Aries seeks advice.

As an aries, especially one who had a five yr relationship with an aqua in the past and gets along splendidly and instantly with almost every aqua man I meet, practically on a telpathic level, I'm in a place I never thought I'd be -- uncomfortable.

I met an aqua a month or so ago, in Boston. We were both playing the same show, in different bands, and had many mutual friends, but had somehow never run across each other before. The moment we were introduced, we were dancing through the mindfields, enjoying and having a lively time. He was extremely forward with me that he wanted to spend more time with me that evening, or even the next day, anything really just to hang out a bit more. He had a lightning quick 'good trouble' reaction to me that I've noticed happens with some aquas and not others. If they're attracted, its instant and they know it. If they're not, they may never be. He was. I wasn't at all up for it, didn't know him...liked him, but was healing from a recent rejection. I held him off, but we ended up at the same place later, and he made a move, there was a spark, which turned into some heavy petting which proved a very surprising and absolutely electric connection. He had to go on tour early the next day, and I lived a in the next city so I doubted I'd get to see him again for awhile, but his band came to Philly in time for me to smooth over the recent rejection and realize that if I wanted a really good night with someone I had a strong connection with, I should go for it. I sent him an e-mail asking if he'd like to stay with me the night he was in town and without much word, I got the feeling that yes, that would happen. Needless to say we had a stellar night, full of fantasy and pent up desire from our earlier make out session, and a stellar morning... an absolutely melting, mergy physical connection. Not a moment of discomfort. Really at ease and sweet on each other. I even decided to ask for his phone number. (Cont below...)

My band came to Cambridge a few weeks later. I showed up at one of his gigs, and was met with a very chilly reception. I was pretty hurt. I didn't have future expectations, but I thought I'd get at least a hug and a real smile. The guy is no stud. In fact I'd never look twice at him on the street. I'm a fairly striking woman, but very gentle. Its not as if there were other women waiting on him - there weren't, and he's been single for a three years. I thought we'd be able to pick up where we'd left off, make a night of it...and told him so. But he wasn't having any of it. If he'd given me a sweet smile and told me no, I'd have been fine, but he just acted really wierd and distant. I got a little expressive. And I think I made him uneasy. I left pretty sad and confused. I don't take lovely nights for granted no matter what the future does or does not hold.

I wrote him telling him that I chose to be expressive because I am vulnerable and have emotions. He wrote back to say it wasn't the right place to express those emotions. I wrote back to say that he'd been the one to put the pressure on me the night we met, when I wasn't in the right space. He wrote back to say that although he thought I was amazing, and glad we'd had some time together, he wasn't in that same space that night. I wrote back that he was amazing too, and was welcome anytime he came to Philly. He's now on a long tour of the South East, and I don't expect to hear from him again.

My question? What happened? Is it fixable? I've never had any problems with aquas. We are usually an instant mutual admiration society. I might add also that we are both in our thirties, not kids anymore, but both extremely independent. Any insight appreciated. Thanks!

He seems to have shown you an abrupt chilly streak from his personality.

Well, he actually sent out a group e-mail alerting everyone to the fact that he was playing. And he knew I'd be in Boston that week, had even aluded to calling me when I got to town...

Flippant and noncommittal?

Hey -- thank you for all your opinions. I appreciate them, and I think I can take something valuable away from each of them. This has been a truly puzzling situation, and i really didn't know who to talk to about it. Aqua's and I have always shared an almost prenatural comfort zone, full of unusual short cuts, so this was freaky. I think Primegen is correct, its probably just the first stage of friendship, and he wasn't expecting someone in the conceptual harem to actually be quite so real, so soon. I also think Aquaj is right in some ways, although the problem wasn't discernment -- I invited him back to my cave for exactly what I think we both wanted. The problem was in thinking it would continue even as an amorphous involvement, ( the kind I'm most happy with at this point.) Its hard to find a part time lover who you instantly cut through the layers with in order to have a deep experience with, and I'd rather have that experience once a month, or even once every six months, than the other, every day. I don't have a need for hearts and flowers and calls every day. I just feel at home with those freaky aquas, i guess.