inluvgem
@inluvgem
14 YearsGemini
Comments: 0 · Posts: 96 · Topics: 16
She Cheated
AW, that's so painful. I don't have a comment as a Taurus (I'm Aqua) or someone who's been cheated on by a Taurus, sorry - I just wanted to send you lots of good thoughts and strength.
Big hugs xx
Big hugs xx
Damn man, Sorry to hear..
Right off the bat would say No.... no 2nd chance.. I've been in your spot before. And I loved her to pieces, So I thought if I loved her so much I could forgive anything. We got back together, and it all repeated... I'll never give a 2nd chance again.. Tread softly here my friend..
"Once a cheater always and cheater" I agree, and disagree with that.. I like to think that people grow, change, and better themselves. So through the span of a persons life I'd like to disagree with that statement.. But, put that person in the same parameters (Relationship) that they cheated in before and I bet it will happen again. So there I agree with that statement..
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results" -Einstein
It seems to me from what Ive heard and my own experience, leaving out the horndogs that loyalty means jack-shit.. It seems most cheating happens when someone isn't getting something they need from the relationship.. In my case she was very clingy and co-dependent and I'm very independent and at that time was a lot more about 'me'.. She wasn't getting the male attention that she needed and so went else where for it... So maybe you stand a chance if you can find whats missing for her.. But thats a shoot in the dark, more often then not its just simply a mismatch in personality's thats leaving someone unhappy but to weak to end it because of a fear of being alone or having nothing..
One last thing to think about.. If you do take her back, you might lose some respect in her eyes, making it easer for her to repeat.. Catch 22?? maybe..
Right off the bat would say No.... no 2nd chance.. I've been in your spot before. And I loved her to pieces, So I thought if I loved her so much I could forgive anything. We got back together, and it all repeated... I'll never give a 2nd chance again.. Tread softly here my friend..
"Once a cheater always and cheater" I agree, and disagree with that.. I like to think that people grow, change, and better themselves. So through the span of a persons life I'd like to disagree with that statement.. But, put that person in the same parameters (Relationship) that they cheated in before and I bet it will happen again. So there I agree with that statement..
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results" -Einstein
It seems to me from what Ive heard and my own experience, leaving out the horndogs that loyalty means jack-shit.. It seems most cheating happens when someone isn't getting something they need from the relationship.. In my case she was very clingy and co-dependent and I'm very independent and at that time was a lot more about 'me'.. She wasn't getting the male attention that she needed and so went else where for it... So maybe you stand a chance if you can find whats missing for her.. But thats a shoot in the dark, more often then not its just simply a mismatch in personality's thats leaving someone unhappy but to weak to end it because of a fear of being alone or having nothing..
One last thing to think about.. If you do take her back, you might lose some respect in her eyes, making it easer for her to repeat.. Catch 22?? maybe..
I had a Taurus bff who is almost addicted to sex. i mean it. she flirts with every man she meets. even with my partner! i think tauruses are very sensual creatures and can't say no to temptation. as a reserved cappy, i find this abhorring.
NZaqua thanks for the hugs, I needed that!
Taurguy.. that is what I am worried about, her losing respect for me and thinking she can run over me. Her ex was really mean, a cheater and hurt her a lot. Now the ex has had this whole enlightening experience and has done a complete turn around. My girlfriend admitted that she hates the thought of someone else reaping the benefits of all her hard work she put into the ex. Which of course made me look at her sideways. I told her the past is the past, either she wants to go back there or be with me ( this was before I found out she was cheating). After I found out she made a statement like " yes my ex has changed and who wouldn't want to be treated like a queen". I believe the ex is trying to get back in so is being very affectionate and catering. Me, being a Gemini, I am affectionate but not overly so at all. I do notice that tauruses love attention, affection, and lots of sex! I try to be more touchy feeling but it is automatically in my nature and sometimes I just forget.
