Not so stung anymore...

Well, I sort of feel like an idiot regarding my Virgo friend.

Shortly after I posted my note yesterday he called me back & asked me out to dinner tomorrow night LOL. I was totally shocked, since we haven't seen each other in almost 5 weeks, but have always talked on the phone & e mailed.

I was thrilled but acted very cool & just said a simple yes & we talked about other things. I'll see if he calls today to arrange the time, place, etc.

Just when I think things are settling down, he comes around again. He actually didn't sound too depressed, sounded more like himself to me.

OH my tomorrow night will be something - I'm trying hard to distance myself from him & will continue to do so so he feels like he is in control.

Thanks for listening all - I know I must sound like a rambling fool.

Happy Hump day 🙂🙂

Oh!! I forgot to mention he asked if I wanted to go to a flea market with him on Saturday. Of course I said yes - again I am baffled.

He avoids me for almost 5 weeks, then rushes to see & do things with me all at once LOL.

Good thing I can see the humor in all this 🙂

First off - if I may say something to you. Don't treat this like a relationship, don't be baffled by it. He considers himself a friend. That's it. Now do you want more from this? Excuse me for asking so personal a question, but are you having sex with him.

It is not uncommon for a Virgo - when things are on their minds to back off - it means nothing. Don't be confused. Just take it as it comes. I find that women sometimes confuse things and believe because a guy is calling them or going out or whatever - it is going into the direction of a relationship. That is not always the case. Sometimes it's just the companionship -
With a male Virgo - he likes the idea of having female "friends" - and he will take that friendship through a lot. He wants to see several things up front. And that is how you relate to each other, how you handle his personality, how you confront things in your life - because of his nature to analyze thoroughly what is internal and external for him - he likes to take his time. He does not want to discuss relationships until he's ready. And that may take a long time. He will keep it in a friendship status as long as he can. If he is young, he will rationalize what he is feeling and sometimes maynot know what he's feeling. That is why he can be off and on with someone. He has to have space and time to decide what he wants. One day he may want it and the next day you are exiled to Siberia. For you - if you like him, treat him as a good friend. He won't feel so threatened by that. He is insecure and sometimes it rears up as being brutal or seeking attention. He is not sensitive to you needs and if you try to explain them, he's not going to get it. And will wonder what's wrong with you. Don't give him any drama in his life - he can't handle yours and his too. He'll have a nervous breakdown - :-)
Accept him for who he is - his way of thinking is a little off beat - he can have eccentric notions about things - but it's his mind that keeps him busy.
He will want you to show your neat chararacter - he'll dissect you from head to toe and can be most critical. However, will not see too many faults in himself.
At best - he's a good friend to have and is most helpful, because he is service oriented to friends and family that he cares about.
He likes things to be his idea - so he wants control over the pace of anything, including relationships - if you get ahead of the game - he'll back off or let you know. His emotional nature is cool, detached, logical. No deep emotional tirades and declarations are forth coming from this man.
He's not too good at astract theories and such and will wrack his brain trying to figure out what you are talking about.
He needs space more than most - just hang in there.... and be prepared to wait it out.

I have seen quiet a few Aquar and Virgo - end. Several friends (Aquarian) have left the down to earth Virgo - simple out of sheer bordom I think. The one I saw last was a Virgo friend of mine that stayed married to an Aquarian woman out of convienience. It was a strange marriage to be sure. I do believe she loved him - but he cheated on her almost from the beginning of their marriage. After twenty-two years - he lived in the pool house and she lived in the main house. They came together only when they had to... led seperate lives. She went on cruises alone while he went to his girlfriend. Sometimes I would feel so sorry for her, knowing she didn't have the full devotion of her husband. They had to children, simply because he didn't want them with her.

I quiet understand that Virgo mentality about relationships - they do like superficial things - until they sort it all out. When he a Virgo loves it is deep and abiding - and once he's committed he's there. Some Virgos will even stay in bad marriages or relationships - as they don't want to change - or look in another direction.
The one I know is like you desribed - he's not relationship oriented sometimes and then sometimes he is. He's more on than off now - but it took him a long time to do that. He's into his career and work usually takes precedent over other things.

Of course I am talking of older Virgos - the one I see is 58. SO there maybe a difference - I find Virgo will attract the air signs when they are younger - as they grow emotionally and realize that they want something deeper - and more steadfast in their emotions.

