My time with my Aqua is so limited grr...

I am a cancer and he is an Aquarius. He is a great guy, I love him so much. However he has 3 children (I love his girls), and he works very hard, therefore my time with him is very limited. I see him once every week, and we are intimate once a week as well or there are times where it's just me and the kids which is fine. Now I have been pretty calm, and very patient with him, but honestly it's beginning to get to me. I have spoken to him about this, and he said he doesn't want things to be this way, and that he never has time for himself. I don't want to be the one to complain, but gosh this is so hard. Also there are times where there are so many things going on with him, and he totally forgets about me, he doesn't call or text message me. Then out the clear blue sky he decides he wants to be so attentive, calling sending sweet text messages, telling me how much he loves me. Obviously consistency is not his thing, although I wish things were more consistent. Am I being a baby or what? What shall I do, just let him do his thing and then when he is ready to spend time with me then just be there with open arms and a smile. He wants me to be understanding and patient but gosh...

Date other men

Why are you investing ALL your emotions in this one guy that has a very full life including kids

Create a very busy life, accept he's unavailable, date men that are available and you won't feel like discussing this issue with him plus your absence will inspire him to want more time with you

And now he has a dog, so he just added something else to his quality time list. lol.

So today I called my guy and told him that I was coming over to his house this evening after work since I am off for the next two days. His response "I am not going to be home" so I asked "where are you going to be". He told me that he is spending the night at his children's house, in which he has his own place so why is there a need for him to stay there. He told me that as far as staying over there, he would be honest and tell me if and when he stays there. However, he had no intentions on telling me, if I had not asked him I would not have known. Am I wrong to be a bit disappointed, that he would keep that from me? Also he was suppose to come see me last night and changed his plans claiming that he will just see me on Monday. Honestly how am I suppose to feel? After him telling me that he was spending the night at his childrens mother's house, I told him I had nothing else to say, he said he would call me later and I told him I didn't want to speak to him for the rest of the day. Am I wrong? And since he is an aqua, will he come running back or will he continue to be stubborn? Please help.

wow i luvmecancer why his kids cannot not come over his house— it seem that a cancer and aqua can workout but urs has to much like the other said u shud try to find anotha aqua witout any type of kids or pets lol

Yea that's what I don't understand, the kind of things that he does when it comes to his children I just dont understand, however he feels it's ok, and I guess he expects me to be okay with it as well. For example, instead of him taking the kids to his house, he goes over to their house and spends time with them, and then tonight he is spending the night with them, am I in denial here. You think there is anything going on with him and his children's mother. What should I do with this guy. Do you think he will give in?

no u need to tell him that why cannot not they come and spend time over his house i dont kno that sounds very fishy over his baby mother house i dont want to assume but....

Yea I know I don't want to assume either, I want to trust that he is being faithful to me. But yea it's a little fishy to me. And he just expects me to continue on and be paitient and understanding not saying a word.

TRY NOT CALLIN HIM FOR A FEW DAYS TO SEE IF HE WONDERS ABOUT U IF HE DOESNT CALL U KNO THE REAL REASON WHY HE GO OVER HIS EX HOUSE

So I told him that I didn't want to talk to him again today and he text me asking "so you're not in the mood to talk to me" I told him that I was disappointed at the fact that my time with him is so limited, and that he would keep from me that he is staying over his children's mothers house. I haven't spoke to him since. Are aqua's good at coming to their senses, or do they just go on and not care about what happens?

Yea that's what I am going to do, although apart of me wants to give in and just text him.

well my mom is an aqua they do realize wats really gud if i'm upset wit her she will not respond untik the next day it doesnt take long and u r very very very patient for this guy just give sumtime to think it over try a week now i know that is long but make him suffer and see wat hes doin wrong wit the relationship

thank u unusualcancer

unusualcancer can u give more advice on datin a aqua i'm talking to one now and i'm a cancer

Well we go out on occasion. And when we do spend time together, we will go over to his moms house spend time with her, or I spend the day with him and his kids. I don't go over to his house he has roommates. I live alone so it's better that way I guess. Hey maybe you are right maybe I am his "mistress". I don't know. One minute he is into me, and want to do everything with me. Talk of marriage and moving in together, and mention his daughters as mine. He spoke with my dad the other day and told him that he's marrying me and all the details, which shocked me. So honestly I don't know because next thing you know, it's like I don't know what's going on with him.

ur aqua is very strange lol did u ever ask him to move in wit u??

Yes actually I have and he told me that he wants to, however he wants to wait a bit. He wants to make sure that we are making the proper decision.

do u ever tell him u dont feel comfortable wit him visitin his kids over his ex house?? thats gud he take care of them but damn does he always have to go over there u need to ask him that

I didn't tell him that it made me feel uncomfortable because this was something that he did before I came into his life. And since his children are involved, I don't want to make a big issue you know? He gets a little defensive, so....

So I just received a text message from him saying that he loves me. However, that does not make things better.

gurl u need to tell him i kinda think thats disrespectful to still sleep over ur ex house while ur in a relationship

He knows that I feel a bit threatened by the fact that him and children's mom has children together, I feel a bit insecure when they are together. Although I have met her, and she knows we are together he shows on myspace and facebook that him and I are together. So I don't know.

ooo okay thats gud where does sleep at—

no she doesn't need to ask him anything, she needs to take his lack of respect as a SIGN that he's not that serious with her and not that into the relationship. I know I seem harsh but it took years to understand the language of men. Men that are into a woman would never do anything to jeopardize his relationship with that woman. The very fact that he's sleeping over his exes house is a huge RED FLAG that he's still intimate with the woman and making plans with her, stringing you both along. Now I know some will say well I don't agree but a man that is done with a woman will not sleep over her house PERIOD.

