Aquarin BF said he needs some time to.....

Hello all,
I am new to this site but have been keeping updated these past few days. Very good advice and"wow" so many people that are going through the same things as Iam.I would like to start my situation off from the beginning ( hope u dont mind.I started dating this guy 1 month ago. Talked for a month b 4 we met in person. He lives 2 1/2 hours away from me. Him and his exgirlfriend has a son together. They were together for 6 years.They split up sometime this year in March or April (I believe). He date done other girl for 1 month, 1 month after his ex and him split up (that only lasted 3 weeks).Him and I were already chatting a month b 4 this 3 week chic. But it was just a email here and there.After he stop talking to her he emailed me asking when we could meet. I went to his house and stayed the weekend with him.It was wonderful.We hit it off at first site of eachother.When I left ahour later on my drive home he sent me a text saying he missed me already. The next day he started acting funny (nit picking at every LITTLE thing)not sounding happy at all.I was dumb founded.We just spent the whole weekend together and it was great.WTH is going on (i thought to myself.) He told me he didnt think it was going to work out between us. I said well I am not sure what happen...but i respect your decision and will let things go if that is what u want.That same nite he called me acting as NOTHING even happened.He ask me if I was coming back the next weekend.I told him I was confused.He said forget about eairlier I guess I was just missing u already. I went back the next weekend.Again everything was great.Same thing a day later.He was kicking me to the curb.Then waited 1 day, text like nothing again.The 3rd weekend I told him I couldnt come that weekend.He didnt seem mad at all.This past Monday we had made plans for me to spend the weekend at his house again.Everything was good all day Monday.Tuesday(the very next day)he sent me a text and told me he was not dumpping me but he needed some time to "revaluate himself, his goals, his wants and his needs. I told him that i understand that everone needs "me time" some space...because I am the same way. Well I left him alone for the rest of the day and 10pm he sent me a text saying good nite. It has been a week since he has told me he needs his space and he has STILL texted me a few time everyday here and there. Nowhere near as much as we did b 4 he talked about needing his time. cont......

I need to add that him and I are BOTH AQUARINS 🙂. I have been thinking as I have read some of this message board.. I think he might have detachment problems. He will NOT show his feelings to me.I ask him if he had any but he told me he hasnt allowed his feelings to emerge yet.Any help/advice will b helpful.I really need 2 figure this guy out. I am very interested in him and i do have feeling 4 him. I tell him that i miss him and that i am into him. I told him
the 2nd time he told me it was over...that I can only b rejected so many times. This time he said he was not dumping me just taking some time. I want to continue seeing him. But I need some advice on how to work with him. So this is so long but I didnt want to leave anything out that would confuse anyone. Thank u in advance.

All I can say to you is this: If an aqua man keeps coming back no matter what he says, hes interested. Rarely, will they say they cant see you anymore--and then come back and repeat that on and on and on.. I think your FINE. 🙂

Dude he is not ready to commit to anyone right now so honestly I wouldn't even try. He just got out of a 6 year relationship w/ his ex THIS YEAR. 6 years is a long time & it's only been 3-4 months so he's still pretty fresh from that breakup. AND they have a son?! So they still have to c each other b/c of this kid meaning the break-up & healing process is going to go on for a loooooong time. N him goin back & forth with u, saying to 4get stuff he sed b4, etc. He doesn't kno wut he wants. He's emotionally confused.

If he was ever being lovey dovey towards u, it was probably b/c it was a rebound girlfren kind of thing. I've bn guilty of doing that where I just got out of a relationship & into the arms of someone else where it was like a piggyback thing n then once that guy wanted more I went MIA forever lol. Don't fall victim to his mixed signals cuz u'll get hurt n the end. If u r interestd in this guy, then invest in a FRIENDSHIP ONLY (that is, if u can b comfortable bein just frens; otherwise cut him out now) or mayb jst a frens w/ benefits thing so tht it can slowly possibly progress to something more in the future. That's a keyword here btw: THE FUTURE. That's the time wen something CAN happen, bt not now.

So for now, if u can b his fren then jst b frens. If u guys wana b frens w/ benefits don't make him a priority tho. See & talk to other guys still. If ur looking for a relationship, b w/ someone who's emotionally sane right now & isn't fresh from a breakup cuz they'll still hav baggage n u shud b w/ someone drama free 🙂 good luck n hope everything works out for u!

