closer and closer but would ever so often withdraw from me for no valuable explanation. I grew very agitated with this because I like stability. He made me feel unstable. But I loved him so I continued to work hard and pass his little tests. It's been a year... and we are at the stage where he is still sceptical and sometimes pushes me off but I handle it by giving him his space. So... basically I am dealing with the very typical, emotional Cancer and with my stubborn streak I am finding it very challenging. But I plan to hold on and hope for the best, because the good about him is worth the effort.

Lady_taurus ? Welcome!!!

"I put all pride aside and just grabbed him and held him so tight. Telling him over and over I missed him and loved him. He was shocked. We rekindled and he later told me that he cut me off because he felt that I didn't really like him.?

This is very typical, although it can be aggravating/painful for those on the receiving end. Cancers need this type of reassurance. We feel very deeply, but will not allow it to manifest until we are secure that you are there for us and want us as much as we want you.

Alot of times when we aren't feeling confident within a relationship, we back pedal, stagnate and/or cut off contact. It is a emotional tactic that I myself have used very recently with a Taurus male.

The stopping contact thing was his way of preventing the preconceived rejection that he fears from being with you. When we cannot gage the true intentions or feelings from the person of our interest we back away. You were able to rekindle things with him after you poured out your emotions, and then he was able to feel comfortable that you were sincere.

About the withdrawal, when we are stressed or upset we tend to stay to ourselves because we do not want to burden others with our troubles. I will call it "shelling". If you can be patient (which I am learning is often difficult for Taurus's ?I want NOW? mentality) he will come out again, usually within days not months and usually he will explain what was going on with him.

Is your guy shelling now?

Hayyyyyyyy Lady, welcome to the board and the Dance of the Cancer/Taurus. You have a typical Cancer Male/Taurus Female interaction. Things happened about the same with my guy. We met, chilled, loved it, then he disappeared, reappeared and I tried to let him know I was feeling him, he confessed he didnt know I wanted him (and I thought I was being so blatantly clear).

What it is about these men, is that 1. they need to see the emotions so go ahead and let them out. Don't make up emotions to show, but when you are feeling something truly and honestly, let it out. If you trust that he wont take advantage of you, he most likely wont. and 2. you cant be lukewarm, or leave him a question or doubt that you want him...or he will question and doubt it. He's a mix of confidence and shyness, insecure and nonchalant. Don't let him fool you,if he wants to be with you and he wants to love you, he HAS to know that you want this from him, for sure. You have to tell him straight up (when the time is right, don't force it, just when you get to that point dont hold back or he WILL pull back)"I want YOU to be my knight in shining armor, I need you to rescue me and be there for me. There is no doubt in my mind that I want this from you and I dont intend on changing my mind". Don't really worry about saying it too forcefully, the more conviction the more convincing. (If you dont really want this from him PLEASE dont lie). If you dont seem sure he certainly wont think you're sure and he wont even think about taking the risk. He'll more likely want you to move your unsure behind on or get sure and get back to him.

Now you're probably wondering "but isnt that a risk? What if he rejects me, I'll be so hurt?". Well the truth is, is that he's scared of that same rejection, but as a taurus we're more willing to take emotional risks, so you have to kinda tell him he's coming into the danger zone with you, no excuse (please dont give him an excuse or umm and uhh, or back down if he makes excuses). If he does reject you its better than going round and round with him for months and getting entirely fed up.

Thanks HG78.. I have learned the hard way that this is how Cancers deal with their feelings. It was hard at first and I thought it was me. But thanks to you all I now have a better understanding and kno now how to deal with him. It is such a relief to have people to relate to that experience the same things with other signs. About him shelling... He went into his shell the other day... I backed off... didn't call him just did my own thing... surprisingly he came around. I explained to him that it is very hurtful for me to be tossed aside on his terms and that I will no longer tolerate it much longer. i gave him the option to walk away or stay and if he chose to stay, communication between us would have to incease. I assured him that if he needed space just voice it and I would oblige, but only for reasonable considerations. He agreed. I must admit though... I'm on egg shells waiting for him shell again soon. LOL.

Merc... I was born the 10th of 84. Were you born on the 9th?

