Help with Aquarius man

Hi guys,
Need some advice. I was with my Aquarius man for 18yrs before marrying him. I'm hardcore Capri. I love my man and I know he loves me too. But he drives me up the wall. Anyway I managed to live with him for so long.

Couple of years ago, there has been a huge disruption in our lives which basically ruined his future plans. We both were responsible for causing it; neither of us saw it coming and neither of us could fix it. The outcome was huge, we lost our home, had to move across state and get help from family. When it happened he closed up and told me he didn't want to ever talk about it. We never did. We're in a better situation now. But lately, he has started blaming me for the disaster; I disagree and we fight.

Recently we met a group of people on an outdoor thingie. Later there was a 20-day outstation trek and I couldn't go while he went. When he came back, we met up with the group again for dinner. That night I came to know that my husband has lied to everyone present there about him being single!! He further lied that I was just a friend of his from a different state who seldom meets him. I was so deeply hurt. When I confronted him about it in private, he said he didn't want to acknowledge me as his wife because I caused that "disruption" above, and it humiliates him. We had a huge blowout. Later he packed his bags and left. He is now living with his mom. He won't answer my texts and shuts me off completely when I call him. He says he needs space and time to get over the "disruption/disaster/failure".

I am angry and feel betrayed. My evil self is plotting revenge but I don't want to hurt him, I love him too much for that. He doesn't want separation. But I know he playing his little game where eventually I will end up bearing the burden of everything that went wrong. I've seen it happen before. All I want is for him to be responsible, honest and compassionate. Please, any advice?

Wow! I don't know if I have any advice. How long were yall married?

Could projecting responsibility be an air sign thing?

If it helps, my Gemini ex husband used to blame me for everything wrong that happened, including financial problems when he was the one who spent money like it was going out of style . Lots of fights over that. Then it was always my fault we couldn't buy what he wanted and he would get mad. He refused to even look for the root cause of the financial difficulty and refused to consider how he contributed to the problem. I'm not saying I'm innocent but he wouldn't take any of the responsibility. I think it was easier for him to blame someone else or something else. We ended up divorced. Not sure how Aquas are in this aspect.

I'm sure you are angry and feel betrayed. I don't blame you. Isn't it so capricorn to plot revenge? hahaha! Really, the best revenge is to live your life and live it well. I am now (almost two years later) financially stable with the same bills I had as married (on half the income) and he is struggling to make ends meet. Hmmm...I bet the Gem still blames me somehow for that.

Hmmmm... we are very stubborn sometimes. If i become convinced of something its darn near impossible to change my mind. Unfortunatelty the only one who can is me. In his mind you were the cause of things and he does feel stubbornly fixed about it. Hes icing you out. Hes seperating mwntally from you.....oh im not married.....and physically...hes at his moms. That leaves emotional left. I would not get so angry that you cannot address the situation with him. I know its hard. Rather..ask if you guys can sit down and talk. Hearrr what he has to say and keep an open mind as to why he feels that way. Use positive EMOTIONS not negative ones. Refrain from pointing fingures...but try to thaw out that ice. If you engage him mentally again...i.e conversation....communication.....you can begin to work it out. Once you have him mentally.....the physcial and emitional should all follow.

first off, sorry for your hardship. Men in general feel very sad and depressed when their dreams don't come true, be it in the form of forming a family, a home, a business, everything...all their plans of wanting a good life in their perspective. Instead of just picking up from where you both were down in the depths and climbing back out of the deep pit, all the fears and terrible resentments may have formed and never expunged positively. It has probably made its way to become this horrible festering wound and maybe he hasn't gone to help himself out of this situation. Be it with finding solace in spirituality or even in a religion.(Religions do help many people have structure and give them a sense of peace) Even if some people scoff at it, it works for many. It's not about space for him, it's his own demons that need to be what they say, expelled (metaphorically) He'll always associate you with that terrible time, and unless he finds help in himself, it's not going to go away, like mortal wound.

As for capricorn woman/aquarius male, ladies, i found this:



I didnt even realise he is a double aqua, (no rising sign found)mars pisces and venus cap with Christy Turlington:

she's cap with a cancer moon, mars scorpio, but with an aqua venus.