I found out on Monday past that she was cheating when the ex called and told me and since then I have broke up with her every single day. Only to have her say she will leave me alone then come crying why can't I give her a second chance. She promises me she will betray me in that way again, however every time I think of what she did I get mad all over again. If she doesn't answer my call, I think she is cheating, if I can't verify where she is at, I think she is cheating. This is driving me crazy and making me want to step out on her. I am really trying to give it another go but I feel like she has ruined such a wonderful thing between us. I don't want to worry about what my girlfriend is doing when away from me. I really don't even want to be intimate with her at this time, but she has made it clear that sex is not optional between us lol! I just don't know what to do!
Taurguy.. that is what I am worried about, her losing respect for me and thinking she can run over me. Her ex was really mean, a cheater and hurt her a lot. Now the ex has had this whole enlightening experience and has done a complete turn around. My girlfriend admitted that she hates the thought of someone else reaping the benefits of all her hard work she put into the ex. Which of course made me look at her sideways. I told her the past is the past, either she wants to go back there or be with me ( this was before I found out she was cheating). After I found out she made a statement like " yes my ex has changed and who wouldn't want to be treated like a queen". I believe the ex is trying to get back in so is being very affectionate and catering. Me, being a Gemini, I am affectionate but not overly so at all. I do notice that tauruses love attention, affection, and lots of sex! I try to be more touchy feeling but it is automatically in my nature and sometimes I just forget.
I found out on Monday past that she was cheating when the ex called and told me and since then I have broke up with her every single day. Only to have her say she will leave me alone then come crying why can't I give her a second chance. She promises me she will betray me in that way again, however every time I think of what she did I get mad all over again. If she doesn't answer my call, I think she is cheating, if I can't verify where she is at, I think she is cheating. This is driving me crazy and making me want to step out on her. I am really trying to give it another go but I feel like she has ruined such a wonderful thing between us. I don't want to worry about what my girlfriend is doing when away from me. I really don't even want to be intimate with her at this time, but she has made it clear that sex is not optional between us lol! I just don't know what to do!
'I try to be more touchy feeling but it is (not?) automatically in my nature and sometimes I just forget.'
This is what I mean when I said a mismatch in personality leaving someone unhappy and looking for that missing piece somewhere else.. I really don't understand why someone once they notice there not happy, not fulfilled, don't just end it. But then again I've always been perfectly fine on my own, but I understand there are people that are not..
In my case, I too wasn't naturally on the same wave link as her. Sure I could put myself in her mindset and give her what she needed to be happy. But it was something that I'd have to 'try' to do, To force your thoughts in a mind set that isn't natural to make someone happy is tiring, I needed breaks, off on my own to re-charge. She didn't naturally understand me, these breaks caused her to become more clingy, things snow balled.. But I cared so deeply for her that I didn't want to give up, I was determined to fit the circle in the square hole.. She's a good woman, and I'd like to think if she has found someone that fit her well and gave her what she needed to be happy she wouldn't cheat. That doesn't excuse what she did to me. But I just wasn't the right guy, the right fit for her..
I feel for you, This is going to be really hard, But I think you already know what to do.. Go with your gut, its your best friend right now.
Lets break it down to the nuts n bolts of it...
*From my perspective this was a mismatch in personality leaving something missing, Put the same two people back together, the same things will be missing. Sure you could create artificial happiness, but for how long?? but thats your call..
"If she doesn't answer my call, I think she is cheating, if I can't verify where she is at, I think she is cheating."
*Yes- Trust is gone. Potentially down the road promoting the thought 'Well they think so strongly I'm going to cheat again might as well' Everything you once knew is now gone, From this point forward it's going to be a shell of what it once was for a very long time.. Are ok with that??
*Dragging this out will only run the great risk of producing deeper and more troubled scars. Something that the next person, who very well might be that great match for you will have to deal with.. What does that mean to you?
*And last, but most important.. Don't you deserve someone that values you the same as you value them??
