he said he doesn't love me but...

(my chronicles of thoughts on him)

...he's always there when i need him 🙂

...he stalks my online profiles! but he wouldn't ever admit to it

he's probably still wondering whether he made the right choice of "not loving you"

there is something that you do, that he can't bothers him. so he's checking if anything has change

but look on the bright side,you appear to have to the power as he is still not over you.

thank you for the input username 🙂 greatly appreciate hearing opinions from fellow men who would have any idea at all what this man is up to 😉

although... i'm not necessarily seeking anything anymore... i've given up! sort of ._.

to continue...

...he has to tell me that he is a faithful partner in a relationship

...he shares his life story with me

...he kissed me on my forehead

...he wants to compare almost everything against me

...he added weight and buffed up when I thought he was a little on the skinny side

I venture to guess that

He wants you to chase him
He is not over you and has some level of feeling for you
He wants to have you and chase other women
He may need some calming medications so he can make up his mind. Since he is obviously tossing fire to you and then water on top of that. Rise and fall of love lust etc.

hey emeralddream! thanks for dropping by. i've just realised how misleading this thread could be. of course, my observations are heavily biased and one-sided to what i want to believe, although i would attest they are definitely not delusions/hallucinations/made up. i am just posting his behaviours that are positive, but he also does not hesitate to keep reminding me that he doesn't 'love' me. for example, he would keep telling me to get a boyfriend. he would keep telling me to stay abroad in another country after i graduate as the prospect would be a lot better than if i were to go back home (where my heart truly belongs and where he is). he would tell me that he has the intentions to fuck some girls. he affirmed that we would never get married in the future. he would tell me how pathetic he is - without a shining career when others his age are starting to make it pretty well, without a car, without a house... those sort of things. thank you though!

and the very fact he would back off or tell me off if i make it explicit of my affection for him, even just a simple "i miss you." crushed me every time :/

Aaldebaran

No worries. It is human nature, for a lot of individuals, to look at the positive and ignore the negative. The above which you described should not be taken lightly. It seems from what you write that he is not self assured. Due to his lack of confidence and I would guess understanding of what he wants as an adult male he is taking stabs at you. People do that and it is quite sad.

I can not tell you what you should do. What I can do is offer my opinion. My opinion is do your own thing. Do what makes you happy, live in the country which makes you happy, and find a man who will make you happy every day of your life. If that is what your heart desires. This man still has much growing up to do.

He does not have the right to put you down and to insult you like that. And that is what he is doing not only in saying you are pathetic. Something that I heavily doubt. But he insults you as a person by talking about who he will fuck and not fuck.

Try a little test and see what happens. Cut all ties with him. Do not tell him you miss him. When you do this not only will you send a huge signal to this guy that he is a large derriere. But I am sure you will be much happier < - - this is the most important part.

It is female nature to hang around and hope for things to change. But these types of changes are highly unlikely to happen.

thank you for your concerned words, emeralddream. don't worry about me. i'm not necessarily waiting for him and i definitely am not letting myself being pulled around by him. it's been so long i've learned to go with the flow and not expect anything at all. it's just amusing how it never ends even when i no longer put much effort. believe me, i have done what you said, to cut ties with him... but he would come back one way or another. even if i wanted to do anything, he wouldn't allow me to himself. it scared him and it made him back off. we'll just see what happens, as sera's mother says, "whatever will be, will be, the future's not ours to see." xD thank you 🙂

to continue...

...he provided some critical opinions about my get-up in a recent halloween party i attended which photos i updated on my online social networking account without me seeking it. in other words, random criticism. why he cares at all is what amuses me. anyway, i explained myself and said thank you for his criticisms 🙂

i got a Taurus STILL pulling that shit..

...he turned down opportunities to have sex with other girls who gave themselves to him, and instead told me his 'conquests' and proceeded to ask for me to satisfy him even though i'm thousands of miles away from him

You're continually trying to read into things! If he said he doesn't love you, he doesn't! Plain and simple...