Here's an interesting tidbit on Burn's take "Newlyweds"

"In reality, the 43-year-old Long Island native is happily married to supermodel Christy Turlington and says he's quite pleased to continue making small, independent, New York-based movies.

I've always been smart enough not to draw from my life. When I fell upon the idea about this newlywed couple, I asked people what was the toughest thing they faced when they were first married. Nine out of 10 people that I spoke to mentioned something to do with a family member -- the crazy brother or having to move back home with the in-laws or dealing with an ex-wife."

Posted by truecap
Wow! I don't know if I have any advice. How long were yall married?

Truecap, been married for two years.

Coldwater, he refuses to talk to me. The same thing happened 9 months ago. We fought over the same matter, he packed and left. I didn't hear from him or see him for two months. We were married at that time, and he refused to talk to me then. I almost gave up hopes on our marriage, when we ran into each other on the streets. I was changing my tyre and he parked right across from me. I wanted to talk to him so badly that I went over and asked him for help with the tyre. He called me the next day and we got back. It has to be a miracle of that sorts to talk to him again.

Lisabethur8, you are right its piled-up resentment. I regret we don't pride on our communication skills here - he is very reserved and aloof anyway, and sometimes I shut down too.

I don't think he realises that he needs help, that we need help. I've always been the scapegoat and I don't think it will ever change. Sometimes it kills me that after all we've been through, he can be selfish and bully me emotionally like this. Many times, I've thought about leaving but I can't because it will kill him. So I kill myself a little each time.

If he feels like the situation "humiliated him then he prob took a serious blow to his ego. His refusal to ever wanna talk and bring it up again and yet this constantly emerging as a sore spot in the marriage, says hes still holding onto it. Hes probably constantly replaying the whole situation in his head, and this keeps things fresh and new as you keep reliving them over and over and over again. It seems that he cannot allow himself to "move on" from this situation. That male pride is a powerful thing and I cannot even touch or begin to imagine how he relates to the whole situation.

The past cannot be changed...as you know, so all you have is the future to look forward too. It seems like his past keeps resurfacing into his future. As you stated with the tire incident, that incident led to you guys talking again. The only thing that will fix this is by talking to each other about what happened.

Maybe he doesnt wanna talk right now because it only reminds him of what happened...but so is the constant flashbacks hes probably mentally having. If he wont talk to you, then try to maybe work on you then. Work on something you can control.
You can control how you feel and what you do with your life and where you allow your future to go. And part of what I mean by that is healing from the situation yourself. Acknowledge whatever part you had in it....."we both were responsible...." and just come to peace with it. Give yourself peace. Dont allow him to "kill myself a little each time."

Then move on and take care of whatever you have to do as part of your life style , kids, bills, etc. That should give him time to come to terms with it in his own way and it wont allow him the oppurtunity to keep hurting you emotionally over this. What Im saying is...if youve done all you can do....apologized all you can...give yourself peace and try to focus on things you can change. You cant make him talk to you. You cant make him forget about this. All you can do is keep the door of communication open and be willing to talk when hes ready. Are you sure he feels that hes in any way responsible?

So its been a little over a month, I didn't call/text him (exactly what he wanted and I am so proud of me).
As for me, I moved out of state, found a job and am eagerly awaiting my paycheck; I'm gonna be riiiichhh, well at least rich enough to pay the bills myself! I'm also planning on buying some new work clothes, making lists, just being me.

On the other hand, I am still struggling with the memories, both good and bad. The other day, my sister caught me looking teary-eyed. She burst into tears as she hugged me and said she has never seen me cry. That hit me hard, seeing what an emotional mess I've become. Some days I'm on a high because I feel nothing but hatred for him. Other times I realise my disposition to forgive him and it makes me so miserable. What scares me is that I'm still not sure what I'm going to do when he finally comes around; get over him or get back with him.

Just concentrate on rebuilding your life one step at a time. That's all you can do.

Thank you so much for your support and advice, you guys are awesome, cheers.

Rooting for you Cobragirl!!! You're a cap. No matter what happens you WILL land on your feet!

I love your avatar cobra;
More importantly..

I'm really sorry this has happened to you.
I have no advice to give you, I am truly -shit- with men and aquas in particular I think but I wanted to add myself to the list of your supporters!