This is what I mean when I said a mismatch in personality leaving someone unhappy and looking for that missing piece somewhere else.. I really don't understand why someone once they notice there not happy, not fulfilled, don't just end it. But then again I've always been perfectly fine on my own, but I understand there are people that are not..
In my case, I too wasn't naturally on the same wave link as her. Sure I could put myself in her mindset and give her what she needed to be happy. But it was something that I'd have to 'try' to do, To force your thoughts in a mind set that isn't natural to make someone happy is tiring, I needed breaks, off on my own to re-charge. She didn't naturally understand me, these breaks caused her to become more clingy, things snow balled.. But I cared so deeply for her that I didn't want to give up, I was determined to fit the circle in the square hole.. She's a good woman, and I'd like to think if she has found someone that fit her well and gave her what she needed to be happy she wouldn't cheat. That doesn't excuse what she did to me. But I just wasn't the right guy, the right fit for her..
I feel for you, This is going to be really hard, But I think you already know what to do.. Go with your gut, its your best friend right now.
Lets break it down to the nuts n bolts of it...
*From my perspective this was a mismatch in personality leaving something missing, Put the same two people back together, the same things will be missing. Sure you could create artificial happiness, but for how long?? but thats your call..
"If she doesn't answer my call, I think she is cheating, if I can't verify where she is at, I think she is cheating."
*Yes- Trust is gone. Potentially down the road promoting the thought 'Well they think so strongly I'm going to cheat again might as well' Everything you once knew is now gone, From this point forward it's going to be a shell of what it once was for a very long time.. Are ok with that??
*Dragging this out will only run the great risk of producing deeper and more troubled scars. Something that the next person, who very well might be that great match for you will have to deal with.. What does that mean to you?
*And last, but most important.. Don't you deserve someone that values you the same as you value them??
Also don't blame the Ex.. Regardless of the temptations someone else puts in her way, Its her choice to value her current relationship or not..
Something that caught my eye... You said the Ex had cheated on her?? So she knew the feeling of pain that she'd put you through first hand, and didn't care about you enough to not go there??
Posted by borderlinecapri
i think tauruses are very sensual creatures and can't say no to temptation. as a reserved cappy, i find this abhorring.
For the record I think this is a gross generalization, and wonder if it isn't propagated more by the company that you choose to keep over any particular zodiac sign... Who knows, maybe you've just been unlucky in your taurus experiences..
Yes, its true I am a very sensual creature, with a very healthy sexual drive. Both of which are easily superseded and dwarfed by a strong old fashioned traditional set of morales, ethics, and honor... Hell I wouldn't even date a buddies Ex out of respect, no matter how long its been, you just don't need to go their.. Most all my close buddies are taurus, and without a doubt, I can say they feel the same..
Posted by TaurGuy
'I try to be more touchy feeling but it is (not?) automatically in my nature and sometimes I just forget.'
This is what I mean when I said a mismatch in personality leaving someone unhappy and looking for that missing piece somewhere else.. I really don't understand why someone once they notice there not happy, not fulfilled, don't just end it. But then again I've always been perfectly fine on my own, but I understand there are people that are not..
In my case, I too wasn't naturally on the same wave link as her. Sure I could put myself in her mindset and give her what she needed to be happy. But it was something that I'd have to 'try' to do, To force your thoughts in a mind set that isn't natural to make someone happy is tiring, I needed breaks, off on my own to re-charge. She didn't naturally understand me, these breaks caused her to become more clingy, things snow balled.. But I cared so deeply for her that I didn't want to give up, I was determined to fit the circle in the square hole.. She's a good woman, and I'd like to think if she has found someone that fit her well and gave her what she needed to be happy she wouldn't cheat. That doesn't excuse what she did to me. But I just wasn't the right guy, the right fit for her..
I feel for you, This is going to be really hard, But I think you already know what to do.. Go with your gut, its your best friend right now.
Lets break it down to the nuts n bolts of it...
*From my perspective this was a mismatch in personality leaving something missing, Put the same two people back together, the same things will be missing. Sure you could create artificial happiness, but for how long?? but thats your call..
