Cancer leo F Aqua M - disappearing act rant

I have to say I definitely agree with the cancer/leo cusp thing, I am frequently torn between a cancers emotional vulnerability and leos agressive lime light loving attitude. I've spent the last few years of my life single by choice and working on myself in various ways. One of the ways was to be much less co dependent with people, That cancer side of me really annoyed me

after reading ALL ABOUT aquaman today, I see clearly why this one is attracted to me, definitely my new independent vibe was a good thing.
Okay so we've been talking, flirting, sometimes all night until 11:30am the next day for about 6 months now.. I had NO KNOWLEDGE at all about aquaman and his apparently famous disappearing act. I did however note to myself (and a few girlfriends) that We had a cycle where we would get reallly close, hang out CONSTANTLY and then disappear for a few days, only for him to come back sweeter than ever. Some times it was me who initiated the break as well because i do value my own space and have projects going!

well, all month it has been days and days of disappearance and the SHORTEST TIME spent with me, but usually the sweetest. since the disappearing stuff, hes told me he missed me, that he had a dream about pulling me into him, in bed..
I have made a concerted effort not to make a big deal to him about him being gone, but its been a week now I AM A CANCER AND I WAS A LITTLE FREAKED!

so I started reading up on aquarius men..god knows why but omg WHAT A REVELATION.. I feel like.. wow.. how does this describe this man so well—

logical, witty, clever, so funny, so personable. very tech savvy. VERY INDEPENDENT and often aloof, followed by moments of completely honest sweetness. he has told me things like "I have love feelings for you but i try to push them away" or "i know we are going to end up a couple" if he attempts to act aloof all night and talk to his friends instead of me, I let him and hell come up to me at the end and tell me he wanted to talk to me before leaving for bed, and that I have turned him into a huge fag..I guess thats his way of saying i make him feel warm fuzzies n stuff.

ok so since that last convo, ziltch, scratch nada!

will anyone who understands the cancer emo crap be my friend and let me rant and rave about this disappearance stuff?? does anyone out here understand where im coming from?

I know he's going to come back but part of me doesn't. Part of me is being a big cancer baby and i could really use a

omg, and hes back, already like rught as i hit enter he came back..hahahaha

Funny how we put all that energy into one person and they miraculously show up right then.

Yes, yes it is! Funny and marvelous and -swoon-

Oh Aquaman!

I project daily anxieties into make believe relationships.

If I am needing a break from something horribly stressful in my real life I will sit at my computer and imagine all these terrible feelings are over my latest unavailable man.

That seems so much sweeter than reality.

Sometimes.

Unavailable is good for me because I'm not entirely sure I'm capable of being touched by a man without shaking like a leaf. I get so cold, and I shake so hard for so long.

You don't hear back from them after that.

When they're unavailable however,

I can tell myself that the problems are all his.
His fears alone.

Him needing to be the one to "man up".

It's fairly manipulative. It's pretty damaged.

I do genuinely adore these men, but it never works out and it may as well be his fault first.


I worry that the longer I go without a man touching me, the harder it will be. I worry that the longer I go without the courage to be emotionally intimate with a man increases the risk that the isolation itself will change me irrevocably into the sort of person who simply no longer -can- connect with other human beings on that level.

I do not want to live the rest of my life devoid of human touch.

Gentle touches full of so much more meaning than words convey.
"I accept you" is about as close as I can think of and it does a piss poor job by comparison.

I really liked this one. We'd actually have been compatible but he's just as damaged as me I reckon.

Scared.

I think I made an error in judgment
I think this guy is not "unavailable" so much as he is "Aquarian"
My Aqua and I are supposed to meet irl in Nov We live in the same city and have not met for 6 months. The plan was that we would meet in July. His disappearing act prompted me to explain that I was no longer interested in bonding with someone over the course of an entire year, online. I won't give my emotions to a figment of my imagination any longer. That even if this is to be completely unromantic I would need to take this to irl or walk away. - as expected he initially went into a diatribe about how great I am but he's just not ready for a relationship anytime soon. (He's said he thinks us meeting will = couple) I agreed I wasn't either and dropped it. Magically, a few days later - we are meeting for drinks with a mutual friend from online in November.
Hes still in disappearance mode - processing. The fact that hes even processing this is good but I'm scare

scared it will turn into more, and scared that he's not gonna come back when he disappears. I'm scared that I care if he does or doesn't. ugh where is he :/

I'm a little confused. If I understand correctly, you've not met irl? If that is the case: Girl, STOP putting so much energy into someone you've never met. Don't live in a fantasy world. If you do, then irl it won't measure up and you'll always be disappointed. If you put him up on this imagined pedastool, then you have sabatoged the real thing. So, my advice to you is until you meet them in real life, don't put much thought into it. Until you see them in person, they don't really exist. See where I'm coming from?