My x Husband and I went through really bad stuff together too and I know we just reminded each other of those times.. He also was unable to take responsibility for things.. it's very very hard to deal with, I know that.

x0x0

hang in there doll, in the meantime this forum is great for ranting!

Hi guys,
I have some updates and accompanying it, more heartbreak and dilemma.

I'd moved state, found a better job and place to live. I contacted my husband in January and gave him the news. He agreed to move with me at first, but when the day of moving arrived, he said he wanted time until April. I didn't push him. Meanwhile, we met a handful of times and I was giving him all the time and space he'd asked for. Slowly, he appeared to turn to his usual self again - happy, chatty, making plans. End of April, my mother-in-law called me and I found out that he has lied to me all this time about where he's been, and his new friends. I took my time to clear my head, and finally asked him about it. First, he denied it totally. When I told him where I heard it from, he half-confessed - he acknowledged he lied to me but made up more lies about how it had happened. Disappointed, I don't push him. Then in June he came to stay with me for 17days. I am surprised and didn't know if I should be happy or suspicious. But he still kept his phone switched off around me - all 17 days. When I asked, he said he didn't want certain people to call him. What kind of people? He answered people who are looking for help from him. I assumed it was his new set of friends. Another day, I found him browsing Libra & Aqua horoscopes, comprehensively - flirt/single/romance/3-day forecast, etc. I am inquisitive - for a man who doesn't even know the order of signs, who has never once in his life cared about forecasts and horoscopes, this is news. So I asked him what is this new interest, he replied he was reading all horoscopes, and not just Libra's because he was inquisitive and thought they all say the same indefinite things. I got suspicious but didn't push.

Last week, while talking to my mother-in-law she tells me the following -
1. He's been texting around the clock (0600-0000) non-stop to a girl we had met on the trek (she is a Libra)
2. She found out they have been to a movie and he has saved the movie tickets (emotional attachment?)
3. He has given her a nickname (affection?)
4. For eight months, he had lied to me about not being in touch with this group (he had promised me that in December, he will tell these people that we are married. But he didn't, so he lied to me that they are no longer in touch with him)

Again, I ask him about it, and he denies it. He is angry and blames me that I am playing it in my head (his escape route). (I didn't do it yet, but when I prese

Again, I ask him about it, and he denies it. He is angry and blames me that I am playing it in my head (his escape route). (I didn't do it yet, but when I present the evidence, he half-acknowledges it, says sorry and starts to put the blame on me - I did it because you drove me mad - his defense)

I am heartbroken and very stressed out. I don't know if he's been sleeping around too.
For a long time, he kept denying me my social identity but I trusted him. He said he doesn't want people to think he is a liar. And asked me to play along. I stood by him, supported him, while these same people called me names, asked me uncomfortable questions but I never gave him up. Each time I asked him to stop the lies, he asked for more time, but the time never came. He promises he will set things straight. He even acknowledges that we have huge cracks in our relationship and we need to work on it (his own words). Meanwhile, he is happily cheating on me (emotionally? Can that happen? Is that why I am feeling betrayed?)

Please advise?

Awww, girl. I'm so sorry. I know it hurts and how betrayed you must still be feeling.

You probably won't want to hear my advice, but since you asked.... He's a liar and he isn't going to change. If he won't aknowledge his own wife publically (still confused why he didn't from the beginning), then there is a problem with him. There's a reason he wants to appear single to these people. It appears he's moving on, so you should move on too. Once the trust is broken, I don't know how possible it is to get that back deep down. I'm sure he still loves you, as you love him, but are yall really In-Love with each other?? Maybe its best to break it off amicably and find someone who wants to scream from the rooftops you're his. Isn't it time for you to be happy?

I am sure my words are not what you wanted to hear and I am sorry if I caused you any more pain and hurt. In the long term, perhaps you might see it differently. My heart hurts for you, but you're a survivor and strong and can handle anything thrown your way.

Think about how you would respond if you were reading this from the outside and imagine what you would tell someone who wrote what you wrote.

I know how devastated I was when my marriage fell apart. I felt so betrayed and hurt, but as time went on, I found much, much more happiness than I thought was possible. Now I'm happier than I was when I was with him.

Of course, we're not in your situation and haven't invested what you have into it. We can't really tell you what to do. The ultimate is what do you want to do? Trust your gut and your instincts will lead you in the right direction.

