Would be so very grateful for a Virguy opinion...

I've posted several times about my relationship with my Virgo BF; and now this is getting ridiculous. But, I just messed up and feel absolutely horrible and would do anything for some insight from some of you Virgo men.

Since we began our relationship (8+ months ago) I've had doubts of his seriousness in me. I am a Leo and have always had lovers who have romanced me. But my Virguy doesn't do flowers, Valentine's Day, say I love you, etc. Not only does my Virguy not really express his emotions, he seems to want to point out all the ways in which I could be improving myself so it starts to feel like not only does he not adore me, but he wishes I would change. I started feeling like I would never be "good enough" -- not smart enough, talented enough, etc.

It was effecting my self-confidence and after some wonderful advice on here last time I decided to focus on me, not be clingy or insecure and really make more of an effort to focus on myself. To love myself and not need so very much from him. And things were going great. Well, until last night -- I messed everything up in one moment of weakness. I was feeling emotional and insecure and all of these issues that I didn't mention to him before came flooding out. I told him that I didn't feel like he cared, that I was waiting for some sort of verbal communication that he loved me, and I said that I was constantly fearing the fact that he was testing me in some way and I would be failing.

(cont.)

WOW. That was the wrong thing to do. He said that I said hurtful things that made him not feel good about himself or about the relationship, that my communication was ill-timed and not very well thought through and that I mentioned all of these things without a solution. We spent an hour arguing and it was not pretty -- I kept trying to explain my messy emotions (poorly I may add) and he was trying to compartmentalize and process everything logically. I teared up a couple times but didn't get hyper-emotional.

I was pretty sure it was completely over. The distance in his eyes made me horribly sad. But we kept talking until we were both exhausted and then he explained his perspective and he said he didn't see why I should doubt him -- why I don't trust him and that he has been super happy in our relationship up until that point. He was in fact angry that I doubted him -- he said he told me once before that he was committed to me and what more did I need to hear? That he has no issue with me and that now he only feels that he is not enough for me.

I apologized because I finally saw it from his perspective. The logical one -- not my emotional one. He is caring and he does show his love, just not in the way I am used to. He apologized to me for being angry at first and said he was just tired and that he handled the whole thing poorly and that he is not perfect either. He invited me to come over to his place and we resumed our evening soberly but were extremely loving to one another, especially him to me -- he showered me with kisses and held me all night.

But now I feel so horribly guilty!! And whats worse; now I REALLY don't feel good enough. Why couldn't I keep my emotions in check? Will he ever have the same respect for me? I apologized to him last night, I apologized again briefly this morning but I still feel shitty and would like to clarify a few things that I said to him. And I would like to apologize one more time so he knows that I genuinely am sorry; but I also don't want to push the issue or upset him any further. I just would like for him to know that I care about him and that I didn't mean anything to reflect poorly on him -- more about the dynamic of our relationship and how we can understand each other better.

Any advice from a Virgo guy on this?
Maybe I am just a need machine and even on dxpnet I'm trying to rely on you Virguys to help me understand -- but you ARE always right and I value your opinions and insight gr

eatly. And I love this man so -- I just want to feel safe in our relationship so I can be the strong, independent -- but loving and caring woman I know I can be in a healthy relationship. Especially one with him -- who makes me so happy most of the time.

Thanks so very much for reading this and taking the time to answer if you do 🙂

The problem is not you. Its that he hasnt grabbed a book on LEO's in which he would have found out about the fundamentals of petting that beautiful cat so that it is fully content.

A LEO, wether they admit it or not needs adoration. Just like the real thing....my cat, she is so cool and independent but when she needs pettting, its lots of it.
I dated a LEO once and the first thing i noticed was how much she needed to hear how beautiful she was and how much I adored everything about her. Whenever she was around, she was the center of my attention. She tried hard to downplay it but i knew, I had done my research.
Which is all he needs to do or possibly lose you.





Oh and one last thing......apologizing 10,000 times doesnt make it genuine.
One good solid apology is all we need as long as there is truth.

I think that cold-blooded gangsta' John Keats put it best when he said:


'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,' - that is all ye know on earth,
and all ye need to know.

-John Keats

If you have to pull teeth to get something out of someone then just maybe it's not meant to be. I dunno maybe I'm wrong but it just feels as if his lack of sensitivity keeps you lured in and maybe he doesn't want to spoil it by giving too much of himself. Whatever he's doing well it's working because he seems to have an immense amount of power over your happiness.

I see you struggling but it seems this guy triggers every insecurity inside of your body, you just can't relax and be happy and be secure and that has more to do with you than it does with him.

I don't foresee this working not because something is wrong with him but because you're not secure nor confident enough to maintain a healthy relationship. You better PULL IT TOGETHER QUICK and SOON or within the next 6 months to a year he'll be outta this relationship because you are becoming TOO MUCH WORK, your emotional displays are tiring.

Get it under control, when you feel yourself succumbing to your feelings excuse yourself, go home if you have to, go to the bathroom and breathe in and out deeply and remind yourself to pull it together, he loves you and you have nothing to be scared of. You gotta relax, no seriously you have to or this relationship will be done...

