Do you ever change your Mind?

I have an aquarian cousin/aries moon without going into too much detail. He stopped talking to his mom because of his dad. His dad doesn't like his mom (divorced) and he influenced him somehow to see her as a bad person and to disown her. It is a sad situation because his mom isn't as bad as he was told she is and I know her and from what his sibling have told me is that his dad like brain washed him. Is there any way that he can change his mind or re-examine his relationship with his mother. No one is able to get him to give her a second chance. I know aquarians are fixed, but do you guys ever change your mind over things like this? Any advice on how to talk to him or approach the situation with him.

it depends on the situation...like if my father told me my mom was a whore, chances are i might consider ti to be true. it just depends on what your father told him

Posted by AybLynk
it depends on the situation...like if my father told me my mom was a whore, chances are i might consider ti to be true. it just depends on what your father told him

I said this about my cousin. It has nothing to do with someone calling someone a whore.

Well anyways..aquarians are def. fixed. He'll see your POV but it doesn't mean he's going to change his mind. With situations like that, you cannot force someone to change their mind. Kinda controlling a little bit. But the reality of it is, this is how life is. And you're just gonna have to ride it out and see what happens between your cousin and his mom.

1 thing we hate other than changing our opinions (lol) is being brainwashed and/or knowing that someone is literally playing on our emotions/logic for their own personal gain.

Maybe this guy really is being brainwashed. If he is, there's really nothing you can do. Everyone else may know the real truth, BUT to him, perception is reality. Whatever he believes to be true (even if it's really not) will be what he uses to base his decisions with his mom on. And if he believes that she's a horrible person, that opinion probably won't change either until the source of the brainwashing (his dad) stops or leaves OR until the mom proves herself to him to be otherwise.

Cutting off your own mom takes alot of balls. And it def. requires alot of hurt, confusion & contempt....these are all feelings that won't go away over night even IF he has the ability to see everyone else's point of view.

No one can describe their own parent(s) like a child can. In other words, this guy's opinion of his mother may actually be based on facts and/or things he's seen & experienced for himself. Of course outsiders will always assume that if a child can cut off their own parent (especially the mother) that there must be some brainwashing going on, but this is not always the case. As an outsider, there are probably alot of things that you DON'T know.

And if this is true, it'll be even harder to for outsiders to get him to change his mind. Whereas the outsiders feel he's been brainwashed, HE's probably thinking that the outsiders have been brainwashed too! (especially if they can't see where he's coming from)

thanks Abylynk and krysrenee7 for your input. I see what you're saying. It is just a sad situation, because even the dad now says that he doesn't mind a relationship between my cousin and his mother, but there is this huge wall that my cousin has and it is almost like the damage is done. I think the dad is thinking he wants them to talk, but he also doesn't want to go back on what he said about her 'cause he'll come off as a liar. Anyway we'll see what happens.

If the dad really was brainwashing his son the whole time, it's no surprise that he's hesitating to "get the facts straight" now that he's had a change of heart & doesn't feel that the mother is so bad after all. Of course the dad doesn't want to seem like a liar b/c he's selfish, in which this about him lead him to trick his own son in the 1st place. If his father was THAT cold-hearted to have ruined/tarnished the relationship b/w his son & his own mother, he's not so great of a guy, thus we can't expect for him to all of the sudden now become honest, unselfish or have any credibility.

This guy's issues may be deeper than just what his dad told him about his mom a few times. He may have actually experienced his dad's words for himself. The things he's been told may not just be "he-said-she-said" but instead things he actually saw for himself, & if this is the case, NO he will not be quick to change his opinion about things NOR will he believe anyone when they warn him that he's probably been brainwashed.

What this guy doesn't realize though is that even IF everything said about his mom was true, it's NOT healthy for him or anyone in the situation to hold a grudge. He needs to learn the art of forgiveness, not for his mom but for himself. And I say that b/c any child whose separated from their own parent by choice must be hurting inside; it eats them alive b/c your parents are supposed to be the 2 people in the world that you can trust when everybody ELSE lies to you, hurts you or deceives you. Once that parent-child dynamic is messed up or tarnished in any way, it brings NO gain.

Plus, I'm willing to bet that his feelings towards his mother also affect his relations with other women, probably in a bad way.

