Aquapath causes meltdown...

It has been 7 weeks since i split with the aquapath and its gone quiet. He saw me a week ago with another man (i dated him twice and decided he wasnt for me!). We have remained friends and he saw me having a drink with him..since then i have heard nothing from him. He has aparantly decided he is moving on and word has come back to me that he stalks all of his ex's and then moves onto the next.

Now this is all fine and dandy but i cannot explain how i feel. Today i woke up feeling like absolute death, cried for 2 hours, cannot work and am just sitting here feeling numb. I dont know how i feel.

I feel sorry for the next girl who has to put up with him but in a way, i am jealous that she wil get the "good" parts of him as when we were happy, it was amazing. Now my rational mind thinks for every 1 good time we had 3 horrendous times but my brain WONT take it in.

I have no intention of going back to aquapath but i cannot deal with these feelings. Never felt them before, ive never felt such a sense of loss for someone who was abusive, sneaky and manipulative.

I spend hours reading about narcissists and crazy people on the internet as he fits the bill, willing myself to get the "lightbulb" moment of being over it all but its just not coming.

AS it stands today, i cant see a way forward. I have taken up old hobbies and am out and about meeting new people. But he is there in the back of my mind...always there.

How the hell do you move on when you feel like your feet are stuck in concrete. Im aries, i dont do this butter...that must be why i cannot see a way out. Normally moving forward is my thing, but not this time.

Ur a ram, not a lamb, believe me u'll get the strength to overcome this. Rams are strong ppl. Break ups take time to get over & in your case it's still too early, don't push yourself. Also don't rush into a next one, u need time to heal & to see the errors of the last 1 clearly. The break up is not making u sad, ur making yourself sad. It's a thing it doesn't have control, ur human, u have skills, power etc - use them. Also by making yourself miserable over him, ur giving the power to him. U said he was abusive etc, is he then worth all those tears? Imagine if he knew u were crying over him, i'm sure he'll feel great. No load is too heavy love, pick yourself up & charge forward. All the best to u.

Word up alicar, she is your fellow ram, get her in touch with that fire!

Noh-noh-noh, me i'm the sister in-law to the OP, I belong to the enemy camp. I'm an aquarius plz, but rams are cool.

Your words are powerful firewaterearth.

Thanks for your amazing words and Alicar15, that is exactly what sums it up. I just cannot understand it, so i am hurt and confused. Today i feel better and yesterday was the worst i had felt in a long time. I went home from work and cried my little ass off..today i feel like ive released something.

The worst thing is i used to be fiesty beyond reason but aquapath stripped me of that. I wasnt good enough in this way or that way and he has seriously damaged every aspect of me, i feel battered. But everyday i feel a part of me coming back and yes, i will do it.

I used to think he was my true love, the only one for me and now i can see it for what it was and its hard to deal with the fact that i got it so wrong.

Firewaterearth...consider the tiara straightened and my feet moving.

Thanks guys!!!