"If she doesn't answer my call, I think she is cheating, if I can't verify where she is at, I think she is cheating."
*Yes- Trust is gone. Potentially down the road promoting the thought 'Well they think so strongly I'm going to cheat again might as well' Everything you once knew is now gone, From this point forward it's going to be a shell of what it once was for a very long time.. Are ok with that??
*Dragging this out will only run the great risk of producing deeper and more troubled scars. Something that the next person, who very well might be that great match for you will have to deal with.. What does that mean to you?
*And last, but most important.. Don't you deserve someone that values you th
Completely agree.
Gem,I'm sorry to hear you are still in this mess.it's unhealthy,and you are wasting time you will never get back,girl.
take it from someone who knows....
Gem,I'm sorry to hear you are still in this mess.it's unhealthy,and you are wasting time you will never get back,girl.
take it from someone who knows....
Posted by TaurGuyPosted by borderlinecapri
i think tauruses are very sensual creatures and can't say no to temptation. as a reserved cappy, i find this abhorring.
For the record I think this is a gross generalization, and wonder if it isn't propagated more by the company that you choose to keep over any particular zodiac sign... Who knows, maybe you've just been unlucky in your taurus experiences..
Yes, its true I am a very sensual creature, with a very healthy sexual drive. Both of which are easily superseded and dwarfed by a strong old fashioned traditional set of morales, ethics, and honor... Hell I wouldn't even date a buddies Ex out of respect, no matter how long its been, you just don't need to go their.. Most all my close buddies are taurus, and without a doubt, I can say they feel the same..click to expand
Gotta agree here too....
between the friend and the therapist...you are disillusioned.
and tbh,I'm not so sure you are seeing them clearly in either situation.
Posted by TaurGuyPosted by borderlinecapri
i think tauruses are very sensual creatures and can't say no to temptation. as a reserved cappy, i find this abhorring.
For the record I think this is a gross generalization, and wonder if it isn't propagated more by the company that you choose to keep over any particular zodiac sign... Who knows, maybe you've just been unlucky in your taurus experiences..
Yes, its true I am a very sensual creature, with a very healthy sexual drive. Both of which are easily superseded and dwarfed by a strong old fashioned traditional set of morales, ethics, and honor... Hell I wouldn't even date a buddies Ex out of respect, no matter how long its been, you just don't need to go their.. Most all my close buddies are taurus, and without a doubt, I can say they feel the same..click to expand
Agreed. All four hooves deeply embedded in the concrete. Bull stamp o' approval.
In every relationship I've ever been in, every one..the person I am with is it. There is no question about who I belong to in any arena. I can look at and admire another attractive two legged creature, but THIS *marking area around self* belongs to ONE.
My gut is telling me to walk away from her and never look back. I have walked away a few times but always allow her back in. Let's be honest here, I let her back in because I still want her in spite of everything. However, I know I am just hurting myself more because I can't trust her. She had my complete trust and I believed everything she told me. I even asked her was she still intimate with her ex and did she desire to go back? She looked me in the eyes and told me no that she only wanted me! Now, to know that she lied over and over again just kills me and makes me wonder what else she lied about. I feel like if the ex had not called me she would still be doing her!
I am more reserved in my interactions, more affection in a cerebral kind of way, and she is very affection and hands on. I don't mind when she touches me but I believe she wants me to initiate more. I saw her tonight and we spoke once again. She reiterated that she would never betray me again and will do anything to regain my trust. She is willing to give me her phone, her passwords for email and whatever else that will make this right. I agree with what you said Taurguy, because if she truly cared for me would she have cheated? and more than once at that? It kind of makes me feel like I am not enough or am lacking somewhere and I know that is not the case. I have told her on many occasions that if she is not happy then she needs to leave me alone, however she never does. Also, what you stated about her eventually feeling like she might as well cheat since I think she is anyway. I too have a feeling that this will happen. Everyday I am asking her whether or not this is what she really wants and she claims that it is. I am so torn because I love her but in a way I feel like she is does not even deserve to breath the same air I breath!
