I feel like I got dumped!

So my aqua asks me tonight what do I think about our relationship... It's been two months now... I asked him what exactly he meant by it? He asks me where did I see it going and I said I was just going with the flow... I asked him how he felt and he said he still has feelings for this other person and feels confused! He doesn't want to confuse me and so on! So evidently he has known this girl for 5 years and they were dating way back when but they never got out of the dating stage they have been friends for the past 5 years! They don't see eachother but they talk and he keeps asking her if she sees them going anywhere now and she doesn't know either she is just as confused as he is... He wants to be friends! Because gels confused and doesn't want to confuse me he doesn't know what he's doing... He wants to syll hang out and so on... I told him that I respect the fact that he told me this and i'm glad that he told me! We talked about relationships for a minute but I let him know that I would be distant because if he was trying to persue something with this other woman I would naturally back off and give him his space to do so... I'm hurt!

Hey he is so selfish. Why the heck did he continue a relationship with you for two months knowing that he still felt for someone else and why oh why is he wanting to still keep you on a string until his ex makes up her mind...so let's say neither of them makes up their mind for another year and your the in-betweener—? For a year?? Imagine what it'll do to your self-esteem— No thanks. I'd tell you appreciate his honestly albeit a little late, like two months too late but unfortunately you have feelings for him and there are no "ag" factors from your side so until he's decided what he wants you're unfortunately going to have to move on.
I can imagine this would hurt to hear and I feel for you but imagine the hurt if you stick around to find out what his ex decides and once he gets over his "confusion".

Rather deal with getting over a two month relationship than a year or more's worth of been thrown from pillar to post wondering where you stand in his life and whether you'll be his "first" choice at the end of it— Also what happens if she decides she doesnt' want him back— You have to live knowing that you were never really his first choice??

You really have to be logical here and seperate the hurt from the obvious. As hard as it may seem you can do it.

Me and my Aqua guy went through the same thing pretty much. We have been talking for little over a year, but from the very start I liked much more then a friend. When we got to the point when our feelings got hot and heavy, he told me that he still had feelings for his ex girlfriend and just couldn't get over her. I had no choice but to act like I was okay with it, and wished him the best. I was hurt because I felt like things were going so perfect and I thought we really had something going and he tells me had feelings still for someone else. Soon after I kinda moved on with my life, and just became his friend. Deep down inside I still liked him, but I text/called/hung out just as friends. Then I think he noticed how through it all I been there for him, and I still suck by his side as friends ( and it takes a strong person to do that when you really like/love someone ), and he noticed how much no good his ex girlfriend was for him, and how he could have moved on to something much better. Ever since he's made the choice to move on and know what's the better choice for him, and we fell in love. Call me crazy, but as much as I said I would never go back to liking him again because of what he did to me, I did. And this time it feels different.

As for you, I think you are doing the right thing. Don't ever flip out just stay cool. Let him try to work things out with this other girl. But im 90% sure its not going to work. If they have been friends for 5 years and they aren't dating by now, then trust me they wont. If he really likes her and she really likes him as much as they say they do then they will put all their stuff aside and try dating. And there is no harm in trying. But it's not the case. Let's be honest. Sometimes there is nothing harder in life than being happy for somebody else. Just be his friend, and if notices how much of great woman you really are, he will be with you. If not then thats okay too, then just move on with your life. It' sucks when things like this happen, but its all part of life. Im not going to down talk this guy, because I don't know him personally and its not about hating him or disliking him. Its about being the most best and strong woman you could be. Guys pull stuff like all the time and its just part of life, and happens to the best of us.

I know what it feels like girl trust me. So if you need someone to talk to more about this feel free to send a message !

they never got out of the dating stage
so he was dating her and you?!

Hmm, Mackitty, your lad sounds like he's trying to find his foot a little...I don't like to tailor my experience of Aqua guys to her case as I am not Cancer...

So I may be off on some of this stuff I write but I'm trying to personalise it for HoneyGirl...

I asked him what exactly he meant by it?
It was great you asked him to explain ? that held the key ? if you had gone straight ahead and told him you felt this or that, he may have decided not to hurt your feeling and not be out with the rest

Bottom line is his response was honest but 2 months late in coming and he knew you were going to act unemotional about it but remember he acted unsure to begin with and you said on the other board that ?lately' he's been needing a lot more space.