^^^LOL

Posted by lildol
You're continually trying to read into things! If he said he doesn't love you, he doesn't! Plain and simple...

LOL! That's what I was thinking; why would someone say they don't love you (several times) and not mean it?

One thing worth contemplating is that not everyone "loves" or "comes to love" on the same level as everyone else. Just because this dude doesn't love you in the way you expect it doesn't mean he isn't capable of it or won't find himself in it with you.

One of my favorite beliefs when it comes to matters of the heart is...

"You can't MAKE someone like you". It translates itself well into love. "You can't MAKE someone love you".

The best you can do is be you, be the best YOU, and let the chips fall where they may.

hi. thank you all for your comments. it's amusing to see how everyone is interpreting and reacting to this whole thread in their own ways.

i could only say things between him and me are not as simple as presented in this thread. however, i've started this thread with many reasons, a few being this as the place for me to jot down as i recall anything about him, to ponder over his actions, and probably, to share this with any interested souls although i do realise the spartan characteristics of my jottings aren't necessarily worth going through and sorry to any who has felt like they wasted their time clicking into this. maybe, you could only consider this thread being for my personal 'amusement'.

to lildol and GemStar05, i do agree with you both. i would say too he did mean what he say. but there are so many things that may come into play, and my head are full of many explanations as to his inconsistent actions. i'm not necessarily saying these things he did meant he lied and actually love me, i just thought they're amusing and worth pondering over... and many more things i'm feeling that is hard to describe and furthermore given the expanse of our history.

to VirgoHero, the way i'm reading your comment sounds like a supportive one, and thus, i shall say thank you. and for already being so patient and accepting of him, i do not think i am expecting him to love me any certain way. i'm already being passive as to not do anything or expect anything and let things flow as they may and to just react accordingly to him, if that's for the best.

thank you again...

Posted by aldebaran
hi. thank you all for your comments. it's amusing to see how everyone is interpreting and reacting to this whole thread in their own ways.

i could only say things between him and me are not as simple as presented in this thread. however, i've started this thread with many reasons, a few being this as the place for me to jot down as i recall anything about him, to ponder over his actions, and probably, to share this with any interested souls although i do realise the spartan characteristics of my jottings aren't necessarily worth going through and sorry to any who has felt like they wasted their time clicking into this. maybe, you could only consider this thread being for my personal 'amusement'.

to lildol and GemStar05, i do agree with you both. i would say too he did mean what he say. but there are so many things that may come into play, and my head are full of many explanations as to his inconsistent actions. i'm not necessarily saying these things he did meant he lied and actually love me, i just thought they're amusing and worth pondering over... and many more things i'm feeling that is hard to describe and furthermore given the expanse of our history.

to VirgoHero, the way i'm reading your comment sounds like a supportive one, and thus, i shall say thank you. and for already being so patient and accepting of him, i do not think i am expecting him to love me any certain way. i'm already being passive as to not do anything or expect anything and let things flow as they may and to just react accordingly to him, if that's for the best.

thank you again...

aldebaran,

My intent, when I agreed with lildol, was not to be harsh. It's just that so many women don't listen to what the man is saying. Instead they analyze and want to read what they want him to mean vice taking him literally at what he says. Now if he is indeed masking his true feelings they will come out in due time as was basically said by VH. I wouldn't waste time and effort trying to figure him out on this. I have deep feelings for my Virgo sweetie; however he doesn't have the same feelings for me--at least he hasn't said so. But I'm not worried about that...maybe he will one day/maybe he won't. I'm just enjoying what we have for now....

@aldebaran, hmmmmm...it seems to me when you say that he says "he doesn't love me" but shows otherwise, people would say listen to what he's saying. But if it were the other way around & he was saying he does love you but shows otherwise, people would say look at what he's doing.

