The Wall

Over the last 3-4 years, I occasionally dog sit for my ex-husband. The dog is a pet that we had while we were together. I've never expected payment of any kind from my ex over the years, because I love the dog and do it for that reason. So, I've been dog sitting this past week and my ex decides to take me to dinner last night. I thought it was a nice gesture and accepted.

We had a good time conversing about our lives, jobs and of all things...dating. I was married to this man for nine years, so he knows me better than any man I've known since then. I was a little shocked at his observation that men are reluctant to approach me because he said I put up a wall. I joked and said it was to keep the jerks and losers away, but I guess I never really realized that I tend to do that. It's been 4-1/2 years since we divorced and I'm the one that walked away from the marriage. I have dated in that time period. However, now I am beginning to be self-conscious about his observation and wondering how I can be a little more open, but not appear desperate. Geez...am I that messed up?

Well, I didn't mention that it wasn't just his observation that prompted my self-reflection. I've also dated some Pisces men in the last 4 years and as I self-reflect, I wonder about my reluctance to be more emotionally open. It is something I'm trying to work on.

I do it too,always have.
working on it though....

Posted by dreamer23
Well you and I have the opposite problem. LOL. I am a Pisces; I am ALWAYS emotionally open. I see it as a strength, not a weakness, but there are times when it gets me in trouble. In your case, is it fear of getting hurt that makes you closed off? I was married too and although I left the relationship it did hurt me to do so, and I think there may be some fear there of getting hurt. But its only natural. But you must be brave! :-)

I have a Pisces moon....my wall is made of plexi glass,and I keep my nose pressed up against it.

Posted by dreamer23
Well you and I have the opposite problem. LOL. I am a Pisces; I am ALWAYS emotionally open. I see it as a strength, not a weakness, but there are times when it gets me in trouble. In your case, is it fear of getting hurt that makes you closed off? I was married too and although I left the relationship it did hurt me to do so, and I think there may be some fear there of getting hurt. But its only natural. But you must be brave! :-)

Thank you dreamer. 🙂 I and probably most other Tauruses view being emotionally open as a weakness. It wasn't until just recently, during the bout of self reflection that someone else told me the same thing and I was actually able to understand. I'm slowly making progress.

I guess there is some fear of being hurt again, but being a Taurus with a Cap rising, I believe it is just natural for me to be that way. However, I joke with my friends that once they're in the "inner circle" (the infamous Taurus circle of trust), I am very emotionally open. It is very difficult for a bull to take risk. I have to evaluate all aspects and if the reward appears to be worth the risk, I will proceed. We can be impulsive too you know. 🙂

Thank you for your encouraging words. The past 7 months have been such a learning experience for me.

Posted by BellatheBull

Posted by dreamer23
Well you and I have the opposite problem. LOL. I am a Pisces; I am ALWAYS emotionally open. I see it as a strength, not a weakness, but there are times when it gets me in trouble. In your case, is it fear of getting hurt that makes you closed off? I was married too and although I left the relationship it did hurt me to do so, and I think there may be some fear there of getting hurt. But its only natural. But you must be brave! :-)

I have a Pisces moon....my wall is made of plexi glass,and I keep my nose pressed up against it.

click to expand

LOL Bella! I think my wall is made of brick and mortar sometimes. If someone wants to get in, they have to be very brave and chip away at it.

Well that's a bull for sure. The tough (in my case) girl exterior, with the marshmallow interior and my heart on my sleeve. 🙂 And yes, we are very romantic and sentimental once you get to know us. I'm still trudging along. Good luck with your new bull man.

Even if your ex was wrong in his "observation" it still wouldn't hurt for you to take a look in the mirror every blue moon just for the sake of "making sure."

However, unless your ex husband was invited on the dates you've had with other guys, I don't see how he knows how you come across to the other men that you date. How you were with him oughta be completely diff. than how you are/act around other men, regardless of how well he knows/knew you.

Who knows, maybe you do have a little wall up. Ask some of the guys you've dated or are dating if they've observed the same thing & go from there. If they all say "no" then it still wouldn't do any harm to double check yourself, look in the mirror and/or observe yourself & how you carry yourself/come across when out dating other men. What is there to lose?