You are right he is trying to pursue something with the other woman because instead of breaking the ties and continuing with you, he keeps ?asking' her where she sees them?there is no confusion here it seems ? his choice is clear !

There was another red flag when he didn't want people at work to know you were dating.

Also, if I remember, he was the one talking about the future where you were confused and I remember telling you it's part of idealism --- it may have nothing to do with you?it's what is in his head at the moment, tomorrow is another day?etc?

He has his reason to be fixated with making things happen with this other lady, not much you can do to get him to focus on you I'm afraid --- I can understand that?if my ideal man who I couldn't have a few years ago comes back saying his confused and stuff?I will dump whatever Fokker I'm with right now and run, RUN like the wind back to him?no seriously?okay maybe not --- I'll walk slowly but?I'll think about it and it'll be the sign to tell me how I really feel about my current (which is non-existent btw ? damn I need to get laid ! 😢 )

Anyways, PROTECT YOURSELF - the whole friend/hang out pitch is overrated ? he wants to keep you on the back burner just in case?he will push and pull with you till thy kingdom come...Just think, in his head, this may have been fwb with you while he waits on someone else to change their mind --- erm, sensitivity's not Zen's best quality obviously 😕

Sorry you're hurt but a slight lesson learnt
- Get to know someone before investing anything that could result in hurt.
- You have great hunches as well, don't ignore the bad hunches and swathe the good only.
- Be yourself, seems like you were paying too much attention to his Aqua-ness?subconsciously

You guys I sent him this really long text last night talling how I felt disapointed because I was looking forward to getting to know him better and so on but also stated Its only right and respectful of me to back off and let him have his thing with this other woman... I know he is looking to start a family just by a lot of our conversations and last night he said I have to think about my son! And he has to be careful of his choices because of him. He went on to say how he has known this girl for 5 years and she knows him! Their problem back then is they didn't communicate! And she thought they were in a relationship and he thought they were friends or just dating so now he wants to persue something with it but he says gels confuse and doesn't want me p to be confused.

This morning he calls me saying he doesn't want me to stop talking to him! And not to think that I can't come to him for anything! For advice and so on because he wants to be able to come to me! He values my opinion! He asked me if he calls me up to go shopping would I go? I said yes but don't think I will do that!

You guys are right I don't want to feel like i'm second best she already has an advantage over me because she has known him for 5 years! He said he wasn't saying that he couldn't see himself with me and what I got out of it was that he would feel more secure with this other girl! He doesn't know me! But that is not an excuse!

they never got out of the dating stages he was dating her and you?

This was way back when! He was in love with someone else! So now they have been talking and he doesn't see her so he says!

But anyway it is what it is! So now i'm back to dating other people which I was trying to do before but its hard to date different people when your intimate with another person!

no more texting him!! the man basically dumped you and you texted him!!!

Yes I did I wanted him to know how I really felt about the whole friend thing! And about him and why I am going to distance myself! He wants to keep me there... He can't expect me to go backwards... We work together so I had to put my feelings on the table to make thing comfortable...

I too understand his perspective. Its not the way you think Zen. This "relationship" with the other girl may not be a conventional one. Its based off of attraction, trust, and a simple mutual understanding of one another. Its being held back by something and or someone. Whether it be time, space, or location. That relationship would ideally be the prefect relationship for him if only the stars could align properly.

You date other people b/c you dont want to feel like life is passing you by as you pine for someone. You dont mean to hurt anyone else, and you wish you could get over that person. You think if only you could find another person you like those other feelings for the other person will go away and be a distant memory...but they dont. There still in the background with a large question mark looming over, b/c it was never really a relationship and if only it could be a proper relationship with a proper ending is the only way you could truly move on form it all....


YES, as you can see Ive been in his situation. I can sympathize with him...he doesnt have cruel intentions...we just cant really help what we feel as human beings.

Just trying to give little perspective before it turns into an "I told you so", "The signs were there", "Dont be so dumb in love", "Aquamen are immature babies", etc.

Don't go from dating to just friends, you will NEVER EVER get out of that box and I'm with Aqua God, don't date assholes that treat you second best. I know your hurt but lemme tell you something, NO MAN WILL RESPECT YOU if you CHOOSE to be SECOND BEST.