I am more reserved in my interactions, more affection in a cerebral kind of way, and she is very affection and hands on. I don't mind when she touches me but I believe she wants me to initiate more. I saw her tonight and we spoke once again. She reiterated that she would never betray me again and will do anything to regain my trust. She is willing to give me her phone, her passwords for email and whatever else that will make this right. I agree with what you said Taurguy, because if she truly cared for me would she have cheated? and more than once at that? It kind of makes me feel like I am not enough or am lacking somewhere and I know that is not the case. I have told her on many occasions that if she is not happy then she needs to leave me alone, however she never does. Also, what you stated about her eventually feeling like she might as well cheat since I think she is anyway. I too have a feeling that this will happen. Everyday I am asking her whether or not this is what she really wants and she claims that it is. I am so torn because I love her but in a way I feel like she is does not even deserve to breath the same air I breath!
Actions speak louder than words. I feel for you, but in my personal opinion this needs to be cut loose. Opening wounds on a constant basis? No, and again no. Only we can decide what we will and will not put up with. Trust is gone, if not cheating now, soon will be. That is your gut feeling.
I am not going to sugarcoat any of this, not by any means. Cheating is a choice, and a cowardly one. One most definitely chooses to share something that shouldn't be shared. Yes, I am quite old fashioned in my character in that regard. It knocks an extremely big block out of the foundation of what should be a non-issue; i.e. neither should HAVE to worry about it if in a good relationship.
Would I want to worry constantly about my SO, where are they, what are they doing..whom are they about,..will they..AGAIN? The answer is a definite 'no'. Would I want to continue sailing the seas of high drama second guessing someone, ringing them at all hours of the day or night, worried that instead of milk and peanut butter they're giving themself away to another person? Just laying in wait for someone to twist the knife in deeper so I can bleed afresh? Coming in close to someone to see if I can SMELL another scent on their body, on their mouth? Again, to the negative. OH HELL NAW, and even coarser language comes to mind.
Trust issues aside, it is extremely detrimental to the cheated on persons self esteem. "Am I not good enough..WHY?!" are two that come to mind. There is more, but it really preys on the mentality.
Love her you may, but can you live with that? Or do you want someone that understands you. That your style of affection and care line up more completely. There comes a time when one has to take back self, to gather what makes US a better person. For sanity, for quality of well being, and for what is good for our heart. Our soul. To reclaim power, ours by right, given freely to another person. When not done right by, it's time to take it back. Keep it safe to give to someone worthy of it.
I am not going to sugarcoat any of this, not by any means. Cheating is a choice, and a cowardly one. One most definitely chooses to share something that shouldn't be shared. Yes, I am quite old fashioned in my character in that regard. It knocks an extremely big block out of the foundation of what should be a non-issue; i.e. neither should HAVE to worry about it if in a good relationship.
Would I want to worry constantly about my SO, where are they, what are they doing..whom are they about,..will they..AGAIN? The answer is a definite 'no'. Would I want to continue sailing the seas of high drama second guessing someone, ringing them at all hours of the day or night, worried that instead of milk and peanut butter they're giving themself away to another person? Just laying in wait for someone to twist the knife in deeper so I can bleed afresh? Coming in close to someone to see if I can SMELL another scent on their body, on their mouth? Again, to the negative. OH HELL NAW, and even coarser language comes to mind.
Trust issues aside, it is extremely detrimental to the cheated on persons self esteem. "Am I not good enough..WHY?!" are two that come to mind. There is more, but it really preys on the mentality.
Love her you may, but can you live with that? Or do you want someone that understands you. That your style of affection and care line up more completely. There comes a time when one has to take back self, to gather what makes US a better person. For sanity, for quality of well being, and for what is good for our heart. Our soul. To reclaim power, ours by right, given freely to another person. When not done right by, it's time to take it back. Keep it safe to give to someone worthy of it.