Hmph...does action REALLY speak louder than words? Or does words speak louder than actions? *ponders that*

I think and know you have just now lost a good guy.

THANK FUCK FOR THAT!!

GemStar05, i wasn't offended by what you said. i just thought that some explanations were needed seeing both your comments. i do agree that it's important to listen to what is said and most of the time, overanalysing is unnecessary. but i think i can only analyse his words and actions because our communication is very limited due to distance. i would even think that if he does have the intention to love me, it is only stopping him because of the distance and thus he is hiding his true feelings because he knows there is no incentive to reveal it and take it further. actually, we were in a relationship many years ago but i broke it off with him, not because i had stop loving him but because i was young and naive and my feelings for him were overwhelming to myself at that time. but from his point of view, i think he thought i was not satisfied with him. since then, we moved on and dated others but we always seem to find each other again but things between us were always very vague. i don't know if this applies to everybody or distinctive to this sign, but i do feel my virgo friend is constantly dropping hints around and testing the waters and seeing if i'm picking up the signs. i do think virgos tend to be very cautious about throwing their feelings to the wind. i think they need a certain amount of assurance and certainty and know that it'll not embarrass them and waste their time before they'd reveal their feelings. if you really have deep feelings for your virgo, you probably need to make it obvious for him if he doesn't know yet but not to the point of driving him away. how, i think is the hardest to figure out. all the best!

RealTalk, at this point in time, i'm not sure what i'm seeing are 'actions of love'. but i'd say both are important and depending on the person itself, one or the other tends to be shown more. what i mean is that, some might be more comfortable saying them more than doing them, while some might be more comfortable doing them rather than saying them. i wouldn't say one means a deeper love than the other. it just depends on the people in the relationship itself and to what level they're happy with these.

hi Capriquoise. i don't quite get you but thank you for dropping your comments. 🙂

...he asked me if i play chess and proposed that 'we' engage in this game... virtual ones i supposed

some months have passed since i posted.

he has himself a girlfriend now.

has it got anything to do with me turning down his request for an fwb the last time i was back in hometown? indeed, before that, we were sort of in an fwb relationship, and even phone/video sex while on long distance. and then, i came to know another guy and started to develop feelings for this other guy. that's when i decided to stop fwb with him. in some occasions, i started revealing to him that i was falling for this other guy.

...he commented about the type of guy i usually fall for... no, we did not exactly discuss this. so it's curious where his observation came from? (stalking much?)

...he still helped me financially every time i sought for his help. and even to the extent of going back home early (not that i know if he usually does go home early, but earlier he had said he could not help me because he would be busy) to help me with something... virgo couldn't help being of help, could he? haha 😄 sweet guy...

...he sent me an astrology wheel of auspicious colours by sign for the new year. he said he thought i would be interested in these stuff. i do occassionally talk astrology to him, especially in predicting personality/behaviours. but i was not as interested in 'fortune-forecasting' and clarified this to him. anyway, we lightly discussed the wheel when he reminded me not to wear green, which was 1 of the inauspicious colours of my sign to which i assured him i had not worn any green item or planned to wear any for that few days of the new year, to which he suspiciously/unconvincingly asked me if i were sure. after some thoughts on this, i recalled i did wear green on the eve of the new year. he had perhaps came across that photo of me from my online social account!

wow, i do overthink huh! but i still find how amusing things can always be so coincident!

...1 day while we were chatting, he randomly asked me if i had been at this mall a few days ago. he clarified he had not seen me and he were not in this capital city at that time anyway (a couple of hours flight from the hometown he was residing). but when i asked him how he'd knew about my whereabout, he ignored......... (and we do not really have mutual friends, but we might have some acquiantances who know both of us considering we were from the same hometown. but it would be a bit weird if another acquiantance actually told him about me because nobody would realise we were actually this close bto bother mentioning to him about me... hmm)

Just realised he posted this on the eve of my birthday last year: "I'm craving for you"