You can sit there and play silly and confused about this issue but your best bet is to GO and date other men, put this guy on the back burner as less of a priority until his actions show you that he's not running game about the kids and there mom. Some men want there cake and crave to eat it too, he's getting an emotional high off of knowing your sitting around WAITING on him.

Cut him off, let him know that your not feeling happy nor secure and you don't like how he makes you feel inregards to his kids and the sleeping arrangement, give him time to FIX it. Be soft on the outside but have strong tough boundaries on the inside, it took me years to be this way but it helps you from hurting yourself. Right now there is no relationship, he's choosing to do what he wants to do without considering YOU as a priority which says NO RELATIONSHIP, your only good for him on his terms.

wow tiki i never thought of it like that

His actions don't match up to his words. If he seriously wanted to marry her, his actions wouldn't say yeah I'm going over to my baby momma's house for a couple days so deal with it, if there is seriously nothing going on then she should be able to call and text as much as she chooses but I'm sure he wouldn't be happy with that kind of behavior from her, thus far the kids aren't dying, are not seriously ill, THERE IS NO REASON FOR HIM TO BE THERE unless he's still sleeping with her and being intimate. She's done well by not attempting to disturb the kids routine but at the same time she has needs and feeling secure is one of them, if he's not going out of his way to make her feel good about his behavior then she needs to step off and allow him the time and space to get his kids ready to transition into him NOT being around mommy all the time.

He is feeding her what he feels she wants to here and most likely doing the same with his kids mother. I went through something similiar, I never gave ultimatums, I simply removed myself from that situation and it pretty much took care of itself and yes we still dated once the whole illusion of playing house was over between him and his ex but I had to love me first and I did that by backing off.

If she continues to talk about it, she will come off as clingy and naggy and he will want to go be with the other woman MORE because she's not nagging and complaining and filled with high expectations. He's going to go on the path of least resistance by going to and hanging with the woman that isn't giving him an emotional headache.

If you sit tight, the honeymoon with his ex will be over eventually, she will be the one wanting more of him and he will soon flee away from that situation, right now they are sitting there playing house and playing in love while you are the one that is complaining and needy which fuels his need to be with the other woman.

so stop talking about it, slowly remove yourself away from him and focus on someone/something else until he can come to you with respect and humility

SO TRUE TIKI!!!!! AMEN!

So should I just continue to keep silent and not speak with him since I told him yesterday that I didn't want to speak with him. Or shall I just lay everything out on the table and then pull myself from the situation?

If it were me, I wouldn't say anything, I would back off and date him at my own convienance, meaning I wouldn't spend so much time with him and his kids, I would respond to text at my own convienance, I would do things that benefit ME and not him and his kids.

If you love his companionship then by all means indulge yourself but maybe curb your behavior by NOT spending time with him and his kids, ask him to contact you when he has free time to go out to a movie or on a nice date ALONE so you can really see if he's someone you truly want to have in your life on a longterm basis.

Don't sit there and cocoon up with him and his kids, your going to hurt yourself, break your own heart by allowing what you want to obscure your view of whats real.

but if you must say something to him, use the I want, I don't want, how I feel approach without blaming him or making him feel guilty.

You don't have to give him the silent treatment persay, just let him know the way things are currently going doesn't work for you, tell him what you want and don't want such as I want to feel secure, I want to feel as if I can trust you, I don't like feeling like I can't trust you and trust what you say.

let him know how his behavior makes you feel and let him resolve it, if you give ultimatums then he will rebel, so don't give ultimatums. You say hey listen, I feel uncomfortable, I feel confused and a bit sad over this sleeping arrangement situation (stop don't go into his behavior or say YOU YOU YOU because he will immediately get defensive and want to defend his behavior) and yes the pause will feel akward but give him time to respond, if he says well what do you want me to do, your response is I DUNNO (STOP don't go into a long drawn out convo about him and his behavior...be confident and get off the phone)

if he's serious about you he will man up and curb his behavior or stop all together, if he continues doing the same thing then you have your answer, he's not being 100% real with you and you shouldn't invest your energy and time into him, which means find a guy with less baggage.

Again its about self respect, if you sit there and allow this man to do as he pleases because its convienant for him then no matter how you wanna box it up he's taking advantage and he will lose respect for you and treat you like a doormat as he's already doing.

be strong, don't be scared to lose him, you really don't have him if he's acting in a way that makes you feel less and unimportant. Its all in your approach and how you stay grounded that may change it all and bring truth to the light.

You can date anyone you choose to have but don't just fall for some BS lines about marriage, if he's not backing it up through his actions then he's lying. My best bet is that he's attempting to keep the peace with his ex, he's more than likely not paying child support and in return for her not putting him on child support he feels obligated to have this imaginary relationship which includes intimacy as to not rock the boat, plus he doesn't have to worry about another man being around his kids, there is all kinds of emotional and financial ties he has with this woman, dating you is probably his way of rebelling against her but he know when it comes down to it, his ex runs the show

Its your possessiveness at work.

So I told him how I felt and what I wanted out of this relationship and he had absolutely nothing to say besides him not wanting me to feel uneasy, and that he guess we need to work it out. That's it.

iluvcancer he doesnt care i cant believe that guy said that wow

Oh my God....Iluvemecancer after reading your first post I have to ask you what country you are in because you're situation is practically and I mean practically the same as the situation I was in....this is so freaky!

and i also think he's screwing with you, ok so you're situation is much more involved than i got but the stats read the same

i also agree with Tikki33, she's spot on

no HE needs to work it out

lean back and see how he fix this situation

don't assist him or make it easy, its his issue not yours

Browned eyed taurus, I live in New York.

Ok, well I was in a different country, soo basically phew : )