Flip him off, let him know he lost the BEST thing that ever graced his path, its his loss and walk away, he's become familiar with you, he feels he's conquered you and now he's off to pursue and bag his ex utter BS, if his ex suddenly became available he wouldn't be confused, he would dump her too LOL sorry but its the truth, the attraction stems from her confusion, him attempting to obtain the unobtainable...your sitting there totally available and he's CHOOSING someone that is challenging him and making him feeling like he's in love which is with the woman he can't have...ding ding ding...you dump him, let him go and he will chase you too and feel he's in love with you too

I promise you this man will be back, he will explore the ex and figure out that she's the same ole same ole chick that he couldn't communicate with and he will be back and he will have to respect you IF you let him go and not be his friend during this process...if you sit there being confused about his behavior, playing the good long suffering woman role...he will WALK ALL OVER YOU, treat you like a desperate no life woman, make you feel crazy for loving him and going out with him and then he will DUMP YOU ALL OVER AGAIN, daily all the time.

Just let him go....he will back...show him you don't need him and trust me..you don't need him not if you have to play second and play the good girl good friend role...you will be miserable and he will feel safe having his cake and eating it too and guess what...he will never let either of you go, he will make it seem as if he's in love with you both and you might as well strap in honey because it will be a long ride

You don't have to cut all communication, just be UNAVAILABLE, he's chosen to see whats there with someone else, he is no longer a priority, meaning put him LAST in everything you do, just make him less of a priority ALWAYS until he can come correct, thats if you even want him

ladym, this is it... to be honest with you, I sympathise with the dude as I have been there - in fact I let out a huge sigh when I read your text.
however, you and I aside, honeyg girl has some questions that can never be answered... is he ever going to be able to focus on HER? especially as a fixed sign he cannot be changed unless he feels the need. how long have you been friends or dating ? does she even owe him any sympathy ? 🙂

yea tiki he'll be back - I think also as she has sent him the text. it can add to his confused state, can start to make him look back or come back to transfer some of that confusion to her.
bottom line to me, this was dating stage so she found this out, as part of getting to know you stage, I don't even see why she is hurt to be honest. I would just remove his number from my dating address book but again that me eh.

tiki I think the cat called you a b ! fight fight fight !

Still In Love with My Ex BY Aqurian Kelly Rowland who called off her wedding to her football player fiance a while back.

love the song Lady M...Kelly has really grown into her voice and got her own vibe now, that song would have put her on the charts...What is up with her management team?

LMAO@Zenalchemy...tiki I think the cat called you a b ! fight fight fight !

I dunno Z...I didn't get that b*tch vibe...I was thinking it was slang for what some people say...real talk

As for honeygirl, some men (not saying all but some) have issues with commitment, see dating, turns into courting and courting turns into the next logical step which is relationship and some men aren't ready for it and they make up all kinds of excuses...he's saying he's not ready and he would have said it whether it was another woman involved or not

haha so I take it no fight then - oh well

no tiki it wasn't the cookiemonster vibes - I thought it was giving it to him straight but when added to someone who already says he's confused, wouldn't it add to that ? oh well, we can guesstimate but at the end honeyg needs to do what's best for her. I do admire that she's quite firm with her decisions though 🙂

lol... ladym that just brought another one to mind - ages ago, Brandy (singer) had an interview after her divorce and one thing she said was 'I knew the marriage was a mistake on my wedding day' 😕 but she went ahead anyways - I think she's aqua too.

relationships're a mindfield

lol ag ! you didn't need to explain ... was just fire starting doing my job as a friendly neighbourhood fire blazer 😛

Ive been here long enough and have doled out a many of advice, click on any given pass thread and you'll see my signature line..."Get what you deserve, etc". She most definitely needs to move on. It sucks, but it must be done. Its not you, its him....like tiki said he's just not ready and he would have done it to any other girl.


I like Kelly; she does need a better marketing/management team. She's really pretty....rumored to be dating Usher who is soon to be divorced.

HI M!

I don't even see why she is hurt to be honest.

I'm not hurt literally more like dissspointed as hell! Because just when things were going good it was like a slap in the face... And I knew somethin was up because all last week he was pretty distant...