Oh and wanting to feel safe so you can FEEL independent and strong and be in a healthy relationship IS ASS BACKWARDS and let's me know you are being CO-DEPENDENT, you are looking through him for your strength and independence which means clearly YOU LACKED those qualities before he showed up in your life or you lost them along the way and now YOU'RE PRESSURING HIM TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING HE'S NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR GIVING, he's not there to make you feel safe, strong and independent, you either have these qualities or you don't and CLEARLY YOU ARE LEANING TOO HARD ON HIM TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING HE'S NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR GIVING, HE'S NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HAPPINESS so this could clearly end b/c you're looking THRU your relationship to give you something you LACK, he's not there to

Had you had your own INNER qualities that make you feel safe before he showed up you'd ALREADY feel safe which means you wouldn't NEED HIM to make you feel safe and this relationship would go so much smoother had you DEVELOPED those qualities on your own but b/c you lack those qualities you're struggling.

A man can't complete you so you're stuck in a hard space because until he makes you feel safe by giving you the approval you need, the adoration you crave to assure you he's committed to only you you'll most likely SELF SABOTAGE this relationship.

He's not there (with you) in a relationship to display love so you can feel safe in your relationship so you can be the strong, independent -- but loving and caring woman you know you can be. You either feel safe or you don't and if you never felt safe to begin with then there is NO WAY he can give you something you never had in the first place. The approval behavior, the needy behavior is bound to inevitably end this relationship.

Your behavior has to change or the very thing you're afraid of happening WILL HAPPEN.....

got cut off...he's not there to FILL your voids, make you feel safe, he's your companion, someone you SHARE your life with and feeling safe if he makes you feel safe is an ADDED BONUS but it isn't and shouldn't be a requirement for you to feel good about yourself which includes feeling strong and independent. Naturally you should be secure enough within yourself to KNOW YOU'RE GOOD ENOUGH and if you don't feel/know you're good enough then why the hell are you in a relationship with a man? If you don't come into the relationship with a good level of self esteem you'll inevitably end up sabotaging your relationship b/c you'll be seeking for him to complete you in some way and that's way too much pressure no matter what his sign is.

Posted by wgamador2
The problem is not you. Its that he hasnt grabbed a book on LEO's in which he would have found out about the fundamentals of petting that beautiful cat so that it is fully content.

A LEO, wether they admit it or not needs adoration. Just like the real thing....my cat, she is so cool and independent but when she needs pettting, its lots of it.
I dated a LEO once and the first thing i noticed was how much she needed to hear how beautiful she was and how much I adored everything about her. Whenever she was around, she was the center of my attention. She tried hard to downplay it but i knew, I had done my research.
Which is all he needs to do or possibly lose you.





Oh and one last thing......apologizing 10,000 times doesnt make it genuine.
One good solid apology is all we need as long as there is truth.

I think that cold-blooded gangsta' John Keats put it best when he said:


'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,' - that is all ye know on earth,
and all ye need to know.

-John Keats

So true...

Posted by 25thDecan
^co-signed on the maseratti.
I've dated leos....point of contention is reciprocity with me. Adoration is no problem. You BETTER make ME feel good too, though....

Agreed.

Moondream stop feeling guilty, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Relationships are about communication and compromise and about giving the other person what they NEED in love, wants are different things altogether - people generally only think about what they need to receive and forget to think about what the other person needs to get, if we each thought more about what we give to our partner in relation to what they need to receive rather than take the stance of, well this is how I am, then relationships would work better imo. You have told your man what you need in a relationship and if he isn't prepared to unselfish himself enough to work on giving you this then he is not worth your time. You give him what he needs and have gone to the trouble of finding out, can he not do the same for you?

In my experience btw, when a Virgo loves you you don't necessarily need to be told any longer because you can feel it. It was enough for this Lion but maybe not for you - perhaps you're not feeling it because he isn't either.

Posted by celticlioness
Moondream stop feeling guilty, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Relationships are about communication and compromise and about giving the other person what they NEED in love, wants are different things altogether - people generally only think about what they need to receive and forget to think about what the other person needs to get, if we each thought more about what we give to our partner in relation to what they need to receive rather than take the stance of, well this is how I am, then relationships would work better imo. You have told your man what you need in a relationship and if he isn't prepared to unselfish himself enough to work on giving you this then he is not worth your time. You give him what he needs and have gone to the trouble of finding out, can he not do the same for you?

In my experience btw, when a Virgo loves you you don't necessarily need to be told any longer because you can feel it. It was enough for this Lion but maybe not for you - perhaps you're not feeling it because he isn't either.

+1

I'm working on being less wordy but I always seem to fail miserably lol...Celtic said it perfectly.

Posted by celticlioness
Moondream stop feeling guilty, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Relationships are about communication and compromise and about giving the other person what they NEED in love, wants are different things altogether - people generally only think about what they need to receive and forget to think about what the other person needs to get, if we each thought more about what we give to our partner in relation to what they need to receive rather than take the stance of, well this is how I am, then relationships would work better imo. You have told your man what you need in a relationship and if he isn't prepared to unselfish himself enough to work on giving you this then he is not worth your time. You give him what he needs and have gone to the trouble of finding out, can he not do the same for you?

In my experience btw, when a Virgo loves you you don't necessarily need to be told any longer because you can feel it. It was enough for this Lion but maybe not for you - perhaps you're not feeling it because he isn't either.

Love it. Head on the nail. 😉