^^I wanted to add something^^
I know whats going through your mind, I know its hard.. I think you have all the info, or pieces of the puzzle you need to make your choice. I think you even know what the better choice for you is going to be. But its hard to let go, I understand.. I've laid out all the info I can, and this is coming from someone that made the wrong choice when it comes to staying or walking away... Its up to you now..
In my case, I too was made promises to hell and back.. Very much the same ones even.. She even hand wrote me a 4 page letter going over how much she'd never do it again, How much I meant to her, What she wanted to do to work on us and herself, A long list of things she loved/valued about me, And at the end reiterated her promise to never do it again, and signed it.. She said to keep it close, and anytime I doubted her she could re-read it to me.. I wanted to believe her so much that I turned off my gut.. I think at the time she really believed everything that she said to me.. Seems when someones faced with losing something they want to keep, they'll promise you the moon to keep it, and even have every intention of getting the moon for you at that time, just to keep what they have.. But when the dust settles, your still you, and she's still her. That mismatch is still there...We were still the same people, but this time without trust.. and she did it again...
"It kind of makes me feel like I am not enough or am lacking somewhere and I know that is not the case."
Never validate yourself through someone else's eyes, or their choices... You know that...
I know whats going through your mind, I know its hard.. I think you have all the info, or pieces of the puzzle you need to make your choice. I think you even know what the better choice for you is going to be. But its hard to let go, I understand.. I've laid out all the info I can, and this is coming from someone that made the wrong choice when it comes to staying or walking away... Its up to you now..
In my case, I too was made promises to hell and back.. Very much the same ones even.. She even hand wrote me a 4 page letter going over how much she'd never do it again, How much I meant to her, What she wanted to do to work on us and herself, A long list of things she loved/valued about me, And at the end reiterated her promise to never do it again, and signed it.. She said to keep it close, and anytime I doubted her she could re-read it to me.. I wanted to believe her so much that I turned off my gut.. I think at the time she really believed everything that she said to me.. Seems when someones faced with losing something they want to keep, they'll promise you the moon to keep it, and even have every intention of getting the moon for you at that time, just to keep what they have.. But when the dust settles, your still you, and she's still her. That mismatch is still there...We were still the same people, but this time without trust.. and she did it again...
"It kind of makes me feel like I am not enough or am lacking somewhere and I know that is not the case."
Never validate yourself through someone else's eyes, or their choices... You know that...
@ Venusianbull.. let the church say AMEN AMEN AMEN! You reply made me do a hop, skip and jump around the house lol. You are so right with every single word you said! She gave herself to someone else and acts as if it's not a big deal! She is the one who is so possessive though, always questioning me and telling me I better not ever cheat. Things just does not feel the same between us, something special has been lost and I am unsure whether or not we will ever be able to get it back. Venusianbull, your right, I can't keep worrying about whether or not she is giving herself away or second guessing everything. I don't ever remember being cheated on so don't know how to deal with this. Can a cheater actually really change and not do it anymore?
Taurguy, your words really make me feel like I can muster up the strength to walk away. She is basically doing the same thing. Making me so many promises and I see and feel the sincerity in her eyes and words. However, she admitted to be when we first started dating that she was a recovering cheater. She said she has only ever been faithful in one relationship in her whole life. That she is notorious for cheating in the beginning of the relationship and after that she doesn't cheat again. She said it is because she is scared of completely giving herself to someone and that by "stepping out" she is kind of withdrawing herself from the person so she won't get too attached and end up being hurt. She has issues from childhood and the people she loves most not being there, so she is always expecting the worst it seems. I know this is going to be tough and at this point I don't know if I should tell her or just cut contact completely? If I speak to her I know I will be convinced to stay because I am not strong enough at this moment to walk away. Did your ex ever explain why she cheated again? Did she want to still stay after she broke her promise?
