Doubts

So its been like 2 months with new Mr.Aqua and 99% of the time everything is perfect 🙂 Anyways, i was going home to Glasgow last weekend from Spain...and he came with me (his own choice, no input from myself other then agreement). It was good, he really made an effort with my family and vice-versa.

But now, there are a few things bugging me. He?s from Argentina and he?s in touch regularly with his family (we are both living in Spain just now), but he didnt tell them that he was in my country with me. Second, he lives in a village only a few kilometres from my house, but ive never been to his house. I know he came here with his ex, and im starting to suspect that they?re still sharing a flat. I havent asked him because i dont have proof of anything, but do you think i should ask to go there?? Its a massive deal because i live alone and so its easier to spend time together at my house..but i?d still like to know what he does when he?s at his own abode!!!

Grrr, i dont want to ruin anything by being petty, but he shares my life and he keeps me in the dark about his.

Hey, any time you're giving someone your TIME, your ENERGY, your BODY & your HEART, you have every right to take protective measures & know if you are being betrayed or not. It's not KNOWING that is petty, but it's how you go about finding out something you want to know. Just ask him. Give your own instinct & gut some feeling. If you feel like something is up then give it a shot & don't think for one minute that if the tables were turned, he'd keep it to himself & not ask you. It's 2008 & people are still shady, and if you want to know something that may determine whether the 2 of you stay together or not then HELL YEAH you have the right to know. But it's all about how you APPROACH him. Ask him either in a joking way or in a serious "let's have a woman to man" talk & see where it goes. If he immediately gets defensive, then you'll have your answer

Yeah, exactly..its the whole how i go about asking that?s difficult. If he is sharing a placewith her, its not a problem, i would just prefer that he would be upfront and not have me tiptoing around the conversation!! Im not the jealous type, its not even a jealousy issue, its just not a good idea to be all me and nothing of him, y?know??

Another suspicion, i think one that is more likely, is that he is a poor guy, and i live in a nice house, only because i?ve been lucky to find someone to share with who likes comfort and has a good sense of interior design (and who has left me alone to go study in the south)!!! Money is too sensitive a conversation..even in steady relationships, and i think maybe i can leave it a bit longer before i start digging around. Why fix whats not broken, right??

Im just putting the idea out there, because i have to admit that i have been out with his friends and he invites me along usually to social events that he has, like dinners and BBQ?s, so its not like i know nothing. This is difficult for me!

Ask him why you have to hang out around your place all the time and why you can't go to his place for once. Say it gets kind of boring seeing as how you always end up going to the same place over and over. You know like a change of scenery.

Its not a basic question..and it doesnt change anything about the relationship that we have at the end of the day. I asked him about it, but only like "one day i want a romantic dinner..at YOUR house" and he was like "OK"!! So he knows now that im curious, and he can do what he wants about that..but i wont mention it again! Finished 🙂

You've absolutely got to ask him because the anxiety of not knowing will manifest in your relationship - probably without you even knowing it!! These ideas in your head, whether they're true or not will create an atmosphere.
If everything's going so well in your relationship why then will a silly little thing like asking him if you can spend a night in his bed cause any problems...perhaps to some degree you don't really want to know in fear of what you might discover. But you need to sooner or later, and rather sooner if you ask me.
It's probably nothing, perhaps just that he lives a more simpler life than you, but don't you think that once that's out the way he too will feel better. How you ask it is up to you...perhaps to lighten it up say hey I was thinking why don't I come over to your place and cook for you in your own home??

Actaully no i dont think i need to ask him about it. I did until i thought about how many other things could be worrying me. Why create problems..obviously he has his own reasons for not inviting me over, he doesnt tell so i wont ask. In all honesty i have no real interest in what he does and who he does it with when he?s not with me (which is almost every day) and i know that i have nothing to worry about at the end of the day! Like ive said before..over analysis is THE biggest relationship killer..especially for me so im not going to start ruffling his or my own feathers over nothing.

Once again, just ask him. How can you expect for things to go forward & sore to new heights if there is no honest communication between the two of you. Don't walk on egg shells when it comes to asking him because eventually, it'll start to show that you have some questions & the last thing you want him to think is that you are passive & are afraid of speaking up and speaking out. I know it can get kind of hard finding the right WAY to ask him, but hey, something like is also not something you should fret on forever. Just suck it up & ask him. If this guy is so great & is someone you can see yourself liking in the future, then trust me, this is not going to be the First OR last time you have to get something "off your chest" or ask him a question. You don't have anything to lose by speaking up. The only thing that can happen is: He's either going to respond NO, say YES or blow you off & in either case, you'll still only be left with HIS answer vs. your opinion & belief to be true. Just get it over with. Who knows, you might just be insecure & you'll feel really low if you found out that this whole time you were concerned or wallowing around about something that was never that big of a deal in the first place. If you don't ask him, you'll just sit here & drive yourself crazy about this. Suck it up & go for it.

But now, there are a few things bugging me. He?s from Argentina and he?s in touch regularly with his family (we are both living in Spain just now), but he didnt tell them that he was in my country with me. Second, he lives in a village only a few kilometres from my house, but ive never been to his house. I know he came here with his ex, and im starting to suspect that they?re still sharing a flat. I havent asked him because i dont have proof of anything, but do you think i should ask to go there??
Grrr, i dont want to ruin anything by being petty, but he shares my life and he keeps me in the dark about his.

Sola, above are your own words. You were concerned hence the above post. Now when pushed to confront this concern you say that you'd rather not rock the boat. Look we all give our opinions here, and mine is that if you're feeling "in the dark" or that there might be something hidden from you, you have every right (considering the dynamics of your relationship) to ask for clarification. You are not digging into his past or pulling old skeletons out of his closet - you're merely intrigued as to how he lives. This really is no big deal IMHO and I feel that if you're afraid to confront this "small" issue, bigger issues will probably get swept under the carpet in future too - not healthy and definately not recommended for a good relationship. Eventually you come out of euphoria and into the reality of a relationship - it's a natural course and with this comes certain ups and downs - you're going to have to face these and come out of your euphoria sooner or later.