I know I should just walk away from the situation and I'm thinkin that is the move I need to seriously make! He is calling me even more now that he only wants to be friends! Which is strange! I moved into my new place this weekend and he called three times yesterday and the last call I got around 8:30... He wanted to grab a bite to east and have a drink and of course I'm thinkin why isn't he calling her to have a bite to eat... But I went we were supposed to celebrate anyway... It felt normal! Probably felt more relaxed than normal! Because I'm kind of beyond trying to impress him! I kind of have the whatever attitude at this point! He picked me up and came up stairs to see my new place before we left. We went to this spot down the street and it was just like any other time we were together. I thought he would just drop me off! But he parked and came inside ploped down on my bed because he was so full from eating and went right to sleep! I layed down and went to sleep next to him... He slept with his shoes and everything still on! It was the most awkward thing ever! There was one time in the middle of the night he tried to put his arms around me and caught himself! He got up at 4 because he said his eyes hurt from his contacts and went home! Havnt heard from him since... But the whole let's be friends thing just isn't going to work for me! How can we go backwards and all those feelings are flying around! Its not going to work for me!

You all are giving me great advice and can see everyone's point of view because I have thought everything everyone is saying! Played out each senario! After last night it being a friend isn't gonna work for me! He makes a great friend but its something I can't do to myself because I don't dearever it...

Your teaching him how to treat you...right now your coming off as the doormat, your not speaking up, just going along to get along and sending him this message that you NEED him and because you need him, you will allow him to do everything on his terms, YOUR the one UNCOMFORTABLE not him....now that the pressure is off, he doesn't have to feel boxed in with you, he's all relaxed and not even thinking about the lie he told you about the other woman

Girrrrrrrrrrrrl you better get out that trance and start checking yourself...dismiss him, let him go, tell him I don't feel comfortable, show him you don't NEED him with your actions, sorry busy got a lunch date, sorry ooops lemme re-schedule on that dinner date, go and date other men and stop WAITNG for him to figure it out...tell himI feel confused, you say you don't want anything with me but your actions say otherwise, I don't want a man that sends mixed messages and confuses me, I don't want to feel anxious and I don't like how I'm feeling right now, we went from having a great time to this and it feels lousy and by the way this is typical behavior of men that are commitment phobic (what level he's on I dunno but he's showing strong signs that he has a problem being in a relationship with YOU) he's only comfortable in a relationship on his terms because this means he can slip into your life and out of your life as he chooses...he know has the ex card and he can play that card anytime he chooses, if you allow him to be emotionally lazy and use you at his discretion then you get what you allow and right now he's a lousy whatchamacallit...now you feel confused and your being compliant and going along with him....stop it, if you show him your not the kind of woman that can be strung along he will either straighten up or get lost

This game he's playing will go on and on into the new year, please don't be another dxp statistic d:

don't just let him come into your home and plop down like its his territory, HE LOST THOSE PRIVILEDGES the day he said he wanted to pursue his ex...wake up...knock knock knock

Date him but don't GIVE HIM ANYTHING, no sex, no NOTHING meaning don't allow him to invite himself in your home and act as if things are the same on his terms of course, date him at your leisure and tell him you need 48 hours in advance before you go out with him because your schedule is busy busy busy....he's too familiar with you, treating you like your the old ball and chain, plopping down and disrespecting you by sleeping in all his clothes, making you uncomfortable, CONTROL FREAK...you should have pushed his ass out that bed and said go home...too many women scared to lose these lousy, scary, emotionally lazy men....he's capable of being a great boyfriend and he was that up until he decided he didn't wanna play that role, play that charade anymore...now he's showing his true colours...HE'S A JERK, an asshole and your hooked on the good guy...and he know as long as your hanging on to who he used to be..he will always have his way with you...that good guy is GONE...you are now witnessing the real him...he's not going to change unless you say with your actions his behavior is unacceptable and how do your say that with you actions...you slowly freeze him out, turn your back and make him less of a priority...he will either man up or get lost

oh and commitment phobic love to chase and when I say love it that's an understatement...this is what they live for, the woman that can resist him, the woman that can say no and the yes woman is boring, yawn, boring, and getting crumbs and neglect..that's how they feel the most love for a woman when he's chasing, that's the confusing part that trips women up because the minute she says ok, I love you too, he's gone, he's history, he's running so fast your head is spinning...if you can just step back a bit and see him for who he really is, a guy that is scared to be in a relationship with you and treat him like he's nothing special, he will stop all the non-sense, the back and forth, just don't give him any of your time, tell him flat out, I don't need you, I'm a busy woman, I'm a goddess, I'm a queen, you can kick rocks and watch how hard he chase you...he will be thrilled, excited that theres a woman that can make him excited...I'm telling you there is WHOLE notha bible for men with commitment issues...you simply have to be strong and say enough and go on your way...he knew if he had sex with you that you would EXPECT more so he froze up and kept his clothes on...this is his way of slowing down the relationship

ok lemme shut up...I can rant all day about these kind of men

Lol I see that you can! But as for the sex part... There would have been none of that going on! If he even tried it! That was something I was sure of!