Wow, I am sorry that the situation did not improve since your initial posting. Hugs and good vibes to you.

Not to pry into your business but it's kind of hard to understand fully what's going on w/o actually know what "disaster" you're talking about

And no offense but this man needs to man the F up!

You are his freakin' wife!!!

How dare he deny you to strangers or anybody!

Just b/c you may have messed up or played a pivotal role in things falling a part doesn't give him the right to deny you, & by doing so therefore minimize your importance in his life!

How dare he step on you & the marriage all just to impress people that haven't slaved for him for 18 years like you did!

Honey, I think your problem is waaaaaay deeper than him just being mad about something in the past!

Posted by krysrenee7
Not to pry into your business but it's kind of hard to understand fully what's going on w/o actually know what "disaster" you're talking about

I was 18yo when I moved in with him, and was looking for work. He wanted me to work at the university and not do odd jobs like him; he supported me financially for three months after which, I got a scholarship. Two years later, he quit both his jobs. I was happy to return the favour. But he went into a limbo, and he never sought employment after that. Five years later, I got a job offer on visa-basis in a foreign country; at that time we were not married, so the only way he could go with me was as my dependent. We talked about the pros and cons, and we agreed that its a good opportunity for him to get into the industry, and he would not opt for the dependent visa, but instead would actively seek employment in the country. But he didn't commit - he kept leading me on, we even planned our wedding there. Never once did he tell me what he was thinking. A few weeks before our wedding, he backed off. I felt confused and humiliated. Its not the first time he had backed out on his word, and knowing him, I never should have gone ahead with the plans. He promised we would talk about it the next time we met. I wanted to tell him how I'd felt, and ask him what was going on in his head. But a month later, when we finally met, he got defensive and didn't want to talk about it at all - he said it invoked some very bad memories for him, and he'd rather forget it had ever happened. I suppressed all my feelings. We got married the following month but it meant nothing to me. He got the dependent visa and came to live with me. I tried my best to come to terms with my anger and resentment. There were certain senior management staff at my work who would ill treat me and bully me about it. Every day on my way to work, I would think about jumping in front of the moving train. I told him I was feeling depressed and suicidal because of the stress. He would advise me how to handle people and situations but I was weak, I couldn't even handle the routine. I wanted to quit. He agreed we should go back home. But my severance package didn't come through. We were broke and we lost our home. He blames me that I am too proud I didn't heed his advice, and disrespected him by choosing to quit.

Back home, he made new friends and lied to them that he is single. When I found out, he said he was too ashamed to be seen with me because he is disappointed I didn't stand up to my bullies. He said there are huge cracks in our relationship and we need to work on them. He asked for time. Meanwhile we were fighting a lot, and he would go stay with his mom for weeks. When I found out he had lied again to this group of trekkers, I was furious. But he was too quick to run to back to his mom. This was in around the time of my first post here.

I'm broken and feel like I can't go on. This week has been really hard for me, I've been a total mess. I just want to lie down in the rain and wait until it dissolves me into earth. I have a *better job (https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/scorpio/confused-about-cheating-scorpio-friend-3729420/) and I really need to keep it. But the stress is affecting me. The last time I tried to get help, I had reached out to an employee welfare programme at my previous employment. They sold me out to my bosses who were also my bullies. I don't want to trust anyone anymore.

Can an aqua or anyone please tell me why he lies so much, why he makes empty promises and why he deceived me?Does he really have an emotional attachment to this Libra girl? Why is he saving the movie tickets otherwise, and why did he give her a nickname? There is such a thing called emotional cheating, I googled it. I want to know why.

Posted by truecap

The ultimate is what do you want to do? Trust your gut and your instincts will lead you in the right direction.

Thank you Truecap. Right now, I'm still searching for answers, but I already know deep down that its time to move on. I just don't know how. I've always been with him, been there for him that I forgot to make any other friends. There was no reason not to trust him, but I also subconsciously ignored the first alarm bells. How can someone you know and love, change so much in such little time? He was my friend before we started going out. Now he's put a dagger in my back.

Thank you firewater and ceu.

Please take it easy. You are very young and have a career in front of you, no matter what happened when you were abroad. Put some enthusiasm back into your job, you are a Capricorn, remember?