*correction: i sed "emotionally sane" but I meant "emotionally available"

Aquarius21,
You make all the sence... and this thought did go through my head at one point, but i just put it in the back of my head (hoping it was not true).Hearing it from someone else makes perfect sence.I have also done this myself. I heard nothing from him yesterday after the morning past with only a few text. I didnt send or contact him at all last nite.... I usualy send him a text first thing in the mornings saying good morning. He gets it when he gets up and responds back right away. Well this morning I did not send my morning text.But about 5 hours into the work day.I couldnt help myself to send him a text letting him know that i was thinking about him. He replyed back right away saying How are you doing. I replyed back a short" doing good...How r u doing. He said very good. I sent a 🙂 and that was it. I have been told that I should let him know that I am thinking about him but dont go into any thing big. I dont know if this is good or bad. I dont want him to get aggrevated with me but i dont want him to think i dont care. Since he told me he need sometime...he has been talking small talk but it is different then b 4.It is more like a friendship talk now.I could b friends with him right now. i would rather b friends then loose him all together.I never thought about what u said about being friends and may b friends with benifets and mayb something happening later on when he is ready.What do u think. Any suggestions on how i should go about telling him this? Yes, i did kinda push the thing about being commited very very soon. I guess i havent dated before, only have had 2 serious relationships b 4.18 years and 3 years, nothing else. Been by myself for the past 3 years because I find myself having feelings for someone very fast and then getting hurt.
Thanku foryou advice...

Well...he is gone 😢 I would like to share his text and hear some feedback if you dont mind. Aqua mans text:"I feel the only right thing to do is to let you go hun, while I figure out just what it is I want. And chase some fantasies while im at it.Thats the truthfullness in me. You are a great person/woman...I would like to stay friends if that is okay? I would understand if you dont want to though. I am sorry if i hurt you...it was never my intention...If you want to talk I will. I owe you that.Ya know even when things were going good with my ex and I...I still had a hard time saying no to other women when I was on the road with my job. Which kinda makes me a piece of shit and you are better off without me.Believe me when I tell you its really not anything Im proud of and I wanna change."
I did talk to him and said I would still like to remain friends...but not see eachother.I brought a motorcycle helmet when I was with him because he has a harley and we went riding everytime I went out to see him. I ask him if he knew anyone that wanted to buy a helmet and he put a sad face on his text. I said I know I am sad over it to but I have to let it go. He told me to just hang onto it. I ask him if he has already been seeing another person.. He told me he has been hanging out with someone. I said did you start hanging out with her when we were seeing eachother? He said "no, I just started last weekend." I have so many mixed feelings on him, good and bad.I told him that I think he is not ready for a REAL relationship and that was what I thought was going on with him. He said he is ready for one but the bedroom thing was important to him. There was things I wouldnt do that he wanted to and he wants to fullfill his fantasies (having 2 women) come on wtf? My thoughts are, that he has feelings for me and he would like to come back to me at a later time when he is ready to settle down... What do you think is going on with this Aqua guy? I just needed to hear others thoughts. Just someone to talk to is all I am asking for.

He signed up for something before he was truly ready

It's real easy to claim to want love & find a great woman when you don't have love & when there's no good women in your face. BUT the truth comes out when you actually find a good woman & the love you claimed you were looking for.

And now that he's found you, he's letting you go b/c he's realized that he wasn't ready for it & that he couldn't handle it after all.

Let him go. He's not ready for a committment. At this point, it doesn't really matter WHY he's not ready b/c the outcome will still remain the same. Plus, he may not even fully know yet, thus it'll be a waste of time for you to devote all your energy/intelligence into figuring out a puzzle that he can't even figure out himself.

He has insecurities & attachment issues. And no matter how much he likes/loves you, those issues will always win & OUTWEIGH any feelings he has for you or anyone else.

It sucks but it's true.

I believe him that his intention wasn't to hurt you or play games with you. He already lied to himself (and you) by agreeing to date someone before he was truly ready, so he feels that he's doing you a favor by cutting that pattern off now instead of allowing things to drag out & hurting you later on when you REALLY have deeper feelings for him.

His issues are something he'll have to figure out & deal with, but in the mean time walk away & get yourself together or go find someone else.

He may come back later on, he may not. Either way, you have to decide on whether or not you can afford to stay around & keep getting the mimimum, only to look up 6 mo's later & realize that nothing has changed. If you can afford staying around & you doing so to backfire on you, stay around. But if you can't, do you both a favor & walk away

I just have to say RAISE YOUR STANDARDS....Stop letting a guy that is dumping you every other day back in or he'll always feel he can dump you and get away with it that being said.

"I would like to stay friends if that is okay? I would understand if you dont want to though."

Don't be friends with a guy that dumps you left and right, if he dump you as a lover he'll dump you as a friend. The pattern of rejection will only serve to make you feel confused and unattractive so don't even go down that path b/c it's not fun and it's not worth losing your time energy and self esteem.

"Aqua mans text:"I feel the only right thing to do is to let you go hun, while I figure out just what it is I want. And chase some fantasies while im at it.Thats the truthfullness in me. You are a great person/woman"

So basically he's not ready to be domesticated, least he's honest, don't take it personal, it's not about you, it's about him and his desire to be single and free to pursue other women and fantasies etc.

"Ya know even when things were going good with my ex and I...I still had a hard time saying no to other women when I was on the road with my job. Which kinda makes me a piece of shit and you are better off without me.Believe me when I tell you its really not anything Im proud of and I wanna change."

