Have I ruined it with my Virgo guy?

I didn’t know what to do but reading some of these posts I went with the “keep it light and go with the flow. “It’s ok to text a Good morning text with no expectations.” I did that and we would text 2-3x through the day, but nothing like before. Through our relationship I have never expected immediate responses cause I know and understand that he has a lot on his plate and is really busy, and I mean busy...he’s a Paramedic, runs two of his own businesses, helping take care of and elderly woman and has his own personal health issues. I get he’s feeling overwhelmed with everything plus that up coming wedding of his daughter just almost 2 years after his wives passing. But then I didn’t hear from him for 2 days. So I texted him...

LOL...What did I break your phone again? 😝Or was I to understand that "Grumpy as ever" meant you don't want to talk right now?

I do understand your Grumpy and the next 2 weeks are going to be difficult, I even understand you don’t want to talk sometimes and that is ok just say something, and I understand that you are busy. I have NEVER expected an immediate reply as I have confidence and respect in who you are and who I am but I DON’T deserve to be ignored! You fuckin matter to this woman who is standing before you who has been standing here for the past year and a 1/2 🤗

His reply:

4 busynight shifts in a row 5 days in a row finishing the DOVs, painting , and cleaning a hoarders house, and Margaret. Gst , pst , property taxes, income taxes, house insurance, sorry to you and ALL the others I have not responded to. Just finished an education day now so get to do month end move out carpets. Hoping to catch a nap tonight by 6. Sure would be nice to find some time for a haircut before next weekend. Oh yeah the other thing on my plate ,my daughter's wedding.

Please do not send me an "oh sorry didn't realize text". Just need a little space

I wanted to reply saying I understand but then decided not to. He needs space and I respect that by replying I felt he may think I wasn’t and was still wanting to initiate a conversation. Was I wrong? Going on the fourth day of not hearing from him 😢 His daughters wedding is this weekend. I know he is struggling as this will be the first big family event without his late wife and under the circumstances I decided to step back but can I reach out to let him know I am thinking of them?

Posted by TicksMuyTerrible
He sounds like an ass hole.

Honestly he can come across as an asshole especially when he has too much going on and is feeling overwhelmed especially right now. He is Grumpy dealing with grief of his late wife and depression but he has a huge heart! Not to mention he is grumpy working his ass off to pay all these bills Gst , pst , property taxes, income taxes, house insurance and since his wife passed he hasn’t been able to build up his “nest egg” savings

Posted by MiZLeo
@ "dont send me a 'I didnt realize' text"...such a douche Virgo thing to say.
I wouldn't say anything to him. Let him come to you, when he does and you still want to deal then go for it. If you don't want to deal afterwards then don't. But I would start dating other men, or at least open yourself up to it.
Sounds like you aren't a priority in his life.
If you feel the need to send him a text I'd say:
"Thanks for the dissertation on your schedule. Sounds like your life is to busy for anything or anyone else in your life. Have fun at your daughter's wedding. Bye"

But I'm an marker... so...

No, I know i’m Not a priority in his life right now. All I wanted was to keep the lines of communication open as he worked through his grief.

He let the world beat him down into bitter submission.

Nothing left to see here. Let him be bitter by himself.

Posted by MiZLeo

Posted by Nancym

Posted by MiZLeo
@ "dont send me a 'I didnt realize' text"...such a douche Virgo thing to say.
I wouldn't say anything to him. Let him come to you, when he does and you still want to deal then go for it. If you don't want to deal afterwards then don't. But I would start dating other men, or at least open yourself up to it.
Sounds like you aren't a priority in his life.
If you feel the need to send him a text I'd say:
"Thanks for the dissertation on your schedule. Sounds like your life is to busy for anything or anyone else in your life. Have fun at your daughter's wedding. Bye"

But I'm an marker... so...

No, I know i’m Not a priority in his life right now. All I wanted was to keep the lines of communication open as he worked through his grief. click to expand

Ok, then dont be upset that you havent heard from him in a few days. Regardless it takes 2 to tango and if hes not keeping the lines of communication open the why are you bothering? It's just a waste of your time and energy. He sounds like a douche regardless if that's how he talks to you when hes "grumpy". click to expand

click to expand

Yes, it takes two to tango and yes he pursued me and started a relationship with me (after I pushed him away for 3 months) when he thought he was ready but had to step back when the grief, part of which is the anger started to come up. We’ve been friends for 24yrs and He is and has never been a Grumpy/ angry man but he is dealing with grief and unfortunately instead of working through it and dealing with it right away he pushed it down. I am not making excuses for him just explaining the situation.

To be honest I would just say good morning or goodnight and just let him be or maybe send him something like a article on managing stress. From my experience men who work a lot already feel like they are constantly trying to hold everything together so reminding him that he has failed another thing by not keeping up with your text could be the reason for the mean reply. Maybe you could offer to bring him lunch or go see him for a quick minute. Since he is a Virgo I would offer him food or remedy’s for stress so he can see you as someone who understands his need to meet all his obligations but nag him no from my experience a Virgo man likes someone who fits in his life so if you can’t go with his flow or are bold enough to make reasons to be around him then I guess you should let it go

Posted by GemCurio
As a Virgo Male some of these other responses to this post are nuts!!! Us Virgo Men are not procrastinators nor are we lazy. Neither do we ask for assistance with our issues or the circumstances that occur within our lives. We handle all of it alone and in silence, and the only people that would even know what we endure are those closest to us. Is your Virgo Man thinking about you? Obviously because he returned your text, Consider yourself lucky to receive that. Most of us run off like lions in the jungle to tame the whole wilderness BY OURSELVES consistently throughout life. We do not need recognition, nor appreciation, but no persons will ever get in the way of the things we know WE MUST get done. We are not about appearing as men. We consider ourselves the last warrior princes who carry our crosses daily for those we love and for some of those we don't. It's called prioritizing. If you are still there when his tribulations are over, he will show his appreciation without discussion, however if you are so needy that you require attention daily fully aware of the variety of difficulties he's enduring BY HIMSELF, go find someone else. A Virgo Man's priority list: 1) Morality 2)Duties 3) All other... He'll come out and play once he FINISHED his duties.

 As a Virgo man yourself thank you for your insight. Yes, I agree some comments are nuts!   No I'm not needy, and like I said I certainly don't expect an immediate reply to my texts.  He lives 112km away and as I am not a mind reader I thought that distance and just a text or 2 was space enough.  I am seeing and understanding now that although I want and thought I could be there for him that he needs to do this on his own.  I did text him June 8 letting him know that my thoughts would be with him and the family as his daughter's wedding was next day.  I didn't go cause I felt it best to respect his request for space so he could focus 100% on his daughter.  I didn't text him again till June 21.  He had told me a couple weeks prior he had a Dr.'s appt.  regarding some health issues.  He replied and haven't heard from him since.  Was I wrong in texting him? Some people are saying hes wishy washy, that hes playing me but I don't believe it. He's not that type of guy.

Dude. Instead of sending him guilt me texts why don’t you offer to bring him lunch at work? Or see if there’s anything you could do behind the scenes for the wedding?

I feel your pain. And I think you a justified in your feelings and wanting him to be more invested. Relationships are like plants. You need to feel the sun in order to keep healthy and happy. You need some love.

Thing is, he needs to feel it too.

Come through as his ride or die during this stressful time. Be his rock. Give him the love he needs, guilt free.