had a heart to heart with myself

ok ladies, I know that you probably figured that I had already decided to do this but today I had a long talk with myself and I am going to really distant my self from my x. I just don't know that I should tell him that I am and why or should I just do it and not speak a word. Any ideas ?

YEAH!!! And I agree with everyone... do not tell him. In fact if you see him smile and nod and be accepting to whatever he says, but in no way at this point do you contact him even though your impulses are telling you too.

He wants to be friends... so give him what he wants. How would you treat a regular old female friend who said that she needed some space? You wouldn't hold a grudge. (And remember men think about sex and women alot more than we give them credit for. But if you are in his fact then you are not giving him the chance to think about you or feel more than surface... let him sweat it out and give him exactly what he wants.)

I know that this advice goes against that impulse of you want to do something to get what you want. Everything else in life works like this, except love and to a lesser degree friendship. Have you ever sought out one of your female friends when you initially meet and do you constantly call this new girl up and tell you that you want to hang out? Probably not and friendships take a while to build. Same is true for men, boyfriends, and relationships... in that stupid Hillary Duff movie on tv yesterday the boy said 'love is friendship on fire.' It's a true line even if it came from a Hillary Duff movie. So relax and if you start thinking about him... we're here to chat to get that impulse under control.

Ladyvie, your right my impulses are telling to ask him to meet so I can tell him why i feel this way and ask why did he come back around if didn't know what you wanted and thats just me, miss communication. but I know that's just pushing him and i guess I am afraid just to pull back because I have never done that with him before and the possiblity that if I do he won't even notice. We spoke for the first time yesterday after not speaking for a couple days and our last conversation was pretty intense because we were talking about our relationship . I made the mistake of asking him if he wanted to go to the movies(I know i shouldn't have ) and he told me bascially he couldn't because he had to much to do. I haven't seen him in a week in half and before it was pretty consistent (meaning aleast once a week). Honeslty I felt like he just didn't want to see me and i think he might be distancing his self because of the last conversation we had. which I thought I handle it fine even though I was still little confused and it wasn't what I wanted. I guess I just don't feel like he is someone that acts like he has regret. So as I was sitting watching tv last night i just realized that I need to do this but I guess theres no promises that he is going to care that he hasn't heard from me. I really had to talk myself of calling him and asking him if he didn't want me that why the hell did initiate anything its been 10 months since we broke.

You called or didn't call? I assume that you didn't.

And yes there is the possibility that he'll never want to see you again. "Out of sight; out of mind." But the better possibility is that if he has feelings for you then his mind is going to start thinking about you. Then he'll realize that he hasn't contacted you and wonder what you are doing. If in the meantime when he's finally realizing that you are in his thoughts, he sees that you are happy and at peace with yourself... it's going to drive him to find out why.

In the end this is the way to find out if he really does have feelings for you or not. Instead of being the aggressor, you have to chill out and wait. Men think about us alot but unlike women who multitask... they often do things one step at a time. Driving and talking can make the man blame a girl for missing a turn on the road because you expect multitasking. His relationship thoughts could take months before he finally realizes that he wants you. If you can let him come to you and avoid the impulse to go to him at this point, you might end up with the best boyfriend of all.

Call him and push then you are taking away his need to decide, prioritize and chase you. He needs to believe that you are the best woman out there for him.

And when your head calms down and you stop having the impulses and start hanging with your friends and doing your own thing... it becomes easier. Who knows you might meet someone else or Mr. Aqua might turn out to be the one. When he chases you then you get to slowly set the terms.

And the fact that you had sex with the guy and had a relationship probably means that at some point he's going to think about you. If he thinks about you and sees that you are pathetically waiting by the phone... why call? But if he thinks about you and sees that you are happy go lucky doing your own thing, not waiting for him then he's going to wonder more about you in a positive light.

leokitten, its not that I want to convince him, just thought thats what he wanted after 10 months of not being together that he realized he made a mistake of letting me go. And its me wanting to call him out on it , I just want to know why ? if he really didn't know. Most people would take it the same way I think, usually when we say we regret losing someone and they come back to us we don't mess it up.

crushbuddy...take ladyvie's advice, as hard as it may be to distance yourself...
trust me, i went through that exact situation 6 months ago...and i distanced myself for 4 months, and slowly but surely...my aqua returned to me.

I am and thanks for the advice. I'm just wondering MC did he play it cool at first like he didn't care that you were pulling away ?

well, he broke up with me over the phone after being serious with me for 2 years...we actually had dinner plans and he called me to tell me that he wanted to hang out with his friends instead and that it just wasn't working out for us...so there was no real/ formal break-up...he just said that he didn't think it was working and then stopped talking to me...no explanation, nothing. i then found out a month or so later that he was seeing another girl and he had known her for a while before they started dating. i called him a couple of times, and we would talk...and i even told him that i knew he was dating someone...so, we were really open and honest with each other throughout. it was almost like we were still good friends, and we would talk every once in a while and catch up... then i started hanging out with a couple of guys (nothing serious) and i stopped calling my aqua, and i didn't return his texts or calls until days later. this was probably 1 1/2 months into the break-up. he texted me out of the blue one morning and then showed up at my work (i had just transferred to a new location) the day before my birthday...and i had not seen him all that time, so it was strange! i asked him why he came to see me...he said he wanted to see me and talk to me, catch up as "friends"...and i told him that i was doing really well, but i was not ready to be his friend...and then he made a comment about wishing we could be more than friends again...anyway, we talked for about 15 minutes and then he gave a me a hug and didn't let go...i went back to work, and he texted me "it was real nice to see you!...you look very beautiful"...etc. after that, let's just say i knew he wanted me back. but we did not get back together for another 2 months. and i think he was still dating the other girl for a while, but i am sure he was over her b/c he kept on contacting me. we did continue to talk, but i was no longer available all the time. i went on with my own life and did my own thing, and got around to him when i had time. he kept on texting me and calling, and i would return his calls when i wanted to...and then one day he called and asked what i was up to, if i was dating, etc. then we set up a date to meet up and the rest is history!!! but for 1 1/2 months of dating again, i did not spend the night with him, and i only kissed him...nothing more. i made it very clear to him that i wanted to take it day by day, very slow. and he completely respected that...

so, to answer your question...he probably didn't care, or at least he was hiding his feelings big time, b/c he was with another girl...trying to get over me...

Wow MC, i can relate. till this day i think that my x may have started to see someone right after we broke and similar situation it was someone that he knew for awhile but of course I never found out the whole truth. It seems like most just hop to the next to get over the previous girl.

well, he says that between his ex and me (9 months), he did not date or even hook up with anyone...which i often wonder about, b/c it was so easy for him to start hanging out with another girl after dumping me...but then again, they are 2 different situations.

I felt the same way, he had told me he went out with someone else and it had not even been a month since we broke up. guys to that so easy.....

well, that is a guy's way of dealing with a break-up...they move on to another girl to get over the one before. girls ususally deal with the break up by crying, and being around friends for a while to help get over it...and then we start dating again...and when we are finally getting over it, they come back around...typical!!!

so right !

ok, my friend has been calling and he did ask to see me the other day but I never called him back. I must say that it is working, its just hard not to take him up on hanging out. I have spoken to him but it was very brief just catching up. I just wish I knew how he felt about me. Is it wrong to ask that ? I am not saying about a relationship, but how he feels about me general.

your right unusalcancer, i got ahead of myself. you put it very well. thanks for the advice