Fine Line

Have you ever felt like "S/He's the one, my soulmate, my everything", and you just knew that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with that person. Your search is over . . this is my place, my beloved?

How many times?

If it's more than once, and the two of you are no longer together, then what does that tell about the feeling? Is wasn't REAL?

What if it's been 5 times, or, 10?

At which point does a person stop to consider that this feeling, that's so overwhelming I can hardly breathe with, or, without him/her . . is lust, and therefore, within yourself the search must be made?

If it is "true love", and there are more than one, then, maybe there isn't just "One" . . maybe there is suppose to be many. In this theory . . there is no such thing as commitment, how can there be "exclusive"?

i don't think there is such thing as a soulmate, the way you are describing it...
i look at a soulmate as someone who was put in my life for a reason, to teach me about myself, and for me to teach them more about their self, and to learn and grow with together...
so, yes you can have more than one soulmate, i suppose...

"At which point does a person stop to consider that this feeling, that's so overwhelming I can hardly breathe with, or, without him/her . . is lust, and therefore, within yourself the search must be made?"

I think many times when a person is overwhelmed with passionate love for someone, that is it a lot to do with lust or enthusiasm but if someone really is your soulmate, it is a realisation that is not accompanied by fanfare and fireworks but by a feeling or a knowledge just like you know you know that basking in the warm sunlight feels right.

And then all the other times where we "think" that we have found our soulmate, we should indeed be looking into ourselves to see what needs and insecurities and hollows might be contributing to our amorous zeal.

For me this tends to be very apparent when I review how my feelings towards a man change in relation to how much attention or interest they give me; if they clearly show they like me and want to be with me, I draw back and feel vague about them but when they start showing reticence or lack of interst - as I perceive it anyway - it is at this point that I become more attracted to them and "want" him and feel that without him I will be sad and broken. Now that sounds really dramatic even reading back on it as I've typed it but it is more or less the pattern of how a lot of my romantic endeavours have followed. And it is very much a reflection of me and how I am feeling within myself and towards myself than about the guy much at all! And yet the feelings are strong and I feel breathless and quivery when he talks to me or touches me.

MellowDee,

That wasn't exactly where I was going with this topic . . I was more interested in finding out how people would view love and commitment with a different set of programs, and whether that would change our value system of love and our approach - but . . .

Where you went with this is interesting . . . for, I see this in most people. Quote, "if they clearly show they like me and want to be with me, I draw back and feel vague about them but when they start showing reticence or lack of interst - as I perceive it anyway - it is at this point that I become more attracted to them and "want" him"

Listening to people in here and in real life, it's not really a particular person we are wanting, necessarily, rather, the secure sensation of just being "wanted". In this aspect, it's not love or lust . . just fulfilling an empty spot in our ego's. That is a shallow place within us, that we don't like to visit, but, it's there, isn't it? We just want him/her to want us, to love us . . but, we really don't want the love itself . . just the knowing that we are desired.

Hmmmmmm . . thanks, MD !!!!

No probs P-Angel! Actually now that you clarified what you were getting at with this post I think that there are lots and loads of ways that people can fall in love. It's just that we're all programmed by the media mostly and society's etiquettes to see romance from a fixed and rather artificial framework of hearts and flowers and fluffy bunny rabbits. It is "understood" that men and woman should look and behave in a certain way and that there are rules to courtship. But people can still manage to fall in love outside of this pre-defined mould.

"if they clearly show they like me and want to be with me, I draw back and feel vague about them but when they start showing reticence or lack of interst - as I perceive it anyway - it is at this point that I become more attracted to them and "want" him and feel that without him I will be sad and broken."

this is such aqua behavior...i hope this is not the core of aqua love

scorpionking yeah I hope so too. It's so shallow and pathetic innit?

Not just Aqua. This seems to be apparant in many people, no matter sign. We all have ego's, and that's the core of this.

The ego can be a real handicap at times.

Now, we are getting somewhere 🙂

mellowdee- i'm attracted to shallowness, patheticness, and big egos...

Wow isn't that great that there's a niche in the market that actively welcomes this kind of unsavoury behavior. You and your kind rock Scorp King. I salute you!

When I'm logging into my hotmail account I occasionally check out the MSN articles that are highlighted at the side and I was browsing at this one about the main reasons why men go silent on women all of a sudden while they've been dating and vice versa. Anyway I thought this point was quite pertinent to what was just being said about egos needing to be stroked and the shallowness thereof and how it manifests itself on the dating scene:

"Reason #4: He's addicted to the thrill of the chase
Call it immature (because it is), but some men really just love the pursuit. Nevin Jenkins, 32, typically looks for the exit ramp when he realizes the relationship is no longer a challenge. ?Once I proved to myself that I could sleep with her and be with her, I wasn't interested anymore,? he admits. ?I was in love with the chase, not the person.? Inside tip on spotting (and avoiding) these cads: At every turn, they'll be pulling all the stops to convince you to acquiesce to things you're not quite ready to do, from your first kiss to a whirlwind weekend away together. If you feel uncomfortable stating any reservations or putting on the brakes, that could be a sign you're uncomfortable with him. Consider yourself warned."

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=6292<BR>

part of the hunter/gatherer instinct i think. i can't stand that, i just move my attention elsewhere when confronted with guys like that, and just pretend i didn't notice.

mellowdee- aren't you the one that made the statement i was replying too? so i guess this applies to women as well...

?Once I proved to myself that I could sleep with him and be with him, I wasn't interested anymore...At every turn, they'll be pulling all the stops to convince you to acquiesce to things you're not quite ready to do, from your first kiss to a whirlwind weekend away together."

I'm definitely attracted to this type of women behavior...haha

I find myself in this predicament all the time. Anytime I have a connection with a guy I think he is the "ONE". In the small town I live in it is hard to find quality, intelligent guys that one can connect with. So on the rare occasion it does happen, I am in love, just about. The good thing, however, and this may be an aqua thing, I have the ability to not let the other party know my true feelings. I can hide them well... for a time. Now, I may go home and jump around and obsess all night, but he only sees a controlled, sensible, unique creature, and most of the time that is enough to keep him interested. However, I am reading, "Women Men Love, Women Men Leave", and they say this is bad in relationships. That one should not be afraid to be intimate, giving of oneself emotionally and mentally, up front, because it is the woman who sets the tone of the intimacy in a relationship. If she is cold and calculating, a man will sense that and will clam up. The whole remainder of the relationship he will be suspicious of her motives and why she is so hard to read and will be like Fort Knox himself. Is this true? It may be as I am single again, dating again and not wanting to do any of it, actually. I wish my best friend who is actually "the one" would get a clue. But of course that would be too easy and why should life be easy— One may actually find happiness and live? EVER AFTER.... Yeah Right... I am sure there will be another, "one" here shortly as life is one big cycle of repeated patterns, intended to keep us confused and insane.

Can I get an AMEN?

Yeah so much so you're making it sound simple! Seriously that's what committment is, putting all your eggs in one basket (case) !

hehe ok I was being glib kinda there. I am naturally committed to a guy once I've acknowledged to myself that I like him very much and I feel assured that the feeling is mutual. This is one aspect of me that doesn't seem to adhere at all with what they say about aquarians being committment-shy and detached. I mean I ma detached in the sense that I rarely if ever share everything that flits through my head or every feeling that passes over me with somebody else. This perhaps at times can make me feel a bit detached from others.