That is a tricky thing for me to tackle, as I am ( by full admission ) highly intolerant of cheating in all forms. What she's doing is the worst way to 'test' if someone will stick or not. It's not a term paper that's due, it's playing with someone elses emotions and well being. For what? To see if they'll put up with it or not?
"She said it is because she is scared of completely giving herself to someone and that by "stepping out" she is kind of withdrawing herself from the person so she won't get too attached and end up being hurt. She has issues from childhood and the people she loves most not being there, so she is always expecting the worst it seems."
^ That bothers me. What she's asking for ultimately is complete and utter acceptance no matter how she acts. For unconditional love, but the conditions are astronomically high. She's asking the right question, but going about it the wrong way.
For some, the act itself is a momentary high, a fleeting brush with emotion and that connection. Then it all goes away..of course it does. Because it's not IN that realm. Never was to begin with. Trust on her end, and Gawd Almighty is that going to be quite a chestnut to crack..because she goes into something expecting it to fail. HOW in the HELL could it do anything but that then?
And you must know, that this is not ON YOU. This is not your cross to bear. This is something that was firmly in place before you ever set eyes on her. I understand that out of deep feeling you want things to be better for her, I do get that and respect the stance. In love we want to give everything we are over. But it has to be given with full trust, and knowing down to the ground that it flows in both directions. That everything you are is safe in that sphere, and that everything partner is is most assuredly safe with you. It cannot be ONE bearing the brunt of everything. You can't paddle a canoe with one oar, it just goes in circles, yeh? Don't make excuses for it, and I'll not BS you, this will hurt. This is where those that keep you strong hold you up.
"She said it is because she is scared of completely giving herself to someone and that by "stepping out" she is kind of withdrawing herself from the person so she won't get too attached and end up being hurt. She has issues from childhood and the people she loves most not being there, so she is always expecting the worst it seems."
^ That bothers me. What she's asking for ultimately is complete and utter acceptance no matter how she acts. For unconditional love, but the conditions are astronomically high. She's asking the right question, but going about it the wrong way.
For some, the act itself is a momentary high, a fleeting brush with emotion and that connection. Then it all goes away..of course it does. Because it's not IN that realm. Never was to begin with. Trust on her end, and Gawd Almighty is that going to be quite a chestnut to crack..because she goes into something expecting it to fail. HOW in the HELL could it do anything but that then?
And you must know, that this is not ON YOU. This is not your cross to bear. This is something that was firmly in place before you ever set eyes on her. I understand that out of deep feeling you want things to be better for her, I do get that and respect the stance. In love we want to give everything we are over. But it has to be given with full trust, and knowing down to the ground that it flows in both directions. That everything you are is safe in that sphere, and that everything partner is is most assuredly safe with you. It cannot be ONE bearing the brunt of everything. You can't paddle a canoe with one oar, it just goes in circles, yeh? Don't make excuses for it, and I'll not BS you, this will hurt. This is where those that keep you strong hold you up.
Venusianbull, I thought about all you said and how much sense it makes! I never even thought that she may be testing me in some way and if is, like you said, that is a high price for me to pay and to put someone through. After reading your comment I asked her these two questions. Did she think we would fail and does she expect me to fail her in some way? Her answer was this " I think you alread knew the answer. I expect people to hurt me especially those who claim to love me. That is what I know. Im hoping u will finally be the person to prove me wrong". So like you said, she already has it in her mind that I will somehow hurt her, however she is the one doing the hurting! I don't even know how to respond to that message and have not said anything back yet. I am wasting my time if she thinks I can heal those deep rooted hurts. It needs to start with her and she has to be the one to let all of that go.
I feel like if I leave her, I am letting her down but if I stay I will probably be miserable. Her and the ex has a child together so the ex will always be around. I will probably always be thinking they are doing something.
I feel like if I leave her, I am letting her down but if I stay I will probably be miserable. Her and the ex has a child together so the ex will always be around. I will probably always be thinking they are doing something.
