I need to vent - he happens to be a virgo

I posted on here several months ago about a virgo (I'm a taurus btw) I was seeing who lives an hour away. We had a very rocky start with him giving me very mixed signals. We??d hang out and make out and then he??d tell me that he wasn't over his ex and so I??d try to be a friend but then he??d tell me that he thought we could be great together and he wanted make an effort and then he would for a bit and then he??d say he just couldn't be the person I deserved...blah blah blah. Yes, I probably should have run. But I didn't.

And things have been pretty solid for the last couple of months. And so I started letting my guard down. And I started making him a part of my life (mostly meaning hanging out when I had my children). While they met him months ago, he just started hanging out as my —boyfriend?? about a month ago. I told him what a big deal this was to me beforehand - my children 11 and 9 and have only seen me with one other person. And so this weekend was the first time he spent entirely with us - and it very strange to allow them to see us holding hands and being somewhat affectionate.

And then blam, 2 days later he texts asking if I think we??re compatible. In this same conversation he tells me that sometimes he wishes my children were our children. And then a few texts later he tells me he sometimes thinks we??re in a relationship of convenience (because our friends are dating) and because we??re lonely...that it's forced. He's always boasting about how honest he is with me but I have never met someone so wishy washy about how he feels - I thought we??d passed the hot/cold phase. I'm 34 - way too old for this childish drama. I can't believe I let him in. Aaaargh. And ouch.

I know this isn't necessarily a virgo thing. I mean I know he's analyzing things...but can't he figure stuff out before he makes life-changing declarations...again and again?

I'm just sooooo frustrated. And now, sad. Thank you, if you read this far.

Thank you for responding LIB - I really valued your insight on my previous posts...and do once again. You are very tuned in and very articulate.

Yes, my rising sign is a leo - ha, does that say a lot about me? I actually don't know much about leos at all.

I suppose that's true that his actions have been pretty consistent overall. Although I have been the one to do most of the work, he has been pretty steady about seeming to want to be in my life for the last few months.

I can't tell you how much I have tried to reassure him over time. I know he doubts himself (and us) and I have really made an effort to show him (and tell him) how incredible I think he is. Even when he asked if I really thought we were compatible, I listed qualities in him that I admired, similar goals and values...he wrote back talking about how different we are and about the relationship of convenience bit.

our last communication 2 days ago was:
me: I don't quite understand what you mean. Are you saying that you think we're dating just because our friends are dating?
him: yeah and maybe lonely...forced
me: I see. I actually think that makes it more complicated and more inconvenient. And for me there are real feelings involved so that really sucks to hear.

I just don't know where to go from there. Maybe now he's pulling back to analyze things alone but the fact that he decided to end things like this in a text leaves me pretty pessimistic. I feel like we need to talk in person but I don't even know what to say after this last text conversation (before this last part, he angrily accused me of running my mouth about his/our business - not even sure what he's talking about). I've been pretty communicative. While I am perhaps a bit overly cautious, trying not to make declarations before I am certain and confident about us, he knows I care a great deal. If I seem indecisive, I think it's more of a defense mechanism. It feels like every time I start to feel okay about us and I take a step forward, he jumps backwards (this last time is just one of many examples). I don't think it's his intention but he hits my insecurities just right so that it's really hard for me to make any leaps with/for him. I make him a priority and am consistent with my words and with my actions though. I am definitely a long haul girl. He knows this.

Okay first of all I read up on leos a bit. Yup, that sounds about right that that's my rising sign.

So after getting all my "crazy" out here safely online, I collected my wits, told virguy that we needed to talk and drove to his town. We went out to dinner and it was quickly apparent that we interpreted the situation completely differently. While I'm still worried about his seemingly endless doubts, it's possible that I have emotional reactions that may be premature sometimes. I suppose these reactions are a result of my own doubts and insecurities. It's difficult because most of our dialogue during the week is via text and it's difficult to both convey and determine tone. I'm going to work on trying not to over-think his texts and to be more aware of my reactions (not necessarily those communicated to him - just in general).