He's a loser when it comes to love, there is absolutely NOTHING you can do about his relationship behavior, habits and patterns, run as fast as you can, he sabotages anything good he has going on with a woman and I wouldn't be surprised if he's attempting to get back with his ex which is why he refuses to keep anyone around for long periods of time, he's still licking his wounds over being dumped by his ex and he's a cheater, his pathological behavior can changed by himself and I highly doubt he'll change over night, 6 years of cheating doesn't stop just like that.

"I did talk to him and said I would still like to remain friends"

Get some self esteem, raise your standards...Dump this assclown before you get too involved and too invested to walk away, he's not only NOT good boyfriend material, he won't be good friend material either.

"He told me to just hang onto it. I ask him if he has already been seeing another person.. He told me he has been hanging out with someone."

And you wanna be friends with THAT—?

""He said he is ready for one but the bedroom thing was important to him. There was things I wouldnt do that he wanted to and he wants to fullfill his fantasies"

No he's not ready for one, he's a manipulative little liar that hope you are so low on yourself you'll beg to be with him and do a 3some and then he'll discard you again afterwards, probably tell you he can't be with that kind of woman. He's not ready for a real relationship if his main priority is to fulfill his fantasies, if he was ready for a real relationship he would have not cheated on his ex and he would have not dumped you or the other woman, he simply doesn't have a high interest in being faithful which is something only he can figure out for himself.

" My thoughts are, that he has feelings for me and he would like to come back to me at a later time when he is ready to settle down... What do you think is going on with this Aqua guy? I just needed to hear others thoughts. Just someone to talk to is all I am asking for."

WAKE UP!! He doesn't want to come back to you later....Why would he come back to you later when he can have you now, oh after he screws several women he'll come back to you...Puhleeeease, he will never be ready to settle down, he couldn't settle into a 6 year relationship, he couldn't settle into a 3 week relationship and he couldn't settle into being with you and all the count less other women he's jerking around. Get real, get out of la la land, he's not ready. Move on

As for that helmet...Sell it on ebay, give it to away...

And I wonder why you moved so fast, a month of talking and then you go straight into spending a weekend with him? What's that about?

Now you're emotionally attached to a guy that can't do the job of being in a real relationship with anyone. Next guy that comes into your life, take your time, slow down. There shouldn't be a rush to get into a real relationship, get to know a guy and understand him first.

tiki33: First and formost let me say this about you... It's people like YOU that open the eyes of a blind person🙂 I thank you and I respect your advice more then you think I do. Some many would say "wow... she is very hursh with her words."but in fact, you are straight up. And I like that. I may have a LITTLE low self esteem BUT I do have a lot of self respect. I would NEVER lower myself to his 3some for anybody for that matter. He said to me "I know you would never do another women" andmy reply was " your are right, NO I wouldn't". Thats when he said "you are a 100% women in every way". I told him to have fun in his search and best of luck. I told him to be smart and protect himself from all the nasty hoes that have no self respect for themselves. As far as the talking for a month then spending a weekend with him. I have been singal for 3 years and we did have a connection right from the beginning. I dont move into things quickly.I try to keep my gaurd up...but he must have been really good at all his talk and actions.Because I did fall for it.And shame on me for that. I will take my time from now on but it will also takeme a long time b 4 I date again grrrr. (My fault)Had I found this site b 4 I met him I would have been more carefull knowing what I know now.

Krys: Thank you as well. So many things you have said made sence. I told him he was not ready and that I will not b his rebound. He told me every time he felt himself getting close to me he tryed to end it in fear. Yes you are right. He just dont know how to deal with a real relationship and a real women. It is kinds sad because he is a good person he just has problems and I dont have time to play his games. I will leave that to his next victim. Thanks ladies you really opened my eyes.

Cas a suggestion....don't wait years to date again b/c that'll only force you back into the same position your currently in which is moving super fast, the longer you wait to get back into the game the higher the risk for you getting involved super fast with a man that may not be a good match for you, the key is BALANCE, finding a certain balance within yourself and dating which will help you slow down so you won't feel the heavy need to couple up with the first guy you feel attraction for, don't let this experience close you down b/c you'll only be holding yourself back from the very thing you want to experience with a man which is a real relationship, instead continue to date other men, practice going slow with men (a man), practice makes perfect and inevitably you'll train yourself to slow down and really get a vibe on a man's motivation and intentions but if you do nothing and sit on the sidelines you'll be doing yourself a disservice if your not dating at all especially if your goal is to inevitably meet someone that is ready for love, connection and commitment.

Take what you can from this experience and vow that you'll never allow a man that isn't sure about you back into your life, once he's gone he can stay gone, not b/c he's a bad guy or to judge him harshly but b/c your worth more than what he's offering, part of what valuing yourself means is that you would never allow a man to treat you half ass nor would you accept less such as friendship to make him feel comfortable being around you. It's okay to be selfish with yourself when a man isn't measuring up to the basic standards of what is given in a relationship.

From my own experiences in the past the one thing that I learned (took me some time though to learn it lol) is if a man dumps me for whatever reason, I'm not going to make excuses, blame and guilt myself, settle for friendship and instead accept that he isn't into me and move on (saved me a lot of heartache).

Men don't dump women they want to keep....