confused.com

I??ve been seeing the aqua for over a year now. We met at a time where I had just come out of a relationship and wasn't looking for anything heavy, and he was also seeing someone casually. For the first few months it was easy-going: we had fun, we chilled together and things were uncomplicated. But then he started telling me really heartfelt things and making big gestures and basically treating me more like a girlfriend than a friend. In the first few months I asked him if we were FWB and he basically said no, yet he hasn't officially asked me out.

So we been rolling along, he comes down to see me and we chill, watch a few films etc. We haven't had —the talk?? and I'm not really one to initiate the conversation??_we??re both shy so he hints a lot to me. I??ve tried to bring it up in the past and he shuts me down/won't go deep.

I'm just not sure where to go with this friendship/relationship. I know he likes and cares about me but I'm not sure if he feels comfortable with how things are or if he wants more. Somedays he can be really affectionate and other times it's like he can't be bothered. I told him this and he said —I do get like this sometimes??_please please don't take it personally.??

I??ve been really laid back with him up till now??_I'm not one to text or ring constantly but I have held back with the affectionate words and gestures just because I don't see where I'm going with him and I don't want to get in too deep or get the wrong idea about how he feels. It feels safer.

I??ve thought about friend-zoning him to get some perspective back and come out of the grey area he's created??_but at the same time I feel like I'm not really done with us. We just click. I'm not sure how to approach the situation without hurting his feelings??_I know deep down he is very sensitive. Any ideas?

Hmmm. These situations are always tricky cause its like ur in limbo which drives me nuts! Emotionally i hate not knowing whats going on, but i always get into these kinds of situations ur describing because i failed to set boundaries and standards in the beginning. So it starts with you.
Do you want a relationship with him? If so be honest and tell him how you feel and explain that because of how you feel you cant continue straddling the fence so if he's cant be what you need then you would rather be friends. Then accept his honest response and do what you need to do, but stand your ground.
But if he wont give u an honest answer dont wait around for one. just cut the perks and keep it moving

Hmmm. These situations are always tricky cause its like ur in limbo which drives me nuts! Emotionally i hate not knowing whats going on, but i always get into these kinds of situations ur describing because i failed to set boundaries and standards in the beginning. So it starts with you.
Do you want a relationship with him? If so be honest and tell him how you feel and explain that because of how you feel you cant continue straddling the fence so if he's cant be what you need then you would rather be friends. Then accept his honest response and do what you need to do, but stand your ground.
But if he wont give u an honest answer dont wait around for one. just cut the perks and keep it moving

Posted by aiyanatb
Hmmm. These situations are always tricky cause its like ur in limbo which drives me nuts! Emotionally i hate not knowing whats going on, but i always get into these kinds of situations ur describing because i failed to set boundaries and standards in the beginning. So it starts with you.
Do you want a relationship with him? If so be honest and tell him how you feel and explain that because of how you feel you cant continue straddling the fence so if he's cant be what you need then you would rather be friends. Then accept his honest response and do what you need to do, but stand your ground.
But if he wont give u an honest answer dont wait around for one. just cut the perks and keep it moving

In limbo...thats exactly how I feel. I would like to be in a relationship with him but I'm not sure if we can go down that route....either way I will have to have words with him.

Thanks for your advice!

I'll be seeing him today so I will have a talk with him. He's found a job and he texed me saying thanks for all your support and words of encouragement my good good BUDDY lol so I guess I have my answer to our 'thing'.

I did suggest being friends early last year...a few months into reconnecting with him and he freaked out: asking if I was seeing someone else, has he done something, saying he'll never hurt or disrespect me...made me feel kinda bad so I don't know how this will go down but we shall see.

UPDATE:

Ok so we spoke a few weeks ago about things and I asked him what he thinks 'we' are...he was like this is a million dollar question: he thinks I'm great and he's happy with how things are going....he told me how much our friendship means to him BUT he doesn't know what he wants right now in terms of a relationship. I said we are going thru this now because no boundaries were made when we got together and I got all loved up by everything. To be absolutely sure I asked if I could date to which he said 'am I holding you back from something?' (no)...he confirmed it as fwb. He asked me what I wanted to do, I said let's be mates, he asked me if we would lose our friendship (no) and the convo ended there.

I went away satisfied we were friends and did my thing as usual. We spoke randomly and friendly throughout the week. There were a few days where I was mega busy so we would speak briefly and whenever I didn't reply for a while he'd text me again to keep the convo going (not really him).

Roll on today. He comes on heavy with the sexual texting while I was out and about. I kept it friendly. He text me something raunchy and I didn't reply back...he had a mini strop and was like I'll leave u too it, you're clearly not interested...I said I'm with my mate and we're friends so I don't know what u want me to say/do. As soon as he heard we are friends he's like, who me and u? I never knew this/our wired got crossed. I said we had this convo, Aqua, we are friends, u said we were a fwb and he's like I never knew this was the case WTF. He went on to share what he feels our relationship is about, to which I said yes that's all true but we're still FWB and he said he don't see it in that way.

He kept on going about me not wanting to sleep with him I told him it ain't about me not wanting it's this fwb situation that's driving me up the wall...he's like it ain't like that, sometimes we see eachother and don't have sex. So I take a big sigh and say look don't worry about it, it's cool and he's says I do worry cos I know how ur mind gets...sometimes u get negative and think the worse of things. I reassured him that it wasn't the case with us, but I'm also realistic and he said I hope not because he values our friendship and MORE.

My question is is this just a testing phase?

INFO:

1) He broke his ankle a few weeks ago...he's in a cast and homebound. I haven't seen him properly for a few weeks.

2) He's seeing another girl (I suspec

(I suspect an ex...he's very guarded about her. All he's ever told me is it's all drama)

Go out with someone else.

Yeh, you know what? I really can't be arsed anymore. The thing is I'm trying to keep it light and airy but today he has been texting me (more than usual) and he's asked to borrow my HD to watch some films (stupidly I suggested to lend it to him before we had our 1st relationship chat) and I feel like I should follow that through out of respect...so I'll see him briefly next week. I was meant to go last week to bring it to him but *meh* tbh I couldn't be arsed to go. But then I feel bad because of him being homebound.

True about the grounded and on track route: He has taken no initiave with taking it further or changing the situation...yeh he's told me some amazing stuff most women like to hear (in the first few months those words were like little nuggets of gold to me...now they're just words LOL) he said it himself he likes it the way it is. BUT he won't let me go (properly).

At the end of the day all I can do is do me. I'll sit back and see what else he pulls up with over his next month of recovery. Most times I think its boredom with him and he likes to push my buttons, kind of like a way to test what mood I'm in day to day which is cute in a weird way, but it's still push and pull games and I'm tired of them, maybe because I feel detached with him and everything (aqua moon).

I agree on the insurance thing for him...I don't think he will try to hook up, though. I saw him briefly a few weeks ago but because of his ankle he came with his cousin. He told me after what he wanted to do to me but said he couldn't go there. He'll be with someone when I go to meet him this time so it should be the same scenario...and if he comes on strong so what? My mind is made up and my response will be the same.

I hear what you're saying about having stability and proper, honest commitment. I do want to remain friends with him...he's a great guy so I'll see how it goes.

Thanks btw