And i'm not gonna play games with him like that! Trying to win him over by becoming unavailable I'll be unavailable but I will stay gone! I don't have time for those kind of games! Its just time to move on period and he'll get it! The messed up part is I have to see him everyday at work anyway but he will just be an aquaintence from here on out and I will tell him that... I really can't have it how it was last night!

I know you think they are games but they are not, its just another language that you have to speak with men that have issues with commitment.....their is certain behaviors that trigger his phobia, just like people who are scared of heights or crowds, there is certain things that make these kind of men feel claustrophobic and once the phobia kicks in they are total jerks and looking for a way out as quickly as he looks for a way into your life, the natural loving things thats the norm is what triggers the bad behavior, total indifference is needed with men like this, he's a great guy, I'm sure he is but you can't let him know you know he's great, you can't be easy to get and convenient and available...things were going good for YOU but for him the impending next step of relationship literally made him pump the breaks on the relationship, now that he's slowed you down he wants to call and act as if he never told you about the ex factor etc

he's only going to be comfortable with a woman that doesn't DEMAND he be in a relationship with her such as his ex, her confusion keeps him FREE from relationship thus he keeps her around....sorry but with these kind of guys, too much affection, attention, time and energy scares the hell out of them and they jus don't make great reliable boyfriends.

lol tiki - dxp statistics !

honeygirl, were you even friends before dating? just trying to understand the hangout, grab a bite thing come about obviously...

watch for the push-pull...

Just stop receiving his calls and give YOURSELF some space from this guy. Personally, I would not take a man back once he tells me I am "second best"...NEVER, even as a friend.

No way, I couldn't handle that nor could I accept it.

let him kick rocks...find another

honeygirl, were you even friends before dating?

Pretty much at work or after work we'd go for happy hours with people so we knew eachother for 6 months prior to dating... Never hung out as friends before dating...

I have already made my decision to not be his friend anymore... And will tell him why and what's done is done!

I am not back burner material! I could see if I was just an average girl who had low self esteem then I might take the back burner lol but I am far from that! Forgive me for thinking so highly of my self but w bad ass bitch!

honeygirl, were you even friends before dating?

Pretty much at work or after work we'd go for happy hours with people so we knew eachother for 6 months prior to dating... Never hung out as friends before dating...

I have already made my decision to not be his friend anymore... And will tell him why and what's done is done!

I am not back burner material! I could see if I was just an average girl who had low self esteem then I might take the back burner lol but I am far from that! Forgive me for thinking so highly of my self but I'm a bad ass bitch!

ok more confusion 🙂

have you wondered what the reaction from your communicating your intensions to him might be ?
you tell him initially, he calls you a lot, more than even when you dated.... and you want to tell him again ?
from my experience dealing with libra, aqua and aries dudes, communicating your intensions to not be friends just peaks their interest.
he may phone you even more, showcase how much he is a great dreamboat guy... and will not communicate his intensions btw. in fact may not realise what he's up to !
just my experience *shrugs*

intentions *edit

since you work together honegirl, just lay low, be elusive, disappear...he's owed no explanations and plus it will just make matters worse, I'm not saying you can't deal with him at all but just miss some calls and act indifferent, oh I been super busy these days, dating and hanging out with friends, you don't have to be a bitch unless you just want to. Just send him a clear answer with your actions or shall I say lack of reactions towards him. He won't listen anyway if you do try to close the door so words will mean pretty much nothing unless your okay with him pursuing and chasing you because that's exactly what he's going to do

Oh sorry, I'm not telling you what to do, I know I have this force and tone behind my words that make it seem bossy or pushy, I know your smart, you will know exactly how to deal with him once your logic kicks in around him

But the point is he shouldn't be calling because we are no longer friends and I won't take his calls... He'll get it!

he's owed no explanations
tiki this would be my approach too - since you work together, professionalism will be all that he is owed...







































or you can send him my number 😉 *whistling*

You know I love all the comments everyone has something different they would do in the same situation! I luvv it because we will ponder and say should I do this this or that...

I already made the decision to drop his ass... So I'll just do it with class and be myself and just keep it movin... Your right he isn't owed any explanations and not saying anything he can just wonder and take on his own opinion of the situation...