SF... lol as from what I have told you... yes this is a dance. I express my feelings for him in everyway. I have wrote him letters... sent him Blue Mountain Cards, cook, buy him things (which he loves), take him on trips and spend all my free time with him. But with all that he still feels like its not enough and to me I feel like he's ungrateful... i like to do things for people but I like to feel appreciated. I am not afraid of risks really and when I want something I have evaluated it in every angle and i'm certain its what I want. So... I love love him alot... and I bust my butt showing him that. I guess like what u said I have to make him feel like I am sure so that he can be sure and that means hard work.

Merc... our charts are very similar if not exact! I'm confused... about the man thing... there is no gender indicated in ur peofile just pics... r u a gal r guy... either way... its interesting that someone has the same astrological makeup as me 🙂

LOL... yes... things like dinner (at a very nice restaurant) shows that you can wine and dine her and is not afraid to be with her, watch your manners and your dining skills... I speak for myself on this cuz i scope a guy out completly and if one important thing is off I'll refuse to call him my guy. I like quite guys that can hold a healthy convo. The shoe thing is a way of her checking you out... appearance is very important. If she dresses well and keeps her hair done... she will want you to be the same. Basically... I like a guy that I can feel comfortable around and can do things that i like. Listen to her alot... she is most likely gonna hint you on what she like from what she doesn't. Taurus people are very talkative and they speak to be heard. We are easy going so u don't have to do anything extreme... make her comfortable and relaxed around you at all time and she will love to be around you. Compliment her alot! Show interest in her interests. These are for sure winners for me. Flirting should be kept at a minimum... I kno a few Virgos and they are flirty. Just be urself and charm her... I like Virgo guys they are very sweet... but I fear them cuz they seem unfaithful. Retrain from making her feel insecure in this area.

Merc is right if she doesen't like u'll now. I boof guys all the time.

She's into you... she is open with you because she wants you to understand her. By showing affection she is totally attracted to you 🙂

Merc my chart:

Sun Taurus
Moon Virgo
Mercury Aries
Venus Taurus
Mars Scorpio
Jupiter Capricorn
Saturn Scorpio
Uranus Sagittarius
Neptune Capricorn
Pluto Scorpio
Lilith Pisces
Asc node Gemini

I am not certain about my rising sign cuz I don't kno what time i was born.

Lady - It is good that you were DIRECT with him about how you feel. Cancers are not the most DIRECT individuals when we care for a person and their feelings. Sometimes if we are moody, what we say can be taken out of context due to tone of voice, facial expression. We can be very direct when we want to be or need to be.

Communication habits broken down into 2 categories

SOMETHING TO LOSE (INDIRECT)
-We have feelings for you
-We shell with silence (space issues, stress, family problems, lack of sleep, etc.)
-We feel that telling you "I don't wanna be bothered right now or I need space" may send you away which could lead you to take it too literally and give us too much space or break up with us
-We come out of the shell and hope you are still there


NOTHING TO LOSE (DIRECT)
-We have no feelings for you
-Can be very direct in letting you know this
-This is NOT shelling this is just ignoring you after you've been advised of our feelings (or lack thereof)

Thanks that is very informative!

I have alot of guy friends... when I treat them like a girlfriend... I just like them as a friend. I talk about embarrassing stuff (other guys, personal things, other friends), he's is my confidant so I only interact with him on that level. But I guy that I am into... I am more quiet and reserved when it comes to past and my personal issues. I am shy at first and then get really affectionate after I feel comfortable. I often do romantic things with him rather than just ordinary hanging out. I ask alot about him and weigh whether we have things in common. If she is showing you affection it is most certain she like you more than a friend. I never show touchy affection to my guy friends, a hug and thats it.

Just take your time... Taurus people hate to be rushed. Be true to yourself and her.. if u like her be urself and act on your feelings. Eventually she will express her feelings to u. Have you made it clear to her that you like her more than a friend?

I feel unloved.......

"But with all that he still feels like its not enough and to me I feel like he's ungrateful..."