Well, to clear up a few things.

My Virgo male just turned 56 in August - the main reason we're going out to dinner (my treat) so we can celebrate. He was very secretive about his actual B day (wouldn't even tell me the date!) & I didn't push it. He just simply said it was in August. I said "Ok".

As far as us having sex, no we have not had actual intercourse but have done some very heavy necking & petting (to use words that date my age lol). He told me several times he is a pervert & revealed some kinky thoughts he had about us but I never pried, ever. He did confide in me once he hated to leave me when we were together, that was several weeks ago though. Since then he has closed up pretty much. So I guess I shouldn't consider him a 'relationship' but I do consider him more than just a friend since the strong physical attraction is clearly there.

I know he has wandering eyes & even has what he terms a 'girlfriend' - though she lives over 3 hours away & he maybe sees her 3 days a month, if that. He also confided in me once she drives him crazy - so why he feels he has to be loyal to her I have no idea. She clearly makes everything else in her life A # 1 top priority - most of all her job. Oh my I won't get off on that tangent.

I'm just being patient - I'm going to wait it out & let him know I am there for him while he has his financial woes. He seems to be calling me more the more I stay away & give him his space. I'll tell him I didn't call cuz I thought he needed his space & he'll say "well, I was waiting to talk with you" (like I am suppose to know this?) Ahhh- it gets so exasperating!!

OK- at 56 give him some space. Has he been married before? As for the three hour lady - that's nothing. He likes the space aspect of that. It's SAFE. No committment and no strings. SOme Virgos seem to like some distance like that. He's not in love with her - she's just a friend like you are. The thing is with him he has to be the one do say what he wants. At his age, he's not going to change AT ALL. So you will have to accept him as he is. OK- sexually, the verdict is out. He has not made that total leap over to identify you as more than a friend. The kinky stuff- he's comfortable enough with you to tell you, without you judging him. I've heard that kind of stuff too. And have acted on some of it. I think Virgos are closet kinky -LOL. And believe me they don't do those kind of things with just anybody.

So place is to just be still. Allow him to go at his pace - and don't pressure him about it.

It took eight years for me. We started out as casual friends - started having sex, he backed off (got scared I guess) and then we were friends again. But I knew what he didn't. Call it my Scorpio intuition - but I sensed what his feelings were. But he was afraid of getting close. But I waited. The one I know had a long distance thing too. Finally, I told him - you are being silly with this. You don't know what this woman is doing when you're not there. The I brought up STD to him. Hello? I don't think he even thought about it. So I left and told him - look if this is what you want - have at it. Well he wasn't satified with that either. SO he confessed he didn't want her. And I let him work it out. We remained friends for over five years. Then a little over three years ago - we started seeing each other and have been ever since. It's been rocky at times - we have had our moments - but we seem to get back on track. But it gets down to you may have to tell him what you want. Poor little man - Virgos can be what I call dense sometimes when it comes to love and relationships.

But if he's been married and he was hurt - he maynot want to go down that road again. WOuld you just settle for it being a comfortable companionship? Or do you want more?

And are you willing to wait?

Well, he seems very comfortable telling me about his girlfriend - maybe he tells me too much sometimes I think lol.

A few weeks ago he told me she was not coming down to see him that weekend, she had a family reunion to go to. I asked why he wasn't going - he said she didn't invite him!! I asked him point blank "does that hurt your feelings" (at this time I had no clue how well Virgos like to hide their feelings). He said "yes it does" & he changed the subject. I didn't ask anything else - he never brought her up again for over a week.

I also remember the night he injured his finger. He called me & told me he was on his way to the ER & I asked if he wanted me to meet him there. He said "no, I think I'll be ok" & I left it at that. The next day we had dinner & he told me he hadn't even told his girlfriend about going to the ER. A week later he had surgery on the finger (at this time his girlfriend knew what was going on) & she wasn't even at the hospital - I was. She was buzy working - I just do not get it but he seems to be very loyal to her - it seems so because he stops at the point of actual intercourse with me.

You're certainly right about him never changing - he's as stubborn as all hell. And headstrong - sometimes I think he is too smart for his own good. I see how he worries over things as he tells me about them & frets - yet I can't get in to really help so I say little.

I'm learning - slowly - thanks everyone for your thoughts. He is very special & I feel very comfortable around him. I'm also patient thank goodness!!

🙂