Advice!

Hi all,

Got an advice i need from you guys here...

I've got a girlfriend of 4 years, and she's an aquarian.

During the last year of our relationship, we went through some bad patch. She quarreled often and she said she's been feeling rejected because of my constant complaints about her. In my defence, I feel that we had disagreements, and no clear right or wrong party. Whats wrong is probably my way of arguing, which I think can get hurting.

Anyway, I eventually call it quits, and decided to break up with her. She cried and told me that she will try to change and wanted me to wait for her.

We were not together for just 3 weeks, and she told me that she had been seeing another man for 2 weeks, and got quite physical and actually went to bed.

Now, she wants my forgiveness, but she is always not very vocal about it. She told me that she can live w/o him, but not me. I decided to give her a chance, but it got so difficult whenever i remember that guy. She did admit that she still have some feelings for the guy, but she's sure she will eventually get over him. At least she's honest about the whole thing.

Thing is, I keep breaking up and patching up and breaking up and patching up, so much so that she says I'm dr jeckyl and mr hyde, and she's very confused. For me, whenever i can't take it and wants to break up, her tears kept making me stay, and I just can't do it. Guess I dun want to lose her as well... BUT!

Anyway, I have 3 days to consider again, and i promise myself to not change my mind again.

Guys and gals, what do you think i should do? Is it forgivable? I'm so confused...

Why should she have to be forgiven when you were broke up?

because she asked me to wait for her on the first break up.. She said she will try to change, and wants me to get back with her..

So I waited, and loyally i did not find anyone to replace her..

Fishman I am also aquarians so I can understand a little about maybe why you quarrelled. Aquarians hate it when you constantly complain about anything about them, hey we are perfect.....!!!! you know how it goes and naturally resent criticism.

And then she tells you that she spent time with a guy and went to bed with him......aquarians will go to bed with anyone...almost just to have a different and new experience.....doesn't mean she wanted him to be the mother of her child etc. etc.!!! It was a sexual experince...nothing more, nothing less. She has said sorry, - you say she's not very vocal......I say sorry once or twice....if someone doesn't accept that I won't keep repeating it because the sorry is from the bottom of my heart, I find it hard to say initially - and if you want to keep hearing it - then it means that you don't believe me and I will retreat once again into my shell or ivory tower.

But now, you've got stuck in the "sexual experince" moment of her with other guy in bed in your head - haven't you....your imagination is running riot, jealousy - all the usual uugh stuff that comes with finding out that your "bonded partner" has been with someone else.

So now you have to make a choice - some other guy had a physical certain part of her body for a short time - you have her heart and soul and love for eternity if you choose to - I know what choice I would make Mister:-) - remember to make mistakes is our birthright......and I am not even going to call what she did a mistake....it was an experience - there are not right or wrong decisions - just different outcomes.

I wish you well whatever you decide - and I don't mean to be flippant or dismissive of your feelings - just telling it from the aquarian side fishman.

Alana x

one of the reasons its so hard for me to accept, is because she said that she still has some feelings for that guy... She doesnt want to believe that she went to bed with someone just like that, she would like to believe that he meant something...

In her defence, she did say that the only reason she was with him is because he said and does some things i use to say and do, and that she went to bed because she is really soft (i do think so) and he is really persistent..

But i can forget it if its the past, but the fact that she still has some feelings means that its still "present"... thats tough...

Thanks ppl for your responses!

She may be saying she has some feelings for the guy....she has to!! - otherwise it might appear to you that she was some sort of a slut (for want of a better word!!!) - which you know deep down and we all know she isn't. And probably, yes, there are some tiny residue ripple feelings still in her for the guy....hey, but's what's a feeling— feelings come and feelings go....very very fast for us aquarians esp. when other guy ain't around - just think of it as another time, another place!!! I can quite easily say I have feelings for the guys I have been with and nice memories and I too haven't always been faithful to the guy I am with - but in my heart, there's only one I want to be with and I do what I have to do to be with him. Hope I am not mixing you up more.......I tend to see things from a differnt point of view than most!!!!

Ciao for now Fishy:-)

A x

Fish Man,

I see this from a different angle than Alana, though, I can understand her slant, too. My mother was aqua, so I understand them to some degree.

She's right, you do have to make the right decision 'for you' and anyone else's view may or may not be right for you. But, for me, if I were in your position, the part that would be the hang up - the one that I would think most about - wouldn't be the part about her having feelings for him. Heck, I still have feelings for my first husband and I divorced him in 1979. What would get me would be the part about her saying that the other man was just persistant and so she gave in.

I would then think, so, if she's that weak willed that she would rather give her body away (not because she felt something for him, even that would be acceptable) to somebody for the simple fact that the man was persistant. I'd think about that, if it were me. There are people everywhere you are persistant - does that mean that she would do it again, rather there are feelings or not.

Because she was soft (meaning weak). Yet, you were expected to sit 'faithfully' and wait, which you did. I can't see justification for this. Of course, it's your call, it's your life.

P-angel's got a valid point - but once again that wouldn't be my first thinking point! as an aquarian!!!! (and your lady is aquarian??).....men are persistent full stop!!! if they want something!! they will do their upmost to get it!!! esp. when sex is involved.....and it's hard to stop once their ardour is a-flowing:-)

The bottom line is (for me!!!) - how can I compare and miss you ...if you don't give me the time and space to—? Sometimes I will be with someone else just to prove to myself that you are the one that I should have beeen with all along!!!.......silly but thru for me.


I don't see her for one second as weak-willed.....I see her as a lady on her own...your expressed wishes as you finished it.....and free to do her own thing in her own way.....

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. - as Woody Allen once said!!

A x

You should have been out there and exploring new avenues and new people on your three-week "opt-out" phase........Ms. Aquarius did!....why didn't you—? It's only when we can compare other people to the ones that we really love that we find out what we are truly missing in our lives............


Anyway, I digress..as ususal:-)


A x

I see that too, Alana. A friend of mine used to tell her daughter all the time about this very thing. She had a boyfriend whom she just thought was the greatest thing to come along. She bragged about how good he was in bed all the time. Yet, he was the only man she'd ever been with - so, how can she say it's the best if there is nothing to compare it to. This makes sense!

How do you know you don't like Asparagus, if you've never tried it.

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

It's so hard to figure out what is the right thing to do in a relationship. And though, we can all tell people how we would handle a situation, really, it means nothing because no two people are the same, so, no two relationships are the same. And for me, it's hard to see where other people come from because I don't have these problems. I can feel for them to an extent, but I'm not there, walking in their shoes, so I don't really know.

However, in a situation where someone makes a promise to remain loyal and the other person doesn't honor that - there must be some deep thought into this matter. That is huge and can make a relationship or break it.

Reminder: There's two sides to every story - we are privy to a one sided view of a situation. Not that he isn't telling the true as he sees it, but ....

Has she forgiven you for the hurting way of arguing?The feelings for him,it's still you that those feelings are for.She will figure out that it wasn't really for him or like mentioned she really doesn't like the idea of being a slut.Either way she was still looking for a you so whats really the big deal?Forgive and forget because you dished it out too with the mean comments.In case you couldn't tell already Im the meany who questions whats going on for the other persons side.It's nothing new in case you were wondering.

Hi again Fish Man.

Actually it's simple. She is simply toying with your mild and kind side. All what she is doing to you (crying etc) is just an excuse for being b!tch.