As for the Aqua, he's dragging you down. He's making you angry. He's disrespecting you. He married you half-heartedly. He keeps you a secret, like something to be ashamed of.

Isn't he ashamed to be unemployed for so long? He thinks you disrespected him by choosing to quit?!! Show yourself some self-respect and quit this sham marriage!

You want to know why? He came to associate you with the failures in his life (for which he is self responsible). He came to associate the other woman with the good time he probably enjoyed during that trekking, and escaped into a fantasy world with her!

I agree with undine and I think you know this deep down too.

Time to give up and find someone that is a better fit for you. Stay strong and just know that the future is better and brighter. You've got us for support if you need it.

Posted by Undine
Please take it easy. You are very young and have a career in front of you, no matter what happened when you were abroad. Put some enthusiasm back into your job, you are a Capricorn, remember?

As for the Aqua, he's dragging you down. He's making you angry. He's disrespecting you. He married you half-heartedly. He keeps you a secret, like something to be ashamed of.

Isn't he ashamed to be unemployed for so long? He thinks you disrespected him by choosing to quit?!! Show yourself some self-respect and quit this sham marriage!

You want to know why? He came to associate you with the failures in his life (for which he is self responsible). He came to associate the other woman with the good time he probably enjoyed during that trekking, and escaped into a fantasy world with her!

This. I have been on the other end of the spectrum with my Aqua Ex. I was the "fantasy" woman whom he gave his "best" to. However, whenever he was in a bad mood, he would pick a fight with his ex-wife just so that he could have a target for his frustration. Then, he would sweetly trot back to me as though nothing happened. You are worth more than being his perpetual scapegoat. Cap women are pretty bad a##. I have a Cap Moon and I swear that it is what has kept my Aries Sun, Cancer Rising, and Pisces Venus in check. Channel your inner Cap.

Thank you for your honest comments guys.

Its been 10 days since my confrontation with him, and he had begged to give him until the 26th next week. He was making promises he will set the record straight, close up shop with this group and start working on our problems. But I didn't want to hear more lies (if he didn't do it then whats different on 26th); so I just left. I didn't talk to him after that. But I know that I have to see him again and tell him I'm moving on, and that he should do the same. I am trying to see reason, and not think with my heart here.

Ceu, you're right about who should be asking those questions. I don't want to hear why he lies so much, but I want to know why he lied to me. Why he used me like he did. And he won't have the answers because in his mind, he didn't do it. Its not going to change anything for me anyway, because as far as I am concerned, he remains the same immature, irresponsible teenager from high school. Its not hopelessness that I am feeling but he should wake up now. He maybe hurting, I know he was, and that is why I chose to stand with him through thick and thin. But there is only so much I can take as a human. And when he's pushed me away to the point that I cannot take care of myself anymore, I have to let him go. And hope for the best.

Time to let him go. Once certain lines are crossed, its over. This is a huge betrayal and not fixable.


Stop worrying about what he "should" do, and do some things for yourself. Rid yourself of the toxic person who obviously doesn't value you. You let him devalue you for as long as you were in this situation. If you really mean it when you say you have to take care of yourself first now, then give yourself 100% effort.

Life is too short, and too fleeting to pine after people who treat you like this. Unless you like that treatment (some people do).

Undine, you're spot on about him compartmentalising his life; initially when he would lie to his friends about me, he would feel remorse, and he would cry but he would not tell me what went on in his head. Sadly, I could see us growing apart but it was beyond me to control it. I was naive I kept fighting on. He is not ready to accept his failures and acknowledge his mistakes. Maybe this experience will make us both better persons.

Posted by chrissydance
Time to let him go. Once certain lines are crossed, its over. This is a huge betrayal and not fixable.


Stop worrying about what he "should" do, and do some things for yourself. Rid yourself of the toxic person who obviously doesn't value you. You let him devalue you for as long as you were in this situation. If you really mean it when you say you have to take care of yourself first now, then give yourself 100% effort.

Life is too short, and too fleeting to pine after people who treat you like this. Unless you like that treatment (some people do).

Yes, its deceit and betrayal. And denial. I am angry and his behaviour disgusts me, while he makes me feel miserable. Its time I start thinking about me now.

I do wish you the best of luck and healing. You deserve that, dont you think?