I sabotaged it!

Whoa there! Brief synopsis of friendship with Aqua Sun Virgo Moon chap who I began to develop feelings for. I felt some interest in me from him but due to him being in therapy and needing a lot more work on himself, I decided to inform him of my feelings and that I had no intention of acting on them. To which he replied 'Yes, I don't think I'm anywhere near ready to have a relationship, it's something I'm discussing with my therapist at the moment'. There were other issues, namely the fundamental one being that in a bid to test our physcial chemistry to decide on whether I should pursue this he freaked out at my touch. I can't be with someone isn't tactile.

So i decided to sabotage our relationship by telling him of my feelings and that I didn't want us to stop being friends and that I might need some distance whilst I deal with my feelings and hope that they quell.

We spent a lovely hour together discussing this and other stuff, and then on parting for the first time ever, he instigated affection and huggged and kissed me on the cheek.

Oh I'm sad about my ideal not being realised, but now I'm confused that he seemed to finally making an effort in showing me some affection.

Can anyone give me advice for how I can move on from this and perhaps the reasoning for his last stand of affection at this crucial point?

He's probably just feeling more relaxed around you now you've spoken, hence the affection.

He's an Aqua! So he probably just wanted you to "go 1st" so that he could finally spill the beans about his feelings, hence that's why he's all of the sudden so down for showcasing those feelings towards you

If you're not willing/ready to "go there" with him then tell him the truth like you just told us.

Trust me, he's gonna be pissed when he realizes that you opened up a can of his worms only to not really have meant to! Aquas hate being under the false impression that someone is ready for them emotionally, especially since Aquas base that on whether or not they open up to you

And an Aqua opening up & showing you that side that they'd once kept hidding, IS a big deal for them!

So tell him the truth. If you don't want to be with him, leave him alone. Lying, playing mind games or trying to sabotage something isn't fair to either of you

Don't put him in a situation where he has to later regret opening up to you b/c it'll scar him & only take him longer for him to open up to the next person again (the next person may pay for what you did to him)

Thank you krysrenee

"So tell him the truth. If you don't want to be with him, leave him alone. Lying, playing mind games or trying to sabotage something isn't fair to either of you".

- hence why I sabotaged it. Conciously. I have needs too, and his fundamental lack of touch was the decider in all this - I had made myself too available to him and at a time when he doesn't need this pressure, though did seem to appreciate my support and loyalty. I told him how I felt in a bid to draw a line under it all and hope that we can recover to be friends. I have no doubt of this. But the attraction is too hot for me right now, so I had to tell him that I didn't want it to be awkward, but I would be backing off.

And then he went and instigated a hug/kiss for the first time, so who is the one playing games....?

The ball is now in his court. He knows how I feel/felt, that I respect our friendship too much to want to act on those feelings. He won't be hearing from me until he instigates that what is 'between us' means something to him. I need that clarity. Unfortunately he's incredibly passive.

So then Aqua pro's - how do you think this one is going to unfurl?

Something tells me that he'll back off again when you comes on strong but it isn't neccesarily that the guy is playing game. Give the guy some credits. He has to see therapist for his emotional problem and the therapist already advised him not to get into relationship so I don't think you should deem his action as game playing. He's uncomfortable when you're all dovey lovey because he's unstable and probably feels being "shoveled" down his throat with love and affection more than enjoying it. You probably already noticed that he felt more at easy and show you more affection when the relationship thing being dropped. Your friendship and your support definitely touch the guy's heart and he's willing to step outside of his comfort zone to repay your kindness. Please don't get bitter and start to play game. If you can keep the friendship strong, you've more chance to prove to this guy that you won't be the next person who will hurt him. Along the way, you'll be suprised how much affection he lavish on you under the label "friend" because that's his security blanket at the moment. However, if you think that you cant handle being his friend foremost and love comes later then yes, detaching yourself from the situation is a good idea.

thanks Exam, detach it is. Hope these feelings waiver...and he can sort himself out to accept intimacy with another person in to his life.

I agree with Exam.

The fact that he's going to a therapist for his emotional issues means that he clearly doesn't know how to sort out, deal with, manage or express his emotions in the way that most people without emotional issues would

I'm not saying make excuses for him. BUT atleast keep that in mind before going off the deep end & judging things to mean the wrong thing

If he were emotionally stable/available, I'd say that he was probably playing mind games. BUT he's clearly not stable, therefore everything you've shared about him & his behavior symbolize the characteristics of someone who is not emotionally mature/stable. In other words, this is what you get/have to go through when you choose to deal with someone in his circumstances

He may not mean any harm or have any bad intentions.

Why would someone whose emotionally unsure/unstable be/react any differently?

Again, if you can't handle anything more than a relationship, that's fine but don't try to "sabotage" anything. Maybe it's just that I don't like the word "sabotage" as it suggests everything other than honesty going on

Hello again, and thanks for all your comments last time. I wanted to update you on my nutter of a friend, and ask for advice with how to pursue this.

So I hadn't seen Aqua for about 4 weeks, there was a little contact but it was all instigated by me, which of course I found hurtful, because I missed him so following my confession of feelings for him. However, we met this week with a mutual friend and it was lovely. Back to normal between us; getting on as friends with a spark of attraction (at least I don't think it was one sided)

I have vowed this time to not contact him. After all, if he wants me, he'll hopefully make some noises...but will this approach prove futile as he's been so lacklustre in our prior 'courting' days?

I really don't want to lose him as a friend, but I feel a fool for contacting him inorder to try and maintain a friendship. I don't want to hand him all the power.

Oh bugger, I don't know how to handle this at all.

Should I just leave it be?