Posted by SeaLionPosted by LeoGurlz
I’ve never tried it but I’ve had former coworkers share their stories and I was shocked. I’d be too afraid that some hidden camera on the office would catch something lol ... I’ve also always worked with men who were married and yeah that’s a recipe for disaster !
Doesn't necessarily have to be with co workers.click to expand
Posted by Chuckcem
While the guy didn't handle himself maturely, it's pretty obvious he was too ashamed to talk about his issue with you. MOST men will never open up with anyone about this problem, especially not to a woman. So it is silly to think that this guy should be different. Should he have been honest with you about his ED? Yes. Is that realistic expectation? No.
Additionally unless he flat out said that he was not attracted to you, it is not his fault that you assumed he was not attracted you. That is your own ego messing with your head. If a guy is not attracted to you, he is not going to willingly get in bed with you in the first place. I am not saying that you should have known what was going on with him, but that should have been a clue that his issue had nothing to do with you. That would be like a guy getting upset with you because you were not want able to have sex, then blaming you for making him feel insecure.
Leo to Leo, from now on understand that if someone cuts you off with no explanation, it speaks more to their own issue than your own. Yes we Leos like honesty and have high expectations of people, but understand that is not reality. Most people will not operate how you think they should. It is up to you to mitigate your expectations and to not let it affect you emotionally.
Posted by Undine "I had no idea; even though during sex it wouldn’t erect"
LMAO. You didn't need a medical term (aka ED) to realize there is a problem that you two needed to discuss constructively and find a solution. Surely "impotence" is a word in your vocabulary? Do you know how to use google? "I have no idea" is not good enough in this century.
Instead of making self validating threads on here, how about you go read about ED online, since this will happen to you again. It will happen to everybody, sooner or later. New relationship, stress, ageing, turn offs, just to mention a few causes.
Posted by Undine Did he know about his ED before he slept with you?
Posted by DMV
I know that sucks. But try to be in his shoes. He had a secret that could exposed him to ridicule.
He never learned how to handle that kind communication.
Many of us have secrets ourselves.
Posted by sweetpea2977
Your feelings are warranted 💙
He robbed you. Pride...shame....ego, does that. It's unfortunate. You probably loved him enough to support him and to find resources and options.
Maybe...maybe, you should consider calling him or writing him a letter to truly express the disappointment his lack of vulnerability and openness has caused you. That's when the healing will begin. Let it all out.
This is why I greatly dislike it when people KNOW they're not ready for a relationship, but engage in one ANYWAY. It's one of the MOST SELFISH things a human can do 😟
Wishing your heart a speedy new beginning 💙
Posted by JuneGeminiGirlPosted by LeoGurlzPosted by JuneGeminiGirl
“Philophobia: The fear of falling in love or emotional attachment. The risk is usually when a person has confronted any emotional turmoil relating to love but also can be chronic phobia.”
A few months back I started dating a guy I REALLY liked and the feelings were mutual, he said he liked me and was treating me really well. Long story short after we became intimate (only once) the communication began to disparate and eventually completely stopped when I finally decided to give up. A few weeks ago he went on a trip to Aruba with a group of people, one who was a friend of a friend who told my friend he was alone and really quiet but did share that he has “ATTACHMENT ISSUES.”. I started to read up on Philophobia and I swear he is textbook to what was described.
Does anyone think Philophobia is really a thing? I am a bit on the fence about it. YOUR THOUGHTS 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
Definitely it’s a real thing. I’m going to give you two example.
Through several sessions of therapy I was forced to look at the emotional trauma I’ve endured in life from childhood abandonment and losing love to sudden death. I subconsciously handle ppl with no desire to connect with them. I’m nice to them but in conversations where they want to share personal info, I tune out. I’m happiest not caring and when ppl share then it creates bonds, bonds I don’t care to have. My therapist says deep down it’s the fear of being abandoned.
I dated a man few years back who was middle age, self sufficient, financially responsible, single, no kids, Never married, who had it so bad that he would Become almost child like or disappear if the discussion of emotions having to do with him came up. He had a very negative outlook on relationships and marriages. When I first met him he told me that he was damaged and needed to lay on someone’s couch (therapy). If he ever did, he never shared it with me and in the end I saw that he really was a damaged man.
click to expand
Thank you for sharing your experiences, it is very hard for me to understand fear in reference to love. I know I have back away from some guys when they came on too strong too quickly but my vibe with the guy I posted about was mutual until we became intimate...I guess that may have triggered something that created fear. 🤔 click to expandclick to expand
Posted by SpaceBirdPosted by LeoGurlzPosted by SpaceBird
Yes it's a thing.
It usually means they have been damaged in early childhood.
It's called Reactive attachment disorder.
There are lots of different types ...
avoidant attachment disorder (parents are unavailable ....think of the parents that drop kids off at the nannies in the morning and return in the evening ..then spend the whole time on the phone or go out drinking ....then go golfing at weekends ...then go on separate holidays ..kids will have few or no memories of spending time with one or both parents early in life you will ask ...and they will literally go ..uh ..yeah...um it's like they blank)
Ambivalent or insecure attachment disorder (Anxious attachment style ....over emotional with primary care givers ..usually due to the over emotional behavior of those people....anxious with parent absent ...and nervous or stressed around parent) insecure attachment is what it's usually called. Mom or dad or both is very anxious ...kid mirrors or doesn't realize what's wrong thinks there is a reason to be anxious ..or can't handle the anxious stressed parent all the time.
disorganized attachment disorder...(parents or a loved one displayed erratic or frightening or even frightened behavior during moments of stress with their kid or as an adult)
It's not that these people don't seek attachment ...they sometimes desperately do ....obsessively..
Secure attachment is the normal healthy type...
The good thing is ..HE HAS ADMITTED TO HIMSELF HE HAS AN ISSUE AND EVEN BETTER HE HAS SPOKEN ABOUT THIS WITH OTHER PEOPLE.
That is a HUGE step.
My therapist diagnosed me with avoidant attachment disorder. Attaching to ppl overwhelms me and gives me anxiety, the love that I lost to death gave me security and the kind of love that made up for the love I didn’t get from my dad. After he died I developed anxiety and feared dating. I tried it, fell in love and he constantly abandoned me when it came to emotions. As long as I didn’t express my love for him I was safe from being abandoned. Very damaging situation. It’s best for ppl to address their attachment issues before getting romantically involved or more damage will be done. It’s also not easy to heal. click to expand
I'm really sorry ..yeah this is the type of story you hear about from people who suffer from it. click to expandclick to expand