The focus shouldn't be on whether or not what was said was true, b/c the truth may NEVER come out. The focus should be moreso on forgiveness regardless of what's true & what's not. He'll be more likely to respond to the "you need to forgive" talk moreso than someone saying to him, "You're being brainwashed" or "What you know about your mom is all wrong."

his mom must have cheated his good dad. that is why he stopped. its hard to influence an aquarius, we tend to be objective and just, so his mom must have done something wrong to dad. also he might have been disappointed as FAMILY is important to aquarius, if the dad left the family then he would have got angry at the dad. we are just.

Actually it is the other way around. The mom took a strong stand after the cheating and that's when this division kinda happened. The dad just took the son and left 'cause the mom wanted the dad to leave and so to retaliate he took the son with him.

Posted by krysrenee7
If the dad really was brainwashing his son the whole time, it's no surprise that he's hesitating to "get the facts straight" now that he's had a change of heart & doesn't feel that the mother is so bad after all. Of course the dad doesn't want to seem like a liar b/c he's selfish, in which this about him lead him to trick his own son in the 1st place. If his father was THAT cold-hearted to have ruined/tarnished the relationship b/w his son & his own mother, he's not so great of a guy, thus we can't expect for him to all of the sudden now become honest, unselfish or have any credibility.

This guy's issues may be deeper than just what his dad told him about his mom a few times. He may have actually experienced his dad's words for himself. The things he's been told may not just be "he-said-she-said" but instead things he actually saw for himself, & if this is the case, NO he will not be quick to change his opinion about things NOR will he believe anyone when they warn him that he's probably been brainwashed.

What this guy doesn't realize though is that even IF everything said about his mom was true, it's NOT healthy for him or anyone in the situation to hold a grudge. He needs to learn the art of forgiveness, not for his mom but for himself. And I say that b/c any child whose separated from their own parent by choice must be hurting inside; it eats them alive b/c your parents are supposed to be the 2 people in the world that you can trust when everybody ELSE lies to you, hurts you or deceives you. Once that parent-child dynamic is messed up or tarnished in any way, it brings NO gain.

Plus, I'm willing to bet that his feelings towards his mother also affect his relations with other women, probably in a bad way.

The focus shouldn't be on whether or not what was said was true, b/c the truth may NEVER come out. The focus should be moreso on forgiveness regardless of what's true & what's not. He'll be more likely to respond to the "you need to forgive" talk moreso than someone saying to him, "You're being brainwashed" or "What you know about your mom is all wrong."

That makes sense.

Posted by aquagirl24
i said it was either of them. u said the mom cheated and i didnt know that. so its THAT ONE. that was the wrong thing she did, he thinks the dad is right leaving her for her cheating dad. i cant say he will EVER forgive her. probably when he grows older.

I guess I miswrote that. The mom didn't cheat. The dad is the one who cheated with her friend and she took a stand meaning didn't want to be with him anymore. I guess you guys thought I said the mom cheated. The mom didn't cheat. She is the one cheated on.

Make the mom look good in front of him.....
an aqua will definitely believe what he sees.....

I get that when 1 or both parents cheat, the children/family gets involved & takes it personal as if they personally got cheated on or hurt themselves. BUT, I think part of this guy's problem is that he's been too involved in business that wasn't his. His parent's marriage or extra-marital affairs is really none of his business. As long as his mother was a good mother to him & appeared to show respect for her his father in front of him, he really has no room to complain. And the same rings true vice versa.

Sounds like the dad confided in his son like he would've a friend. And that's probably where the father messed up. Seems like this guy's issues with his own mom stem from someone ELSE'S (dad's) experiences with her, & that's where he went wrong.

Yes, it'll always affect the children negatively if 1 spouse cheats, BUT the parents should've kept their marital drama to themselves & away from their children. Stuff like this is the reason counselors advise parents to "keep the children out of it." And it's b/c trying to purposely tarnish a child's relationship with their own parents is a very dangerous thing to do; once you put those images/words in their head, you can't take it back & if it lingers for long enough, the damage is usually something that can't be undone.

Again, this guy needs to forgive his mother, even if all that was said about her was true. Then he needs to forgive his father for the fact that his dad is part in responsible for why he doesn't talk to his mother (even if she had've cheated on him, he as a father should've put his pride & selfishness down & kept that kind of stuff away from the kids). Lastly, this guy needs to forgive himself! He'll feel so much better

I hope his tarnished relationship with his mother hasn't affected his relations with other women in his life. That's usually what happens. And in a way, it should! Any time a man has a broken relationship with the woman who birthed him, it's to be expected that all other relationships (since there is NO girl more important than his own mom) will probably lack certain things too

There's NO way this guy can have such a broken relationship with his mom & yet it not affect him in some way, shape or form.