Need Advice: Virgo crush on unavailable Taurus

Hi All! Thanks for reading--it's my first time posting.

I've got two questions:

1. How do I get over a crush on my unavailable Taurus friend?
2. How do I address my weird "crush" behaviour over the past few months with her?

The situation:

I'm a Virgo--she's a Taurus. We work together in different departments for a small non-profit organization. We've been friends for a couple years. Soon after I met her I realized we just get along--I love her personality, her sense of humour (we're always gross/inappropriate together), her earthy sexiness, her intelligence and diplomacy, and of course when she laughs I glow from the inside out. I have a huge crush on her.

The problem is that my friend is married to her partner and I'm in a serious relationship as well. The four of us have hung out as couples. Her wife is lovely and I get along well with her too--in fact, she's a fellow Virgo. While my partner (another Virgo) and I have a strong relationship, I've never felt feelings for another woman before while in a relationship, which has made me feel extremely guilty and like a pile of sh!t.

I realized I had developed feelings about a year ago and I've been acting funny around her ever since. At first, I got extremely nervous, with sweaty armpits and stuttering. She would catch me staring at her and there would be a nervous tension. I swear she flirts with me, but I tell myself it's probably in my head...and it doesn't matter! I thought I'd got over the stupid crush phase but realize that it's only getting worse. My behaviour is more hot and cold and I find myself acting like a douchebag and not being able to talk about why I'm acting out. As such, I feel I have to address it somehow but am not sure how.

Enter questions 1 and 2.

Help!! 😢

Mmmmm tricky sticky. You are both in a monogamous relationship with other partners. You know this, which is why your attraction to her brings up guilt/twinge reaction. Rather, not just being attracted, but on more levels than is comfortable. Virgo and Taurus have a flow. Obviously you see it, she has a Virgo partner, as do you. Earth/Earth makes for some excellent repartee and a happy buzz all the way round laughing your head off at some downright filth. Because it is indeed funny for one, but also because you have a cohort in crime as it were. The other finds it just as hilarious. And it's not buttoned up, prissy prig humor either, but down in the trenches belly laugh stuff.
NOW, she may be flirting with you, or it could just be naturally inherent to her. That sensuality that a Taurus oozes out of the pores. But surely you know it must remain at friendship level. If you and she are remaining with your respective partners. Perhaps a bit of distance is called for, the close proximity cannot be helping the situ. Or if you prefer, a pretty bouquet, not to court, but as a gesture of friendship with a card inside explaining the douche behavior? I can only assume you've withdrawn a bit already, as being around her makes you nervous, which makes HER nervous and puzzled a bit. Feels like her friend is distant, yeh?
I do think some distance to sort out your head is in order. Because sooner or later your partner is going to pick up on it, it could be just a glance at a coffee meeting or other. And if you intend to remain with your partner, then you need to fully be there. Disclaimer here; that is not a guilt trip by any means, but a truth you already know.

You're definitely right, venusianbull--I do intend on staying with my partner and want to be there fully for her.

Like you guessed, I have withdrawn lately from Taurus. She's in turn withdrawn a little from me, paying more attention to another one of our coworker friends. When we're in a group and she's talking, she'll make eye contact with everyone else and hesitantly shoot a measly couple of glances my way. Stupid me, I get jealous and feel offended and hurt (and I'm sure these feelings are plastered all over my face). I feel so tender and vulnerable around her--when she opens up to me, I'm on top of the world. When she pulls away, I'm depressed and offended. I've just now realized her hot and cold is likely a response to my hot and cold.

I want to keep my friendship with Taurus but I'm not sure how to explain my strange behaviour without giving away my feelings. That said, I feel like she knows something is up...

Yes it is mirroring the other. I think honesty is called for, don't you? Even though it makes your guts lock up, deep breath in and go for it.

You think I should tell her how I feel about her? Wow, oh that makes my guts lock up, yes it does!

I wasn't expecting that because she's married, plus I work with her and will have to see her every day (and so I will have to walk around with my head buried in my sleeve until the end of eternity LOL).

Wow, huh. hmmmmm.

LOL Oh heavens. I didn't mean wear your heart on your sleeve, just that you could say, mmmmm "We've been friends for quite some time, and I've developed quite a crush. Naturally this explains how awkward I've been of late, I just wanted you to know." Maybe something mumbled about it not affecting the friendship or other. ( This is the part where I'd more than like need a break over the loo to calm down a bit ...)

Okay, yes...That definitely sounds more low key than the declarations of love that I jumped to in my mind after reading the previous post! Though I'll still need to bring along a bucket to heave into when I'm done!

I like this advice, though--thank you venusianbull. I'm going to have to think/analyze this over slumber.

Thanks again for your help.

bonne soir?e
🙂

Good luck to you lady. 🙂 Pleasant dreams.

Okay, so I've thought about this a bit. Perhaps honesty IS in order....but I think my nerves are getting the better of me. I'm trying to sort this out in my head but can't help thinking:

She's happy in her relationship and has been quite vocal in conversation against adultery, cheating partners, etc. Her last girlfriend cheated on her, so I think it's an issue she can identify with. I can't help but fear telling her about my crush will make her feel uncomfortable and maybe even upset by me.

How am I supposed to deal with the intense humiliation day after day in such a small space (being the office)? The other side of me thinks I'm over analyzing and scared to fess up and that maybe she would appreciate a reason for my behaviour...and perhaps even be flattered by the attention....(I'm not that bad of a catch, if I had to say 😉

Oye...I hate feeling like a juvenile school girl!

I know exactly what you mean. Of late I've been butterflies m'self. Doodling on random bits of paper ( and possible notepads ) imminent. LOL
That aside, it's a friendship. And friends owe explanations as common courtesy. One human being to another. I would want an explanation personally, and take a deep breath inward and more than like blurt it out, but out it would be. Don't feel it as a humiliation, think of it as a courtesy extended to a friend and an offering. An olive branch to smooth out questions and puzzling behaviors. 🙂

Wow - can't believe it's been 2 years since posting.

I finally found the courage to tell my friend how I feel. Even though in my heart I knew the crush was one - sided, it still kind of hurt to hear.

And I still feel side swiped by this; I SO wasn't expecting to develop a crush on my friend. I was convinced the feelings would pass eventually...no such luck. So in that regard, it's great to have the truth out in the open - one step closer to moving on.

At work, I find myself trying hard to act like everything is normal but, really, I feel embarrassed and small. I know it will take some time to get over. I don't want to lose her as a friend.

Just curious to know how others have dealt with this type of situation?
Do you have any tips on overcoming the awkwardness of rejection when you have to see the person every day?
Were you able to maintain the friendship?

Thanks for the advice, soultalk.

Currently, we work together so I'm pretty much guaranteed to see her daily (at least until I find new work).

Maybe you're right - a friendship isn't possible at this time. Perhaps distance is needed for me to put things back into perspective.