Taurus Man Question

I'm very curious about this Taurus guy I've had my eye on. He's been chasing me for about 2 years now. Actually he's been chasing me for the last 5 years (it's only in the recent 2 years that I've actually gave him some attention-a few texts here and there and amazing casual sex from time to time). The reason I haven't given in and attempted at something real is because I never saw him as relationship potential. Some notes: 1) I have indirectly put him through A LOT of drama within these past 2 years (drama that would have most men running in the opposite direction). 2) I don't show him much affection (outside of sex), he usually always initiates. 3) Yes, he has taken me on real dates and I have met his family (not sure if that matters). 4) He is about 10 years older than me. 5) He has voiced on several occasions his views of me being full of potential, amazing, beautiful and intelligent. 6)He sometimes asks probing questions like,"Do you ever think of me when we're not together" "How sexual are you with other men" or calls me at odd hours of the night to see if I'm out with someone. 7) He is an emotionally unavailable type. 8) He definitely seems to be seeing other women (none of my business, I know, it's just an observation). 9) he never directly comes out and says what he wants from me (unless it's sexual), instead he will plan all of these little detailed things and then hope that they will manipulate me and reach his desires outcome. Like instead of asking me out with his daughter he planned these crazy elaborate mini actions that will just naturally lead us to being together and forces to go out together. (Like someone planning to accidentally run into you then ask you to accompany them somewhere) 10) I noticed he loves to initiate emotional connections with me and evoke emotion from me but he hates it when I do the same (he holds my hands during sex, looks deep into my eyes, kisses me everywhere...so different from his outer character).

So now that you have some notes, can you guys help me figure out if he only wants a casual relationship or a LTR? I have asked him before and he said I have a lot of potential, but more growing up to do (but yet he can and will not be separated from me). I am not fully invested in him yet, but I'm entertaining the idea. Should I be?

He's looking for sex

Is sex really that important to have from someone who half asses it and causes a lot of pain and confusion? I'm sure he could get sex anywhere. And multiple times he has tried to manipulate me into not viewing him as a sex toy. He's told me that he doesn't want sex anymore, he wants a friendship (like 10xs). He's told me to get rid of the people I'm dating. He's even gotten into a few fights involving me. This doesn't sound like a man who only wants sex.

10) I noticed he loves to initiate emotional connections with me and evoke emotion from me but he hates it when I do the same (he holds my hands during sex, looks deep into my eyes, kisses me everywhere...so different from his outer character).

>>>Random strangers online are not really going to be able to really answer your questions about what he's looking for. That said, here's some groundless speculation....

You've said yourself he's "emotionally unavailable". You planning on changing him? Not likely.

And your point #10 was about how he "loves to initiate emotional connections with me and evoke emotion from me but he hates it when I do the same". This speaks to me of a control/power issue. He really doesn't want you to have that strong emotional pull on him. He wants to have that on you. He mainly demonstrates this emotion through sex as you said, and this in no way means a Taurus is actually emotionally attached to you. This could just as well be an ego thing on his part.

Every man knows that deepening the emotional connection during sex, playing the romantic/passionate role with the kissing/sensual touch/eye contact/hand-holding, enhances the pleasure for women. He blows your mind, in turn his ego is satisfied. This is a big trait of Taurus men IMO, and if this is a conquest thing, and their ego drinks its fill with you, it actually can be more of a negative sign than anything. Even if its coming from a sincere place within him, this doesn't mean it really even has anything to do with a real connection to *you*. Sometimes people just are passionate by nature and get off on channeling all that into you.

Getting a Taurus man to actually deeply and truly connect with you, through all the baggage he carries around, is a completely different matter, and has more to do with trust - how open he is with you about his deepest/darkest insecurities and how accepting you've been, respect, perceptions of longevity, etc.

Sounds like you're just in the harem, and you don't have a huge problem with it.

Posted by StarMooney
Is sex really that important to have from someone who half asses it and causes a lot of pain and confusion? I'm sure he could get sex anywhere. And multiple times he has tried to manipulate me into not viewing him as a sex toy. He's told me that he doesn't want sex anymore, he wants a friendship (like 10xs). He's told me to get rid of the people I'm dating. He's even gotten into a few fights involving me. This doesn't sound like a man who only wants sex.

He wants ownership of you in some sense, sure. But is it because you're the one? A pimp wants a sense of ownership of all his prostitutes - nothing necessarily romantic going on there though. And I'm not calling either one of you that, I'm just saying that possessiveness and protectiveness come in many forms. If you want to find out if he's using you in a sense, if you want to know if he'd commit to you, entertain you as a serious partner, etc., then you have to open your *self* up to that - take a risk, be vulnerable, etc. and express that you want that. At that point, if you were just a conquest, you've been won, and you'll know if that's what it was all about by his subsequent actions....

If I had to guess from everything you've stated, he'll probably disappear on your for a while and let things cool down, come back around later on and start looking for sex again....Hopefully you would know how to interpret that....

