To speak or stay silent?

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sandyclaws
@sandyclaws
15 YearsCancer

Comments: 0 · Posts: 322 · Topics: 29
I'm not a virgo, but I'm in a sometimes-annoying, mostly excellent friendship with one. We've had some times where we weren't on the same wavelength, and the virgo style makes it tough to find an emotional 'handle' to read (I'm a cancer).

I've found that when enough time has passed that whatever the incident or irritation has faded, it works to just speak your piece. I will say/email something like 'hey, I know I didn't handle xyz in a very adult way. I'm having a tough time with abc and I let it interfere with our interactions. Can we hit the reset button and have another go at xyz now that I've gotten abc under control?'

Don't know if it's all virguys, but my friend keeps this aura of formality, things just need to be a certain way. We're really really close, share a lot of details, are pretty relaxed around each other. But I can't treat him like I do my other close friends. He gets huffy if I call him names or goof around play-hitting etc. My other friends all interact like that, a sign of closeness kind of thing.

It's kind of an odd way to br friends with someone, half intimate half formal, but in some ways it makes it easy to fall back on formality when there is tension. It removes some of the knee-jerk emotional reaction, and makes it easier to talk about whatever trouble came up between us.

So try that with your guy. Acknowledge your part in things, apologize sincerely, state your desire to reconnect, and then step back and let him think it over and decide.