It is not for you or anyone else to prove her wrong. She needs to prove herself wrong, to make herself whole FIRST. A partner should enhance us, round us out, complete us. The chocolate sauce and crushed nuts on our vanilla flecked ice cream. BUT we should still be able to stand with both feet straddled to the storm and be able to howl loudly in the face of it. On our own, content with self and comfortable in our own skin.
We are NOT savior, nor should we expect someone to swoop in and *rescue* us from doldrums, life or our own loneliness. And truly it is better to be alone and lonely...than WITH someone and feeling the same.
And that's part of it, no? *brows raised* you can be empathetic up to a point, but remaining is letting yourself down. Something else to throw in the hopper.
Aye, definitely do your thinking and make your decisions well armed. Don't go into it being an enabler, an author to your own unhappiness. Go to war informed, head high and firm in purpose, for yourself.
We are NOT savior, nor should we expect someone to swoop in and *rescue* us from doldrums, life or our own loneliness. And truly it is better to be alone and lonely...than WITH someone and feeling the same.
And that's part of it, no? *brows raised* you can be empathetic up to a point, but remaining is letting yourself down. Something else to throw in the hopper.
Aye, definitely do your thinking and make your decisions well armed. Don't go into it being an enabler, an author to your own unhappiness. Go to war informed, head high and firm in purpose, for yourself.
So, today I spoke with her and explained to her how I felt. She was really hurt and upset, throwing up in my face how I said I would give us another try and wouldn't break up with her again. I just realized it would drive me more insane being with her than being without her. I stayed with her last night and nothing was the same. I didn't feel the same, I didn't want to be intimate and I really didn't want to cuddle. However, when we woke this morning she was determined to be intimate, yes got excited and went along with it, but when I left I felt really numb inside. So I sent an email ( punk move) while at work explaining to her how I feel and I think we just need to be friends and see if something changes or if there is another chance for us. Well she of course felt like it had to be all or nothing so we are officially done. I am going to try my hardest to be tough and not give in or contact her. She was pretty upset which makes it easier for me to stay away. I just really have a feeling she is not done with my ex and it doesn't make it easier they have a child together. I don't like knowing I hurt her, especially when I feel like she really wants to be with me, but I know staying will just make me resentful and eventually there would be a huge blow up and words stated that could never be taken back.
We were dating exclusively and it was actually her idea, she was very adamant that we be exclusive. We often spoke of a future together and just a month ago she asked me when would my lease be up on my place. I am the kind of person that likes to know where I am at in a relationship so several times I asked her was she sure and did she want to have an open relationship instead and so on. She was very forceful that it was all or nothing and that she believed I am her "one" and did desired to be exclusive. So that is what we were. We spent a lot of time together and then the week of April 4th we had a falling out because she says she could not get in contact with me for 5 hours and she was really upset about it. Well I explained that my phone died and so on but she was not trying to hear any of that. For that whole week we did not see each other and rarely spoke. She claimed she needed time. Well on Sunday of that week 4/10/11 we saw each other.. I stayed the night. That Monday morning is when the ex was calling telling me that she spent the whole week of the 4th with my girlfriend.
Posted by inluvgem
My question to you Tauruses is what would make you cheat on your partner? If you did cheat does that mean you do not really love the person, respect them and what you have established?
if it's not due to drugs or alcohol, then very simply...
you suck. if i cheated, it would be indicative of the fact that i have recognized a void. you have left me feeling empty, powerless, insecure...in some way. i may still love you but at some point, your stature was truly revealed...and you are small.
for myself, i would never justify or willingly cheat but i think it's easier to go there when i've resigned myself to the fact that there's no point in trying anymore. i tried my best, i dug in my heels, i pushed forward and held in there longer than any other person would or could and now, i just give up. things won't change and i'm beginning not to care if they do.
where a taurus may not actively seek temptation during these times, it's far easier to succumb to it. a taurus who isn't building will instinctively and sometimes unintentionally seek out the next mountain top with a level sommet to build upon.
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Thanks for any replies!