TLS, this could be true. I definitely do think I give him constant ego boosts (he is not the typical type of guy that would be able to win the affection of a gal like me). When we're out guys stare at me like "how the hell did he pull that!" type of reaction. Also to note, when we first started having sex, it was strictly sex (no emotional connections, no cuddling after, no sticking around after). Now we've met each other's family's, go out to all sorts of places, he'll stay at my place for days and play house, etc. And I'm sure he's emotionally unavailable, I know this. I am too! And he's demonstrated his emotions many times before outside of sex too. And here's the thing: I'm actually pregnant with his child (he took the condom off right before he ejaculated in me). He says he wants a baby with a woman he can truly love. I'm so confused because I don't know if he's being honest or if he even knows he himself is being honest or clear.

And I doubt your theory to be true. No guy is going to chase a woman for 5 years and then weather the storm for 2 years just to control or own her. He has left and come back many times because he said if being with someone else would make me happy, he wants me to be happy.

I am ready for a real relationship with him (I think) and I may tell him (maybe in a few weeks once I'm done processing my feelings).

I think I'm the one for him and I think he thinks the same. I also think he's the one for me too. And to be sure, I'll give as much space as we both need to process and ensure that this is the right decision.

Posted by StarMooney
And I doubt your theory to be true. No guy is going to chase a woman for 5 years and then weather the storm for 2 years just to control or own her. He has left and come back many times because he said if being with someone else would make me happy, he wants me to be happy.

I am ready for a real relationship with him (I think) and I may tell him (maybe in a few weeks once I'm done processing my feelings).

>>>>Hey I'm just a random dude on the internet. Don't take my advice. But you wrote "He definitely seems to be seeing other women". To me, ESPECIALLY with a Taurus, this tells me you are quite literally NOT *the one* for him. You are one....of many. And he's not just chasing you, he's chasing all sorts of women.

I've known a Taurus to tell a woman to be with someone else if they are happier, but only when the relationship is majorly long distance and circumstances don't really allow for possessiveness. Otherwise, if a bull is in love with you, I'd expect the opposite behavior from a bull in love.

Just a theory to entertain. Put it to the test.....

StarMooney - what sign are you?

Posted by StarMooney
No guy is going to chase a woman for 5 years and then weather the storm for 2 years just to control or own her..

A man who is all about the chase and the conquest, gets off on this exactly. He's doing this with you, and with others. When he feels he has won, his interest in you with shift to some other member of the harem, who is more of a challenge. Like I said, reveal your feelings and see if he comes closer, or withdraws.

And here's the thing: I'm actually pregnant with his child (he took the condom off right before he ejaculated in me). He says he wants a baby with a woman he can truly love. I'm so confused because I don't know if he's being honest or if he even knows he himself is being honest or clear.

>>>Really though...Is this how we are having children now? Is this the kind of love that should bring another soul into the world? Not in my mind. Sounds more like he has a total ghetto mentality, marking his territory in the worst and most selfish way possible. Given what shaky ground your relationship with him is on, to intentionally try to bring a child into those circumstances, makes me question whether or not he's even capable of loving his own child properly, let alone a female.

I dont want to be a cookiemonster but it sounds like you wanted to hear that he has all these feelings for you which he may have or not. Then you added a twist: a baby on the way with someone you are not sure about. This sounds a little crazy or make believe. Then you came back so sure that he is "the one". *scratches head* If you already know how he feels and you're having his baby, why ask random strangers? Js

^^^^^

Yup!

I see you're misunderstood. Ive encouraged him to see other women. Just like I prefer to see other men as well. We are NOT in a committed relationship so these are real expectations. This way, the relationship has real room for growth and honesty....AND...we both will be sure about each other if and when we decide to settle down. 1) I told him that IM comfortable with a no strings attached relationship because I am was dealing with a lingering breakup with my ex. Also, he has a kid and I have a kid. We have already had discussions about building a family together and discussed having a child together (this pregnancy wasn't really a surprise). 2) He's far from ghetto, he's actually quite the ideal catch. I guess the only thing left is for me to tell him that I'm ready to commit and to watch him reciprocate.

But just from writing these words I realized that I have answered my own question. But thanks for the input! I'll update you once I decide to tell him.

Mimi, no harm done. I asked because I was unsure and wanted a little feedback. And as I begin the think about our past and all of the little details, I realized I had the answer the whole time. All it took was a little introspection.

Posted by StarMooney
Mimi, no harm done. I asked because I was unsure and wanted a little feedback. And as I begin the think about our past and all of the little details, I realized I had the answer the whole time. All it took was a little introspection.

Are you a Cancer? Scorp? I'd be interested to see how it turns out. No "I told you so" on my part, I promise.

We planned the pregnancy/talked about the possibility. He took matters into his own hands and made it happen. I was ok with that. I'm very financially secure and as far as financially caring for a child, we have no problems there. Also, no matter what happens with us, I know he'll be an awesome father and he knows I'll be an awesome mom. We both have a kid with other people and both understand what it takes to raise a child with the proper amount of well being. We were friends for 5 years, took it up a few notches in the past 2 years and now I'm almost sure we'll be ready for something permanent. This is the way I'd prefer a relationship to progress (nice and steady).

And any shaky ground is all my fault because I kept telling him that I'm not ready and that all I want is sex and friendship. So now I'm just going to set it straight and fully submit.