That's because he's afraid it's all a ploy to get him and once you have him you'll get bored - he's afraid things will change once he gives in and you have his heart

"sounds good Lady..but Im not quite sure, what things are different in your behavior when youre around someone you like compared to just friends.."

I'm less "engaged" with someone I'm just friends with - the conversation could pretty much be to the whole room - with someone I really like my focus is very direct

FYI - before anyone asks or gets confused....I'M A TAURUS NOT A PISCES

Angel... ur are so on point with him thinking I'll get bored once I get his heart. But I am afraid that by the time he is ready to let his guard down, I'll be won out by all the games and test. Once I feel fed up I leave and never look back.

*worn out/tests

that is why he tests like that - he needs to know that you will NEVER get worn out and give up on him - he's not just thinking about a couple months from now - he's thinking about YEARS from now.....in his mind what happens if he really falls in love you get married have kids and then one day just up and leave? you're probably thinking there's no way he's thinking THAT far in advance - but he IS.

whoa.. not to totally go off tangent but holy crap Lady Taurus you're incredibly pretty.

lady taurus - ignore SRG

Why the hate? Just more proof of how lovely bull ladies are.

you really enjoy getting on my nerves don't you?...................

Not really, it's a simple fact of what I know to be true..

For the record I simply stated that LT is a very beautiful girl.

I dont think there's anything wrong with SRG complimenting her...I checked her page and she is really pretty...and arent all Taurus'. *flashbulb & smile*

well LT, I have this book, that says "expect to get tired, expect to get strong" about loving men. It says outright that loving a man isnt always easy; it takes work, it takes change and it takes learning lessons and putting them to use...but what makes you weary doesnt make you weak. I thought I would have given up on this thing a long time ago, but surprisingly Im still at it and I'm doing better than ever. Im now more patient and understanding and Im learning to trust my own judgment. If he's honestly not giving you want you need then dont waste time, especially if he's told you outright its a no go, but if he is giving what you need just at an extremely slow pace then try to match him and understand why he's so slow to move. Remember when you were just getting started in love and you declared "no one will EVER take advantage of ME!!" and you made guys go through long tedious test of endurance and integrity? Imagine he's doing the same thing.

SRG That is really sweet... thank you!

Angel... your input has been very helpful because I never looked at things in that way. I guess you're right... he is thinking of the long run. 🙂 thats good cuz I am too!

Thank you SF... I guess it just takes patience. Real loves means loving someone through the good and the bad... I love him so I'll do whatever it takes to show him I'm serious and it's for the long run. Eventually his intuitive mind will realise that i am genuine. He's been hurt really bad and I understand that, and I just need to be more patient during his healing process.

xangel is hating on me because a while ago I had a temporary lapse of judgement saying I liked scorp girls more than taurus girls 🙂 A brunette taurus with a beautiful smile.. whats not to like?

awww look at SRG being sweet and playing nicely for a change. I knew he would come to his senses and realize T-Girls are where its at.

Yeah LT, that's what its going to take, patience and understanding. Its that being hurt real bad that's making him cautious, as excessive as it may be. Im really resilient, but I know most people arent as regenerative as me so I cant expect everyone to take the risk and expect to get over it if it goes wrong like me. Your guy most likely doesnt feel like he could be so resilient if things go wrong. A lot of women just say "oh a man making me wait, if he wanted me he would tell me and do something"..but I've recently learned that a man CAN really like you and still hide from you and those feelings. Not all men are out to use you or string you along. I can't say it enough, if you feel like you can trust him then do that, if you feel uneasy like something isnt right then question it until you get an answer...even if you find that answer coming from yourself.

Yeah... SF I feel like he's right for me. i have a better understanding now as to why he acts the way he does. At first I thought he just didn't like me... or that he had another girl or something... but I realise now he's just guarding his heart.

Angel has Taurus's back.... ****cheer****

no SRG that's NOT it.....

lady taurus - I am a taurus

I'm not going to play this game so just tell me where it stands..

it's not a game - but it doesn't matter so how about about we just drop it.

Fine with me.. I was just here to state that which ever cancer guy lady taurus is with, is certainly a lucky guy.

Once agian thank you...

LOL I hope the Cancer that I am with feels the same way... lucky to have me.