I mean this all with the best intentions. If I've misunderstood, please correct me.

I havent put him on a pedastal, I told him exactly what you are saying. That he doesnt exist and is a figment of our imaginations and he has to meet me or I walk away. I am not comfortable being -real friends- with -real emotions- for n online person.. We are meeting in November. But I think this guy -really- likes me..that my "unavailable guy" is available.. and then what— I cant be touched without shaking...

thats the dilemma.

the more i read about aquarian male, the more i realize this guy has it pretty bad.

Oh dear.

I wish people had a little more faith in the similarity between online and irl.. the chemicals the body releases when infatuated with someone are the same. The fears and hopes are the same, the possibility (the risk) the other person is a lying fake hurtful person... the same.
6 months of talking for HOURS.. would be the same if he phoned me. You bond. This is someone I consider a friend. Someone who has had dreams of me, and I of him.

but then, this is why I demanded we meet. Im not wasting my precious rl emotions on a figment of our imaginations..

but then he actually agreed so..

fuck?

Or not...

Haven't seen him in 15 days now. We have never gone this long without talking before. If this is his way of "ending things" I am really disappointed. I thought these guys were up front (and he usually is) I thought he had more balls and respect than that. I've read a lot of places that these guys, in particular around the 6 month mark (and would make sense around the meeting time) that they step back to assess things logically before jumping in.. going on our past cycle of getting close, then pulling apart a little before jumping in and getting closer this would seem to be the case... except I've been here too many times before with non aqua guys. When they disappear its because they -disappeared-.

I was going to end things on the 14th is the weird thing.. I hadn't heard any specific mention of a date to meet and |I wasnt gonna beg for it. I was going to ask him when he wanted to meet, pretty casually and if his reply was something other than a time and place to meet I was simply going to say OK and log off. No drama, but clear closure for everyone.

This took away my opportunity to walk away with some dignity, now I have been -|left|-.. feeling like an idiot. Feeling really annoyed with myself. Should have walked away sooner.

The crappiest part for me is I really do half expect him to try and waltz right back in within the next few weeks, and I'll have to muster the courage to end it then, and deal with the emotional fallout again.

😢

Hey CancerLeoDynamite

Was just reading your story.....My girlfriend best friend is A Cancer/leo cusp and she has been with a aqua guy for ten years and they have bee married for four years.....I gotta say that while they do love eachother allot and are a popular couple amongst there friends there marriage has been kind of rocky and she has mention more than once that she wants to end it....But I honestly dont think she can because she loves him so much and he is a good father to there daughter.....so she puts up with him......He does have times I'd say couple times a month where he will go awol without telling her.....he will be hanging out with friends and end up staying the entire night and next day without contacting her or mainly just extended time away with friends and she gets really fed up....I think she is starting to get used to his ways but it is still kind of rocky....I would say if you really love this guy and will put up with this then pursue this situation but if you are gonna be hurt by his dissapearing on occasion i say end it now.....Dont torture yourself with this guy

Thanks for replying liquid.

I don't have any problems with him needing space, a few days? haha that's nothing, but 2 weeks without a word of why, and he is NOT my bf.. well that's a different story isn't it? I've always been the one to initiate space, or be the first to log off and go to bed, or get annoyed with something and disappear myself for a week so believe me, I'm TOTALLY COOL with him needing space. I looked more into this astrological stuff and apparently I'm "rising aquarius" soooo... That makes a lot of sense to me.. believe me its not him needing space that bothers me, it's the timing..
the way he's taking it etc.

I don't know if he has just F***'d off because he's done with me, or if he is just processing/doing the aqua thing... I'm not tortured but I am feeling pretty bummed out 😢

Just living my busy life like I always do but cant help but look over at the computer from time to time wistfully and miss our time together.

a few times a month of him gone for a few days? wow that sounds amazing like the perfect marriage.. haha my x husband was a cancer and HE NEVER WENT AWAY.. it was so oppressive.

if it does not work out with this aqua I think I'll be on the lookout for another..seems -so- compatible with me! ahha by all means please go away for days at a time with your friends and give me the space to go be with mine LOL.